Secret Interrogation Techniques

[alcibiades_mystery]

This weekend, I plan to slam my testicles in a drawer about a hundred times. In this way, I will be prepared in case I am ever interrogated by the authorities. Next week I will practice having my fingernails torn out, and the week after that, I will practice suppressing my gag reflex for when gallons of water are poured down my throat. I have all of October slated for ignoring the pain of burns, and November is my "practice getting your skin ripped off" month. By the end of the year, I should be un-torturable! It'll be fabulous!

Does this sound like a strange scenario? Perhaps. But it is the precise reasoning (taken out of its slick packaging) for the Bush Administration's secrecy on "interrogation techniques." Or at least the public reasoning. They say that they must keep their techniques secret in order to prevent "al Qaeda" from "learning to adapt" to them. This is patent nonsense. It sounds like it makes sense because they say it enough, but it is utter bullshit. The whole point of "stressful" interrogation is that you CANNOT will your way out of them. I can no more train myself to "adapt" to cock-punches then I could will myself to fly to the supermarket.

It strikes me that the Bush administration is terribly good at setting up these little absurdities as if they were reasonable. They say, "If we reveal these techniques, then our enemies can adapt to them." This sounds like it makes sense, on the surface, because we know that enemies adapt to tactics and strategies. At the same time, when you delve into the actual statement, it is absolutely ridiculous. Indeed, apart from very highly specialized cadre of security agencies, governments understand that they CANNOT train people to withstand physical torture, or even psychological interrogation techniques, so, for the most part, they don't even bother. Even among the specialized personnel, such training is known to be largely ineffective. But al Qaeda has figured out some general torture training that is only waiting on the wink of the word?

That makes no fucking sense at all.