Plastic Jesus action figures

[LuckyTheDog]

To be sold at... you guessed it ... Wal-Mart:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/07/18/business/main3070001.shtml

[wakeme2008]

1. Let me guess made in China

but Chinese Fundies :rofl:

[KittyWampus]

5. and painted in lead paint. comes w/multiple accessories that are choking hazards

[shenmue]

8. Zing

:P

[TechBear_Seattle]

2. Careful putting on your car dashboard

You may end up dying with Jesus in your heart. :rofl:

http://www.snopes.com/religion/plastic.asp

I like the quote from the purveyor of this item: "If you're very religious, it's a battle for your children's minds and what they're playing with and pretending." To which I add: If you are not very religious, it's a battle for your children's minds against what nutters like him are playing with and pretending."

[NeedleCast]

3. Meh

If some kids want to play with Jesus (or their parents want them to play with Jesus) who am I to care?

Transformers and army men in my sand box seem like they were a hell of a lot more fun than poseable Jesus though.

The story I'm looking forward to is when some poor kid decides to play Moses parting the red sea in the upstairs bathtub or something and ends up flooding the house. If you're all crazy religious, do you get to punish your kids for play-pretending out bible stories? Dilemmas Dilemmas!

(and come on...who didn't like Buddy Christ!?!)

[DainBramaged]

4. All the little Fundies go squeak squeak squeak.

squeak squeak squeak, down at Jollity Farm. (Thanks Bonzo Dog band)


Watch Jesus vanquish the monsters in the sandbox, fight to the death with GI Joe, battle aliens under the bed covers.

How fucking disrespectful and simply stupid.

[NeedleCast]

15. In MY sandbox

GI Joe was always the winner.

He'd beat Jesus and Cobra Commander. At the same time.

[cascadiance]

17. I guess Wal-Mart's market research is paying off to help them target remaining customers...

... those that would still be loyal in the coming years when they get exposed for what they are.

I'm guessing they'll start expanding their line to include the following "more relavent" Jesus toys for these new generations of fundies...

http://wearefishermen.com/splash.html



Wonder if Wal-Mart will ever try and test market these in hopes of expanding their line! :)



And of course we have to keep in mind their habits when trying to keep them holy...





and give them something to watch on TV



and take care of daily chores...





And the nodders...

[NeedleCast]

21. Oooooooohhhhhhhh!

I must have a Pope beer opener.

[LondonReign2]

28. I've got one!

A buddy of mine went to the Vatican about 10 years ago and got me a "Popener" as a joke! Alas, when my wife and I visited a few years back we could not find them anywhere.

[TheBaldyMan]

22. Holy Crap!

[cascadiance]

27. Literally "holy crap", isn't it!

[DainBramaged]

25. What a great effort on your part thanks!

Fundies, make me want to puke blahhhhhhhhhhh

[semillama]

34. Here's your pope action figure:

Only pope you'll ever need...Battle Pope!

[undeterred]

6. Do they have the one where Jesus weeps?

I heard if it produces real tears you win a million dollars...

[C_U_L8R]

7. Does he have little holes in his hands and feet ?

I gotta agree that's the whitest looking jesus ever.

Would American fundies even know Jesus if he walked down the street
Or would they deport him for being too dark and revolutionary?

[shenmue]

9. Watch for...

* His Apostle friends

* Garden of Gethsemane playset

* Roman soldiers

[raccoon]

10. Action figures = dolls.

Not that there's anything wrong with dolls.

[merh]

11. So what

Sporting Goods are sold for the sports fanatics that worship their favorite sport like a religion.

Plastic jesuses are no big deal (psst, they have been selling crucifixes forevah at stores like Walmart) and I don't care if it rains or freezes either.

[Squatch]

24. Amen.

Religious-themed items including rosaries, candles, greeting cards, etc have been sold for hundreds of years. Why is this any different?

[Jed Dilligan]

12. I don't care if it rains or freezes

long's I got my plastic Jesus ridin' on the dashboard of my car
Well I reckon he'll just have to go his magnet fucks my radio
an' if I have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

--Flametrick Subs

[formercia]

30. and then...

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn holy family
Riding on the dashboard of my car

You can buy a sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care what they say, I'm gonna
Keep on prayin' to that pink Madonna
Melted to the dashboard of my car
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the twelve apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

[dkofos]

13. Could it be time for a Mary Magdalene doll to take care JC's urges??

[Nunyabiz]

14. speaking of plastic jesus

Plastic Jesus

[Ezlivin]

16. "The kids are out back crucifying Jesus."

I can imagine where having a Jesus action figure could lead to some very interesting conversations.

"Now little Tommy wants a prostitute for Jesus to hang around with."

"GI Joe is NOT one of Jesus' disciples!"

And I'm sure that those of you who have children could come up with dozens of others....

[MazeRat7]

18. Are they going to have the "Bobble Head Nodder" version ? (see pic)

MZr7

[orleans]

19. historical action figures....i think they are hysterical

i bought a jesus action figure several years ago at this very cool bookstore that sold all these oddities

i bought it for a joke.

there is also a sigmund freud action figure, albert einstein, edgar allen poe, etc.

they also make the perfect gag gift to make your friends laugh at how absurd they are.

i found this link with some of them:
http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=AU11316#LargeImage

[NoGOPZone]

20. Wonder if they will be selling the sports themed figures

http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues.html

Jesus saves. Espo scores on the rebound.

[Beelzebud]

23. I have a Jesus Action Figure! I coudln't resist it! :D

It makes me laugh every time I look at it.

He even has wheels on his feet for "Rolling Action"

LOL

[npincus]

26. WWJD?

[countingbluecars]

29. Move over Ken.

Barbie has a new boyfriend!

[annabanana]

31. Just plain funny, and (sorry) "asking for it".

IMHO

[leeroysphitz]

32. Wow the Jesus pictured in the article looks amazingly like Chris Kristofferson

circa 1978.

"Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here's the Son O' God
You got a copy on me Pig-Pen? C'mon"

Cool.

[cascadiance]

35. And Kris was a soldier once in his younger life too...

from: http://www.bratsourjourneyhome.com/interviews.htm

(Brats by the way is an EXCELLENT film about military brats from a more progressive perspective by some good friends of mine)

Which is why they'll try to justify their "fighting jesus" image...

Though Kris himself is anything but a neocon jesus freak wingnut!

Still liked his role in that old mini series Amerika! Wish we had more like him in that movie today!

[Javaman]

33. I want the john the baptist with the detachable head!! nt

[Submariner]

36. Baby Jesus Blowout Sale !!!!!!

[noonwitch]

37. Can it change water into wine?

Then it would come in handy. Otherwise, it's tacky.