Bushekan Do You Speak It?

[ElsewheresDaughter]

Not Gobbleygook After All! Renowned British linguistics expert Renfield Tawks claims the popular impression of President G W Bush as a marginal idiot and stupid lout is entirely wrong. He believes Bush is much smarter than anyone thinks and is the author of an entirely new language for example, which is catching on like wildfire. Mr. Tawks provided some insight in a presentation last week.

"Bushekan" as the new language may be called, actually sounds pretty much like common English. In fact many simple-minded people mistake it for exactly that - at least the Texas version of English, which is almost another language in itself. But, one should not make the mistake of thinking that it actually is Texakan or English, because it most definitely is not.

Some believe that if it sounds like English, smells like English and looks exactly like English by using English sounding words spelled the same as English (In Bush's case personally, not always true), that it must be English. But, Renfield Tawks assures us, IT IS NOT ENGLISH!

The main tests of any language is that a large group or subset of people actually speak it and that they understand what each other are saying, and non speakers do not. Bushekan meets those tests, and then some. The entire population of the Bush administration speaks and understands Bushekan and have been doing doing so for some time now. In fact, if one is unable to speak Bushekan, he or she is not employable by the Bush administration. The White House staff for example, speak Bushekan exclusively. This gives them a huge advantage over non speakers.

Tawks presented a small proof, along with translations back to English. He used the example of a press conference with White House spokesman Scott McClelland in May, 2005. (It is important to note that the Bush administration REQUIRES that all talk MUST BE conducted in Bushekan):



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Question from Helen Thomas, (Speaking English): "The other day -- in fact, this week, you said that we, the United States, is in Afghanistan and Iraq by invitation. Would you like to correct that incredible distortion of American history . . .?"

Mr. McClelland, (Speaking Bushekan): "No, we are -- that's where we currently . . ."
English translation: Damn! Gotta buy some time! How the hell did I ever screw up so bad as to call on that sneaky, mean-assed terrifying old battle axe?

Helen Thomas, (Speaking English): " . .in view of your credibility is already mired? How can you say that?"

Mr. McClelland, (Speaking Bushekan): "Helen, I think everyone in this room knows that you're taking that comment out of context. There are two democratically-elected governments in Iraq and . . "
English translation: Damn! She's pinned me with another provable lie! I'm gonna do my level damned best to spin this so the actual truth is buried twenty feet under desert sand.

Helen Thomas, (Speaking English): "Were we invited into Iraq?"

Mr. McClelland, (Speaking Bushekan): "There are two democratically-elected governments now in Iraq and Afghanistan, and we are there at their invitation. They are sovereign governments, and we are there today . . ."
English translation: After we invaded their countries we installed our puppet governments and had them justify the invasion by 'inviting' us to stay!

Helen Thomas, (Speaking English): "You mean if they had asked us out, that we would have left?"

Mr. McClelland, (Speaking Bushekan): "No, Helen, I'm talking about today. We are there at their invitation. They are sovereign governments . . ."
English translation: Gotta divert this somehow! Look, puppet governments can be as sovereign as hell! Or, at least as sovereign as we can afford to let them be . . . ?

Helen Thomas, (Speaking English): "I'm talking about today, too."

Mr. McClelland, (Speaking Bushekan): " . . .and we are doing all we can to train and equip their security forces so that they can provide for their own security as they move forward on a free and democratic future."
English translation: I'm talking about getting 'em trained up like dobermans to protect all that oil we were after in the first place.

Helen Thomas, (Speaking English): "Did we invade those countries?"

Mr. McClelland, (Speaking Bushekan): "Go ahead, Steve."
English translation: Damn it Steve! Get this gnarly old bitch off my lying ass!



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Though unintelligible to actual English speakers, Bushekan is not difficult to learn provided the person has the necessary qualifying ancillary skills. The major underlying requirements being a total lack of scruples, ethics and integrity. For example, VP Cheney and presidential advisor Karl Rove are so well qualified they now actually surpass Bush himself in speaking the language he himself invented!



There are also many others outside the Bush administration who are very well qualified and have easily segued into and speak fluent Bushekan today. They are most commonly known as "Neocons". The language has become so extremely popular among this group that it is now spoken almost exclusively by them. Some even believe that Neocons actually first developed the language and taught it to Bush and others, though experts have not been able to prove that as yet.


Angel Feathers Tickle Me

[Chipper Chat]

1. Cute piks.

What's the bi-partisan band playing?
My guess is "Anything Goes" by Cole Porter.