***DUzy Awards for week ending July 20, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jul-20-07 05:32 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring munificent mockery, mordant mayhem, and mellifluous misanthropy from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The free-to-good-home DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to FLDem5, uppityperson, sfexpat2000, merh, eppur_se_muova, madokie, wryter2000, xultar, stellanoir, Mz Pip, walldude, Bluebear, unhappycamper, AZDemDist6, intheflow, eridani, Lars39, Longhorn, tjwash, ih8thegop, Kurovski and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

On a thread by brooklynite:

      Senate votes to double reward for Bin Laden's capture

response #1 by AndyA:

      I say we send Dog the Bounty Hunter over there to find OBL and
kick his sorry rotten ass.

Dog will know what to do with the $50 million. (Give it to his wife, Beth.) :rofl:

response #5 by patsified:

      Why not make it 50 skillion hillion jillion?
:silly:

It's never going to be paid anyway.

response #15 by IanDB1:

      And Larry Flynt has offered $1 Million to anyone who can document Bin Laden getting a blow-job! n/t

LBN, July 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2916329

On a thread by Zucca:

      Want to help energy crisis? Heres one simple idea!
Turn off ALL of your computer components at night. Shut down entirely...

response #12 by sfexpat2000:

      Do you (or does anyone) know what the units are called
in electricity consumed by plugged in appliances?

response #16 by IDemo:

      Parasitic power, or standby power, but the electrical unit would be watt or kilowatt

response #18 by sfexpat2000:

      I don't know, IDemo. That sure sounds like that French metric system
to me.

lol

response #21 by IDemo:

      "PARISitic": The waste in gigawatts of energy used to transmit celebrity "news"

GD, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1334262

On a thread by Frustratedlady:

ABC Breaking - Bin Laden Appears on New Video Praising New Martyrs

response #9 by MatrixEscape:

Naw ...
If he thanked * and company, (along with CIA, etc.) for all the funding, help, and cooperation he has had for his role as bogyman, then that might be the real OBL. He could also take a bow and joke about how he never got nominated for an Academy Award.

Ah, is he really still alive? ;)

This just in:

New, high-end software title is destined to be a smash hit! It will blow the competition away ... literally!

Thanks to the power of modern PC's, Virtual OBL, 3.0 is ready and willing to make your tyrannical aspirations a rock-solid affair! No muss, no fuss! It is easier than spin and doctor! Just type in your favorite agitprop and press go! In seconds you can display your tape to millions and even Darth Cheney won't be able to tell that it's just software magic from WMD Solutions, Inc.

GDP, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3377353

On a thread by whereismyparty:

      Why is it taking so long to expose the Dick?

response #3 by proud patriot:

      Umm.. The zipper of justice is stuck
:think:

response #4 by Cabcere:

      It's hiding in an undisclosed location?
:shrug: ;)

GD, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1335400

OP by Cyrano:

I'm going to the shopping mall today and I'm terrified.
I can't decide whether or not to wear body armor. The thought wouldn't even have occurred to me if presidential spokesman Tony Snow hadn't warned us about malls and Michael Chertoff hadn't told us about his gut feeling. Thank God for people like these who have devoted their lives to protecting us.

Anyhow, this body armor thing is a tough decision. On the one hand, I might die of heat stroke. On the other hand, lurking terrorists may be near the food court, or Sears mens dept.

What to do? What to do? I just can't understand how they followed us here. After all, we're still there. These evil doers hate us for our jeans and sneakers.

I wish I knew what to do. I'd call my congressman and ask, but it's Saturday and I get the feeling he won't be in his office. (It's kind of like what Woody Allen said: "Not only is there no God, try finding a plumber on the weekend.")

response #21 by Cyrano:

I'm back. The mall was deserted.
Everyone must have heeded the warning and I was the only one stupid enough to risk going.

Oh sure, there was a sign that said they didn't open until 10:30, but at least I wasn't stupid enough to fall for it. I'm sure that's a trick right out of the terrorist's play book -- the one intended to get everyone there at the same time.

Anyhow, I'm safe and sound and I have no intention of ever going back there again. From now on, I'll be knitting my own jockey shorts and carving my sneakers out of old tires.

GD, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1332743

OP by ck4829:

      If you followed the same doctrine as the Bush Administration, how long would you last?
Here are some ways you can employ the Bush Agenda at home:

"I'm not 100% sure the family in the house across the street wants to rob me, but I better break in their house just in case!"

"What? I don't have to turn over the evidence! I claim executive privilege!"

"I don't deal drugs! I did an internal investigation of me and I found no evidence of wrongdoing!"

So, if you followed the ideas of the Bush Administration, how long do you think you would last before you thrown in prison, a padded room, or shot by someone in self-defense?

response #3 by MindPilot:

      there is a perception that my car was going 115 miles per hour
but that's just not the case.

The kids from down the street graffitied my garage door so I set fire to the 7-11 because they had yellow cake mix.

Sure I haven't paid my rent for six years and my family is starving, but look I broke into a house on the next block, shot the owner, and painted the bathroom. Why don't you notice the good things I've accomplished?

response #5 by JacquesMolay:

      If I was in government, 8 years.
Elsewhere, I'd have gotten everything repo'ed by now, and been arrested for murder.

GD, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1334066

On a thread by MaineDem:

      GOP presidential candidate drops out (Gilmore)
"WASHINGTON (CNN) — Citing a late start and a front-loaded primary calendar, former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore announced Saturday he is dropping his bid for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination..."

response #1 by sniffa:

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1!!!1!!!1!!
:cry:

response #3 by Alexander:

      Was he with Pink Floyd?
:evilgrin:

response #6 by Lobster Martini:

      Wonder which was the proverbial camel's back-breaking straw...
...last month's Gallup poll in which "no opinion" beat him by 800% or the more recent poll in which he fell from 1% to an asterisk...

LBN, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2917592

On a thread by Eugene:

      Osama bin Laden finally pops up. (Is anybody surprised?)
BREAKING NEWS: OSAMA BIN LADEN APPEARS ON NEWLY DISCOVERED VIDEOTAPE IN WHICH HE PRAISES AL QAEDA 'MARTYRS'

response #11 by dicksteele:

      Wow, what an unexpected surprise.
I'm agape, aghast, amazed, astonished,
bewildered, blown away, bowled over,
confounded, confused, dumbstruck,
flabbergasted, floored, knocked over with a feather,
nonplussed, overcome, overwhelmed,
puzzled, shocked, speechless, staggered,
startled, stumped, stunned, surprised,
taken aback, thrown for a loop
and thunderstruck....

response #15 by gatorboy:

      Who sells videotapes anymore?
They must be a bitch to find in the mountains.

response #28 by slowry:

      I'm waiting for the director's cut on Blu-Ray n/t

response #45 by krispos42:

      Fell behind Rove's desk
He *just* found it yesterday. So sorry...

GD, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1335127

On a thread by Hissyspit:

Bin Laden Praises Martyrdom in New Video

response #3 by IanDB1:

He also says stay in school, don't do drugs, don't forget to tip your waitress. n/t

LBN, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2917902

On a thread by amybhole:

      This is some James Bond shit right here...
"GRASSE, France (Reuters) - French police were hunting a convicted killer on Sunday who made a daring escape from Grasse prison in southeast France with the help of four masked men and a helicopter.

The well-planned breakout late on Saturday took only five minutes and was the second time 43-year-old Pascal Payet had used a helicopter to escape from jail..."

response #1 by IanDB1:

      They expected that THIS time he'd use a submarine. n/t

response #9 by BlooInBloo:

      An understandable error: The helicopter TURNS INTO a submarine.

response #2 by NanceGreggs:

      Statement from prison warden just released to media ...
"No one could have possibly foreseen that a helicopter would be used in an escape ..."

GD, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1342494

OP by rpannier:

      Just think -- If DUH-bya had been president when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. How would the world look
1. Japan would be celebrating it's 60+ year rule over all of eastern Asia.

2. Most of Europe would be the United German Republic.

3. The US would still be bogged down trying to defeat Bolivia for their hand in the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

Feel free to add your own...

response #2 by Joey Liberal:

      If DUHbya had been President in WW2
If DUHbya had been President when Peal Harbor happened:

He would have cut taxes

He would have closed military bases

He would have cut military personnel

He would not have supported a military draft

He would have jailed all Japanese Americans AND Liberals

He would have urged everyone to go shopping

He would have invaded Norway

Great military leaders like Marshall, MacArthur, Patton, and Bradley would have been "retired" for disagreeing with Bush.

He would have contracted out our sea ports to the Germans.

response #3 by ThomWV:

      And we would be establishing permanent military bases in Peru
To protect the guano trade routes, a vital national interest.

GD, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1338989

On a thread by JeffR:

If a DUer wins a DUzy and doesn't know it

response #23 by SoCalDem:

What's in YOUR wallet??
Three non-DUzy winning weeks in a consecutive manner entitles the aforementioned non-winner to an all expenses paid weekend to Lady Barbara's Spa. Included in the package are: Oatmeal baths, Oil massage..

meal plan:

day 1

breakfast
oatmeal
lunch
Velveeta/pickle loaf sandwich
fritos
dinner
meatloaf, instant mashed potatoes & canned corn

day 2

breakfast
oatmeal
lunch
corn dogs
dinner
chicken nuggets, tater tots & applesauce

Lady Barbara is assisted by her son George. (he's a bit slow so no tipping is necessary).

GD, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1342679

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

      Analyst predicts US military strike in Waziristan

response #3 by The Sushi Bandit:

      Don't believe them..there is NO SUCH COUNTRY!!
the admin made this story all up cause americans are so incredibly gullible!!

response #9 by Jim Sagle:

      We've got trouble up the wazooistan.
The same trouble we've had since 12-12-2000.

response #13 by Drum:

      Way to tip our hand, US....
No wonder we can never fuckin' capture a single bad guy. Too many press releases!

LBN, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2917787

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Former Rep. Bob Livingston Urges Vitter to STAY STRONG!

response #14 by wienerdoggie:

      Will his GOP Senate colleagues be kind enough to have one of
those Kangaroo Diaper Changing Stations installed in their men's room? I can't think of a more thoughtful way to show their love and support.

response #17 by peekaloo:

      Stay strong Dave AND extra absorbent!
the Dems won't pick up his seat until it's been reupholstered.

GD, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1342473

OP by lwfern:

      For Senator Vitter's consideration
I understand that Senator Vitter's staff is working on talking points for his return to the public eye. In the spirit of reaching across the aisle, I'd like to offer my assistance:

One of my biggest regrets is that I was never able to serve my country as a member of the military. I felt it was far too important to leave those job opportunities open for those who needed them most. I do, however, have boundless respect and admiration for those who have protected our way of life by serving in the trenches abroad. *pause for audience reaction* The path they've chosen to follow isn't easy; it's been filled with the grit and grime of the battlefield. When they return home, they will have lost a bit of their clean youthful innocence, but they will have gained wisdom and maturity in its place. These courageous young men and women are poised to become the true leaders of our future.

Our country is at war overseas, but we are also fighting a war on the home-front as well; a war against the sinful forces that are tearing the very fabric of our society apart. As any combat veteran will tell you, one of the first rules of warfare is to know your enemy. While I am in no way comparing myself to those brave troops who are now in Iraq *pause for audience reaction*, I can now say that I've had a taste of what their life is like, having taken it upon myself to jump into the trenches and soil myself with the ugly realities of a different kind of battle. I have emerged as a stronger more mature leader as a result. I don't believe it's necessary or helpful to delve into the ugly details of what happens in battle, suffice it to say that my experiences will live with me forever, just as the images of the devastation brought by the terrorists who attacked us on 911 will live with us forever. *serious moment of contemplation* I hope that when our soldiers return, all of us can put aside our differences and welcome them home. This is not a time for partisan politics.

response #3 by Mz Pip:

      I think you have a future
as a Republican speechwriter! :rofl:

It would be just like one of them to compare themselves being caught with a "fantasy escort" to being shot at by insurgents.

response #9 by rurallib:

      I think at the end he should ask if there are any Mommies in the
audience who could meet him back stage to help with a small problem.

GD, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1343000

OP by Jackpine Radical:

      What do you call 1 Democrat & 98 Repubicans in a whorehouse?
A bipartisan scandal.

response #5 by Elrond Hubbard:

      If it's Lieberman...
you have a lobbyist's convention.

response #7 by The Gunslinger:

      Fair and balanced nt

response #11 by Bread and Circus:

      Business as Usual!!

response #12 by tmfun:

      Clinton's fault!

response #36 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      The worst orgy ever.

response #47 by Senator:

      Update: The Democrat Was The Piano Player n/t

GD, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1343007

OP by Buzz Clik:

Vitter's press team releases the script of his news briefing.
"Recent revelations about me have been disappointing to some. Others view my behavior as infantile, and it needs changing. And soon. I really need to be changed ... er ... I need to change. I've been caught with my pants down, and they were soiled. And wet -- long time wet. Truly, I have a rash of mistakes, one that only Desitin can cure. I need to be weaned from my bad acts, pulled away from the teat of vice, although not all at once. Maybe I could start with a Playtex nurser. So be patient. I am just a simple baby with flaws, but I'm not a pampered politician. No pun intended. My lovely wife is here today, and has been supportive with her huggies ... hugs. I'm so lucky. My tippie cup runneth over. All that remains is for me to ask God for forgiveness, and perhaps I'll be reborn. Like a newborn baby. That needs love, and care, and ... and ... and .... Man, I hope I'm reborn. That would be so cool. Well, that's all for now. Time to take a powder."

GD, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1347424

On a thread by wyldwolf:

To borrow a theme from LoZoccolo: Why do some think it is flamebait to post anti-Nader threads?

response #2 by Buzz Clik:

Gee, that's a challenging question. Here are some similarly tough ones:
1. Why do some people think the Washington Monument looks like a gigantic schlong?
2. How come John McCain's campaign is in the toilet? And Gravel's?
3. What is it about Ann Coulter that pisses off Democrats?
4. Is Jeopardy harder to play than Wheel of Fortune?
5. Why do people get the impression that the entire Bush administration never stops lying and manipulating?

:eyes:

GDP, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3380806

On a thread by Texas Explorer:

      BREAKING: CNN just now reported that we have reached peak oil...
... And, no, they did not use the words "Peak Oil"...

response #2 by meegbear:

      If they didn't use the words "Peak Oil", then what words did they use?

response #6 by Bluebear:

      Eakpay Udecray.

response #18 by meegbear:

      What's pig latin for 'ebay'?

GD, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1346179

On a thread by Rosemary2205:

WHY do anti-global warming people have to be such ASSHOLES

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

You're looking at it wrong.
Being an asshole is a prerequisite to being a global warming denier.

GD, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1349314

On a thread by Barrett808:

Bush Attempt to Rally GOP Fizzles

response #1 by billyoc:

Bush couldn't rally his daughters at a keg party. n/t

LBN, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2919492

On a thread by sabra:

      Vitter to make statement today

response #1 by Sequoia:

      "Ga, goo, goo, ga."
"I want my mommy!"

response #4 by Solly Mack:

      You just know everyone will be wondering if he's wearing....
trying hard not to stare at his pants...but staring nonetheless..and wondering...is he or isn't he...

response #33 by calimary:

      Well, that's this hypocritical bastard's cross to bear from now on, innit?
If you don't wanna do the time, vitter, then don't do the crime. Or at least use a public phone booth...

:nopity:

Hey, he made his bed. So to speak. It'll be there with the covers turned down in the back of everyone's mind for years. Come to think of it, even if he hangs on, and "survives" this, perhaps that's the

sweetest revenge of all! I mean, can you even think about him without getting A) grossed out or B) hysterical with laughter? You wouldn't be alone in that, either. Way to go, vitter! Thanks oodles!

:party:

on edit - Hey! Look at those little smilies! A "'nopity' 'party'"! :rofl:

response #5 by chimpsrsmarter:

      "I've moved on to pull-ups because i'm a big kid now"

response #9 by Buzz Clik:

      Mommy -- wow!

response #7 by wryter2000:

      Prediction
He's going into rehab.

response #11 by Lerkfish:

      no, toilet-training.
:rofl:

response #30 by Major Hogwash:

      He'll just tell us his wife has accepted his apology,
Right after she cut off his tallywhacker.

response #39 by 48percenter:

      He's resigning to work for P&G, Pampers, Pull-Ups Division

response #41 by daleo:

      Perhaps he was investigating day-care access in the state
The diaper thing would have been necessary to go undercover and get the full scoop.

response #42 by Gregorian:

      I want to ding a ling lang my dang a lang ling long
You people! My computer crashed, and I come back on line, and this is what I find! Shame on us.

But it feels so good.

LBN, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2919344

OP by missb:

I did *not* wear diapers with that woman.
*yawn*

GD, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1349763

OP by in_cog_ni_to:

PLEASE, I'm begging you...DO NOT send a box of Pampers to this address! Don't do it!
That would be mean. :evilgrin:

The Honorable David Vitter
United States Senate
516 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510-1804

A diaper-load of great responses in the thread. See for yourself.

GD, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1350601

On a thread by TechBear_Seattle:

      Russia Claims the North Pole

response #1 by no_hypocrisy:

      Well this certainly is getting interesting.
I guess Santa doesn't get a vote on this.

response #4 by Benhurst:

      Haven't you ever noticed that Santa goes around passing out
things for free. He is, and always has been, a damned communist.

response #5 by no_hypocrisy:

      And he wears red clothing.

response #25 by rug:

      The war on Christmas has gotten hotter.

LBN, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2918951

On a thread by Neshanic:

      Hayworth paying legal fees for fed investigation
"Former Republican Congressman J.D. Hayworth is confirming for 12 News that he is cooperating with a federal investigation involving former lobbyist Jack Abramoff..."

response #3 by StarryNite:

      Hayworthless is such an ass!
I'm so glad Foghorn Leghorn lost that election.

response #4 by poverlay:

      I despise that freaky looking alabama hot pocket. I would, however, take him back
if I could get rid of Kyl. That jerk's lockstep bush stroking puts him firmly in the aiding and abetting category when bush stands trial. I know Hayworth is just as bad, but Kyl is in a position of greater power.

response #4 by Kurovski:

      Have you ever noticed the uncanny resemblance between his head and a pork chop?

LBN, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2920067

On a thread by Bluebear:

16 year old British girl loses fight to wear chastity-inspired "silver ring thing"
"A teenager has lost her fight against a ban on wearing 'chastity rings' while at school at the high court today. Lydia Playfoot, 16, said that the ring, which is inscribed with a verse from the Bible, symbolised her 'Christian commitment to sexual abstinence until marriage'..."

response #22 by Sparkly:

Did they rule out "I Heart My Hymen" t-shirts??
:hide:

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1356767

On a thread by Viva_La_Revolution:

      Senate is back!
Cornyn telling us how if we pull-out, the terra-ists will follow us home...

response #4 by bigendian:

      Sure
Like the VietCong did after 'nam.

response #8 by 11 Bravo:

      Dude, did you sleep through the '75 VC assault on the Grand Old Opry?!?!
They followed us back to San Diego, caught the red-eye to Dulles, hitch-hiked to Nashville, and spread out across the countryside to pursue their nefarious scheme. It was in all the papers.

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1356637

On a thread by ih8thegop:

      Michigan College Republican chair caught in semi-nude pics
Meet ~~David Vitter, Jr.~~ Justin Zatkoff, chair of the Michigan Federation of College Republicans.

I'll just let the seven pictures say 7,000 words.

http://bconservatives.blogspot.com/2007/07/bringing-sexyback.html

response #4 by Behind the Aegis:

      meh...I give him a 6.

response #5 by Bluebear:

      4 here, more for the lack of artistic impression

response #7 by Behind the Aegis:

      harsh...then again, maybe i was just being too generous...

response #10 by ruiner4u:

      he'd do in a pinch...
as grandma always said...

response #14 by Behind the Aegis:

      or the old naval saying; "any port in the storm!"
:evilgrin:

response #19 by ruiner4u:

      exactly... after a few beers and candlelight they all look like

response #27 by Bluebear:

      Then when you both wake up the next day....
"Can I call you? I think we really connected last night! Do you believe in love at first sight??"

response #28 by ruiner4u:

      And thats why I kick him out after the deed is done...:)
What....You think Im operating a B&B? :)

response #29 by Behind the Aegis:

      EXACTLY! At what point did my house become IHOP or Burger King?
You ain't getting breakfast and you ain't "gonna have it your way!

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1362723

OP by Sparkly:

      "They'll follow us home." I got the strategy!!
Okay, we can't leave Iraq because if we do, 'Al-Qaeda-in-Iraq' will FOLLOW us HOME!!

Clearly, they have no idea where we actually ARE. They'll only know by following us home.

So here's the plan: Have the troops leave, but send them to CANADA. Then 'Al-Qaeda-in-Iraq' will invade Canada! (We can apologize later -- send 'em some iPods or something.)

It might work. It just... might... work....!

response #1 by cynatnite:

      I still think the chimp meant to invade Iran, but spelled it wrong...
:rofl:

response #3 by SoFlaJet:

      LOL
the thing I don't get about that logic is this; OK what are they gonna do go to Baghdad International Airport and book a flight with carry-on IED's in their luggage?

response #6 by aquart:

      If they follow us home, Chertoff might have to work for a living.

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1358002

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      Let's play the game of "On the Job With ..... "
Watching that Townsend woman blather on at her presser earlier today, I was set to wondering .... what is a day on her job like?

Does she sit around in a fancy White House office initialing memos and issuing Homeland Security dogma? Does she read newspapers on our dime? Does she have meetings all day? Does she do her own e-mail? To

whom? Is it job a real job or is she just another propagandist?

This has the makings of a fun game.

Pick a personage and imagine what a day on the job with them might be like.

response #1 by flying rabbit:

      Cheney
Wake up, throw small baby in blender, for morning repast.

Go to undisclosed location, check puppet strings.

Dispatch minions to ensure puppets are still attached.

Count money.

Sneer.

Suck blood of virgins for lunch.

Check on death star progress.

Sneer.

Count money.

Figures what country to invade next.

Couple of drinks with *.

Count money.

Sneer.

Dinner: Domino's(vegetarian, gotta watch the ticker)

Put on bunny slippers, pray to Mammon, nighty-nite.

Wake up in the middle of the night.

Count money.

Sneer.

response #2 by NanceGreggs:

      Inhofe
Wake up, get out of bed.

Bang head against wall over and over, ensuring that any cogent thought processes or common sense that may have seeped into the brain are shaken loose.

Repeat as necessary throughout the day.

response #3 by Sparkly:

      Condi
Breakfast with husb-- er, Chimpy.

Practice Beethoven Sonata.

Memorize Rove's Script du Jour.

Grade Chimpy's homework on "Forinn Policy."

Lunch with some visitor guy with an accent.

Shoe-shopping! Wheee!!!

Practice Chopin Etude.

response #4 by rhombus:

      John Boehner
Wakes up, heads to the tannning salon.

Before heading to bed, spends an hour on the tanning bed.

response #5 by DiktatrW:

      Bush's personal aid.
Get to work by 5am.

Put training wheels back on segway.

Remove all pictures of Democrats and horses from view.

Mix presidential morning bloody mary, double.

Lie to Babs on phone, he's busy right now...

Rouse Condi from Lincoln bedroom and sneak her out back door, again.

Read Cheney's orders to President, then explain them.

Check with fund raiser advance team, all checks cleared, all loyalty oaths signed, all protesters tased and video taped for later comic relief.

Hand off to SS for transport and sanity break. Check Monster dot com job prospects. Shred documents, erase e-mails, clean Barney's shit out of Presidential slippers, send geranimals and underoos to laundry, flush last nights puke down bidet and clean up blood from nasty slip and fall, empty nine ashtrays. Berate Maria for taking so long with the other bedrooms and not getting here sooner.

Chill nine cases of Milwaukee's Best, start twelve racks of spare ribs on smoker, slip out to rose garden and smoke a splif.

Run into Gannon and Rove exiting remote conference room, again, and remind Jeff to put his shirt back on, again.

Pay Maria her twelve bucks and fire her for not properly dusting Saddam's pistol on the wall, call Merry-Maids, on speed dial, again.

Check Bolivian marching powder supply, (and quality) lay out tonights underoos and geranimals, load protesters DVD delivered from courier, also put up Hotel Rwanda in case president is in a joking mood and is looking for laughs, change batteries in Rove's remote mind control base unit near bed, Refill First Lady's prescription bottles with Canadian pills.

Help president from limo in basement, drunk, again, escort to close by private office for blood test to determine best anecdote, call info to Surgeon General and proceed to pump stomach, again, inject pre-dosed syringe labeled #16, monitor heart rate for seventeen minutes until back on feet.

Retire president to bedroom for reanimation, Bolivian blo working, escort to dinner in Mexicali room, order Taco Bell and give ribs to staff, I disappear and shotgun three Milwaukee's Best, finish off blo, for his own good.

Escort president back to bedroom, he requests I arrange viewing of Faces of Death part seventy-two, Baghdad Morgue Outtakes, I rush to retrieve from Rumsfeld's secret office only to find Kissinger and three street whores watching the only copy, he refuses to relinquish it over the pleading of the sickened street walkers, and I return with Abu-Ghraib part two, the hidden years.

I return to find the president on the phone to the First Lady who has not returned from her 9am tennis match with Hans, he informs me her car has broken down and she is being put up for the night by a nice farmer whom she asked for help. I put in the movie and before the credits finish ask to be dismissed due to a sore stomach, (never lie to the president) he wishes me a good night and relaxes back in his bedside recliner with a half gallon of Gentleman Jack, as I reach the door he says to me "I'm dooin the rawt thng in Urak donch ya thank? "You will go DOWN in history for it Mr President", I reply, never lie to the president.

Please help me Monster dot com.

GDP, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3383485

On a thread by Rageneau:

      GOP comes through for Free Republic again!!!
Looks like the Republicans -- probably via the RNC -- have again donated enough money to keep the hateful liars at Free Republic going...

This morning -- nearly three weeks into their current fund-raising raising drive -- Free Republic had only reached 36% of its overall goal. Pretty lame.

But then -- sometime within the last several hours -- that amount has suddenly shot up to 75% of the overall goal. In three weeks, the Freeps could only raise 36% of what they needed. But in one half of one

day, they raised an additional 40%...

response #1 by Cobalt-60:

      eww, it was probably all sticky
I hope they laundered it first.
Of course they do have some experience in that area...

response #3 by Old and In the Way:

      Iraqi Bank Heist - $282 Million last week.
Coincidence? I think not.

response #10 by C_U_L8R:

      Diaper Dollars
give a whole new meaning to Slush Fund

GDP, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3382515

OP by yurbud:

      Is this chick Chertoff's sister or Chertoff in drag?

Pic of Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend.

response #1 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Is she standing in a wind tunnel?

response #6 by Canuckistanian:

      That would explain her drag coefficient
Those certainly seem to be very aerodynamic eyebrows.

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1363247

OP by bleever:

      I'm watching Lieberman, and it makes me a)_______ and want to b)___________ .
He's decrying partisanship. Maybe because he lost his party's nomination and won with Republican votes.

He's a movie version of an ambitious appeaser of wherever power comes from, so my answers are:

a) Cringe.

b) Cry out, like Dr. Who once successfully did, "I deny this reality!"

Please add your own responses.

response #1 by ocelot:

      a) engage in projectile vomiting, and b) take a shotgun to my teevee.
Just for starters.

response #3 by Oregonian:

      ...
a) can't say because I'd be banned

b) can't say because I'd be banned

Let me just say, my feelings toward Joe Lieberman are not, um, charitable ...

response #9 by VolcanoJen:

      a) Take a Louisville Slugger to b) Podium.
}(

response #11 by Heaven and Earth:

      a) curse repeatedly b) randomly light things on fire.

response #39 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      a.
Gain a new appreciation for the meaning of the word "ennui".

b. Slam a meth-crazed skunk, ass first, into his gaping maw with a 16 lb. sledgehammer.

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1361919

On a thread by Lerkfish:

      ok, I"m ALREADY tired of the constant "my candidate is great, yours sucks" threads

response #9 by Perry Logan:

      Wait a minute...you mean there's MORE THAN ONE CANDIDATE?

response #26 by rucky:

      It'll stop...
as soon as everybody agrees with me.

GDP, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3384479

OP by Javaman:

Completely useless thread title...
masturbatory self grandizing outrage, based upon purely irrational emotional angst.

A DUzy for each of the responses. Actually, make it two for each response! That oughta cover it.

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1358709

On a thread by maveric:

How many members does Al Qaida have? 1000? 10000?

response #12 by blondeatlast:

Let W= W's poll numbers, P=Paris Hilton press time in hours per day, and Scary=al Qaeda.
If W>55% and P>3, then Scary <=1000.

If W<55% and P<1, then Scary => 1,000,000.

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1359694

On a thread by matcom:

      Singer Bobby Brown Says He Is Target Of Osama Bin Laden
"Bobby Brown has confessed he is scared of the fact that he may be a target for al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden.

The singer became aware of a threat, when Sudanese writer Kola Boof wrote about the leader's alleged infatuation with his estranged wife Whitney Houston.

Brown has taken measures to increase the security around him since he read the claims..."

response #3 by MrCoffee:

      i have no idea who to root for on this one.

response #4 by sasquatch:

      OBL has issued a fatwa on douchebags!?
When did I miss this!?

The Lounge, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6730920

OP by jpgray:

      Your candidate does bad things. Your candidate does hypocritical things
All while getting a $400 haircut, voting in favor of a bankruptcy IWR bill and threatening a 20,000 sq ft sea bass illuminated by non-florescent bulbs that have been left on too long.

Seriously. Every public figure does bad hypocritical things. If you're one of those tedious people who freaks out about -every- instance of hypocrisy and -all- cases of bad decisions, one who is always looking for purity and refusing to compromise a whit, I have this advice for you:

Take off the slave labor t-shirt you're wearing, pay 250% more for goods to protest our economy of global feudalism, empty your fridge out of compassion for the farm thresher gastropod genocide, give as many gallons of blood as you've used in gasoline and then starve yourself to death. You're wasting more energy sitting there at your computer in any given hour than a Kalahari Bushman uses in his entire life.

You're an asshole who obviously can't and shouldn't care about the suffering of others, because you're swathed in hypocrisy and your decadent lifestyle is keeping others down at this very moment. Jerk.

response #11 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      Ok...
what I want to know is how many people on this forum live in a cave, dressed only in the skin they were born in, eat only leaves and berries(No pick-a-nick baskets) and how in the hell do they power their computers?

response #14 by jpgray:

      Me. My computer is powered by my high-horse running on a treadmill

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1362468

On a thread by Bluesplayer:

      Why isn't DeLay in prison?

response #1 by jobycom:

      He wanted to go to prison, but there were so many black people volunteering that he couldn't get in.
Or was that the draft?

response #2 by tridim:

      Because he's a Republican. nt

GDP, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3385899

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Breaking: Reid Yanks Defense Authorization Bill To Force GOP's Hand

unnumbered response by monktonman:

      Can we say nice things about Harry now?
Is there a time limit on such things?

response #35 by mzmolly:

      You've got 15 minutes
GO! ;)

response #37 by crappyjazz:

      McCain already howling on MSNBC about it
saying the Dems would rather deprive our troops what they need, to continue a meaningless debate ... how, no, I mean really, HOW do these people sleep at night?

response #49 by blondeatlast:

      He's already on the tubes? Jaybus...
They're voting on an unrelated issue right now--but he's on the tube? :wtf: :mad:

response #54 by crappyjazz:

      He moves fast when he wants to I guess
even tho' that bus of his has three flat tires and one bald one

GD, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1367780

OP by Jackpine Radical:

Veepicle: New quantum entity discovered...
Politial scientists today announced the discovery of a new entity, the Veepicle. Depending on conditions, the Veepicle may behave either as an executive particle known as a Corpulent Veep or as a wave phenomenon called an arrogant effulgence. Investigators say that if any Executive restrictions or requirements are placed on the Veepicle it immediately switches into Arrogant Effulgence mode, but if one attempts to extract information from it, it reverts to Corpulent Veep mode and radiates hostility. It has negative charm but is positively strange.

GD, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1369250

On a thread by OrangeCountyDemocrat:

      When Was Last OBL Video Where He Mentions A Recent Event?

response #1 by rpannier:

      I think they released one recently where he said
"I have great sympathy for Lions fans as their team did not win the Super Bowl this year."

That could have been released recently.

response #4 by Lautremont:

      I believe he always takes care to hold up that day's New York Post.

response #7 by spoony:

      I could've sworn he congratulated Verlander on his no-hitter.

GD, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1372616

On a thread by ThomCat:

      Grand Central Station is being evacuated.
I'm hearing reports of a huge fire, smoke, possibly a bomb.

Everyone is being evacuated from the building. Lots of yelling and screaming.

I'm not seeing any news on the local news sites yet, but it's causing havoc here in the neighborhood.

response #16 by Ron_Green:

      Transformers!
More than meets the eye.

Robots in disguise.

response #19 by The Stranger:

      We need a "War on Steam"

response #20 by IChing:

      Decepti-cons did it.
they are the bad transformers.

response #21 by slackmaster:

      I think it was LILOP
Let It Leak On Purpose.

response #54 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      Is a certain Chimp somewhere out there reading "My Pet Goat"?

response #69 by lpbk2713:

      He probably hauled ass in Air Farce One.
And he won't be back until Uncle Dick tells him all is safe.

Then he'll go hug a fireman with a bullhorn in his hand.

GD, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1371775

OP by OrangeCountyDemocrat:

      Is There A Terrorist Or Country We Can Blame The Explosion On?
There must be someone or some country that we can attack for this obvious terrorist explosion in Downtown New York City.

We need to start fighting the Transformers over there, so they stop attacking us over here!

response #2 by madokie:

      iran of course

response #7 by Algorem:

      Togo. They're tiny. We might beat them for sure maybe.

response #10 by markk:

      we must bomb the oceans
because you know steam and water are the same molecule!

response #13 by edwardlindy:

      The Popular Front for
the Restoration of Appalachian Clogging in Municipal Dance Halls.

response #18 by adsosletter:

      Damn those cloggers!!!....
and their nefarious clogs of mass destruction...

:D

GD, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1372147

On a thread by Kadie:

Poppy donates his World War II service revolver - pics

response #35 by peekaloo:

Bu$h legacy: Half cocked and fully loaded.

See the Special Visual Achievement Awards below for more from this thread.

GD, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1370929

On a thread by matcom:

      This job hunting thing is getting INSANE!

response #4 by meegbear:

      So what exactly DO you do anyways ...
besides that :evilgrin:.

response #6 by DS1:

      He's a stunt-liver for Teddy Kennedy

response #7 by matcom:

      everything
I have the most diverse set of skills. Makes my resume really cluttered actually.

How is this for a partial list:

web design
web development
online marketing
offline marketing
Human Resources
project management
graphic design
search engine optimization
database management (not DBA)
email marketing
telephony
IT support

that's what you get when you have been chief cook and bottle-washer for small companies for the last 5 years :eyes:

response #13 by underpants:

      I'll translate
How is this for a partial list:

web design--> PORN
web development--> PORN
online marketing--> PORN
offline marketing--> PORN
Human Resources--> PORN
project management--> PORN
graphic design--> Gay PORN
search engine optimization--> PORN with glasses on
database management (not DBA)--> PORN
email marketing--> PORN
telephony--> Secretary PORN
IT support--> PORN

response #22 by rug:

      It was wise not to list matcomNews.

The Lounge, July 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6737544

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Forum poster solves the adultery problem: Execute the cheating spouse.
"The legal principle is that the welfare of the child comes first. Wouldn't the world be better if we adopted the Old Testament model and tried and executed the cheating spouse? That way the children would have the benefit of the good parent as a role model. And there would be a powerful deterrent effect on sin and immorality."

http://www.christianforums.com/t5720165-man-learns-he-didnt-father-child-but-he-wont-get-child-support-back.html

response #1 by DS1:

      But their cheating DNA has already spread
must kill the spawn to end the chain!

response #7 by wryter2000:

      Get thee behind me!
Everyone knows there's no such thing as DNA. God creates every one of us with His own hands. He has a workshop bigger than Norm Abram's.

response #8 by BOSSHOG:

      What? Create single parent households? Murder? Old testament?
So we stone to death those who work on the sabbath as it states in LeVITTERicus?

GD, July 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1379875

On a thread by WI_DEM:

      Larry Flynt as Moralist

response #2 by OneMoreDemocrat:

      The Irony is astounding....
"Larry Flint as Moralist".

:)

response #8 by karlrschneider:

      I don't care about pornography,
hell I don't even own a pornograph!

response #14 by OneMoreDemocrat:

      You can get one on Ebay.....
cheap.

response #17 by karlrschneider:

      Yeah, I did that but it only ran at 69 rpm
:D

response #19 by Cheap_Trick:

      I have a pornographic memory
ahhhh....bom chicka waa waa.....Debbie Does Dallas....sorry, just remembering again.

GD, July 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1378322

OP by seasat:

      Barry Manilow is a Ron Paul supporter!!!!
Well that does it for me. While I've never entertained supporting Ron Paul, this completely dashes any respect for the man. I remember Barry Manilow from my youth as the pop crooner with the songs that were played in infinite loops on the radio until I wanted to shove a lead pencil in my ear drums. The only way I could get it out of my system was by playing an Allman Brother's cassette (music thingie we had before I-Pods for the real young) at full volume for an hour. Ron Paul will forever be associated with Barry in my mind now. Oh Gawd, just mentioning Manilow has "Mandy" stuck in my head. Quick! Where's my "White Stripes"?

response #2 by hobbit709:

      AARRGGHH!! The dreaded Manilow earwig!
:rofl:

response #3 by 8_year_nightmare:

      I'm holding out until I hear word from Pat Boone.

response #6 by meegbear:

      Ron Paul or Ru Paul?
There IS a difference.

response #12 by Virginia Dare:

      Now that Oprah has weighed in..
(no pun intended) I'm breathlessly awaiting who Brangelina will endorse.

response #14 by tjwash:

      I think it mostly hinges on the Rod Stewart and Cher factor personally.

response #17 by dbaker41:

      OH MANDY, YOU CAME AND YOU GAVE WITHOUT TAKING
AND I SENT YOU AWAY, OH MANDY, YOU KISSED ME AND STOPPED ME FROM SHAKING ...

Admit it. You love it.

Anyway, it could be worse -- it could be AFTERNOON DELIGHT!!!!!

:rofl:

response #21 by seasat:

      I am immune to your Ron Paul Manilowisms.
I have Pandora radio jamming Audioslave in the background. HA!

response #28 by dbaker41:

      Ha! Try THIS one, then!
I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING
I WRITE THE SONGS OF LOVE AND SPECIAL THINGS ...

Stick THAT one in your Pandora.

:rofl:

response #19 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      Elvis will announce his support at his next Vegas gig.
Which is delayed because damage to his flying saucer are more extensive than first thought and the space aliens hired to do the repairs have been deported.

response #23 by wienerdoggie:

      Charo will be the one who sways my vote. I hear she's all into the war on terra--
can anyone confirm?

response #26 by KharmaTrain:

      Well...That Locks Up The 45-60 Year Old Female Jewish Vote...
We're screwn now

:scared:

:rofl:

More, I'm afraid...

GD, July 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1377066

On a thread by yardwork:

      Christian Group President Facing Prostitution Charges
"SALISBURY, N.C. — Former state legislator Coy C. Privette, a Cabarrus County commissioner and retired Baptist minister, was charged Thursday with soliciting prostitution, authorities said...

Privette also serves as the president of the Christian Action League of North Carolina, which advocates in the General Assembly for Christian groups. Privette has been one of the state's most vocal opponents against alcohol sales and legal gambling..."

response #2 by Donnachaidh:

      aww AWWWWW quit picking on the old dude!
He just wanted to get his dinkle tinkled. :sarcasm: :evilgrin:

response #9 by bunkerbuster1:

      Given that he was an anti-alcohol activist? probably pickled.
If you're going to be a flaming hypocrite, why not go all the way?

response #23 by Mabus:

      The article said he was against gambling and drinking, not whoremongering
So, technically he may not be a hypocrite. ;)

response #29 by 0007:

      ....... I heard that he bathed regularly and wasn't as filthy
as he appeared.

LBN, July 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2923512

OP by Bluesplayer:

Terrorist Math
Normal thinking person:
Q: If two terrorists are created for each one we kill, how long will it be before the terrorists are all gone?

Neocon:
A: Just 6 more months, and we're making great progress.

GDP, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3389252

On a thread by sabra:

CNN re: "DC Madam": researchers found numbers traceable to private properties on Capitol Hill

response #2 by leftchick:

the Real Story here is that CNN has "Researchers"!!!
you can't tell from their reporting.

GD, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1387204

On a thread by Minimus:

      Bush transferring power to Cheney during colonoscopy! Breaking News

response #2 by Mz Pip:

      The search
for WMD continues.

response #4 by aquart:

      Has Cheney said if he'll give it back?

response #5 by C_U_L8R:

      Sounds like a perfect place for these two to transfer power

response #8 by Vinnie From Indy:

      You mean "Brain Surgery" don't you?

response #12 by Kurovski:

      Merely exploratory at this point.
They've yet to locate George's elusive pan of burnt meat loaf that's rumored to be his brain.

response #11 by krispos42:

      Yeah, like terrorists have had a plan on a hair trigger..
waiting for the exact moment twenty feet of camera probe is shoved up the C-in-C's colon before they cut loose.

:sarcasm:

Besides, since when does Bush need to respond immediately, anyway? He was reading a kid's book during the 9/11 attacks and blowing out candles on a birthday cake when Katrina hit.

Although...

Scene: a doctor's office. Pres. Bush is face down on a table with his ass high in the air. Behind him, a pair of doctors patiently feed what resembles a stainless-steel roto-rooter into his ass whiile staring at a monitor screen. Josh Bolten is behind the doctors with a cattle prod.

Doctor #1: Okay, Mr. President, passing the fifteen-foot mark. Looks good so far.

Bolten silently threatens the Doctor with the cattle prod

Doctor #1: Ah! Um, yes, I looked up thousands of colons in my career, and I think this one is the cleanest, healthiest I've ever seen.

Bush: Why, thank you. I take the trouble to do my anal exercises every day. Heh!

Doctor #2: Anal exercises? You mean, to strenghen your glutimus maximus muscles?

Bush: No, not the asscheeks, the ass itself! Karl showed them to me. You should see his ass! Like iron!

Doctor #1: I'm not sure what you're referring to, Mr. President.

Bolten makes a slashing motion across his throat at the doctors.

Bush: Well, every day Karl takes this rubber tube and sticks it up my hidey-hole back there and makes me flex my muscles around it. Great exercise for both of us, and I'm so strong back there now I can chop a log into firewood, if you know what I mean! Heh heh!

Doctor #2: So then you are Mr. Rove are having anal-

Electricity cracks, and Doctor #2 collapses in a heap on the floor. A scent of ozone fills the room.

Bush: What was that?

Secret Service agents discretely drag the unconsious Doctor #2 out of the room by his ankles. Doctor #1 stares at the receeding body in horror. Bolten waves the cattle prod at Doctor #1 and mouths silently "Watch it".

Doctor #1: Um, just looking around in here. Passing eighteen feet. Have you been eating a lot of corn recently?

An aide bursts into the room

Aide: Mr. President! Terrorists just blew up a ship full of liquified natural gas underneath the Verrazano Narrows Bridge during rush hour! Thousands are believed dead!

Bush: Chavez strikes again! Doctor, get this thing out of my ass! Fast!

Doctor #1 hits a bright red button on the roto-rooter, and the drum immediately spins so rapidly it blurs. Bush's face suddenly contorts as he shows his "O" face. Three seconds later, the camera flies out and whips up againt the drum, and the machine bucks to a sudden stop.

Bush: Thanks, Doc! It's off to the War Room! And somebody get me some fresh undies, for some reason I just made love-honey in my shorts! Heh! Heh! Heh!

Bush, Bolten, and the Secret Service agents run from the room. Doctor #1 looks at the nurse.

Doctor #1: That's it, I'm moving to pediatrics.

Nurse: Fuck yeah, and I'm coming with you.

End of scene

GD, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1387083

On a thread by fryguy:

      Doctors to check Bush's ass; Cheney in charge

response #1 by Greeby:

      Well, having Cheney's hand stuck up there can do a lot of damage
:evilgrin:

response #2 by Hubert Flottz:

      I thought Cheney was his ass?

GD, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1388663

On a thread by lwcon:

      Snark contest: "Bush to have colonoscopy; Cheney to take temporary control"

response #19 by enid602:

      code red
Calling Dr. Gannon! Dr. Jeff Gannon! You've got a 'code red' in the Oval office.

response #24 by L. Coyote:

      And the whole world prays he survives the routine procedure.
There is only one person worse than Bush for America, and that would be Cheney. Never before have so many prayed for so hated a leader. It is a global record. Even atheists have been spotted on one knee.

response #28 by eppur_se_muova:

      former Prez sez: "I was tired of the whole gig anyway." nt

GDP, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3389801

On a thread by originalpckelly:

"Bush going in for a colonoscopy...Doctors hope to locate his head. Ba dum bum."

response #1 by Hardhead:

Cheney will need a new "undisclosed location" for the duration
For fear of being removed during the procedure.

GD, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1387873

OP by elehhhhna:

Breaking: Bush colonoscopy results in retreival of Jeff Gannon's favorite pen.
details as they develop

GD, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1390208

OP by MagickMuffin:

      My most EGGScellent photo from the NAACP GOP Debate....

GD, July 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1328268

OP by Maddy McCall:

      I have photographic proof that David Vitter wore diapers in houses of ill repute.

GD, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1332479

OP by CatWoman:

      This guy needs some serious anger management counseling

And a DUzy to all the responses in the thread!

GD, July 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1361201

On a thread by cynatnite:

      What is this? (picture of huge bug)

response #1 by The Straight Story

response #3 by DS1

in response to response #4, response #9 by StarryNite

response #16 by MissMillie

The Lounge, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6724656

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

      Senator Vitter to Return to D.C.

response #10 by InsultComicDog

response #16 by dubyadubya3

LBN, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2918376

OP by Bluebear, with an acknowledgement to Steve_DeShazer:

      EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: Sen. Vitter has returned to DC, caucuses with DeMint, others

And DUzies to these responses:

response #7 by Buzz Clik

response #8 by krispos42

GD, July 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1343503

OP by Swamp Rat, art by dicksteele:

      WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

GD, July 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1349980

On a thread by kpete:

      BREAKING: MIERS REJECTS CALL TO APPEAR BEFORE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE

response #5 by burythehatchet

GD, July 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1358566

OP by ZombyWoof:

      The *real* reason Republicans are attacking Gore over sea bass

The Lounge, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6732012

On a thread by Kadie:

      Poppy donates his World War II service revolver - pics

response #10 by IanDB1

response #24 by policypunk

GD, July 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1370929

OP by MiniMe:

      Results of Bush Colonoscopy in

GD, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1387968

OP by charlie:

      Hey. Free cupcakes!

Lots of sugary goodness in the replies.

GD, July 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1385349