Please proof/critique my LTTE on the Bush veto of expanding health coverage for kids

[NewJeffCT]

Thanks for any help!
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In our country, millions of children lack health insurance and because of a lack of health insurance, studies have shown that nearly 20,000 Americans die each year. Back in 2004, Bush promised to lead the effort to enroll millions of children in this program and made this one of the focal points of his Presidential campaign. His exact quote was, “We will lead an aggressive effort to enroll millions of poor children who are eligible but not signed up for the government's health insurance programs." Recently, a bipartisan proposal passed Congress that would greatly expand the already successful SCHIP program to provide health insurance to our nation’s children. Shockingly, President Bush has now promised to veto this bipartisan measure. It seems that instead of helping children, President Bush's Compassionate Conservative message to the children of our nation is, “Drop dead.”

[Bluebear]

1. Just some word orders:

In our country, millions of children lack health insurance: studies have shown that nearly 20,000 Americans die each year because of a lack of health insurance! Back in 2004, Bush promised to lead the effort to enroll millions of children in this program and made this one of the focal points of his Presidential campaign, saying “We will lead an aggressive effort to enroll millions of poor children who are eligible but not signed up for the government's health insurance programs." Recently, a bipartisan proposal passed Congress that would greatly expand the already successful SCHIP program to provide health insurance to our nation’s children. Shockingly, President Bush has now promised to veto this bipartisan measure. It seems that instead of helping children, President Bush's Compassionate Conservative message to the children of our nation is, “Drop dead.”

Great letter!

[NewJeffCT]

3. Thanks, some good tips

I'll hopefully submit it later today.

[panader0]

2. The veto is part of his "Every child left behind" program

Great letter, I hope it gets in.

[bryant69]

4. I'd combine the first two sentances, or drop the first sentance entirely

- maybe just switch them. The sentence on President Bush is a better hook, I think.

"Back in 2004, Bush promised to lead the effort to enroll millions of children in this program and made this one of the focal points of his Presidential campaign. At the time he recognized a real problem; n our country, millions of children lack health insurance and because of a lack of health insurance, studies have shown that nearly 20,000 Americans die each year."

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[Bravo Zulu]

5. You motivated me to start sending LTTE and the first one is

BUSH AND CHENEY NEED TO BE IMPEACHED TO SEND A MESSAGE TO ANY FUTURE PRESIDENTS AND VICE PRESIDENTS THAT IF THEY AREN’T GOING TO ABIDE BY THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND DO NOT OBEY THE LAWS THAT THEY WILL BE PUNISHED!