Collapse Of The Minneapolis Bridge, God, Velveeta Cheese And ZZZZZZ's

[Radicalman]

Introduction: Minneapolis August 2, 20007 — An interstate bridge jammed with rush-hour traffic suddenly broke into huge sections and collapsed into the Mississippi River Wednesday, pitching dozens of cars 60 feet into the water and killing at least seven people.

Why? It’s part of the problem of America’s crumbling infrastructure.

“ZZZZZZZZZZZ Infrastructure? That’s a boring word. It’s not sexy. I think I’ll catch some ZZZ’s,” says Joey Clusterfucker in Clusterfuck Country USA.

Voice Of Reason: “Yeah, but what about the pictures of all that suffering and havoc wreaked by hurricane Katrina? Those dykes that wouldn’t hold and destroyed much of New Orleans are part of America’s crumbling infrastructure.”

JoeyClusterfucker: “Yeah those pics of dead people floating in the water, suffering inside the dome, and those pissed off blacks were pretty exciting ok. That did keep me awake. And I did like the pictures of the bridge collapsing in Minneapolis that was pretty spectacular stuff. But I gotta look as some NASCAR video now. Wanna join me and have a beer?”

Voice Of Reason (not giving up): “But Joey Clusterfucker, “Aren’t you tired of the potholes in the streets and the screwed up public schools in your town and all over our Clusterfuck Country USA?”

Joey Clusterfucker ( gulping down his second beer and adding to his typical Clusterfuck USA 46” waist): “Yeah why don’t they make the schools and roads better man?”

Voice: “Because the term ‘crumbling infrastructure’ puts you and most Clusterfuckers to sleep. See, Joey, the crumbling of education, roads, electric grids, even, perhaps, the internet itself, is our current tragedy of the commons.”

Jane Clusterfucker (who has been listlessly and quite feebly attempting to understand what The Voice Of Reason is getting at): “You liberals always use these fancy terms like ‘tragedy of the commons. That sounds like a communist term to me.”

Voice Of Reason, “Look at it this way, Jane Clusterfucking, I know you cared that people were killed in New Orleans and now in Minneapolis – of course you’d be more affected if little puppies drowned in the Mississippi –so, you don’t want more people, doggies and little kitty kats to die or be maimed by collapsing bridges, floods and hurricanes, do you?”

J.C.: “ You idiot, you called me Jane Clusterfucking. It's Clusterfuck, not Clusterfucking. Look pal, Junior and Joey and I have to have our dinners. I’m going to melt some Velveeta cheese, warm up some French fries and serve some apple pie with vanilla ice cream and sweetened lard sauce. You know that Clusterfuckers in Clusterfuck Country have these big appetites don’t you?”

Voice Of Reason, “But A pipeline shuts down in Alaska. Equipment failures disrupt air travel in Los Angeles. Electricity runs short at a spy agency in Maryland. It’s all part of the infrastructure problem.”

Joey: “Leave her the fuck alone VOR, she’s probably right, you’re a commie atheist. You do believe in the power of the Lord don’t you. I mean, those poor people, waiting to see if their loved ones drowned in the Mississippi, you see they prayed don’t you? Me? I just got down on my knees and asked God to save all of those He wanted to."

VOR: “I think that, instead of worrying about theological issues, we’d best concentrate upon what we can do to avert further tragedies. Look, The Commission on Public Infrastructure at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, a Washington think tank, said in a recent report that facilities in Clusterfuck USA are deteriorating "at an alarming rate..."

Joey: “Do you believe that God can cure cancer? Do you believe in angels?"

VOR: “ ...this report noted that half the 257 locks operated by the Army Corps of Engineers on inland waterways are functionally obsolete, more than one-quarter of the nation's bridges are structurally deficient or obsolete, and $11 billion is needed annually to replace aging drinking-water.”

Joey: (Working on his third beer) “You want to take my SUV away from me don’t you?”

VOR: (Beginning to lose his temper and raising his voice to a much higher pitch), “The American Society of Civil Engineers estimates that it will take $1.6 trillion over the next five years to get the nation’s roads, bridges, dams, water systems and airports into good condition. Shouldn’t you write to your congessperson about this?”

Joey: “And you want to deprive me of my firearms too!"

VOR: (Becoming increasingly agitated): “From Boston to Los Angeles, a number of American cities are entering a middle age of sorts, and the infrastructure propping them up is showing signs of strain.
Thousands of miles of underground water and sewage pipes are nearing the end of their expected life, sometimes with a bang and a flash flood. You did see the stem pipe explosion that happened in New York City recently, right Mr. Clusterfucker?

Joey: " You probably want to take God and prayer out of Clusterfuck Country classrooms!"

VOR: “The burst steam pipe in New York is part of our crumbling infrastructure problem.”

Joey: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Voice Of Reason (Totally out of control): Did you hear me Clusterfucker? I said that sewage pipes in our major cities are going to break. You and all of the USA Clusterfuckers should drown in shit, be sucked into a sinkhole, or face the ravages of a hurricane. Pray to your Lord about that!

[KitchenWitch]

1. K&R

[Raine]

2. That's IT

precisely! GOOD post! :thumbsup:

[bleedingheart]

3. The Joeys of this world don't give a shit until something happens to them

[zehnkatzen]

4. It would be a good start if the CFers of America just cared. k/r n/t