Theme Park Discovers That Killing Jesus Saves Them From Bankruptcy

[DeSwiss]

Savior emerges for attraction simulating Jerusalem in Orlando

Jul 28, 3:03 AM EDT
By TRAVIS REED
Associated Press Writer

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) -- Jesus Christ is crucified and resurrected here six days a week. Snarling Roman soldiers whip and drag him, and somber audience members watch. Some quietly weep at a pageant bloody and cruel.

It is the grand finale at the Holy Land Experience, and not the attraction most tourists envision in an Orlando vacation. Just miles from Walt Disney World, Universal Orlando and SeaWorld in this city's overstimulated tourist corridor, Holy Land has in its six years of operation aimed to recreate Jerusalem of Biblical times.

It is often referred to as a "Christian theme park," but the park offers lectures, not rides, making it feel more like a trip to church. Its officers prefer to call it a "living Biblical museum" and until last month, the nonprofit operation was troubled. Management changed hands, its founder left and attendance was flat. But suddenly, a savior appeared.

Trinity Broadcasting Network, a California-based Christian empire with 12,500 worldwide TV and cable affiliates, took over Holy Land and its estimated $8 million mortgage. Both are nonprofit organizations, so Trinity describes the deal as a "marriage" rather than a purchase, saying little money changed hands. Already, ticket sales are up 25 percent, owing to mentions on the new parent's broadcasts, and an expansion is planned. It will include new shows, a general freshening and a new Trinity television studio, where movies and TV shows will be filmed and furnish even more publicity.

Read more: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/S/SOU_HOLY_LAND_EXPERIENCE_FLOL-?SITE=FLDAY&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2007-07-28-03-03-02

*** - Just think of the increase there would be in the Sunday collection plates if Jesus would do guest appearances.....

[MisterP]

1. "Christ is crucified and resurrected here six days a week" at a theme park

Frederik Pohl can't write satire like this!

[Harry Monroe]

5. And on the seventh day, he rests

[merh]

2. I don't believe that was what message he intended be promoted

by his sacrifice. I don't think he died for their profits. :freak:

I think their displays could well be considered blasphemy.

:(

[WCGreen]

4. Any more than say Bush and his crowd of fake Christians...

Damn, you can't take the entertainment out of religion...

Where else would these poor folks go to be occupied...

[merh]

7. you know, if I lived nearby this place, I would move and move

soon. It is, after all hurricane season. :scared:

[WCGreen]

8. Good point...

[zonmoy]

6. ain't nothing that the religious right does that isn't blasphemy to a good god

if there is such a thing.

[BlooInBloo]

3. (shrug) Religious people are all about death.

[Not_Giving_Up]

9. The fundies always say marriage is one man+one woman

How do they explain this?

Trinity Broadcasting Network, a California-based Christian empire with 12,500 worldwide TV and cable affiliates, took over Holy Land and its estimated $8 million mortgage. Both are nonprofit organizations, so Trinity describes the deal as a "marriage" rather than a purchase, saying little money changed hands.

Seriously, we have to expand marriage now to be defined as one Non-Profit Organization buying another?

[DeSwiss]

11. As long as they're not "same-sex" nonprofits... n/t

:rofl:

[cynatnite]

10. Geez, who would pay money to see someone whipped and dragged...

Oh, nevermind...

[beam me up scottie]

13. Why can't somebody start a theme park where christians can mingle with real lions?

Just the talibangelists, of course.

[cynatnite]

15. Yeah, make it more realistic...

I can see a kid hanging on a cross...'Look, Mom, I'm hung like Jesus'

:rofl: :rofl:

[beam me up scottie]

17. Oh, you're going down another level just for thinking that.

:spank:

[cynatnite]

18. Figured I'd go to hell for that one...

:evilgrin:

[beam me up scottie]

20. I've got reservations on 7,

look me up when you get there.

We'll do lunch.

[DeSwiss]

21. To which she replies.....

...."as long as your not hung like your father."

[beam me up scottie]

28. You're going straight down to 9.

But I heard the food was great.

[DeSwiss]

34. Yeah, but its all charbroiled.....

{sigh} :9

[beam me up scottie]

36. Count your blessings.

How'd ya like to be a vegetarian?

[beam me up scottie]

12. Oh good grief.

Audience members are encouraged to participate. Jesus walked among them with a wireless microphone, calling children and picking one up. Excited parents with digital and disposable cameras crept forward as their kids fidgeted and kicked at sand.

Lisa Bell, 42, husband David Bell, 50, and their 2-year-old son came from Ripley, Tenn., after seeing Holy Land on Trinity. She said they didn't consider attending the other parks.

"Oh no. Jesus was just holding him," Lisa Bell said, nodding to her sunburned son. "He knows who Jesus is." :banghead:

The park relies heavily on donations from benefactors, foundations and visitors slipping money into boxes scattered around the park, saying ticket sales doesn't cover costs. Admission prices have risen from less than $20 originally to $35 to $40 today.

And it's all tax free, I'm sure.

[cynatnite]

14. And they really thought it was Jeebus...

:crazy:

I'm sorry, but I think it's absolutely weird to go on vacation and go to someplace to watch a re-enactment of a crucifiction and be excited.

[beam me up scottie]

19. I have to side with people who think letting kids watch that borders on child abuse.

These freaks would scream bloody murder if someone showed their kids a sex ed film, but graphic violence enacted RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM is perfectly fine.

[LeftyMom]

23. I'm sure that's why they pointed out that it's a "ministry"

If I slap one a them thar fish on my car can I call it a ministry to the lost souls of gawdless commuters and get out of car and gas taxes?

[beam me up scottie]

27. Only if you promise to persecute live heathens in your spare time.

Have to make sure they suffer learn to love Jeebus in this life and the next. :evilgrin:

[IChing]

16. I wonder if the "jesus'' has a good group health insurance?

Or at least good workman's comp? I heard workman's comp is pretty bad in Florida.:)

[Quantess]

25. Can you imagine the auditions for the part of "jesus'' ?

3 dozen long haired, bearded, white guys grimacing and writhing in mock pain.

[IChing]

35. The going wage was 30 pieces of silver I heard

after a late dinner.

[pop goes the weasel]

22. reminds me of the book Blameless in Abaddon

where God's gigantic corpse has been made the "Main Attraction" at a Baptist-run Florida theme park.

[IChing]

24. TOWING JEHOVAH was nominated for a Hugo

and should be read first.

[pop goes the weasel]

39. yeah but

the Baptists don't have God's body on display yet in TJ.

[ingac70]

26. What next? Will they call the park....

Six Flags Over Paradise?

[cynatnite]

29. I bet they have rapture rides n/t

[Lint Head]

30. The Trinity Broadcasting network is run by THUGS!

It is well known here in Nashville, TN that the TBN folks prayed for a lawyer to die. They've threatened people. They are using the name of Jesus Christ to get rich. They are not Christians. They pay no taxes and make millions. Paul Crouch is a hypocrite. He was accused of having an affair with a man that was victimized for telling the truth about the affair. They pay the musicians on their show zero. The Musicians Union fought to get compensation for the musicians because they were eventually salves.

[Lint Head]

31. Sorry. I misspelled slaves. Slave labor paying no taxes.

It's incredible what they are getting away with.

[beam me up scottie]

32. Um, yes, they are christians.

I'm surrounded by that type of christian. They pick and choose which parts of the bible to cite in support of their beliefs, just like liberal christians.

Christians can be money grubbing assholes too, you know. Stop throwing them in our camp because you're afraid of being associated with them.

We can tell the difference.

[DeSwiss]

33. The "Ville" is in the house!!!!

DeSwiss --------> Whites Creek. Former home of Barbara Mandrell's Log Cabin Mansion. :D

[shenmue]

37. Sounds as crazy as the Easter event in Oberammergau...

where they reenact the Passion and the crowd always attacks the Roman soldiers.

Televangelists are crazy, and anything they do is either evil or instant comedy.

[Neshanic]

38. Jan and Paul Land! Oh the things we will see, the things to do. Rides like

"Jan's Magic Mountain Hair Ride" where you take a thrilling stomach churning ride up, up to the top of a thirty story mountain of pink hair, then weave through it to the bottom.

"Paul Crouch's Gay Blouse Boutique" a large selection of his on air attire under one roof.

"The Weird Baldwin Experience", completely unlike anything on earth, a virtual reality ride that takes you into the mind of the creepy religious Baldwin. Height restrictions are waived, but a legal release for emotional damage non-responsibility is signed before boarding a giant moving bong.

"Mel Gibson's Authentic Malibu Bar" where the kids can have Shirley Temples and the adults the hard stuff. Floor shows are "It's an Apocolypto World", "Babble Along with Mel", "You Are All Going To Hell, Except Me Musical", and "Blame the Jews Sing Along."

Time is kept by a clocktower with Jan's face and her mascara runs at the hour, her hair changes color at the half hour.