***DUzy Awards for week ending June 22, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jun-22-07 09:08 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring riotous raillery, ripping ridicule and ribald repartee from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The void-where-prohibited DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to tjwash, Wetzelbill, AZDemDist6, krispos42, WritersBlock, eridani, Kerrytravelers, stellanoir, Kurovski, badgerpup, Robbien, babylonsister and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance. SIMPLY.COULDN'T.GET.EVERYTHING.IN.THIS.WEEK!

OP by DS1:

Relies on the visual. Plenty of great responses.

The Lounge, June 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6619088

On a thread by question everything:

      Is Fred Thompson All Charm, No Substance?

response #3 by aquart:

      I hadn't noticed the charm.

response #10 by DKRC:

      Puhleeze! I've had rashes with more charm than that man!
:puke:

response #20 by Bitwit1234:

      Deputy Dawg in the flesh.

response #21 by wienerdoggie:

      Fredhorn Leghorn.

response #33 by Vickers:

      Actually, he seems pretty substantial...
....hell, the beef curtains on the side of his face must weigh about 8 or 9 pounds each.

GDP, June 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3319615

On a thread by Kadie:

      Romney Says He Wants 'Big Stick'
"DUBUQUE, Iowa -- Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney said Saturday that if he's elected, he wants "to carry the big stick" by increasing the size of the nation's military..."

response #8 by stellanoir:

      Viagra would be cheaper. . .

response #25 by Liberal Veteran:

      Well, then he can pull that stick out of his ass and he'll have one.
Won't he?

GD, June 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1124865

On a thread by Eugene:

      Amazon river 'longer than Nile'
"Scientists in Brazil are claiming to have established as a scientific fact that the Amazon is the longest river in the world..."

response #1 by JackintheGreen:

      They need scientists to figure this out?
I could have saved them thousands, eg.

a-m-a-z-o-n = six letters
n-i-l-e = four letters

+ r-i-v-e-r = five letters

so: The Amazon = 11 while the Nile = 9

so: willfully ignoring the body of the article in sole preference to the title: Amazon River (11) 'longer than Nile' (4)

Hey, look! I'm a republican scientist!

response #3 by Orrex:

      That's nifty, but I have it on good authority
That the Moon River is wider than a mile.

Science, June 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x31209

OP by DFW:

      What does Bush chant every morning when he turns on Fox?
Here's my guess:

I beg the media not to rag
On the United States of America.
And to the interests for which it stands:
One station, Ailes as God,
Unbelievable,
With bigotry and malice for all.

Hmmm, maybe that contains a few too many words with more than one syllable?
(This is what comes of taking an extra minute in the shower on a weekend)

response #2 by Solly Mack:

      "I think I can. I think I can"

response #3 by malaise:

      Can't live if living is without you
:D

response #4 by Solly Mack:

      If that song stays in my mind the rest of the day your ears will burn!
:P

GD, June 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1123255

On a thread by BeyondGeography:

Fred Thompson appears to be King of Freeperville

response #4 by MADem:

I'm thinking they like his child bride, Boobsy McBigBust nt

GDP, June 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3320998

alfredo

      Creation Museum being sued
"There is trouble in paradise, with a fight of biblical proportions raging between a Kentucky-based creationist group and the Australian group from which it sprang.

Three days after the Memorial Day opening of Answers in Genesis' $27 million Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky, a group called Creation Ministries International filed suit..."

response #1 by dicksteele:

      Wow, who woulda guessed the builders of a "Creation Museum" might be dishonest grifters?
Oh, wait...I woulda. Just like most sane people everywhere.

response #4 by alfredo:

      They're so sleazy.
The museum only lets you walk one way. It's kind of like the Stations of the Cross, but in the end you get screwed.

response #18 by Kurovski:

      Hanna Barbera should also sue them for copyright infringement of The Flintstones.

GD, June 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1128862

OP by David Zephyr:

      Who Would Have Ever Thunk It?
Who would have imagined, who would have thunk it, that the world would be much better off today if:

-- If Yasser Arafat was still in charge in Palestine instead of Hamas? I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true and who'd have thunk it? :shrug:

-- If John Ashcroft was still in charge of the Justice Department instead of Alberto Gonzales? I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true and who'd have thunk it? :shrug:

-- If Saddam Hussein was still in charge of Iraq instead of the George W. Bush. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true and who'd have thunk it? :shrug:

-- If Colin Powell was still in charge of the the State Department instead of Condi Rice? I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true and who'd have thunk it? :shrug:

-- If Saddam's police had been running Abu Graib instead of Donald Rumsfeld. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true and who'd have thunk it? :shrug:

-- If George Bush's father were president instead of his son. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true and who'd have thunk it? :shrug:

-- If, in fact, Micky Mouse were president instead of the current moron. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true and who'd have thunk it? :shrug:

I know...it takes a lot to even say it...

I mean...who would have ever --- no, better make that --- who COULD have ever thunk it? :shrug:

response #13 by Javaman:

      who would have thunk that the right wing wind machine would support a
functional moron*? oh wait sorry. I got a little ahead of myself

:rofl:

response #14 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Who would have ever thunk a President of the United States
Would have to travel to Albania to find people who'd cheer for him?

????

GD, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1135947

On a thread by Hissyspit:

5.6 Earthquake Hits Desert in Iran

response #1 by MNDemNY:

Damage now tops $80.00

LBN, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2884701

On a thread by flakey_foont:

is Mike Gravel on acid?
what's with that video of his - where he stares into the camera for about 2 minutes,, then goes and throws a rock into a lake, and then walks away,,,and keeps walking and keeps walking .......and walking

....into the void, ........has he resurrected Timothy Leary to run his campaign?

response #1 by meegbear:

Mike Gravel's dead ...
No, no no no, he's outside looking in

GDP, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3323869

On a thread by DuaneBidoux:

Wall Street's undertow: drugs and anxiety
"NEW YORK (Reuters) - Wall Street's push for record profits is ruining careers, tearing apart families and keeping drug dealers busy, mental health experts say..."

response #5 by kurth:

Let 'em eat coke

LBN, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2885273

On a thread by wellst0nev0ter:

      BREAKING: Secret Service Evacuates White House Press Office
... not a lot of info, looks like a dog was showing "alert" near a suspicious vehicle...

response #5 by Dr.Phool:

      A reporter armed with a dangerous question!
Snowjob had to reload his bullshit.

response #8 by theHandpuppet:

      Did someone drop their sippy cup?
Terra! Terra! Terra!

response #9 by xultar:

      I suppose the rotting corpse of journalistic integrity was what the dog hit on.

LBN, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2885047

On a thread by wicket:

      U.S. circumcision rate drops

response #9 by karlrschneider:

      I once had a job in the circumcision ward at St. Johns. It paid $5 an hour
plus tips.

response #27 by Cronus Protagonist:

      Weren't there any drawbacks at all?
Just wondering....

:P

response #44 by karlrschneider:

      There were a few wrinkles in the job...
B-)

response #66 by Cronus Protagonist:

      Ah, even the best jobs cut both ways
:P

response #71 by Malikshah:

      Ah, man! You were being shafted at those wages...

response #51 by LostinVA:

      Oh dear God -- not again
:cry:

response #52 by LostinVA:

      Could be worse
At least nobody has mentioned Gardasil

response #58 by LostinVA:

      Shhhhhhhh

response #90 by Zookeeper:

      As long as it's not done at the Olive Garden, while breastfeeding,
smoking or eating meat, I think Circumcision is OK.

:hi:

GD, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1133780

On a thread by maddezmom:

      Bush reassured about Iraq
"WASHINGTON (AP) — President Bush had a nearly hour-long secure video teleconference with Iraqi leaders on Monday and came away impressed and reassured by the progress they're making on political, security and economic reforms, the White House said..."

response #1 by Jacobin:

      "It's all going just the way you want us to say it is"

response #3 by Xipe Totec:

      Was this a video conference, or did he look into their ears this time? nt

response #15 by TOJ:

      "Bush, reading from cue cards placed in front of him, went on to say
'We must persevere against an enemy that seeks to do us harm', 'This is very encouraging news to me and all my fellow Americans". He ended with 'I will veto any attempt to engage in runaway spending', from a card that was apparently left in the pile after Saturday's rambling radio address. Presidential Card Sorter Jeff Gannon has been reassigned.

LBN, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2884976

On a thread by fencesitter:

      Not political, just a Gay question..
Not to be offensive, but a friend and I were wondering why Barbara Streisand, Judy Garland, Liza Minelli and now, Cyndi Lauper, are all considered gay icons? Just wondering.

response #1 by TrogL:

      I'm gay, I can't stand them
Streisand can't kick her NY accent.

Garland sang like a little girl when she wasn't.

Liza's fabulous outfits attempted to disguise her complete lack of bosom.

Cyndi's singing, if you can call it that, could peel paint.

response #5 by xchrom:

      Gay Central Committee wants to see you in their orifices IMMEDIATELY.

response #9 by Malikshah:

      Please bring appropriate equipment for flagellation.
We'll provide the restraints, whether we want to use them on ourselves or not...

response #40 by unpossibles:

      and don't forget to bring back the free toaster! n/t

response #108 by TrogL:

      the toaster sucked
literally

Ouch

response #110 by xchrom:

      trogl was one of those who got a panini machine -- in stainless i might add.

GD, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1134016

On a thread by Horse with no Name:

Do you "get" the Gravel video? What do you think it means?

response #6 by Xap:

Paul is dead? n/t

GD, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1134215

On a thread by deminks:

Bob Woodward: Yes, I Should Have Probed Iraqi WMD More Closely

response #5 by xultar:

OH MY FUCKIN GAWD...NO FUCKIN SHIT PRICKASAURUS!

GD, June 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1135336

On a thread by wyldwolf:

      "Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles... He saved hundreds of thousands of lives."
-- Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, quoted by Globe and Mail, sticking up for the fictional federal agent in the television series 24 while arguing that interrogators "require latitude in times of great crisis."

response #12 by Tansy_Gold:

      You ARE kidding me, aren't you? . . . . No, you're not.
Anyone else who used fiction to justify reality would be carted off to a therapist at best, a strait jacket at worst. What's next? The Flintstones as "proof" that dinosaurs and humans co-existed? Spiderman as evidence of the beneficial effects of radiation? Santa Claus? The Tooth Fairy?

IT'S MAKE BELIEVE, SCALIA!!!! IT'S NOT REAL!!!!!

Tansy Gold, who has written enough fiction in her life to know the difference

response #13 by Hippo_Tron:

      Well, Mr. Limpett single-handedly defeated the Nazi Navy
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058230/

By Scalia's logic, the government isn't spending nearly enough on research to turn humans into fish.

GDP, June 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3326675

OP by Rabrrrrrr:

      I'm sorry, but due to the current political climate, I'm ending existence at noon Friday (GMT)
I've tried to keep the current universe going, propping it up when needed, working behind the scenes to change things when all goes awry, but I can't keep it up any more.

I'm shutting down existence at noon Friday (GMT) and starting over with a new universe, trying again to create one that is free of conservatives. However, given past experience, I'm beginning to think that it is impossible - no matter how I try, the little bastards always pop up somewhere and fuck everything up.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, especially to you, my friends on DU, but according to contract (as can be read in the Omega Data Pond in Galaxy VIRGOHI21) I only need give 48 hours notice before ending existence. I think I am being generous in giving you almost 72.

Farewell.

p.s. - your souls also have to be wiped out, since heaven is technically part of this current existence. Sorry.

p.p.s. - seriously, I do feel rather awkward about this. Sorry.

response #3 by taterguy:

      It's time to buy some stuff on credit

response #4 by underpants:

      Okay so does this mean the dry cleaning WON'T be ready at 6?
I hate when the end of existence happens

response #7 by asthmaticeog:

      Goddammit, I JUST quit smoking, and now this.
Dick. :grr:

response #26 by Q3JR4:

      Not to be "morally corrupt"
or anything, but could you arrange it so that I can get laid at least once more before then... maybe hold off on your razing of all existence until next weekend?

response #27 by Rabrrrrrr:

      I can get you a half-hour with Rush Limbaugh's used underwear
and that's the best I can do under the time frame.

response #29 by conscious evolution:

      Can you put it off till two?
I would like to sleep in that day.

The Lounge, June 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6628710

OP by swag:

The Bush Administration had a budget director?
From what I've seen, the Bush Administration couldn't budget a trip to the gumball machine.

response #2 by aquart:

I wouldn't let a Republican tally a lunch check.
The one who had the soup would get stuck with the cost of the steak and lobster tail.

GD, June 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1141148

On a thread by TechBear_Seattle:

      Study Links Candy Cigarettes to Smoking

response #10 by gatorboy:

      Overexposure to plumbers' backsides have also been linked to actual crack smoking.
It's true!

response #17 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      Filtered or unfiltered?

GD, June 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1138942

On a thread by Hissyspit:

      Snow Responds To Potentially Illegal Use Of RNC Accounts: Clinton Did It Too

response #3 by MNDemNY:

      Wow, Clinton used RNC e-mail accounts? Weird.

response #9 by xultar:

      Clinton also got a BJ in the OO. Bush gonna do that too?
Let's hope so.

response #19 by razorman:

      If that trend gets started, then the first thing every president
will do from now on after taking the oath will be to have the Oval Office carpets changed.

GD, June 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1140005

On a thread by Orrex:

      Most powerful character in film other than God?

response #2 by DS1:

      Phoebe Cates's tits

response #14 by Bucky:

      Spencer Tracy in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
Gave a great performance in perhaps the biggest stinker ever to be called a classic.

response #17 by VancSouthpaw:

      Chuck Norris

response #18 by unpossibles:

      Bruce Lee defeated Chuck Norris
but not his mustache.

response #19 by NewJeffCT:

      and both would bow down to
Phoebe Cates' tits

response #26 by jobycom:

      In the beginning, God said "Let there be light."
And Chuck Norris said "Say please."

response #28 by ALiberalSailor:

      Here's a funny little Chuck Norris joke...
Chuck Norris' sperm cells are actually tiny white Ninjas the size of Tic-Tacs.

The Lounge, June 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6629203

OP by Yavin4:

Philosophical Question re Construction Workers on the "Death Star"
If a person took a construction job on the Death Star, was it morally wrong for them to die in the attack or is it a risk that you take when you work for evil even though your intentions are benign? This question was raised in the movie, "Clerks", and it was funny. However, there really is a deep ethical question in this.

My guess is that those construction jobs on the Death Star paid a good wage with some decent benefits. Can you imagine the number of toilets and showers that had to be installed? Never mind the high tech weaponry.

response #1 by DS1:

Right about now, in a galaxy not far enough away
they're called Halliburton

The Lounge, June 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6629595

On a thread by Philosoraptor:

      Ex Narc sells Pot tips on DVD. 'Never get busted again'.
"The formerly straight-laced lawman has become a shaggy-haired militant for the legalization of weed.

Six months ago he released 'Never Get Busted Again,' in which the former star of West Texas' Permian Basin Drug Task Force gives tips on hiding marijuana (dashboards are rife with nooks and crannies) and

throwing off drug-sniffing dogs (coat your tires in fox urine)..."

response #1 by wakemeupwhenitsover:

      I'm stumped at where to get fox urine.

response #2 by Philosoraptor:

      Walmart has Fox Urine in convenient aerosol cans.

response #3 by Prisoner_Number_Six:

      Urine 'R' Us
Natch.

:evilgrin:

response #6 by Philosoraptor:

      "Urine good hands with Pot Tips"

GD, June 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1145684

On a thread by firefox_fan:

United Airlines: Computers froze, flights halted, we don't know what happened.

response #1 by JohnyCanuck:

Damn that Vista. Shoulda waited until SP2 was out before we upgraded. n/t

GD, June 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1149380

OP by Cyrano:

Time to lighten up with a -- Myth War
It was inevitable that someday there would be a showdown between God and Santa Claus. After all, how many beings can lay claim to watching you whether you’re awake or asleep and always knowing if you’ve been bad or good?

What started it was God’s accusation that Claus was in league with demonic forces. The supposed proof was Claus’ sack of goodies. “You expect me to believe that anyone could fit enough loot in that bag for every kid in the world and still be able to lift it?” sneered God.

“Back off,” spat Claus. “How about that time your brat supposedly fed a hillside full of people with one fish and a loaf of bread? Even a supply-side economist couldn’t pull that off.”

“I’m God,” huffed God. “I can do anything I want to do. I could destroy you with a wave of my hand.”

“Just try it, pal,” shot back the Jolly One.

It was at that point that things began to get ugly. As God’s hand began to wave, Prancer bit it. The angels tried to get into the fray, but found themselves engulfed in a tidal wave of droppings unleashed by the other reindeer. It was a month before most of them were able to get the stench out of their wings. (The deodorant salesman believed in unrestrained trade and during this period, the angels became familiar with the phrase “price gouging.”)

The initial encounter was a standoff and thus began the propaganda war to win over hearts and minds. God launched a full scale attack-ad campaign, while Old St. Nick approached Rush Limbaugh and asked for help. Limbaugh readily agreed in the belief that he’d finally be facing an opponent worthy of his verbal arrows. It also occurred to him that in unseating the Almighty, a vacuum would be created that could only be filled by someone totally infallible such as himself.

God’s opening series of ads were rather weak and showed images of millions of children in tears because the loot they’d collected on Christmas morning wasn’t assembled and didn’t include batteries.

Limbaugh’s return salvo was devastating. “Stick with me on this folks. There’s no great mystery here. It’s the wedding night and Mary tells Joseph they can’t consummate the marriage. No, it wasn’t a condom issue and she didn’t have a headache. Instead, she comes up with, -- now get this, -- ‘I’m going to have God’s son and I have to remain pure until then.’ It’s incredible! She lays that on him and the poor sap actually buys it. I mean, we’re talking the low end of the Bell Curve here. My friends, there’s no doubt in my mind that Joseph was one of the first victims of what we’ve come to recognize as ‘liberal thought.’ And the only way to describe Mary’s little performance is recognizing that it was the start of the feminazi movement.”

Infuriated by Limbaugh’s monologue, God fired his ad agency and hired a Republican media consultant who developed a series of one-minute spots questioning Claus’ motivations. As images showed the Portly One slipping into a house through the chimney, an ominous, sarcastic voice-over intoned: “An act of altruism, or an unhealthy interest in little boys and girls? Giving them gifts and expecting nothing in return? If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Just ask yourself how difficult it would be to lure unsuspecting tots onto the roof with the promise of showing them something unusual. ‘Ever see a big red nose like this one, Johnny?”

Claus’ fit of apoplexy didn’t abate until Limbaugh’s ensuing rejoinder. “All right, my friends, let’s get to the Truth here. Let’s take a close look at just who it is that’s sorely lacking in Traditional Values. After Joseph spends thirty years teaching Jesus carpentry, what does the little ingrate do? He leaves home and wanders around the countryside stirring up discontent. Don’t you get it? Don’t you see the foundation he was laying for the sixties generation? The sandals? The beard? The long hair? The rabble rousing? The rebellion against authority? And is he content to do it alone? Not on your life. Along the way, he recruits twelve guys and a hooker. Didn’t you ever wonder what the sleeping arrangements were? Didn’t you ever question what kind of perversions the hooker had in mind after she was through with her foot-washing fetish? And doesn’t it strike you as just a little suspicious that this hooker just happened to have the same name as Jesus’ mother? Now far be it for me to suggest any impropriety here, but isn’t it just possible we’re talking about an Oedipus Complex?”

Flying into a rage, God hired a team of abortion clinic protesters to gun down the Red-Suited One. Retreating to the North Pole, Claus and the elves surrounded the bunker with Barbie Dolls disguised as aborted fetuses. Both sides hunkered down for an extended siege.

As the battle of the titans raged, Pat Robertson found that his calls to God were going unanswered. Quickly grasping the fact that no one was home, he confidently proclaimed, “I’m in charge.”

“No way. I’m running things,” yelled James Dobson.

“No, I’m the decider,” shrieked the commander guy.

“Non! Le roi c’est moi,” chimed in Napoleon.

“I’m Napoleon,” shouted a million madmen.

And a muffled, evil snicker came from a secret, undisclosed location.

Moral: A big mouth can be as mighty as a big myth.

GD, June 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1148179

On a thread by Swede:

Study finds guys not so naughty, gals not so noble
"When men look at pictures of women in the buff, where are their eyes likely to go first?

Nope. Higher.

In a new study, using eye-tracking gizmos, where guys looked first on a naked woman defied stereotype.

Men are more likely to look at a female's face before gazing at other body parts, according to a new study by researchers at Emory University..."

response #2 by BlooInBloo:

Huh? Wuzzat? Sorry - I was looking at boobies.

GD, June 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1149582

On a thread by lwcon:

Should we call Bush "evil"?

response #5 by jgraz:

Calling him "evil" distracts from the "stupid"
We need a new word....

Stevil?

GDP, June 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3328561

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

Sewage flows down aisles of trans-Atlantic flight
"Passengers on a Continental Airlines flight had to hold their noses for hours as sewage overflowed from toilets while they were high over the Atlantic..."

response #3 by chimpymustgo:

I smell a lawsuit. nt

LBN, June 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2887387

OP by Hissyspit:

Idiot n.
Id.i.ot (id - ee' - ut, also, id - jit)

– n.
1. an utterly foolish or senseless person.
2. Psychology. a person of the lowest order in a former classification of mental retardation, having a mental age of less than three years old and an intelligence quotient under 25.
3. someone who justs makes shit up as they go along, and then gets caught in the hypocrisy of it.

{Origin: 1250–1300; ME < L idiōta < Gk idités private person, layman, person lacking skill or expertise}

— Synonyms: fool, half-wit; imbecile; dolt, dunce, numbskull, Dick Cheney, (see also George W. Bush).

GD, June 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1148179

On a thread by Poiuyt:

What do you suppose is in the missing White House emails?

response #3 by Mz Pip:

Lots of misspellings
bad grammar, and forwarded chain e-mails on how Clinton wrecked everything. And lots of those lame inspirational phrases with pictures of angels.

They got them from my cousin.

GD, June 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1155877

On a thread by ck4829:

Cheney makes a BIG mistake - Says his office is not part of the Executive Branch

response #14 by TwoSparkles:

What's next for Dick Cheney?
Will this a-hole declare that he's officially a Chilean flap-wing fruit bat--thereby exempting
him from any legal and moral responsibility to this country and its citizens?

"I can't be held accountable! Look at me! I'm a bat! Plus, I'm nocturnal and you can't prove
that I was awake during the day--when the illegal schemes were played out! Eeeeee! Eeeeeee!".

GD, June 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1152515

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      Let's jump to conclusions ......
Did the pregnant woman's boyfriend do it or not?

response #2 by stellanoir:

      Nah
Khalid Sheik Mohammed did it. . .from Gitmo no less.

Talented dude.

response #3 by Bornaginhooligan:

      I think the baby did it.
It's the perfect crime.

response #6 by slackmaster:

      She was murdered by hippies chanting "Acid is groovy, kill the pigs!"
:nuke:

response #11 by Warren Stupidity:

      Duke Lacrosse did it.

Now that they know they can get away with anything!

Actually of course the correct and final answer:
The Clenis Did It

By the way this is a completely inappropriate and disgustingly disrespectful thread. Thanks for sucking me into your dark hole of a world.

Quite clearly this thread is a comment about the media, not the crime victim. Some people did not see it that way, however.

GD, June 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1160780

OP by elehhhhna:

Dick Cheney: Hell's Subcontractor
Finally, a nickname that will stick.

GD, June 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1160380

On a thread by babylonsister:

Firefighters inhaled as ton of pot burned, chief says
"EDINBURG, Texas (AP) -- Firefighters who spent half an hour fighting a blaze in which 2,000 pounds of marijuana went up in smoke breathed so much of it that they would have failed a drug test, a fire chief said.

It took more than 35 firefighters, 1,000 gallons of water and five gallons of chemical suppressant to extinguish the warehouse blaze on Wednesday, Fire Chief Shawn Snider said..."

response #9 by Drifter:

I'll add to the report ...
It took more than 35 firefighters, 1,000 gallons of water, five gallons of chemical suppressant, and 87 bags of Cheddar Cheese Doritos, to extinguish the warehouse blaze on Wednesday, Fire Chief Shawn Snider said.

GD, June 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1161897