Cheney's Last Stand (satire)

[tbyg52]

by Lloyd Dangle Page 1 of 2 page(s)

(Washington , DC) With the Office of the Vice President coming under increasing scrutiny, Dick Cheney has retreated to a secured chambers on the third floor of the Naval Observatory with a team of lawyers, numbering, in some reports, to be as high as sixty. Over the past twenty-four hours the OVP has released a flurry of statements and legal briefs, some lucid, some hastily drafted and bordering on incoherent, which have caused observers to speculate that the Vice President may nearing resignation, coup 'detat, or some other form of extra-constitutional action never before seen in the history of the republic. Excerpts follow:

June 26, 2:31pm: Vice Presidential records cannot be unsealed without "presidential finding."

June 26, 2:40pm: The Office of the Vice President my hide "presidential findings."

June 26, 3:55pm: Vice Presidential documents cannot be photocopied because they are legal tender.

June 26, 5:18pm: Because Cheney lives in the Naval Observatory, he is the Admiral of the Navy

June 26, 5:21pm: If it is determined that Vice Presidential records can be opened, they may be viewed only by the Attorney General, who must commit them to memory.

June 26, 6:01am: Dick Cheney is a sovereign nation.

More:
http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_lloyd_da_070627_cheney_s_last_stand.htm

[tbyg52]

1. Wow

I'm left wondering if my sense of humor sucks, or if I've unknowingly posted a piece from a persona non grata!

Oh well.... ;)

[slowry]

2. Some of those aren't funny, but a few had me snorting pretty hard :P

Including:

June 26, 5:21pm: If it is determined that Vice Presidential records can be opened, they may be viewed only by the Attorney General, who must commit them to memory.

...

June 26, 11:00pm: While in office, Vice President Cheney is entitled to cheesecake and pastrami sandwiches whenever he deems appropriate, including, but not limited to, right now.

[tbyg52]

3. Yeah, I was taking them as a whole

and developing a pretty amusing mental picture of Cheney falling apart.

[frustrated_lefty]

4. Think you forgot June 26, 5:30 pm

Speedy Gonzalez open VP records, but then forgets them

June 26, 6:00 pm Georgie reads My Pet Goat to Speedy, trying to boot his soft drive to no avail.

June 26, 11:30 pm Darth Cheney shoots Georgie in the face

June 26, 11:31 pm Georgie apologizes.

June 27, 1:00 am Lynne begs Darth to take his meds, it's been 3 days

June 27, 1:01 am Darth explains he's playing a game of Risk in his head and is about to win Guatemala, meds must wait.

June 27, 6:01 am Darth realizes he is a sovereign nation. Debates searching for his shotguns or finding his bunker, decides there are probably enough shotguns in the bunker.