I guess my military career is over. I am confused, relieved and scared all at the same time

[No Passaran]

This morning I walked into the psychiatrist's office and was told that they are starting the process to Med Board me and eventually discharging me from the military on the account that I have PTSD. If you look at my profile you will see that I've been a DU member since the day it first started with handful of members. I didn't post much later on because of my frequent deployments, confusion and depression. I didn't wanna live in this world where American people are blinded by the politics of the right and constantly reading stories about our failures as a nation was making me upset more and more which I didn't need at the time.

So for those of you that are interested, here is my personal account going from a super-soldier to disabled veteran in 6 years.

I enlisted after college. I didn't want to be an officer and wanted to experience everything the Army had to offer. My GT score was over 120 (for those of you asking, it's near maximum) and was able to choose any field I wanted. After basic training, I was shipped off to Ft Stewart, GA home of the 3rd Infantry Division. This was summer of 2001 and I was just an inexperienced soldier trying to learn, enjoying everything that I was promised. Then 9/11 happened and everything picked up and my last 6 years went by so fast that I had to stop and think about everything that has happened to me as I was thrown into the history books not even knowing it.

September 2002 I was sent on a regular training mission to Kuwait which was to last mere six months and then a return home. Our return date on deployment orders stated March 20, 2003. Needless to say, I never made it back to the States on that date. I was the first group to cross the border between Kuwait and Iraq and as a humorous and patriotic gesture, we went ahead and setup "Welcome to Iraq" signs "3rd ID". We drove fast into the desert of Southern Iraq and never looked back. There were battles that I wish not to discuss ever again as images of people burning from inside out by heat rounds, split in half by a Bradley or simply shot for being at the wrong place at the wrong time are something I wish to forget. We moved into Baghdad Airport during Thunder Run I and into Baghdad itself during Thunder Run II. I as even part of a book "Thunder Run" http://www.amazon.com/Thunder-Run-Armored-Capture-Baghdad/dp/0871139111 but I will not reveal my name. I will never forget my first Baghdad smell: smell of burning flesh and hair. The war was over. The president said it himself with the big banner saying "Mission Accomplished". I believed him. We moved to Fallujah to setup camp that is being used today. Then we flew home after 12 months of total deployment.

That's when my nightmares began. My kids were on fire, their hair burning, their skin peeling. I used to wake up in the middle of the night almost every night but hey, I am a super soldier right? I do not feel a thing. I am not gonna tell my wife or anybody about this. Plus, I will never have to go back to Iraq anyways. The war is over. Then one day I turn on the TV and I see the UN building brought down by a suicide bomber. And then it got worse. Now I was wondering what the hell went wrong over there?

Summer 2004: I was told to get ready to go to Iraq again. I shut my mouth and didn't tell anyone about my headaches, neck pain and nightmares. It must have been those cots that I slept on for six months right? Now we will experience some real beds and mattresses. It will all go away. Plus I am more comfortable in Iraq than back home.

Jan 2005-Jan 2006: I was hunted every day by IEDs, small arms fires and mortars. We told each other this was bullshit. This is not how we imagined us restoring peace. We were prey and they were hunting us picking us off one by one. Not even our tanks could withstand their new and improved IEDs. Every day for hours I would go on a mission and get lucky (if you can call it that). IEDs that hit my vehicle were not of the advanced kind. I only experienced whiplash and concussions. Silent injuries would come later. Fumes of burning vehicles (especially tanks) and chemicals would start my downfall.

I returned back in one piece but this time I was stabbed, shot and beheaded almost every night in my dreams. I woke up choking my wife one night in my sleep and haven't slept in the same room since for fear of doing it again. My headaches got worse. I now have almost 8mm of protective skin that surrounds my nerves in my brain gone. They say that if it continues getting worse, I can't rule out MS. Who's gonna walk my daughter down the isle 20 years from now? My neck pain is constant and not one medication prescribed is working. I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I have more awards, decorations, citations and badges than anyone in my unit (including everyone above me). I am looked at as someone you could learn from and be like one day. Now the truth will come out.

[seemslikeadream]

1. I love you GA Democrat

I had no idea :hug:


Let's see if we all can figure this out together


YOU are the reason I am here

I never wanted anyone to go to Iraq. The night the invasion started was the worst night of my life, I knew nothing would ever be the same again

[greenbriar]

2. YOU Have GOT to speak out to save future kids

I am sorry this is happening to you , but we have to keep others from going through it too

[Javaman]

229. And current vets. nt

[Haole Girl]

3. Please take care of yourself

There are those who love and need you.

Please know that.

:hug:

[EFerrari]

4. What is the worst case scenario? You can get some rest,

some support and when you're ready, use your skill set stateside.

We need you here, my friend.

:hug:

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

5. Oh.

K & R.

Your beautifully eloquent and heartwrenching post will touch more than you can know...


MKJ

[Ghost in the Machine]

6. I hope you find your peace, my brother.....

I hope the best for you and your family.

[havocmom]

7. You are human. And we are here for you

Know that many, many care and are here for you.

Rest. You will be back. We have some of the 'meanest sonsabitches around' here on DU who have walked through hell too. Rest. You will be back.

Know that many, many care and are here for you.

[Olney Blue]

8. I'm sorry you are suffering.

:hug: I wish I could do something.

[babylonsister]

9. Thank you so much for sharing your pain, GA Democrat. You have

given me much more insight into the hell that is PTSD, so I can better understand when I hear that someone has it.
Please take care of yourself, your family, and I hope your nightmares recede with time and treatment.
I will be thinking of you, and hope you stick around here to help us work towards getting out of that hellhole.
:hug:

[porphyrian]

10. Sorry about the career, but this is probably a good thing for everyone.

You can beat this, and now you're going to get help with it. Hang in there.

[TheDebbieDee]

11. I know things look bleak, but hang in there........

I'm pulling for you.

Also, as far as the pain medication that doesn't work, you may want to possibly consider hypnosis for pain management.:hug:

[barbtries]

211. i lived with chronic back pain for years

and found acupuncture effective. the tincture of time is also a great healer.

[alcibiades_mystery]

12. Welcome home

It is the deep and abiding responsibility of all Americans to see that your needs are met and your future assured. Best of luck to you.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

13. You are one beautiful man, and I'm deeply sorry you're in such pain

Wish there were something I could do.

[Missy Vixen]

14. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Your daughter, your wife and your whole family needs you. It is so trite, and I wish I had an answer or some help. Truly: I hope that you realize they will always be there for you, no matter what.

Julie

[potisok]

15. Sir

May you find peace in life, welcome back to the world. Thank you.

USMC 1970-1972

[w8liftinglady]

16. If it helps,many here empathize with and support you.

PTSD is my big cause.I am very vocal and active in increasing veteran's access to mental health care.Take care of yourself.we are here for you.

[Fleshdancer]

170. Are there any websites you could recommend?

This thread has me wanting to learn more about PTSD. I'll do the usual google search but anything you could recommend would be appreciated.

[Subdivisions]

17. A gripping and tragic tale. Know that we all care, GA Democrat...

[zabet]

18. Thank you.

Thank you for your service to America.
Thank you.
I also feel heavy at heart for what you have to endure
now because of your act of honor and duty.
:cry:

[rug]

19. You are here.

[Ian David]

20. You have done more and sacrificed more than anyone has any right to ask of you.

I'm glad you made it home alive.

And I'm sorry that you've still got other wars to fight.

By the way, ask your doctor about Gabapentin for neurological pain.

And maybe look into these groups:

http://www.stressgroup.com/home.html
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

We're all behind you 100% in words and in deeds.

[MichiganVote]

21. Thank you. That is one of the most profound things I have ever read.

No matter what your head tells you, remember you are not alone anymore....

[glowing]

22. I'm sorry. I let you down, I didn't work hard enough, soon enough

to bring you home.

[No Passaran]

28. You have done more than enough my friend.

Nothing in the world could have stopped what was going to happen anyways. I remember watching you guys in anti-war demonstrations in February and March of 2003 and I was proud. My wife was being left in the cold every day by FRG because she was a "librl" and "anti-war" who "doesn't support her husband". I knew better.

Plus my mother and father, conservatives who voted for Bush are now liberals (watching our pain) so maybe it was worth it.

[CitizenLeft]

75. bless you, and your wife and family

So glad you can be home with them. I pray that rest and love of family will restore your health and peace of mind.

And if you have buddies still over there, please let them know that we are thinking about them and wishing them home. Soon.

[ClintonTyree]

180. The price you and your family is paying isn't worth it....

the price the Iraqis are paying isn't worth it. The price all Americans are paying isn't worth it. Nothing is worth the horror and sadness you carry around with you day in and day out.

I sincerely hope you get all the help and support you need to put this terrible part of your life behind you, forever. I salute you :patriot: for your gallantry and courage and curse the little bastard who put you in this position. We need you, your family needs you. I hope that someday your nightmares will end and you can enjoy your life once again.

Thank you for being there for us. It's too bad the one person who's responsible for your present condition doesn't give a damn. We're working on that. ;) Feel well soon soldier, and that's an order! :) :hi:

[SaveAmerica]

116. You can't do that to yourself, I won't let you. I did that for a while but

I know now that you and I didn't tell the lies that got our troops put in harms way, we didn't vote in Congress to keep them there, not just once but 3, 4 and sometimes 5 tours in a row. Those that are returning to live half of a life, we can try to help them. We can't help with the demons that keep a soldier from sleeping with his wife for fear of choking her in the night, but we can find out what other things they need help with. Call the closest VA hospital to you and Veteran's Affairs and ask if they have a list of Veterans who need help. Get a group of people together to pool your resources and see if you can help that way. They still need us, we have to keep making our calls, letting our voices be heard.

[Fleshdancer]

171. great post SaveAmerica. n/t

[rocktivity]

23. Gone WHERE, GA Dem?

Post again and let us know you haven't "gone..."

:headbang:
rocknation

[No Passaran]

32. Not "gone" like that

I have thought about it, but will never do it. I came to that realization long time ago and moved on. I just fear that I might be a burden and gone if I do indeed end up having MS.
Gone will be the Prom King. Welcome the disabled forgotten veteran I guess.

[Haole Girl]

36. Thank you for checking back

I was really worried.

:hug:

[annabanana]

54. Not forgotten, not by us and not by American patriots... (the real kind)

"Prom King" was always overrated. . . They usually turn into very boring grownups..

[lazer47]

59. You are not forgotten and never will be, There is a group of vets

that have PTSD, we are old, most of us are in our late 50s early 60s, but we understand,, we all have been where you are, and we found that we had to be there for each other, because the VA, and the other systems didn't work, ours is not a cure there is no such thing, but we help each other and we get thru. I invite you to contact me by the e-mail on DU, I won't post the program here for obvious reasons, If you don't contact me at least contact someone OUTSIDE the system like your local VET CENTER, there is help and you are not alone.,,, JIM

[mzmolly]

88. You will not be forgotten.

Not by us. :hug:

[Maestro]

97. I got your back!

Figuratively anyway. I am so sorry that this is happening to you, but when and if you are ever ready, speak out so that others might be saved. Perhaps, in this way, what has happened will not be in vain. I hope your road to healing is as smooth as I could be.

[rocktivity]

122. I added the ominous final sentence of your original post

to the fact that none of the twenty-odd responses that followed were yours. I didn't like the answer I got--and I obviously wasn't the only one.

:hi:
rocknation

[bicentennial_baby]

219. Hey

My Dad is a disabled Vietnam Vet with MS. We love him, care for him, and support him all the way. He's a good man, and so are you :hug:

[Javaman]

230. As long as you are here, you are not forgotten. And if you decide to leave

you will be in our memories, still not forgotten.

Damn this war.

I have been alive long enough to see several come and go. And the result is always the same. broken bodies, fractured minds.

My thoughts and prayers are will you.

I pray for the day you may lay down with your wife again with peace in your mind.

[sicksicksick_N_tired]

24. *tears* omg

please do NOT say, "I am gone,..."

that is simply not true

YOU ARE HERE,...posting some experiences every person should know and feel fundamental human empathy.

YOU ARE SOMEONE others can learn from and be like, one day.

If you'd like, I'll send you some materials about how 'creating meaning and purpose' in your life will help you overcome PTSD. You have already become meaningful and purposeful by sharing your personal experience with others. Recognize that worth in your gift to us.

[HCE SuiGeneris]

25. You have my most heartfelt gratitude

for your service. War is indeed hell. May you heal and find peace. :hug:

[MannyGoldstein]

26. Peace To You

You - and all of our soldiers - are in my prayers.

[hippywife]

27. Dear GA Democrat...

My heart goes out to you. I pray that you find the peace you so desperately need. Please hang on and hang in there.

[RevolutionStartsNow]

29. Your story made me cry, GA Dem

This is the real result of this war.

I am so sad for you. I hope medication and therapy can eventually help you.

I have nothing else to say. Thank you for serving your country honorably, and damn them for sending you into a nightmare you never needed to be in.

[karlrschneider]

You have friends here who DO learn from you!

Probably nobody here and almost certainly nobody from the government can do very much to help. Your best therapist is inside your own head! Don't give up and don't let the bastards beat you!!

I know that's not very comforting advice but you have to fight back against those demons - never forget YOU are NOT responsible for them.

Hang in there, friend. Never give up.
:hug:

[uppityperson]

30. oh hell GAdem, I am glad you are getting out, and hope that you find ways and help to help you heal.

Don't try to fix yourself on your own. Let the truth come out, let the healing happen, even though I suspect you will not be entirely whole for a long long time. I am so sorry and thank you very much for posting this. Keep checking back in here please and wishing for the best for you.

[petersjo02]

31. I just read today about similar cases

at Ft. Carson, I think it was, in Colorado, where they're discharging soldiers in situations like yours with a diagnosis of "personality disorder" rather than PSTD. They claim the "personality disorder" is a pre-existing condition, so lets Army just dump these people out on the street, so to speak. You may want to look into the situation there so that you can look for signs that they might try to do this to you. Meanwhile, my very best wishes to you as you work at recovering from all the physical and emotional trauma that you've endured to satisfy one very small man's very large ego.

[No Passaran]

38. peter

They do keep bringing up all the questions like
1. Did your father beat you
2. Is he a drunk
3. Is he a womanizer
4. Is this something you experienced before
5. Drugs, alcohol blah, blah, blah

I don't know if I can trust any shrink but I am forced to.

Maybe they will try and screw me over. Maybe they do an honorable thing here.

[TygrBright]

151. GA Dem.... Most shrinks are pretty crazy...

...but it goes with the job. Other than being crazy (they're all mostly crazy in different ways,) they're like any other group of docs: High incidence of MDPD (M.D. Personality Disorder) but still plenty of decent ones to go around.

Unfortunately there is no guarantee that the one you'll get assigned by virtue of CHAMPUS or the VA is one of the decent ones. So. Give them a chance... some of those questions are normal, any shrink will work them in during the early stages of assessing your illness, and not always for the obvious reasons. BUT: If they seem to be showing a persistent and unseemly interest in getting you to say something that doesn't ring true for you, politely but firmly decline. Ask around among friends, relatives, etc., for other possible shrinks who might be willing to do an assessment/evaluation. It is worth it to have "your own" shrink-- one who's on YOUR SIDE, not on the side of the scissorbills and pecksniffers. Nothing is more important than your recovery.

You may have to make several tries before you find one who gives off 'integrity' vibes. And even then, s/he may not feel 'comfortable.' One horrid thing associated with PTSD is a persistent anxiety that often makes you feel a heightened "threat' response, emotionally or even physically, very easily-- even when the actual threat level is low to nonexistent. The main thing to look for in a shrink (other than competence) is the sense that they are focused on listening to YOU, not playing it by some insurer's cost-reduction book. If the Army won't pony up with one like that, get one on your own, regardless. It's worth it.

And yes, you CAN recover. It takes time, it leaves scars. But it's do-able. Joy will return. All the good things can be found again, or replaced, eventually. It's hard work and painful, but again, it's worth it. Stick with it. Don't settle for "not too bad."

And keep telling your story. That will help you as well as others. We need to know. We NEED TO KNOW... because it helps us do OUR duty to you and all your comrades, our half of the deal you put your ass on the line to fulfill for us. Tomorrow I'm gonna get on the horn again to Domenici, again to Bingaman, again to Udall, and remind them: I'm still counting the days until we get our servicepeople out of there.

respectfully,
Bright

[Up2Late]

184. The guys returning to Fort Carson a getting royally screwed by the brass, NPR did some reports...

...that are really beginning to help wake up the RW Bush-bots.

The audio of this report might be too hard to listen to right now (it 22 minutes, 45 seconds long), but they posted the transcript to at this link too:

Soldiers Say Army Ignores, Punishes Mental Anguish

Listen to this story... by Daniel Zwerdling
All Things Considered, December 4, 2006 · Army studies show that at least 20 percent to 25 percent of the soldiers who have served in Iraq display symptoms of serious mental-health problems, including depression, substance abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Administration officials say there are extensive programs to heal soldiers both at home and in Iraq.

But an NPR investigation at Colorado's Ft. Carson has found that even those who feel desperate can have trouble getting the help they need. In fact, evidence suggests that officers at Ft. Carson punish soldiers who need help, and even kick them out of the Army.
(more at link)
<http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6576505>

It sounds like the guys in this story are having the same troubles as you are. Sorry GA Dem, I wish I could help you more than just give you some links. This reporter did some follow up stories too, at the links below, but there are at least a dozen more at this link: <http://www.npr.org/search.php?text=Fort+Carson>

Army to Court-Martial Soldier Featured in PTSD Story

Listen to this story... by Daniel Zwerdling

All Things Considered, December 28, 2006 · Earlier this month, NPR reported on problems soldiers face at Ft. Carson, Colo., when they come back from Iraq with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and other emotional problems. Now, the base command has taken steps to court-martial one of the soldiers profiled in the story. (more at link)
<http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6692103>

Gaps in Mental Care Persist for Fort Carson Soldiers

by Daniel Zwerdling
NPR.org, May 24, 2007 · Six months ago, an NPR investigation found that leaders at Fort Carson, Colo., were punishing some soldiers who returned from war with serious mental health problems — and were preventing them from getting the treatment they needed. In some cases, officers kicked the soldiers out of the Army.

Those stories sparked ongoing investigations of the post, including one by a bipartisan group of U.S. senators and another by Pentagon officials.

Early this year, commanders at Fort Carson responded by launching what they described as an important new program: They required every leader, from sergeants up to generals, to attend a training course on how to spot and help soldiers who potentially have post-traumatic stress disorder. Officials say more than 2,200 leaders have taken the course so far, most of them early this year.

But during a recent return trip to Fort Carson to see whether conditions for troubled soldiers had improved, the most significant changes appeared to be rhetorical.
(more at link)
<http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10374760>

Checking In on Fort Carson, Part II

Listen to this story... by Daniel Zwerdling
All Things Considered, May 24, 2007 · Problems at Fort Carson in Colorado, where soldiers were punished despite showing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and other conditions, prompted the base's commanders to vow that soldiers would get the help they need.
<http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10395101>

FRONTLINE did a really good story in 2005 about guys coming home with PTSD too, here's the links to the website and the on-line video: <http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/heart/>

<http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/heart/view/>

You live anywhere near Atlanta? Because if you are coming to Atlanta, if you want to make a video recording to post on line, I could do that for you. I have a Digital Video camera and I do Video editing (and I'm currently unemployed, so I have extra time these days), so let me know, I check in here at DU most days.

Plus, I grew up with a Brother who had Mental Illness and I had some trouble too, growing up after some severe brain injuries, so I can relate a little, so let me know if I can help in some way.

Stay with us, the worst thing you can do is to let what you're feeling right now build up inside. Talk it out, we'll listen and it will help eventually.

[Contrary1]

33. When I was diagnosed with cancer...

I could not imagine anything worse in this world. Time has shown me how wrong I was.

You will fight through this and come out on the other side a better person. You have much to offer. Never forget that, even on your lowest days, when you question whether life is worth the fight. Reach deep within yourself for the answer. It is.

I thank you for your service.

[tavalon]

106. I think the psychic pain is the worst part about cancer

and PTSD is like a cancer of the soul. I think you have more insight than you might think.

[pnwmom]

34. Thank you for all your sacrifices, GA Democrat. And welcome home! n/t

[InternalDialogue]

35. God bless you for your service, GA Democrat.

You served well, and our veterans system should provide equal service in return. I wish you peace, and I ache that ours is a system right now that will not provide the medical and psychiatric support and long-term network that our soldiers require and deserve.

[wildhorses]

37. ~~~

:hug::grouphug::patriot::grouphug::hug:

[ellisonz]

39. Welcome Home, Friend!

http://www.amazon.com/Fields-Fire-Bluejacket-Books-James/dp/1557509638/ref=sr_oe_4_2/105-7077231-8603659?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184290455&sr=1-4

:toast:

[SmokingJacket]

40. You have so much to offer...

civilian life could use someone like you...

best wishes to you and thanks for posting

[Redstone]

41. You are NOT gone. Talk to me via PM, talk to TomInTib if he's around, goddammit.

Do not, repeat NOT, give up. Ever.

I thought I'd been through Hell (and I don't even have VA benefits to show for what I went through), but Tom's experiences (and those of others here at DU, now including you) showed me that there are people who went through MUCH worse and survived.

You listen to me right now. Do NOT let the motherfuckers win. Your survival beats them, do you understand that?

You are NOT fucking gone! What, you think you're going to get to get out of this easy?

No fucking way. You will not. You're going to have to stay here and suffer with the rest of us, and do what you can by speaking out and bitching and complaining and exposing the motherfuckers so maybe the next poor son of a bitch will be spared the agony you've had to live with.

It's your duty.

Trust me on this.

Redstone

[No Passaran]

42. thank you

I will be around and hope to be active with veterans communities for peace. One thing I learned is that the right wingers back down real fast when they realize that I don't share their views. They look a little scared

[Redstone]

48. Never give up. Never retreat. And never, EVER surrender. It's not easy, but

what is there that's worthwhile that IS easy?

Like I said, the MFs win if we give up. And if we give up, there'll be another Wall in DC with over fifty thousand names on it. We simply CANNOT let that happen.

Redstone

[RevolutionStartsNow]

82. That's because they know you are RIGHT.

They didn't go through the hell you did, what right do they have to say this war was worth it? Fuck 'em.

Get well, then if you can muster the strength, get your voice out there. There's nothing more powerful than a story from someone who's actually been there.

Reminds me of my daughter coming home from school last year and telling me about this anti-drunk driving "play" they did at her school, using kids who were totally unbelievable as drunks to lecture to them, when what she really would have been affected by was one mother, one friend, one brother standing up and telling them what they went throught when 4 kids from her school flipped their car over and died because they were drunk and speeding.

Nothing is more powerful than the truth. Be well and I hope you find peace, GA Dem.

[mzmolly]

91. Bravo to you!

I will be around and hope to be active with veterans communities for peace.

:toast: I marched alongside Veterans for Peace protesting this war, I was so pleased to have an opportunity to meet these fantastic people.

[Decruiter]

239. GA Democrat, please listen to the Vets here and please reach out to IVAW

and Vets for Peace. Find Stan Goff and E. Adams. Call Vets for Peace and ask for Michael M. You have an army there to help you, fellow Vets that have been through what you are going through. Pay attention to the Vets here, make the phone calls.

Thank you for your amazing testimony and for your courage in finally posting it here at DU.

We've been around DU since 2001 and I do believe I remember you from way back when.

Take care and know that you have a host of angels all around you.

Peace

[karlrschneider]

56. That was good, Redstone. You said it better than I did.

salud

[Redstone]

57. Thank you for saying that. It's well-appreciated, indeed.

Redstone

[motocicleta]

43. Please don't go.

Your story needs to be heard, even if you can't tell it right now.

[JANdad]

44. Welcome Home Friend!

And thanks for coming back!

USAF 1988 to 2002

[many a good man]

45. Nothing can repay your sacrifice

We owe it to you and everyone like you to make America live up to it's ideals.

Peace and healing.

[Mr_Jefferson_24]

46. Thank you for sharing this. I'm very sorry for what you have been subjected to...

...and wish the best for you. I hope you'll remain a part of DU and continue to write as you can. People care.

[Laelth]

47. Thank you for your service to our country.

Though none of us endorse the idiots who sent you, all of us can be proud that you loved your country enough to go. Keep loving your country! Fight for what you believe in ... here, now, and in the future. Always remember that the pen (or the keyboard) is mightier than the sword.

Peace.

-Laelth

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

51. Thank you for your service. We love you, GA Dem.

:loveya: :grouphug:

[peace13]

49. Rest easy.

You did the job that was asked of you and as an American I thank you. You have gone beyond the call. Heal from the inside out. Peace and love, Kim

[stillcool]

50. oh man....my heart hurts for you...

my dad was 'never the same' after his war. I suppose nobody could be..it's such an un-natural other worldly environment. After the Vietnam war I sat in on veterans group therapy sessions, and noticed how little needed to be said for them to communicate. In this day and age, I find it unbelievable that some kind of immediate psychological counseling is not required for any human being returning from a war zone. The Veterans Administration, with all it's experience, has got to be fully aware of the consequences war has on the human mind. I so hope you allow yourself the time and space needed to seek and find your own peace.

[PassingFair]

52. I am sorry.

:cry:

Sorry you got caught up in this horrible conflict.

It is not your fault.

Your family did nothing to deserve this.

:cry:

You CAN come back. I don't know how, but I believe
it's possible.

[LBJDemocrat]

53. Are the 8mm of skin lost and head and neck pain - are they part of PTSD?

Or is it something in addition to PTSD?

I recommended your post, by the way.

[No Passaran]

55. It's completely separate.

It took me forever to get doctors to order CT and MRI. 12 months after first inquiring about it I went in for my first CT scan which came back abnormal and then MRI discovered this. Maybe I worded it incorrectly for you guys but this is the definition. I didn't want to use medical terms.
http://www.msif.org/en/ms_the_disease/demyelination.html

[Wiley50]

77. So, on top of the nightmare of Iraq, You've also been diagnosed with MS

wow!
when it rains it pours, bro

Well, Hang around and talk to the sane vets we have hanging around here.

they'll do you a world of good more than you'll get from any Military shrink

There's also a lot of folks here with MS
and they may have some stuff that can be done for it
that you won;t find in "approved" channels

hang in there

and thanks for coming here

[Redstone]

84. Amen. I hope he reads ALL that you said.

Redstone

[Mojorabbit]

126. I have had

MS for twenty years. If you ever need to talk about it please pm me. Thank you for all your service and I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

[TXN in WA]

58. I am so sorry...

to hear about what you have been and are going through. It sickens me to think that so many people likely will go through the same thing, and for what?

Before I begin, I should mention that I was unable to send you a private message, and so I must resort to posting here.

You mention that the medication prescribed is not working, and I would urge you to look into alternative medicine. Please look into taking the following supplements: CoA, CoQ-10, Methylsulfonyl-methane, GLA/flaxseed oil/primrose oil/omega-3s; Oxy-5000; vitamin B complex; acidophilus; glycine (and branched chain amino acids)...there are others, but if you need further info please feel free to PM me.

BTW, I am not a health care provider nor an expert in MS- but I am into nutritional healing.

Take care.

[Redstone]

62. Hey, let me welcome you to DU, though I may not be the first to do so.

Redstone

[TXN in WA]

67. Thanks!

I check in everyday, and have pretty much since I registered (barring finals/midterms/etc), but I never feel like I have anything meaningful to contribute. Anyway- it's good to be on and see that there are other like-minded individuals out there. I appreciate your message!

[marions ghost]

74. yes

although we have to be careful about giving medical advice on DU, I think it's safe to say that there are many nutritional treatments that can be effective in healing nerve and tissue damage. In addition I would suggest acupuncture as it also stimulates healing. Takes time, not instantaneous.

[dweller]

85. that looks like excellent advice, thanks for sharing it.

and welcome also to DU.

as i recall, the myelin sheath develops in early childhood due to fat and protein content in diet (from mother's milk hopefully). Children placed on very strict diet w/out adequate essential fat content showed a lack in mental development as compared to those with healthier diets. The oils, Omega-3s, etc are a wise suggestion.

Post a bit more, you'll be able to PM soon.

peace
dp

[TXN in WA]

101. Yes, it's true...

kids need fat, and this is why breast milk is so important! The myelin sheath does develop in early childhood, and is so important to development and reaction time. It drives me crazy that parents restrict healthy fats, and I have been surprised in the past when I overheard a pre-schooler inquire about the fat content in some item of food (can't recall what it was). Anyway- the nonsense has got to stop, and the highly processed, packaged convenience foods have got to go.

Sorry for the rant!

[KT2000]

161. DHA is supposed to be the best

docahexanic acid - omeg-3 long chain polyunsaturated fatty acid found in fatty fish and breast milk.
per David Perlmutter MD
I wonder if it would help adults, even though the myelin grows in childhood??

[Fleshdancer]

166. welcome to DU TXN in WA

:hi:

Great advice by the way.

[marions ghost]

60. Bless you GA Dem

healing thoughts and prayers are going out to you. PTSD can get better over time, but it does take time. The nerves have to heal. You might try acupuncture for neck and head pain if you haven't already. If you can, just concentrate on your own healing, don't think too much about big issues. Don't dwell on who you used to be. You will come out of this. Tell yourself "I am strong" several times a day. It was an act of strength to even write this. You might feel fragile for awhile but you are not gone yet. You'll be surprised at how much life you do have ahead. Expect to be a different person, but also expect to feel a LOT better than you do right now. You've had an extreme trauma & PTSD is a normal response to it. Give yourself whatever time it takes to recover.

Write again sometime about your progress. We are here. :grouphug:

[paparush]

61. Holy Shit. I'm 40 years old and I have tears streaming down my face.

I've never read as moving a post on DU..hell, anywhere.

If there is anything you need GA Dem ( i was born in Savannah) just ask.

Just ask man.

[roamer65]

63. Welcome home.

:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

64. Much love, light and healing vibes to you, GA Democrat.

I will definitely keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you for your service. :patriot: I'm sorry that you have been treated so badly by this government and those that support it. :cry:

[ConsAreLiars]

65. Thanks for helping us all by sharing your experience.

Maybe this is just wishful fantasy on my part, but I believe that working for peace is the only way to truly heal the wounds of war. This morning Democracy Now! http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/07/12/1335208 featured vets telling their stories of the kinds of injustices they had participated in. My impression was that that by speaking out they were also cleansing some of the wounds they had endured and reclaiming their true selves.

In any case, get in touch with any of the vets for peace groups you can, as you say you intend, and they will be the ones best able to give you the real and meaningful comradeship that we all need. Don't expect a bunch of saints or magicians, they are just people like any other group, but they will "know" you better than the average "professional."

[Glimmer of Hope]

66. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you will find peace

in your life and your dreams. Take care.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

68. Welcome home, GA Democrat

and I hope that you can find a support group made up of others who understand what you have gone through.

You need to tell your story to anyone who will listen, especially to young people, who might have been brainwashed to think of war as a great adventure or who have been taken in by disgusting recruiting ads ("Joining the Army will give me an opportunity to acquire job skills, Mom, so please let me enlist")like the one I saw on TV just a few minutes ago.

[vickitulsa]

261. I despise those ads, and the liars who create them!

The son of one of my best friends was forced after 16 years in the Army to become a recruiter in 2003, and he hated it so bad, having to LIE to potential recruits and promise them things he knew they would NOT receive. He lives with depression knowing that he helped send some young people to get killed and maimed.

It was so bad that after four years of it (the Army had promised him he only had to do it for two years), he volunteered to go to Iraq himself in order to end his stint as a recruiter. They were about to send him when a medical exam revealed he has emphysema. (He went from being a guy who had quit smoking to a three-pack-a-day habit during his years as a recruiter.)

I get so angry when I see those frequent ads from the various armed services, I just want to smash the teevee set!

When I think about all the young people who see those ads and believe what they say, then later trust what recruiters tell them, it just kills my soul.

Some folks got a LOTTA NASTY KARMA to deal with eventually, for writing and airing those recruiting ads full of LIES....

[stellanoir]

69. How many plaitiff stories are like yours

Stories of truth.

Whilst the media and the congress, plays it like a political football, people are dying and suffering from unimaginable fates.

The pRes and VP are delusional though ever profiteering.

Where is the humanity in any of this?

I'm sorry you had to go through this.

Blessings.

[spindrifter]

70. Thank you, GA Democrat. We're here for you.

If you need us, we will walk with you.

[Ilsa]

71. Hey, GA Dem, Bless You. I've had a different nightmare of PTSD

but I know about the physical symptoms and misery it creates. Yours is so intense, it is unimaginable. I hope the people who are helping you now really help you. I hope you'll consider meds if they believe it could help. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know you are always welcome here by people who care about you.

Also, look for EMDR therapists. Check into it. A friend of mine, ex-military, is now a therapist and does EMDR work with people who are diagnosed with PTSD. I don't know that much about it.

[onecent]

72. GA Democrat-I am sending hugs and blessing to you. You are

a very brave person. Surround yourself with love...and I wish you the best.

I'm sorry for this terrible war and time in your life....and I hope healing comes for you. Bless You.

[Swamp Rat]

73. peace

:hug:

[midnight]

76. Hi Gademocrat. Glad you posted this for us to read......

The truth seems to me that you are a real human-being.

[No Passaran]

81. thank you.

All of you. You have no idea how much better I feel just by writing about it and sharing. I truly feel like it would be easier. When you live in some military community, you don't talk about stuff like this. You just laugh it off on the outside but slowly die inside. I know I am not alone. I just wish I can tell my wife all the things I have just told you but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to seem like a broken man; after all she married someone completely different and might not be ready for the whole truth. There is a lot more to it.
I think I will continue updating. It does provide me relief.

THANK YOU
GOOD NIGHT DU

[EFerrari]

89. Give your wife a little credit.

And :hug: to you.

[havocmom]

90. Sweet dreams. We've got the watch now. Rest easy for a bit,

then back to the business of healing tomorrow.

New day.

Every day can be new.

[dweller]

108. perhaps you should introduce your wife to DU ?

she'll be welcomed here.

peace to you GA Democrat, and thank you for your service.
:patriot:

dp

[Sweet Freedom]

139. Sweetie, she married you for better or for worse.

Since you state that there's more to it, I'll just say that I guarantee you your wife will not consider you a "broken man" for what you have shared with us. Talk to your wife. She will help you. (I bet she already knows more than you think she does.) You don't have to tell her every detail, but at least let her know what she can do to support you. She can listen, hold you, stay away from you when you need your space -- but fill her in. If you don't, you're just building a wall between you and eventually, you will regret that. (My brother spent two years in Iraq and he's only talked to me once since he came home 8 months ago. I'm keep telling myself he's going through things I don't understand and his silence isn't personal, but it sure would be nice to hear it from him.)

And may I add my 2 cents about the alternate treatments... My mother knows a woman with MS. A year ago, the woman was in a wheelchair. Now, after using alternative medicine, she is walking. She had given up and now she has her life back.

Do keep updating us. There are many great folks here. :hug:

[merh]

142. Your wife married the man and this thread

proves you are more the man today than the man she married. Welcome home.

You aren't broken beyond repair, you are wounded and weakened in ways you never imagined possible, but you are still you, the man she married. Print out your OP and leave it for her to read on some quiet evening. Then hold her and let her hold you, she feels your pain and is pained that she cannot help you, she knows you suffer, but she can't find a way to help. Give her that way to help her, let her in. Let her love you.

I thank you both for the sacrifices you have made for this nation. Thank you for your service, forgive us for not being able to do more, we have tried and we will continue to do what we can to bring home all the troops and to see that all vets are not forgotten.

Rest and heal, reach out to others as you did to us tonight. Tell what you know and be a witness for the truth. It's been so hard to come by these last several years.

Thank you again, you and your's are in my prayers. Healing, thankful, loving prayers.




:patriot:

[WritersBlock]

154. Your wife married a hero and she knows it.

:hug:

[Fleshdancer]

168. We all have our unique strengths GA Democrat....

...and loving you and taking care of your family and herself when she worries about you on deployment is just a small view of your wife's strength. You experienced a hell she will thankfully never encounter. Now allow her to do her job and let her in and please trust me when I say she will not view you as a "broken" man. She will see her strong, heroic husband in need of her love and she'll step up to the plate because at the end of the day, she thanks God for every extra minute she gets to spend with you.

Watching the people you love go off to war is its own hell. Honor her and yourself by opening up to her.

on edit: pretty please :)

[librechik]

248. Please talk to your wife--That is what you need to do most

share your hurt with her--she knows you are a man and not a god. She will comfort you, I'm sure, and help heal you. You need to do this--dopn't hide your vulnerability from her.

Besides it is very appealing to have a man who can talk and listen and show his deep feelings to you alone. That's what lovenmarriage lovenmarriage goes together like a horse and carriage is all about!

Take care, sweetie!

[ProudDad]

78. I sincerely hope for the best for you

No one should have to go through what you've gone through.

Good luck...

[shaniqua6392]

79. We will always be here for you on DU.

All you need to do is ask if you ever need to talk. We will support you, listen to you, help you if we can and show you the love you deserve. You will get through this. God bless you and your family. :grouphug:

[datadiva]

80. Thank you so much for posting this

Your tale is tragic and you are one heroic person. We all appreciate your service and hope you get the help you need. Stories like this getting told are what will end this stupid war. Thank you.

[mzmolly]

83. I hope you don't mind a question?

What can WE do for YOU and for those serving in Iraq today? I ask because it is time for US to serve YOU. What are our soldiers saying in the trenches about how WE as Americans can help?

Also, I hope you'll talk to other soldiers who are in your position. Old and young, the VFW's (for example) are full of people who can relate. Don't isolate yourself talk - talk - talk. WE are hear to listen if you need a place to share anonymously.

I pray that you'll get through this and that time will heal your wounds.

Thank you for serving our country. I hope we can now serve you.

[Evergreen Emerald]

86. you have so much to offer us.

Take care of yourself.

[PA Democrat]

87. I hope you find peace and healing GA Democrat.

I feel sick that we weren't able to stop Bush from getting us in this war. I'm so sorry for all the pain that you and thousands of your fellow soldiers has had to endure.

[helderheid]

92. Recommended.

:hug:

[bdamomma]

93. GA Democrat thanks for sharing your story, please if you need

us we WILL be here for you, I am glad you're home. Take care of yourself.

[Vilis Veritas]

94. You are a super American, Sir.

It is average Americans like myself that owe you a great debt.

Thank you for your words.

Peace.

[jedr]

95. You have been given some excellent advise from fellow vets;

Contact them and let them help you. If you have never experienced war ,it's imposable to understand what you are dealing with. This is not an end but a beginning. You are a hero, but not in the John Wayne sense. You did what you were trained to do and did it to the best of your ability, that makes you a hero. Thank you for your service and never give up on yourself.... From a fellow Vet, just a little older and a different war.:toast:

[HeeBGBz]

96. I hope you get the healing you need

You've given so much of yourself. I wish you strength and peace.

[Catherine Vincent]

98. I hope you have sweet dreams from here on out my brother.

So sorry this has happened to you. Take care. We'll be pulling for you. :hug:

[riderinthestorm]

99. Welcome home!!

:grouphug: Rest easy friend. There's a big safety net here on DU and we got your back.

[kitty1]

100. Thank you GA for giving us all a reality check .....

through your own experiences, as horrible as they were.
We have no real clue as to the emotional torture you guys must go thru day after day in that minefield of evil. Television doesn't reflect the true degree of brutality over there.
Know this though GA, that there is still much love and respect out there for you and others like you going thru this. We are sending healing energy your way and hope you will find the peace you rightly deserve.
God bless

[WildEyedLiberal]

102. Bless you brave soul

Please know that we are here for you. :hug:

[Cha]

103. I'm sorry this has happened

to you and all the others who got hooked into bushit's war On Iraq.

I hope you all get the help you need to have a decent life once there is some time between you and horror of the maimings and killings have subsided.

[proud patriot]

104. I want to be supportive to you and your brothers

in anyway I can .

I'm thankful you are home , and will not forget
that we as a nation need to care for our returning
soldiers .

:hug: give your wife and kids a hug for me too :hug:

[tavalon]

105. I'm so sorry they did this to you

I'm sorry you now have to carry it. I have PTSD too but blessedly, the EMDR and talk therapy I got has gone a long way towards easing my symptoms. I highly recommend EMDR if you can get access to it. But mostly, just try to heal those psychic wounds and try to make sure you don't get triggered. I'm so sorry you have to walk this path.

[joeunderdog]

107. Botox for your neck. Really.

I suffered from headaches related to whiplash for 4 years, sometimes ones that lasted over a week. Horrible pain at times, and sometimes just enough to ruin my day. After 20 medications, 3 Cortisone shots, ice, PT, traction and everything else known to the medical community, my doc said we might as well try Botox. It paralyzed the muscle that was in spasm in the back of my neck, the spasm that was strangling the nerve and causing the headaches. Poof!!--no more headaches. Even my doctor was shocked at how effective it was as this is a new (and COSTLY) intervention. PM me if you want more info.

GA Dem, I can't end this post without thanking you for your courage and service to this country. My greatest endeavors pale in comparison. I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. I work with PTSD people and they do get better. Minimize your stress, let yourself heal and don't get ahead of yourself. Things can and will get better.

Best wishes in your recovery.

[rosesaylavee]

109. .

:hug:

Let us know what we can do to help. We will be here for you and help you get through this.

[go west young man]

110. As a fellow Georgia resident and a former Marine

I want to encourage you to speak out. I never saw combat myself but in the Marines I saw injustice and had my eyes opened I believe. There is a great big world on the other side of military life and the one true constant is everythings always changing. Nationalism, patriotism, whatever. Humanitarianism is where it's at. Sharing your experience can change the world for the better and it can change you. It can empower you. I believe the war was immoral from the start and that hurts troops more than anything. When fighting for something it's important to have the truth on your side. You were lied too along with the rest of us. It must be horrible to be a soldier in that scenario. Considering what you describe there are no words for it. Thank you for sharing here at DU. Your story gives me hope. Hope that people will hear stories like yours and change the world for the better. You can help us all.

[qanda]

111. My heart goes out to you

I hope things will get better for you. I cannot imagine your pain.

[bigwillq]

112. All the best to you.

Thank you for your service. :hug:

[NNN0LHI]

113. I am just glad as heck you made it back

You will be fine. I am hoping for a quick recovery for you. Take care and see you later.

Don

[AwakeAtLast]

114. Welcome home!

I am sorry you are having these problems. As I was reading your account, some of the symptoms sound like some of the problems my husband has. He came home from Iraq last June. His are mainly headaches, mood changes, sleep problems. The VA did tests, but we don't have any answers yet. We did get two medications that basically knock him for a loop, so he doesn't take them as he should.

I do know that the best thing he did was try to include me as much as he could with what was going on. There is nothing worse than getting blindsided by things when you think things are O. K. So basically I am saying to talk to her even though it's something that is probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do, just like the conversation you have to have about what to do if something happens while you are deployed.

Please let the doctors do all they can and try to take it easy. I will keep you in my prayers. :hug:

[bonito]

115. Well I love ya,

Hang in here with the rest of us bringing change into our little world, we need you.

[maggiegault]

117. Thank God You Are Still Alive, My Friend

[Crunchy Frog]

118. I'm sorry we couldn't do more to keep you guys out of there.

Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you are able to find some healing from this. :patriot:

[Lee_n_Tenn]

119. I am in TN, real close to you. Just give the word and I will be there. ..

I am from a very big military family and understand the damage done by this shit. I spent family vacation keeping my little brother from killing people at a bar and later that same night holding him as he cried about what he is enduring in Iraq.

I am a psycho from birth, so if you need an able bodied "crazy" to let you vent and control where it goes I am offering it. This is not a joke.

Peace.

[Major Hogwash]

120. There's someone here who wants to talk to you, GA Democrat.

Her name is Ava. She is a member of DU. She is making a documentary of returning soldiers, to get their side of the story. She is from Alabama, so it would be fairly easy for the two of you to get together, if you want.

She's currently in Detroit interviewing some soldiers up there, but she will be back next week. You can send her a PM through the DU forum to contact her, if you want.

I am sorry that your experience was what it was. I've been working with returning soldiers here and the rate of PTSD is over 60% for the units sent from Idaho. Not everyone has the same level of PTSD, but it is enough to have an impact on their lives, so it must be treated now. It won't just go away, so recognizing the problem is the first step to dealing with it. It's good that you have already recognized that you are suffering from it.

Keep this in mind at all times - don't lose hope.
Stay in touch with someone who understands what you are talking about.
First rule of dealing with PTSD - don't isolate yourself.

We are doing everything we can to help our soldiers in the field so this will never happen again.

Your career in the Army may be over, but now you can start to reclaim your life as a civilian.

[OzarkDem]

121. So sorry you had to go through this

but now you can heal and get better. I feel badly for you and all the others who've had to bear such incredible burdens. Prayers and peace be with you.

[Lindsey]

129. I'm so sorry that this happend to you. I suppose we can't even count the

number who have had simiiar stories not to mention those who are permently physically disabled - who lost limbs and are blind and God only know what else. I hope all of the guys and gals over there know that as incrediby opposed we are to this war - the main reason is that we're so outraged that you guys have had to go through what you've gone through. Peace and love to you - and thank you for your sacrifice. I hope you can find solace - search your heart and try to find any ounce of peacfullness you once had and it will grow.

[phildo]

123. Well good job on checking into the shrink.

I was WAY too scared to do that until things got REALLY bad. Of course, it was an Army shrink you got, but once you get to the VA shrink, you will think the Army shrink was alright. :) :)

Hey, I do not mean to joke about your shit, but that was pretty much how I got through mine -- except for when it got too real. Then you cry some. Ok. a lot. But really that is ok, too. Used to say it was water to keep the flowers in the garden inside alive.

The nightmares are normal. Just telling you that so you know you are not crazy. When I finally made it to therapy that was a big part of the first session -- "No, Phil, you are not crazy -- these are normal symptoms of the condition." Just telling you that so you know up front you are just having the normal symptoms for the condition. And another thing I think you need you know -- despite all the made-for-TV Lifetime Network Movie storylines -- full recovery is possible and not unusual. It is hard work, but possible.

While some of the stuff might seem a little crazy -- like sleeping away from your wife -- you just have to do what you can do to cope for now. Back during nightmare season I took to sleeping odd hours and different places so the nightmares would not know where to find me. Yeah, I know that is not sensible but it worked for me. Later I took to sleeping with a bayonet. Those were pretty crazy times.

Try not to sweat the MS stuff too much, yet. A lot of that is environmental and life stress based. Do everything you can to take it easy on you, and it will take it easier on you. I know a couple guys that have made it back from that, too. But the fear and thinking stuff can weight on your mind. Your high intelligence can work against you as much as for you in this domain. It means you are going to think (and think and think) about the stuff until you resolve it. You need to take some breaks on that cycle.

Well, did not mean to hose you too much. Just to say, Hi, and welcome to the next stage. There is some good help and good people, and you are going to make it though. Aint nothing but a thing, soldier.

[Divine Discontent]

124. first, I thank you for your service, your story, and now

I would say just worry about your health, and know many will be praying for you, but part of me, perhaps selfishly and I apologize if it is, that you will speak out in some manner and like you said, "Now the truth will come out."


I salute you! I don't like war to ever be used unless it is so obvious it slaps us in the face - we all know this invasion was not that situation, and I have a heavy heart knowing your suffering. Please know I have a family member with the myelin sheath (MS) shortage that you spoke of, and have seen how horrible it can get - and I mean at it's absolute worst!

God bless you & your daughter, and the rest of your family.

[deadparrot]

125. Best of luck with everything, GA Democrat.

Take care of yourself, and please feel free to PM or post if you need anything.

[Bozita]

127. You've got a lot of folks wishing and hoping for good things for you.

Count me among them.

[WilliamPitt]

128. Proud to K&R

[Pierogi_Pincher]

130. "Fear not", brave one! "You are not alone".

I honor you and thank you for your dedicated service in our name.
Your recounting of some of your experiences firsthand has brought me to tears. But that is a good emotional response for it will cause me to endeavor even that much more in the activism within my capabilities.
I believe that the human spirit is one that rebounds and doesn't extinguish readily.
I pray for your complete healing: body, soul and spirit.
From my heart to yours,
P_P

[blayne]

131. Thanks for your post.

Most of the people in this country want to hear your story. Thanks for telling us, and don't be afraid to tell others outside the DU comfort zone.

[SaveAmerica]

132. Dear Ga Democrat, the truth shall set you free. Your last paragraph

tells me you are a great soldier, you pride yourself on going above and beyond what your country asks of you. Am I right in guessing you tend to be a perfectionist? Now everything that you've witnessed in Iraq has taken that soldier and changed you inside and out, you can't live through all that you did over there and not change. It doesn't make you any less of a soldier, you are still an asset to us. Let the truth about what you're going through come out and you'll give your troops something else to learn from. Someone who is not talking about the changes in himself, someone who is still allowing himself to think things are OK or perfect is someone who could snap around his family or his troops and do something he'd never mean to do in a million years. You're already talking about things, that's the first big step on the road to recovery.

I was very close to a World War II Veteran and I always asked myself "how did he survive all that he went through and not lose it over the years?" We found out after he died that he kept a journal. He was a no-nonsense kind of person so I never would have thought of him as a journal writer, I believe to this day it was a big part of his survival methods. This could be the start of your journal, start writing down as much as you can remember from the beginning. I know it won't take away all of your demons but it could be a start in cleansing your brain, it can only be better than bottling it inside and letting the demons control you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you've done, for all the sacrifices you've made for our country.

:patriot:

[conscious evolution]

133. Welcome home

Always remember that you were caught up in events beyond your control.

[SammyWinstonJack]

134. I hope you heal.

:hug:

[AnnieBW]

135. Have You Looked Up Iraq Veterans Against the War

All of my sympathies, my friend. Have you looked up or talked to Iraq Veterans against the War, or VoteVets, or any of the other progressive organizations? They might be able to help you.

I think it's shameful what * and company are doing to the poor folks that are actually fighting their damn war. It's criminal. I want to see the twins enlist and spend time over there, instead of partying in South America.

All of my love and support. Goddess bless.

[kwyjibo]

136. Thank you for your story. I hope that your suffering will subside...

if you are going to go to therapy for PTSD, I want to tell you about a method of treatment that I experienced that helped me so much. It's called EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EMDR

If you have any questions, you are welcome to PM me. I really do hope your nightmares go away. You deserve contentment and happiness.

[SaveOurDemocracy]

137. Welcome home GA Dem

Thank you for your courage, service, and sharing your story. Much love, peace, and healing prayers to you.

:grouphug: We're here ... and ... we care. :patriot: :hug:

[Tsiyu]

138. ...

:hug:

:patriot:

[jaxx]

140. I cannot begin to know your pain, but I wish you the strength to go on and beat this hell.

Thank you seems so trite, but I mean it sincerely.

Peace

And a hug......a big hug.

[BrainGlutton]

141. I hope you heal entirely. But if a violent rampage proves inevitable . . .

No. I will not complete that thought. ;)

[Mnpaul]

143. Be careful of what you sign to get out

ABC and Nightline had the stories of soldiers who are going through the same thing. They were released due to a personality disorder and had their benefits taken away. They even got a bill to repay their bonuses. The story is here http://abcnews.go.com/WN/WoodruffReports/Story?id=3368726&page=1 20 congresspersons have called for an investigation and 6 are trying to add an amendment to the defense bill blocking this crap.

[emilyg]

144. Love to you from ga.

I'm glad you're getting out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[Imagevision]

145. Geeezusss! how the hell are you alive? - you're a waliking time bomb, do you

expect to keep this cool forever? So much talk about the troops not getting the help they need WTF?!!
dude! I can only pray for you, you are either doing a great job of faking how well you're handling things or are closer to breaking then you think.

No support groups? the only way I think is locating others who also have been thru this bloody hell, this is tough man, I wish I could help more?? you name it..! Franc in fla.

[Imagevision]

270. K&R!!

[me b zola]

146. .

:hug:

[shireen]

152. my sentiments exactly

sometimes, words aren't enough to express our gratitude. All I can say is THANK YOU.

:hug:

[Canuckistanian]

147. Sounds like you went to Hell and back

Welcome back to DU.

:patriot:

[Gregorian]

148. And it didn't have to happen. What a sin.

All I can say is that we've suffered with you. Not nearly as intense, most of us. But we've been here fighting all along. I knew this was coming. But I'm a bit older. I remember my father saying, as Bush was being inaugurated, "Here come the wars".

Darn it. What a horrible machine to get caught up in.

I hope you find recovery. There must be a way. Seek help through this forum. There may be help found in the oddest of places. You come first now.

[Lisa]

149. wishing you peace soon, GA Democrat

A while ago I was able to meet one of Canada's top soldiers, Romeo Dallaire. He experienced PTSD after leading UN peacekeepers in Rwanda -- he had a difficult time, but told me that he is feeling more at ease, after seeking treatment. (After his case was publicized, many other troops came forward to get help as well -- he said that this, as well as writing a book and talking about his experiences, have given him a lot of hope.) He is now one of our Senators, in Ottawa.

[juajen]

150. Simply stated, look forward, not backward

Pursue a degree, or an advanced one if you already have one. Take up a serious endeavor; i.e., counseling returning vets or just befriending as many as you are able; painting, woodworking, etc. Form a group or go to a group that is already formed. Get lots of exercise. My God, help poor homeless vets or non-vets.

I nursed a husband through 20 years of ptsd and college was the ticket. Your ticket could be something else. This country owes you. I hope you get help or that you're able to help yourself. God Bless and Keep You.

[BlueIris]

153. My heart goes out to you. There is nothing worse than PTSD.

Hopefully, as I feel we will do under the next president, Americans will act to get our vets some fucking health care, with an emphasis on mental and emotional health.

[progressoid]

155. There just aren't words for this.

We're here for you.

[Lugnut]

156. Thank you for sharing

I'm so sorry for what you've endured and I'm glad that you're home. :patriot:

[nadinbrzezinski]

157. Welcome home soldier

you will have a support network... and take care of yourself

We owe you much more than most people are willing to understand

[nam78_two]

158. K&R

This is one of the most poignant things I have read on DU. My sincere good wishes go out to you GA Democrat. I do hope you get better.

[YvonneCa]

159. You are a patriot...

...GA Democrat, and I thank you for your service to the country we both love. Thank your family, too, because (coming from a Navy family) families sacrifice, too, when their loved ones are at war.

My dad, after WWII, had PTSD. They didn't call it that, and people didn't really know what it was, or what to do. He never talked to us, his family, about his experiences...probably to protect us...he was just depressed and really quiet for years. What helped him was re-connecting with buddies through military 'reunions'. These groups were a 'support group' for him, where it was safe to discuss his war experiences. Over time...he became my father again. :)

You sound like a wonderful person. I hope you seek and find support...you deserve to, after all you've suffered for our country. For yourself, for your wife, and for your children. :patriot:

[Decruiter]

160. Peace dear sir. Thanks is not enough and does not address the need you

have from all the rest of us, we the people.

Thank you is nothing.

I'm sorry seems not even to come close enough.

I'm at a loss for words except to say thank you and I remember you from an early DU.

Thank you for coming back and sharing with us all here at DU where you have been.

I hope we can all make all of this nightmare end. With individuals such as you, we have a good chance.

Thank you again, dear sir.

[fooj]

162. We are with you.

:grouphug:

[BattyDem]

163. Welcome home, GA Democrat

Thank you for your story and your service. We'll never forget. Take care. :hug: :patriot:

[KT2000]

164. The truth you have shared

is stunning. I doubt it was easy to put this all down but this is what everyone needs to understand. Thank you.

You said that the smell of burning tanks and chemicals was your downfall. There are things that can happen when people are exposed to toxic chemicals, especially under stress. As part of the issues you will be dealing with, I hope you will investigate health care professionals that treat such things.
They offer methods to rid your body of the chemicals that are currently stored in your fat tissue. They guide you to rebuild your system - because right now your reserves are likely depleted and you are vulnerable.
This kind of help can not come through mainstream medical sources as they are not allowed to recognize the damage toxic chemicals can cause short of acute poisoning. These are doctors who practice environmental medicine and are ridiculed by the mainstream, but they really can help.

I wish you all the best - peace and health. It will take longer than you want but you WILL regain those things.
:)

[Fleshdancer]

165. I will never forget your story

:hug:

May you have a strong support system at home and know that you have thousands of virtual friends here who want to help in any way we can. Whenever you need to scream, vent, ramble, talk, etc...I'm here to listen. My heart goes out to you my beautiful friend.

:hug:

[windbreeze]

167. Thank you...

Even though that's not good enough, for what you suffer through...I was the wife of a man who spent two tours in Vietnam...I can say I know what you are going through, but I don't...no one understands, unless they've been there and walked in your shoes...best of luck to you AND your family....Sadly, the man who so willingly sent you into harm's way, is not fit to lick your boots..again my very, very, humble thanks...
wb

[ClayZ]

169. Peace and rest.

You are a hero. Thank you for sharing your truth! You have been through hell.

I wish for you loving kindness for the rest of your life~

[NMDemDist2]

172. there is nothing I can say that can encompass the emotions your story

made me feel.

Heal, be happy and healthy and thank you. Thank you for doing your duty, thank you for coming home again to your family and thank you for the raw truth you shared with us tonight.

Thank You.

Please do not think you are broken. You can heal and you will. Please forgive us.

[Hekate]

173. Welcome home.Thank you for your service & for telling your story.You have a home in DU...

...you have a home in DU and many brothers in arms here as well. They know your experience intimately, in ways the rest of us can only imagine. All of us, regardless of background, will try to be here for you --and your wife too, should she choose to drop by.

Welcome home, and welcome back to DU. :hug: :grouphug:

Hekate

[Solly Mack]

174. ((((GA Democrat))))

with all my heart

[cui bono]

175. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Please, don't allow thoughts of

getting MS to enter your brain. It doesn't have to happen, but if you worry about it you will definitely increase the odds. The mind is a very powerful thing. Try to have the strength to use it positively.

Peace to you and your family.

:hug:

[AnotherDreamWeaver]

176. Best Wishes to you,

As a Vietnam Vet I knew the lies that took us into that war. Never have believed there were 19 hijackers, but that 911 was an inside job. Just haven't figured out how to work with a political system that has been corrupted as much as ours has with the Propaganda Media, Bought out politicians, and "secret programs" voting machines with No Paper Trail to verify count. (I hand out deception dollars, see DeceptionDollar.com )

Again, Best wishes with your new life, whatever path you take.
ADW

[Recursion]

177. Peace to you brother

From a Marine to a Soldier...

[bitchkitty]

178. Take heart, Democrat!

You don't know me, nor I you, but your words moved me. I just want to say, courage. You have it, you have a deep well of courage inside you, and you are going to make it - you're going to come out of this a stronger, better man.

You're not alone, never. Feel that pressure? It's thousands of us, holding you.

[intaglio]

179. The truth that will come out is that you are a hero first and foremost

Next you are a survivor and it is possible for you to survive even this most terrible invasion - the invasion of your mind by the psychic evil of war.

It would be easy for me to turn this into a diatribe against your President and those who enabled him (like my Prime Minister), just as it would be easy for me to make comforting noises. What I am certain of is that you face a hell of a journey; indeed it may even turn into a journey through hell; but you can make it.

Check out this old soldiers tale - he lived through his two hells

http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/worldwars/wwone/last_tommy_gallery_03.shtml

[Submariner]

181. PROPRANOLOL ?

I believe I remember seeing the GA Democrat name back in the beginning days. Welcome home, and I would like to bring something to your attention if you are not already aware. A "60 Minutes" piece recently showed the effects of a new medicine (Propranolol)

One readers comments:

"It appears that Propranolol does the same thing as Alpha-Theta Brainway training developed by the Menninger Clinic and the VA Hospital in Texas. They both seem to leave the memory 100% in tact but uncoupled it from the crippling emotion. Brainway training is very expensive, emotional draining and can take six weeks. It sounds as if Propranolol works in less time without the emotional turmoil of brainway training."

http://neurologicalillness.suite101.com/article.cfm/propranolol

It looks like the VA wants to start testing this on PTSD victims like yourself in a few months. See if you can get it earlier someplace. Take care and get well.

More here friend:

http://sf.broowaha.com/article.php?id=1924

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A43210-2004Oct18.html

[democrank]

182. Peace to you and your family, GA Democrat.

We`re here for you. Remember that.

[RadiDem]

183. You are an American hero - Thanks and take care

[BlueCollar]

185. You are amongst friends

Peace...

[The Wizard]

186. Some remedies

Join a veterans service organization to represent you when making a claim for VA benefits and don't be discouraged when the VA rejects your claim. Keep hammering away. If you're eligible for Social Security benefits go after them too, depending on the circumstances. If the VA rates you at 100% total and permanent, you can earn whatever you can and they won't touch your benefits. Social Security will not give you benefits if you're gainfully employed. Look at all the options and make a decision from there. The key is to never give up your demand for VA benefits. A characteristic of PTSD is to be easily discouraged and the VA knows it. It's like a Catch 22.

[mr blur]

187. Well, I have MS

and I have to tell you, it's nothing compared to what you've been through.

We live in different countries and I have no desire to be anywhere near the military but you have my respect.

[laylah]

188. ...

:hug: I don't know what to say. Such a tragic story :cry:

[Wetzelbill]

189. wow, bless you.....

My cousin just got back from Iraq. I had a kid I used to coach in wrestling go over there too. Some other people I know as well. It's rough.

You take care of yourself. Stay safe, and tell your story. We need people like yourself to keep fighting!

[Locrian]

190. hang in there

I'm sure the last thing you want is overload from a bunch of armchair analyists. But if you can, please ask your doctor about **Adrenal Fatigue** because you definitely have it. It's not very well diagnosed - believe me as someone who almost died from it I know. I hope that the service doctors are getting more exposure to these type of issues (chronic fatigue, toxic metal exposure, adrenal, thyroid, etc...)

If you can, take a look or ask someone to take a look at these links. Or hopefully get someone to measure your levels. It doesnt begine to address the horror you have psychologically went through, but be aware that chemical imbalances in your body are what is a large part of why you are the way now and the way you feel.







http://www.amazon.com/Adrenal-Fatigue-21st-Century-Stress-Syndrome/dp/1890572152/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-3020830-7689756?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184324503&sr=8-1
http://from-burnout-to-rejuvenation.com/Frequently_Stressed.html


Understanding stress’s role in our evolution and survival leads to a better understanding of why stress does what it does. Stress has been our response to life-threatening danger, to food shortages, to illness and epidemics, and other potentially life-threatening or life-sapping events. Take being chased by a lion. Your first and life-saving response is either to run or fight. That is the classic “fight or flight” response. Reaction time is critical – so critical that the decision to immediately react does not even loop through our thinking brain. Nerves run directly to the adrenal gland. Our limbic system, the most primitive brain system to develop, often called our “animal brain”, sends a direct and instantaneous message to the adrenal gland to release adrenaline. This is the jolt to our gut we feel when our adrenaline shoots in response to fear. We can not consciously stop this reaction.

A few moments later, our thinking brain has had a quick chance to assess the situation (perhaps even while we are running from the lion and looking for a safe escape). After deciding that the threat really is a threat, our brain instructs the adrenal gland to produce cortisol, our stress hormone. Cortisol acts throughout the body to prepare it to deal best with the stress. Suitable to such an emergency, cortisol has up to a 20 times priority over other types of message-bearing chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters. You can imagine that the pleasant, relaxing, “I feel good” ones are especially pre-empted, as in this situation, they would be wholly inappropriate. For example, depressed people have been found to have high levels of cortisol. So, it is not surprising that they are not happy campers.

It also seems that the brain remembers things that are “burned” more strongly into the brain, and traced and retraced. For example, post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD) is only triggered in life-threatening situations, or when a sufferer felt that their life was in danger. The only judge in this case that counts is you.

Learning related to survival has to be right up there on the “important to remember list”. Cortisol is the traffic cop that halts other messages and lets the important, “deal with this stress stuff” right through. The cortisol circuits then are used extra-harshly.

The problem comes in when we don’t reserve use of this potent stress reaction for only the most serious threats. Remember, the first part of the stress reaction is immediate and involuntary. When we get cut off in traffic and almost have an accident, when our boss says he wants to see us in his office, when our kids try to scare us for the 49th time – we react to the stress.

We are awash in cortisol. Since it lasts several hours, and many of us are lucky to go several hours between stressful shocks to the system, large and small, many of us always or usually have high levels of cortisol.


The Damage from Chronic Stress

If you combine harsh use of brain circuits by the strong chemical cortisol with frequent use, as in the case of chronic stress, the cumulative result is damage to the brain structures used in these stress situations. This is what we see when looking at the medical literature. We see a combination of shrinking of critical brain structures, particularly in the fear centers, and areas responsible for memory, attention, and higher cognitive functions – and actual brain holes called lesions on various types of brain scans. For more specifics on this, see the Chronic or Severe Ongoing Stress as a major cause of chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia section.

The body doesn’t need to do long-term activities when under extreme stress. Getting away from the lion takes our energy and focus. Digesting food, fighting illness, worrying about blood circulation can wait. Cortisol does the following:

1.) Digestion slowed – Rebuilding can wait until the immediate threat is passed.

2.) Immune functioning reduced – We might be dead before illness or infection could possibly kill us.

3.) Blood thickened and blood vessels narrowed – in case we are in a fight with the body cut open or limbs cut or eaten off, stems blood flow.

4.) Blood sugar and energy stores used – Now is when you need all your energy.

5.) Heart beats faster, person breathes faster – Now is when you need all you oxygen. The fact that this will cause overoxidation with its own oxidation stress is a worry about body cleanup later, after the threat has passed.

But what if stress is chronic and in the body’s view the threat is never past? Let’s look at these stress reactions with an eye toward chronic illness.

[ulysses]

191. if there's anything those of us in GA can do to help,

just ask.

[Forkboy]

192. Words fail me when I hear a story like yours.

I can't believe what we're doing.

I'm glad you're home.Peace to you and yours.

[cmd]

193. Your post was one brave step forward

I hope you will be here often; and that you will continue to tell your story. The other Vets at DU will stand with you and offer their support. You are not alone; but you are a unique part of this community. Best wishes to you. cmd

[lisby]

194. The best healing energy I can muster

is headed your way.

Peace to you, brother.

[peacebuzzard]

195. one of the best posts ever on DU

I am glad I saw this today.
I am sorry about your PTSD, and I wish you the very best.

[Massachusetts]

196. GA Dem, GET WELL and KEEP WRITING

[moondust]

197. Do you want to get out?

If YOU don't think your condition is bad enough to warrant discharge and you are confident that you could handle some other non-combat MOS, perhaps there is an appeal process that would allow you to try to salvage your military career if you so desired. ???

For one thing, these days I don't think anybody employed by the federal gov't can safely rule out purely political motives for their hiring or firing, including rank-and-file military.

Peace and best wishes.

[Sparkly]

198. Thank you so much for sharing this

It brought tears to my eyes. What a powerful statement on war and PTSD. I'm sure you know you're not alone, and I hope the treatment you're provided is thorough and helpful.

If sharing your story is therapeutic in any way for you, please continue to do so for the sake of the rest of the country as well. People need to know what you've experienced. (And you write so well.)

You probably already know of such sites, but in case not:
http://www.ptsdsupport.net/
http://www.brokenspirits.com/resources/ptsd.asp
http://www.iraqwarveterans.org/ptsd.htm

Stay in touch!! :hug:

[whistle]

199. Thank you GA Democrat for your courage to speak out here on DU

... and thank you also for your service and your sacrifices for you have gone above and beyond the call of duty. I know that I can never fully know or feel those horrors which you have described and relive over and over. But, thank you for gathering the courage to share those with us here. The truth will set all of us free. Know that there are many here on DU who care and love you in a special way. Please stay with us my friend. Share and speak out as often as you need to. We are here to listen :grouphug:

[The Backlash Cometh]

200. You're a wonderful American, man, husband and father.

Don't you ever forget that. We are all proud to know you.

[MrMickeysMom]

201. Thank you for re-connecting with DU

I keep thinking of what can be taken from your experience. I think, as you say, the truth must come out. The truth IS coming out. And when it you doing the talking, "they" cannot cover their ears much longer.

Perhaps your outpatient services and benefits will carry you through the physical harm. Perhaps we can help you :hi:...

You certainly have a mission with the "uninformed" . I believe you will rise above in this process.

Peace be with you.

[havocmom]

202. A kick to say good morning to our DU brother GA Democrat

and to let him know we are always here for him.

Good morning. It is a new day. Same issues, I know, but a new day in which to carry on towards better and take it to the bastards who created so many problems.

Know that DU is sending energy for your day, and everyday.

[Tab]

203. Question for you

First, anyone who doesn't think war is hell needs to read your post. You got far more than you signed up for.

Question: If you had gone through this, and later became President of the United States, would you so casually have started another war?

You don't really have to answer - it's pretty much a rhetorical question, but it underscores the fact that those who don't know of war shouldn't consider starting them.

I'm of an age where I just slid between wars - too old for Gulf War I, too young for Vietnam, but stories from those who lived through Vietnam (including my once-best friend who once confided killing a child - not realizing he was a child - that was pointing a gun at him), and my dad who refused to talk about WWII (in which he was an officer), have led me to not take war lightly.

If only our Texas "Champagne Unit" Reserves had that same exposure, much less actual combat.

Best wishes to you, and thanks.

- t

[yellerpup]

204. Keep telling the truth.

You have been brave in all ways and a credit to us all. Tell your story. I will pray for healing peace for you. :hug:

[MikeNearMcChord]

205. Your words are the antidote

needed to confront, the constant John Wayne/Rambo/Super Patriot propaganda spewed by the 101st Keyboard Kommandoes. I pray that we get people in office that will insure that you and your fellow buddies get the GOLD CLASS care that you need to rebuild your lives. You did your duty, now it is time for the rest of us to fulfil that promise that we failed with other veterans of other wars.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

206. K&R - Thank you for telling your story. You & all our soldiers are in my prayers.

[Lil Missy]

207. Thank you for sharing this, GA Democrat

Please keep us posted. Come back to DU often.

[jackster]

208. Peace to you

dear Soldier and American Patriot

Take care of yourself and know that you are in the arms of a community that supports and loves you

You have given more than is imagineable to most of us, you have suffered more than anyone ever should

When you are able, IF you are able, use your voice to help bring this insanity to an end so that no other man or woman will ever have to go through what you've experienced

[Surya Gayatri]

209. I 'm crying while reading this, GA Dem...

Your wrenching story goes straight to my heart. Damn Bush and Cheney and their monstrous minions. May they be forced to ride the karmic wheel of cause and effect for eternity. Compared to you in stature and humanity, they are subhuman, unspeakable devil-spawn. May God speed you to health and healing. SG

[barbtries]

210. i just wish i could hug you

and make all the hurt go away. i could not and would not stand in your shoes, but i want you to know that you are appreciated and cared about. i am in tears as i write this. i've always maintained that war is murder by proxy, and i am against not only this incredibly WRONG war, but all of them, recognizing that some wars have been inevitable. the blood falls on the hands of the warmongers. gwbush, cheney, rumsfeld, the entire rogue administration, they have a million blank terrifying eternities to withstand for the blood on THEIR hands.

whatever you do as you go on from here, don't give up, don't give in. your decorations do mean something, and you are not alive today just to suffer. wellness is within your grasp. work toward it, achieve it. i believe in you. take care, very much care.

peace out
love
amen

[Rainbowreflect]

212. I know there is nothing I can say to ease your pain.

But I do want/need to say thank you and I am so sorry.
Sorry for everything you and your family have had to suffer through.
Sorry that I did not do more to stop this war.
Sorry that too many have had to suffer.

I pray for you and for the soul of our country.

[KurtNYC]

213. I have had only the smallest taste of PTSD

burning buildings still set it off. But I'm not about to say 'I know how you feel' because I don't. Your story moved me and I just want to urge you to not be too tough on yourself. Maybe talking to some other vets can help you let go of just a little of what is eating at you. And every little bit helps.

[redqueen]

214. Thank you so much for sharing this.

I hated reading a previous response from you in which you used 'broken' as a way to describe yourself. Sir, you are not broken. You are quite obviously an extremely strong person, and although what you've been through is causing you so much pain, in truth, it has only made you stronger.

Peace. And good luck. Your family is *damned* lucky to have you around.


on edit: p.s. You made me cry.

[FourScore]

215. Don't worry too much about the future.

You have enough on your plate with the past. Just take it one day at a time, GADemocrat.

Make sure you talk to your wife about those things you don't want to say. Let her into your world so that she can better understand your agony.

GADemocrat, no one can imagine the horrors you have experienced. We can try to, but in reality we can't. Just continue to seek help for the PTSD. I, for one, am glad you are no longer in the military. Yes, you were a model soldier. Now you can be a model veteran. You will get through this hard time, and then you can help all those other young soldiers who come back suffering just like you.

Take care of yourself and please continue to post updates on how you are faring.

I embrace you and your loved ones, and thank you for your service.

[SarahB]

216. I'm so sorry.

You deserve better than this. I wish you peace. :hug:

[colorado_ufo]

217. Dear GA Democrat,

Begin by reminding yourself that your family loves you. Do it every hour, at least once an hour, every day. Then be assured that you have thousands of friends who love you and wish you the best, here at DU and in many other places as well.

Keep up any medical treatments, and also explore the alternative treatments: acupuncture, chiropractic, Chinese medicine, and much more. In the right circumstances, they most certainly do work, and often then can get at the seat of troubles that modern medicine cannot.

Then, take up a meditation class, to calm your mind and soul, and schedule a meeting every other week with a religious counsel. Human beings were never meant to endure what you are going through, and you need support.

My father, unlike some returning fighting men from WWII, was like you. He never wanted to discuss the war, never wanted to travel again, devoted his life to his family. But he bore the physical and psychological damage sustained in the Phillipines, sustained by a young teenager ripped from his family and small town and put into hell, until the day he died. It was beneath the surface, but it was there. If he were here today and could tell you, Dad would say to use everything available to you - that wasn't available to him - to put as much of your life as possible back together again. You deserve it, and so does your family.

Put no limits on your healing.

And God bless you.

[graywarrior]

218. Just want to add my support for you here.

I can't imagine what you are going through, but I can be here along with the rest of us at DU for you.

[fudge stripe cookays]

220. Oh dear.

I'm so sorry, GADem.

As someone living with MS, please PM me if you need any support or are nervous about any of the procedures you might have to deal with.

I'd be glad to give you some hugs and reassurance as you go through it.

[buddhamama]

221. there are no words, GA Democrat

thank you for sharing your story, however painful.
please know that there is a large community of friends and like-minded individuals who support you and care.
take care of you.

[slj0101]

222. Nothing I post could describe what I'm feeling right now.

Recommended. Thank you, and I am sorry.

[militaryspouse]

226. DA

your mil career may be over but your life isn't. i know the feeling of having to be hush hush for fear of being labeled unpatriotic or a lib. Just know you're not alone! *hugs*

[Spacemom]

223. I don't know what words to say

You're in my heart and I wish you much peace and healing.

[Sequoia]

224. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I hope it all works out.

However, my words seem empty and my troubles pale in comparison. What evil people we have running our country and mudering innocent people and thereby destroying our own.

[GreenPartyVoter]

225. *hugs and prayers*

[Miss Chybil]

227. Welcome home, Soldier. May I suggest a book?

It's called "The Power of Now." You can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=pd_sim_b_1_img/002-8311420-1748834?ie=UTF8&qid=1184340722&sr=8-5 . Good luck to you and thank you for your service.

[sinkingfeeling]

228. We're here for you! And don't let those bastards get out of giving you all the benefits

and medical care you need.

[Totally Committed]

231. My very best wishes to you.

May you find peace, and know that you are cared about.

TC

[aquart]

232. Mineral Ice.

Not the kind in the drug store, but the one they sell online for horses (it was developed as a horse liniment, but when the human/commercial formula was sold, it was altered). It has a strong menthol smell, but the cooling effect helps break the cycle of pain for say, migraines which is what my mom and sister use it for.

I get tension headaches in my neck and I slather it on. Try it. Maybe the smell will help blot out the fumes of burning, too...but I've never tried it on trauma. Athletes use it all the time for muscle problems and I knew a singer who always used it on his neck for tension.

I wish I could think of something better, and perfect, but all I have to offer is this jar of goo.

[Irishonly]

233. You Are A Great Man

You have a family that loves you and many friends. You also have the support of DU. I don't know what to do to help except to keep writing, calling and putting pressure on the PTB. You deserve the best. Your country owes you the medical care you deserve. Your country is in debt to you and it's time we made them pay up.

[Synnical]

234. I'm so very saddened.

I truly hope things improve for you and wish I could do something to make that happen.

:grouphug:

-Cindy in Fort Lauderdale

[erpowers]

235. Thank You and Sorry

I would like to thank you for joining the miitary and being willing to be deployed oversees. However, I am sorry for you in the way you are now being treated. I watched the story last night on ABC World News Tonight about the soldiers that the Army is pushing out while taking their benefits. So make sure you keep a watchful eye on the process and maybe hire a good lawyer. Some of the people who were pushed out ended up owing the Army money. So hopeful they will not try to say you had problems before you joined the military and take your benefits away.

[Mnemosyne]

236. Namaste GA Democrat.

:hug:

[rucky]

237. On the bright side, you got the diagnosis

and can begin treatment. FWIW, I'm glad to hear they're addressing PTSD. I don't think all soldiers who suffer from it get the diagnosis (for political reasons).

[supernova]

238. GA Democrat,

:hug:

I hesitated writing because I wanted to make sure I said something helpful, rather than superficial.

First of all, thank you for your service. I could not imagine doing the things you have had to see and do. And you have paid and very dearly for it.

First, like Redstone says, don't give up. We aren't truly finished until our bodies say so. As long as you wake up to a new day, it's a new chance to create a meaningful life filled with experiences you can treasure.

You've done the first thing in admitting you are having problems.

Can I make a suggestion? Please get in touch with the VA and find a good counselor or program for those who are suffering as you are. You won't learn to cope all alone. If you find the VA is difficult to navigate and it's taking too long to get an appt, write to your congressman for help navigating the system. That's part of what congressional offices are for and most, D or R, are excellent at it.

If you aren't up to professional counselling yet, please at least talk to the other men here who have traveled the same path. They are good decent men. And they are all the stronger for having openly dealt with their problems.

As for your wife, don't let her wonder. If you think she didn't know before that something was a little "off." Believe me, she does. She might not know it consciously, she might not be able to articulate it. But she knows, at some level, you are different than before you left. Please love her enough (and believe that she also loves you enough) to tell her the truth. She might surprise you. ;-) .

Chopping our problems down to managable size begins with naming them and now that you have a diagnosis, you can begin to heal.

And please, don't stop posting, letting us know how you are. :grouphug:

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

240. Jesus Christ. Thank You So Much For Your Service And I'm So Sorry You Have To Go Through This.

You'll be in my prayers and may the future hold good things for you.

[JCMach1]

241. I can do nothing but admire you for your service and diligence

and I only wish you and the thousands of other veterans coming home the best...

[Marrah_G]

242. I'm so sorry you are hurting, it's just so unfair

[Beam Me Up]

243. Please help me understand.

First of all, I'm sitting here at my key board drinking my morning coffee here in California reading this and shaking with grief. The tears are coming. Not just for you -- for all of us. I'm crying because of the pain you're in. I'm crying because of the kindness, support and reaching out so many have offered. I'm touched by it all.

I'm almost 60 years old and lived through the nightmare this country went through during Vietnam and everything that has happened since. I avoided the draft and protested against that war. I knew men who died there. I knew men who came back and were never the same. I knew men like you who came back whole in body but broken in mind and spirit.

What I don't understand is how it is that this country has let this happen again. Doesn't everyone here know that war is a racket -- especially nowadays. No one wants war except those who profit from it. Didn't we all know this war was a sham from the get-go? So many of us were out there protesting against it before it started -- millions of us -- far more than even during the height of the anti-Vietnam war days. But it didn't make any difference. WHY? -- that is what I don't understand. How is it possible that this nation has allowed itself to be suckered into another atrocity that has killed and injured so many for the profits of so few? I'm outraged and grieving because I just can't understand it!

I believe it is possible to heal. I believe for true healing to occur it has to come from the inside out. Good medicine helps. Good doctors help. We all need companionship and support, that's true. But true healing has to come from within the soul itself. Nightmares aren't just symptoms, there is something trying to come through -- something that needs to be seen and accepted, integrated within the conscious mind. Sometimes we have to let our hearts break and really feel the consequences of our actions or inactions. We have to let that change us, fundamentally, from the inside. Then the healing, the reconnecting of the pieces, the movement toward wholeness, toward having a center and acting from that center in the world -- there all that can begin.

Someone up thread said that you need to rest, that you've done enough. It is true that rest is necessary -- as much of it as you need. Months, years, whatever. But it isn't true that you've done enough. Yes, you've done enough "for us" -- but not for yourself, I think. This is just an opinion and may be utterly wrong so take it for what it is worth. I think you do need to do more, much more, for yourself -- and thereby for your family. I don't know what that is, what that means for you. Maybe it means telling your story to more people -- telling the whole truth. Many returning Vietnam vets found that public confession helped them heal. The more they remembered and the more they told, the more they could reconcile the madness of war and the seeming civility of everyday life. I don't know. I don't know what is right for you. We all do what we can -- with whatever talents we have. You're obviously very intelligent. You can put your words in coherent sentences -- not everyone has that gift.

So, all I'm saying, really, is that I'm sorry this happened to you and to so many men and women like you -- some even less fortunate. I'm sorry and I grieve for you and I grieve for all the men and women who aren't coming back, and for all the dead Iraqi people and the Afghani people who have suffered and died because of the GREED of a few individuals that we allowed to take control of our government, our military, our intelligence agencies. I'm sorry that we haven't been able to reach enough people to put an end to this kind of insanity once and for all.

Peace.

[frogcycle]

244. Thank you Ga Democrat

Your continuing pain and the impact on your life hurts me as much as do that of the amputees, severe burn victims, the KIA, and those who yield to the demons you are dealing with.

You can lick this. It is a tough battle, and I urge you to get assistance from your comrades - from this war and from conflicts past - who are dealing with similar horrors.

You can lick it. Your family loves you and wants you back. The PTSD is real, now it's diagnosed. It's not a weakness or deficiency on your part. It is something that has attacked you. Now you attack it. And lick it. And then help your comrades.

By writing this you may have started something that one day will be looked upon as a tipping point. You are SO eloquent in describing it. You can elevate awareness and lead a movement. You can not only lick it for yourself, but you can help thousands. Many of them don't have your strength. You can save their lives.

Thank you.

[understandinglife]

245. Thank you.

Peace.

[ooglymoogly]

246. Goodonya GA democrat....you have the heart conscience and soul

that your government is lacking....the horror that you have seen...there just are not any words for....it does look as if you are finding some solace in DU and that is a good thing....maybe all of us together can take your mind off things for a few.

[matcom]

247. Welcome home brother. Welcome home.

Regardless of how you got here, here you are. This Vet never saw combat and i'm not sure my training can even comprehend what you have been through (certainly not).

However, you are now 'ex-military' and your primary focus is your health and your family. You have seen shit you will have to deal with WITH HELP!

Reach out to us here via PM or openly. Vets or not, there isn't a person on this board who you can't reach out to. We may have been against you going in the first place but we were always against policy not soldier and that continues to this day.

Speak out about what you are going through. It can only help yourself and others.

:patriot:

U.S. Army - 19kilo - Germany '87-'90

[Geek_Girl]

249. Thank you for sharing

My hopes and prayers are with you and your family.

The doctors told my Mother who was experiencing paralysis in her hands and legs that she may have MS. She could barely walk and went to an acupuncturist as a last resort. Then next day she was sweeping the floors. Please look into to seeing one. My mother thought she was going to have to move into a assisted living facility but she is doing very well with regular treatments from her acupuncturist.

[Just-plain-Kathy]

250. DA Democrat..

I just want to hug you and comfort you and tell you everything will be alright.

You're young and you have the rest of your life to live.

You could do it, you could do anything, you made it through hell and back.

Peace be with you.

[mdmc]

251. Peace and low stress to you and yours

Such a shame that we cheered this war on....

[BuyingThyme]

252. Thank you.

[trashcanistanista]

253. This was the best description of PTSD

that I have ever see. I am so glad you are back! I will promise you that I will do everything in my power to work towards ending this war so that others don't have to live this pain, and to see to it that all vets are taken care of forever. I hope that this helps in your recovery and I am so grateful for your post and reaching out to us and spreading this truth. I wish you all the best and hope to see you frequently on DU to add to our discourse here. You are so welcome here!:patriot:

[David Zephyr]

254. K&R.

GA Democrat, I'm very proud of you and your service and equally sorry for your heartaches and troubles and betrayals.

You make it clear as a bell as why our troops must come home.

[glitch]

255. You are a wonderful writer. It is a gift I hope you nourish. K & R nt

[SharonRB]

256. Thank you for your service, GA Democrat

I hope things get better for you.

:hug:

[yardwork]

257. I'm very sorry about everything that happened to you.

You are a good person. It's not right that the burden of this war falls on those who signed up only to serve. I wish the best for you. I hope that you find peace and healing.

[Eurobabe]

258. Wow...

First of all, thank you for your service to the country. You are much to young to be having to deal with this. Please take care, I hope that your get the medical attention you need. Another battered generation, it's very sad. Feel better soon...:hug:

[Uncle Joe]

259. Thank you for sharing, GA Democrat

:hug: Have you been seeking counseling? From what I know, these nightmares and pains remain with you because your adrenalin was maxed when these events were taking place, in essence your intense emotions have scarred them in to your brain, however talking them out helps to lessen them, over time. I pray for your recovery and good health.

[Vinca]

260. GA Dem - your story is so moving and so heartbreaking.

If good vibes through a keyboard would heal, we'd make you better in an instant. I'm so sad for what you're going through, but please don't give up entirely. Time doesn't heal all wounds, no matter what the saying alleges, but it does numb them a bit. As they get farther away, they'll be easier to deal with. Talk to us.

[truebrit71]

262. Incredibly harrowing tale. Please do whatever it takes to get better...

....and do NOT stop telling this to anyone that will listen...

Get all the help you need.

Take care of yourself.

One day perhaps you could write more fully about your experience(s) and how it impacted you so severely...to warn others and maybe to help your healing....

I am just stunned....

Wow...

[vickitulsa]

263. Most recs I've ever seen on DU -- and rightly so!

As a longtime staunch friend and supporter of vets (mostly Vietnam vets from "my" era but all others too), I've been in a number of groups for them and found that the best help for vets with PTSD and other war-related problems comes from other vets.

I have also lived with PTSD for many years, due initially to childhood trauma but "enhanced" by other traumas as an adult, including losing my only child (via adoption) in 1969. I have always considered that war to have been the primary cause of my loss. My daughter's biological father was shipped out to Vietnam before I knew I was pregnant.

It IS possible to live -- and even enjoy life -- in spite of PTSD; but as others have said, it is not easy and takes a lot of work and patience (stubbornness) to get your life back.

After I was diagnosed with PTSD in the 90's, I found that I got more help dealing with it from my vet friends than any other source. But anyone who has this "disorder" can understand a lot of what you're going through and possibly help you, GA Democrat.

I'm so glad you reached out in this OP -- and just look at the response you have received! That has to do something good for your heart and soul.

I definitely understand the urge to just "check out" rather than go on suffering so much, but I'm glad you decided to fight the good fight instead. I did the same thing, and many years later I am very glad I did.

As so many of my vet pals have said, Don't let the bastards get you down!"

:hug:

[Dystopian]

264. Sending positive thoughts.....

You will make it through this....
You've already made it through what brought you to this point...
Writing so eloquently about your experience and life shows that you are already on the path of healing...Keep on....and know that you are loved and are not alone....

Wishing you peace~

[flyarm]

265. OMG i do not know what to say..because it would never be good enough..

i haven't opened this thread because i knew it would be so hard to read ..

i have been running internet groups since just after 9/11 and after my co-wokers died and after going to so many memorials and funerals..i have always told my "people " in my groups..i will send you stuff about the soldiers and deaths..but i can not read them or i can not do this work..

i have had to put the deaths in a compartment in my mind..to keep going... to educate and to stop this madness...

people ask me all the time, how do you do this every day, day after day..and i say..i just can't look at the deaths anymore..i put it in a compartment..that is just how ..i ..cope with it all..

others may not understand that..but it is just how i do this work.


But i just read your story..and ...well, i just have no words..i just don't..all i have is.. seeing the vivid horror you have been through.

Please , get the help you need..heal yourself..put everything you can into yourself.

you have to mourn what you have been through..you have to mourn the death you have seen..

and then you have to deal with it "your way"..don't let anyone else tell you how you have to deal with what you have experienced..because no one saw it through your eyes..only you did..

You will find a way..somehow..

i know after 9/11 i went through every emotion..but it was a mourning..my way...

sometimes i cried..sometimes i went off in a rage..sometimes i could not talk..

but i found after time..the best thing i could do is educate..educate as many people as i could..

to speak out..

hell i never did public speaking before that..but i did it..the first couple speeches i was sweating and feeling sick to my stomach..but i knew i had to educate others..and fast..

so i slowly found my footing..first i did it on the internet..and i just fought through my mourning and my anger and my sadness..

what you have been through is horrifying..human beings should not have to do, or see these horrors...

not us and not anyone..not iraqi's..no one..

but you have to do whatever you can to care for yourself..even if others think it is selfish..or all that other bullshit..

be kind to yourself.

give to yourself the gift of healing.

give to yourself the time to mourn.

Mourn what you have been through

mourn what you have seen.

and hug yourself ..internally and externally.

and talk..talk to others..it is not weak to talk..it is freeing..

you have so much to share..but do it your own way..for yourself.

you owe nothing to anyone else..you owe only to yourself..for your life , for your heart..for you.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you for your service.

and i will pray for you, for your mental freedom of the pain you carry with you.

you were sent there..you did your job..

now your job should be yourself..and the love you deserve and the love you have earned ..and the love you have the right to claim for yourself!

I wish I could hug you and make it all go away.

I WISH IT COULD BE THAT EASY FOR YOU..

get the help you need ..and i pray for you the freedom of all the pain and nightmares.

and do not give up on walking your daughter down the isle..get the medical help you need..if you have to scream and kick and fight to get it!! we the people owe that to you!!

I salute you !!

You sir make me proud to be an American..you are the best of who we are!!

fly

[Mike Nelson]

266. Your courage and honesty are an inspiration.

You will always be stronger than this horror. It's in your words. Thank you.

[npincus]

267. Thank you for posting

Your wife and family need you and love you... please take care of yourself. We embrace you here. :hug:

[rjhill2]

268. DU should start some kind of fund for GA Democrat and soilders like him...

after he's discharged, God only know how much he'll have to pay in medical bills trying to get help for his PTSD. If it's gotten to be point where he's choking his wife in his sleep, then he really needs intensive professional care. I propose that the administrators/users of DU initiate a support fund for all the troops and veterans in GA Democrat's position. Despite our stiff opposition to the war, we support our troops, and a fund like this could lift a burden off the back of GA Democrat and let him truly begin the healing process. No soilder should be put through this emotional apocalypse, only to be abandoned by the government he fought for.

[JoePhilly]

269. Talk, Talk, talk, and Write, Write, Write ... and surround yourself with people ...

You probably feel like you are alone and that almost no one understands what you've been through.

You are not alone and while few can truely understand, many can empathize, and be there for you. Reach out to them.

It will take time, so don't expect to feel normal soon. Expect some very tough times. But also watch for a slow but steady increase of positive events in your live, even if they are small and insignificant compared to the awful things you've been through. You kmay have trouble noticing them early, but as you progress, they should appear more and more.

A child's first day at school.
A day at the lake.
Sleeping in.

Try to notice such small everyday joys. Enjoy and linger over them like a great meal. And think of them often in the period right after they occur.

It will be tough. But your words indicate an inner strength. A determination.

And write it all down. Doesn't matter if you ever post or publish it. Include you emotions in the writing. Doing so will help you think about and manage the emotions that come.

And talk to who ever will listen.

You'll probably have anger to deal with. Anger is an honest emotion and you can't deprive yourself of it. But to the extent you can, particularly early, recognize your anger. You may lash out ... try to recognize when you do so you can try to manage it (not hide it, manage it). Also look for triggers of anger, changes in schedule, authority, etc. Given what you've seen, there may be some silly things the rest of us do that will drive you crazy. If you can identify those things, you;ll be better able to manage that too.

Talk to those around you if you find your having much anger ... and your potenital to lash out if that occurs. Try to find a way for them to tell you that your anger is rising very fast so they can help you recognize it early, before it gets out of control.

Most of all, keep sharing your thoughts and feelings.

[catrose]

271. Blessings and healings, sir

And soon.

[Aristus]

272. Former 3rd ID tanker here, GA Democrat. I wish knew what to say, my brother.

Hang in there, and know that all of us here at DU are with you. :grouphug:

God bless, and thank you for serving with honor.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

273. Peace to you dear.

May you find it on a personal level.

[Pavulon]

274. I wish you the best.. Resources are out there

You will find life after the Army. The good news is that the market is strong. Where I work there are vets controlling the company. Hopefully you can tie off that part of your life and find something that allows you to be with your family and friends.

I hope you can find a good support team in the form of psychologists and psychiatrists, they are out there, no shit, guys who who have similar experiences. The truth is that everyone is human. Feel free to PM me, I know people in NC who may be helpful.

[nadine_mn]

275. Thank you for your service

Your bravery, patriotism, and loyalty are truly appreciated. My heart goes out to you and your family, you deserve better from our government...please know that many of us are doing everything we can to make sure your sacrifices were not in vain. Thank you - its honor to share the same forum w/ you

[razors edge]

276. Hopeing for you my friend,

may this too pass.

[Octafish]

277. Thank you for your service. Thank you for being a Democrat.

Real Democrats believe all people are created equal -- regardless of rank, circumstances, race, religion or creed. You pegged it here, too:

"Only Christian soldier is a good soldier" by Lt. Gen (R) James Vaught

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=printer_friendly&forum=104&topic_id=638484

Recently, I met a nurse who had served in the United States Army. She said that she and several of her colleagues decided not to re-enlist in 2000 when they heard George W Bush was running for president. She said that many people in uniform were concerned that the guy wanted to be a war president, like his daddy. A few days after her discharge, the Pentagon issues orders preventing people from leaving the services. History proved her correct.

Hope you get well soon, GA Democrat. We are still free thanks to you and all those who understand what it means to uphold and protect the Constitution of the United States.

[ourbluenation]

278. warm, safe hugs around you now...always. always. n/t

[GenDem]

279. I wish you restored health and well being, GA Democrat

Your post was beyond moving. Your story and those of all of our soldiers need to be shouted from the roof tops.

Blessings to you and your family.

:hug:

[Uben]

280. You aren't alone

I know a couple of other guys with almost the same problem. Damn this war! You are in my prayers, and when I hear of guys like you, I realize the price some pay for our freedoms. I salute you, soldier!

[Tatiana]

281. I love you. I'm praying for you and your wife and kids.

I can't stop crying right now... maybe later I'll be able to put together some coherent thoughts. But I want to thank you for your service and I want you know that the many people here and in other places are wishing you a speedy recovery.

I can't imagine what you have been through, but the fact that you are back home illustrates just how strong and determined you are. Talk to your wife, and if you can't speak the words, write them and give them to her. She married a good man and she'll be there to understand and support you.

[RevolutionStartsNow]

282. Your story refuses to leave my head...

I posted a reply when I first read it, but I can't get this out of my head...the unimaginable and unnecessary suffering you are going through, and probably so many like you.

I cannot believe what has been done to you, in the name of nothing.

Hugs and love and peace and peace and peace to you, GA Dem...