FEMA chief Michael Chertoff lives in dread of the power of the Dick.

[Cyrano]

Try as he might, Chertoff can't do enough to satisfy Master Cheney. He’d been blindfolded and escorted to Lord Cheney’s presence only to be met with a brief scowl and an order to stand still until addressed.

After signing what looked like a few executive orders, The Great Dick stared up at Chertoff with contempt, and a single word oozed from his curled lip. “Well?”

Chertoff’s mind raced and his mouth moved trying to form words. But all that came out were gurgles and gasps until The Emporer Cheney cut him off. “FEAR, you ignorant mound of dung. I require a toxic, widespread aura of FEAR.”

Pulling himself up straight Chertoff squeaked “Uhhh.”

“FEAR, you insignificant toad. Go forth from this undisclosed location and dispense FEAR. Or perhaps you'd prefer a shotgun blast to your useless gut?”

“I,” began Chertoff, his voice trembling, but The Dreaded Dick's voice once again cut him short.

Chertoff quaked as The Leader's hand rose and his finger pointed toward the door. He hissed a single word. "Go."

After a full day of sitting on the toilet with a gallon of scotch, and 12 Valiums, Chertoff called a brief press conference. The message was short and to the point. “There's a good chance we’ll be attacked by terrorists this summer.”

“How do you know?” came the obvious question.

“I can feel it in my gut.”

Those present noticed that the teleprompters were angled just enough so that they could make out the words “BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID.” There was some confusion as to whether this was a message meant for Chertoff of for them.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. What might improve Chertoff...

Is a head full of dreads and a spliff the size of Rhode Island. But I dream.

[babylonsister]

2. //snort//

:rofl: Can you imagine? I can't.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

3. Vaguely.

Very vaguely. It would make for some interesting press conferences, however.

[MuseRider]

5. Made me smile.

I could not quite get there but I did get enough for a smile. Hell, these days we could all use a spliff the size of Rhode Island. :)

[youthere]

4. Pulling himself up straight Chertoff squeaked “Uhhh.”...

That's the best he could manage with that rubber ball gag in his mouth.

[Cyrano]

6. I was going to relate a Cheney/Lieberman meeting, but

it was so far beyond the pale, that even the Rude Pundit would have fled, shrieking in terror.

[softwarevotingtrail]

7. Do they all gather on the "Death Star" somewhere and think up this crap?

Or does it just spew from their mouths spontaneously?