***DUzy Awards for week ending August 3, 2007.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Aug-03-07 04:43 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring salubrious salaciousness, stentorian squibs and stealthy snipes from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The nonpareil DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to babylonsister, hootinholler, mzmolly, CaliforniaPeggy, unhappycamper, Kurovski, HawkeyeX, dicksteele, Lars39, stellanoir, Peake, idgiehkt, KitchenWitch, BleedingHeartPatriot, wryter2000 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

And a special salute to proud patriot for nimble moderating.

On a thread by sabra:

Rove to House GOP: Don't blame your woes on Bush's war, blame it on Cunningham, Foley

response #8 by dubyaD40web:

He's right!
Because everywhere I go, I see nothing but anti- Cunningham and Foley signs...

GD, July 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1454479

OP by truedelphi:

      You may be a Republican if you (Using the pattern of "You may be a Redneck if")
Your spouse finds out about your latest affair because you charged
the Pampers to your joint credit card

response #1 by Aristus:

      ...if abortion is a travesty, a tragedy and a crime against humanity, but
war, genocide, and the death penalty are just "The American Way".

response #2 by Aristus:

      Just thought of another one: You might be a Republican if you support a ban on
toy guns, but not the real things.

response #8 by Rabrrrrrr:

      (you) don't have as many brains as God gave to lemurs

response #14 by bumblebee1:

      You might be a Republican if,
you drool over the NFL cheerleaders on tv, but refer to your daughter as a whore if she goes out in public dressed like one.

You might be a Republican if you're more interested in Bill Clinton's p*nis than your own sex life.

You might be a Republican if your rifle gets fondled more than your wife does.

The Lounge, July 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6767193

On a thread by Elrond Hubbard:

      So, what phrases are you sick of that DUer's use ad nauseum?

response #81 by Mutineer:

      All the smilies piss me off.
It's like a 13-year old girl run amuck.

response #83 by Elrond Hubbard:

      WHY DO YOU HATE US, MUTINEER???
:) :-) x( :-( :( ;-) ;) :D }( ;( :P :* :+ :7 B-) O8) :evilfrown: :evilgrin: :hippie: :party: :toast: :bounce: :mad: :puke: :eyes: :smoke: :think: :crazy: :silly: :wtf: :argh: :freak: :dunce: :hangover:

:nopity: :hurts: :boring: :spank: :wow: :beer: :grr: :nuke: :scared: :thumbsdown: :thumbsup: :dem: :kick: :shrug: :puffpiece: :loveya: :donut: :tinfoilhat: :hug: :grouphug: :cry: :pals: :headbang: :banghead:

:dilemma: :blush: :rant: :sarcasm: :woohoo: :applause: :hide: :popcorn: :rofl: :spray: :patriot: :yoiks:

If you have some vacation time coming up, print out the whole thread and take it with you. 400+ responses, many of them very funny.

GD, July 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1456738

On a thread by DiktatrW:

      Minister tells court marijuana is a sacrament
"LOS ANGELES - The mail-order minister of a Hollywood church that burns marijuana during services and allegedly sells it to members says that’s protected under federal law because the drug is a religious sacrament..."

response #4 by wildhorses:

      partoke of the sacrament?
anyone?

response #11 by cloudbase:

      Sounds better than
that cornbread and moonshine I've been getting with the Southern Baptists.

response #14 by spanone:

      bless me father for i have sinned and sinned and sinned and sinned and sinned and sinned and sinned

GD, July 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1456873

OP by billyskank:

That is it. I have read the entire Lounge.
Guess I'd better start on GD then.

The Lounge, July 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6771045

On a thread by Roon:

Scientists breed world’s first mentally ill mouse

response #1 by cynatnite:

They must've used bush stem cells n/t

GD, July 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1463094

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

Romney Appeals to Hispanics

response #2 by MethuenProgressive:

...to clean the pool and wash his limo.
:eyes:

LBN, July 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2933443

OP by bleever:

      Dear Bill O'Reilly: the pope really IS a primate.
In his feud with the Daily Kos, the Lord of the Wingnuts complained that a poster at dKos had referred to the Pope as a "primate". Clear proof that "hate speech" permeates that web site, said Falafelmort, who then likened it to the KKK and the Nazis.

A brief look at a dictionary might have been a good idea, though:

Main Entry: pri·mate

Pronunciation: 'prI-"mAt or especially for 1 -m&t
Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English primat, from Anglo-French, from Medieval Latin primat-, primas archbishop, from Latin, leader, from primus

1 often capitalized: a bishop who has precedence in a province, a group of provinces, or a nation
2 archaic: one first in authority or rank : LEADER
3 (New Latin Primates, from Latin, plural of primat-, primas) : any of an order (Primates) of mammals that are characterized especially by advanced development of binocular vision, specialization of the appendages for grasping, and enlargement of the cerebral hemispheres and that include humans, apes, monkeys, and related forms (as lemurs and tarsiers)

http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/primate

Now, I'm not sure which of those definitions strikes Billo as "hate speech" and makes him think that dKos is full of murderous psychos, and I sure don't want him sending Fox Security to my house, so I'll just say:

Mr. O'Reilly: I've known primates. Primates have been friends of mine.

You sir, are no primate.

response #18 by Canuckistanian:

      LOL
I thought Billo's family line would have died out before Homo Erectus.

Obviously there's a link anthropologists haven't explored yet.

:rofl:

response #20 by bleever:

      I'd suggest
Homo Ignoramus.

response #21 by Canuckistanian:

      How about "Homo Mendax"
"lying man"

response #22 by bleever:

      Or, as opposed to 'Homo habilis' ("tool using man"),
Homo habilimus, "The man who is a tool".

GD, July 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1463084

On a thread by elizm:

Beltway Boys Want Hillary to Win Primary - Why?

response #1 by Old Crusoe:

Because if she wins, they won't have to update their Rolodexes.

GDP, July 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3412929

OP by Philosoraptor:

bush's legacy: 8 whole years without a B--- Job.
And what a proud legacy it is too, not one single blow job has been reported in the oval office since bush occupied it! Not one!

Of course, about a million people have been murdered, although to be fair a considerable sum of them were tortured first. Trillions of war profit dollars are 'missing', 4,000 soldiers are in early graves, 30,000 are permanently crippled in body and soul, the constitution was used in the White House rest room along with the Bill of Rights and of course habeas corpus is a corpse, but hey, the man never brought shame or dishonor to our nation by having a hummer, not in eight whole years by God, not even once.

I know the man still has a few months to go, but hey, we all know he'll stay the course.

God bless America.

response #2 by Caretha:

Really???
Okay...maybe not a blowjob, but why do I feel like I've been screwed and not been kissed?

GD, July 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1470018

OP by leftist.:

      Pet peeve - Why is a "surge" called a "strategy"?
I've been thinking about how a simple, everyman notion like "Oh hey I know! Let's put more troops in there" is somehow considered a military "Strategy". Like at some point there was a piece of paper going around the Pentagon with the words "TOP SECRET" and "Add more troops" scribbled on it. And probably in crayon.

Which is actually worse - calling an increase in ground forces a "strategy" or calling any particular military strategy a "Surge". Nothing is organic anymore, meaning that somewhere a room full of people sat and decided that the best way to sell this to the Amerikan people is to call it a "surge". And that pisses me off. I don't want to be constantly told that the country I live in has the greatest military in the world when in the back of my mind I'm thinking that if this military is losing a game of chess it's "strategy" might be to shit in the middle of the board and declare victory...

response #1 by Atman:

      Even if you choose not to choose, that's a choice
Likewise, even choosing a strategy that isn't technically a strategy becomes the de facto strategy.

Is that clear? About as clear as everything else the dumbass does.

response #9 by frogcycle:

      they both have the letters s, r, g, and e ?
close enough!

GD, July 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1470275

On a thread by Lirwin2:

Say something nice about your least favourite dem candidate

response #1 by in search of sanity:

Gravel pronounces his name in such a nice way that I never
mistake him for a character from the Flintstones.

GDP, July 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3415084

On a thread by LWolf:

DLC: "The Third Way"
"... Third Way theorists argue that their goal is a more competitive and open economy shaped by the market. In reality, Third Way regimes have approved and aligned themselves with the greatest merger movement in history—leading to greater concentration of economic power among a decreasing number of monopolistic giants..."

response #1 by Forkboy:

If the third way comes forth I'm drinking a fifth.

GDP, July 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3414337

On a thread by The Straight Story:

      Health Department Warns of Possible Tainted Ginger (from china, has pesticide on it)

response #1 by damntexdem:

      Tainted ginger? All that's good for is making:
Ginger AIL.

response #2 by alfredo:

      Go to your room and don't come out until we say so.
:spank:

response #7 by Lisa:

      yeah. Puns like that ...
... are so-dapressing.

GD, July 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1472248

On a thread by underpants:

      "OCTOBUSH" fittingly made of sand
"The big sculpture 'Octobush' made of sand is pictured at the Sandfestival Ruhr at the Kemnade lake in Bochum, Germany, Monday, July 30, 2007. German artist Urlich Baentsch shows US President George W. Bush as an octopus who holds corn, oil, a cross, the World Trade Center, and a gun in his tentacles..."

response #5 by Ezlivin:

      And the right tentacle doesn't know what the left tentacle is doing
It's fascinating to see how many Europeans firmly believe that the Bush administration had a hand in the events of 9/11 (hence the curled left tentacle encircling the WTC).

response #7 by ByTheRiver:

      What, no tentacle holding a pretzel?
:rofl:

response #11 by Scriptor Ignotus:

      Octopussy!

Must-see photos at the link:

GD, July 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1472378

On a thread by donsu:

First-Ever National State-by-State Study of Drive-By Shootings
"... California led the nation in the number of drive-by shootings with 115 shootings, killing 51 and injuring 123. Following California were: Florida, 57 drive-by shootings, killing 18 and injuring 47.."

response #2 by kenny blankenship:

California, Florida--what is it about the citrus industry that provokes such wanton slaughter?

GD, July 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1479111

On a thread by BullGooseLoony:

      Australian school makes sunglasses compulsory for pupils

response #1 by antifaschits:

      "sunglasses for pupils" TELL ME YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE. PLEASE!
Or I throw nasty pun-nishing thoughts your way the rest of the day.

response #5 by Xipe Totec:

      Corneas pun I ever saw nt

response #16 by ohio2007:

      Iris going to leave a comment ....but.....nt

response #18 by slackmaster:

      All right, everyone put a lid on the pun thing
:argh:

response #25 by LeftHander:

      if these eye puns were on a boat....
it would be called aqueous humor....

:snort:

lkjaslajd

cracking myself up...

LBN, July 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2935931

On a thread by malaise:

      Breaking: Chief Justice Roberts taken
to hospital - he fell at his summer home in Maine. He was conscious. MSNBC

response #1 by ewagner:

      He's Conscious?
That's strange....he wasn't before...

(insert rim shot here)

:evilgrin:

response #5 by gatorboy:

      *Sigh* I thought you were going to say taken by aliens.

response #13 by AndyA:

      Was he eating a pretzel at the time?
Might run in the party...

response #29 by originalpckelly:

      "We still don't know anything about the fall, but we're going to keep talking about it."
"We know he went to a hospital, Dr. Gupta, what are hospitals like?"

response #35 by Ezlivin:

      He tripped over an unread copy of the Constitution
Apparently he was so intrigued by the document that he fell while trying to discern its meaning.

response #81 by DS1:

      Leaned too far to the right

response #111 by leeroysphits:

      I heard Wolf say Roberts tripped over the ottoman.
Might need some serious pain pills for the recurring back injury. Let's hope the strong medicine doesn't affect his judgment. :rofl:

response #124 by SoCalDem:

      Ottoman Empire?? Bush SAID they would fight us HERE ..
now they are attacking our Justice.. Oh the Humanity!!!

Plenty more great responses in the thread.

GD, July 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1472475

OP by Bluebear:

Judge Roberts 100% recovered, did ironman triathlon today & catching his own lobsters for dinner.
Cheney's pacemaker replacement was "minor procedure", has resumed doing run-throughs of his figure skating long program.

George W. Bush accepted Jesus and Billy Graham and without any other kind of rehabilitation or step program is a completely recovered alcoholic.

==

Once again I am noticing how the media is 'reassuring' us that all is well. How can you call someone who suffered a seizure YESTERDAY and got banged up on his dock and was still in the hospital as of this morning "completely recovered", particularly since it was idiopathic in nature?

Our media are not news bringers anymore, they are cheerleaders.

GD, July 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1480793

On a thread by bob_weaver:

      What will be the subject line of the last post ever made on DU?

response #1 by The Straight Story:

      This:
DU is closing its doors, you may experience permanent downtime....

response #3 by sfexpat2000:

      "Why are the mods are removing my threa"
:rofl:

response #6 by Ghost in the Machine:

      CALL CONGRESS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!1!!!1!
.. or an "I'm leaving DU" thread. It'll be from Skinner, typing away as the alien lizard overlords claw at his door trying to rip it down...

response #17 by BlooInBloo:

      Get a brain morans!
:rofl:

response #18 by krispos42:

      "Lounge sure is quiet tonight..." n/t

response #31 by dicksteele:

      "Tombstone us, Skinner! Tombstone us all right the fuck now!"

response #38 by LanternWaste:

      "I'm gonna try something new with the internet, hope it works...."

response #40 by DS1:

      Elad: What does this button do? (Poll)
Who cares, just press it (45 votes)
Leave it alone (12 votes)
Robb is a dingbat (41 votes)

response #44 by EstimatedProphet:

      Not sure of the words, but it'll probably be a copycat

response #50 by wildhorses:

      last call !!!

response #75 by flying rabbit:

      Hello! Hello?
Dammit nobody ever responds to my posts. good bye DU!
:cry:

response #78 by Blue_Tires:

      Announcement: DU is now a subsidiary of News Corp.

The Lounge, August 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6784796

OP by Cant trust em:

      How many republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No one knows. They won't release that information!

Badoom ching!

Who's got some other good republican jokes?

response #2 by RandomKoolzip:

      What do you call two Republicans fucking?
Fucking Republicans.

response #4 by kmla:

      They won't change a light bulb. That would mean a change of the objective, which equals weakness.
They will blame Clinton for the darkness that surrounds them, though.

response #5 by BlooInBloo:

      I don't recall.

GD, August 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1488605

On a thread by BlooInBloo:

      Guys: Don't Fall For The Lie - Girls DO NOT Want Smart Guys!
"... from a new study testing the relationship between grades and delayed sexual activity...

... high-school age adolescents with higher IQs and extremely low IQs were less likely to have had first intercourse than those with average to below average intelligence. (i.e. for males with IQs under 70, 63.3% were still virgins, for those with IQs between 70-90 only 50.2% were virgin, 58.6% were virgins with IQs between 90-110, and 70.3% with IQs over 110 were virgins)..."

response #2 by lvx35:

      NOBODY likes smart people.
It's threatening. People want others they feel like they can control. If you are smart, for God's sake, ACT STUPID!!!

response #6 by Kiouni:

      This is exactly why I have left my right turn signal on
for three years straight! Keeps everyone off my back, that and my gun rack in the back of my geo! Come get some.

Just in case: :sarcasm:

response #92 by ieoeja:

      I don't understand this post. Too many big words.
Now, for a good time, call....

:evilgrin:

GD, August 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1485087

On a thread by PA Democrat:

      Michael Savage floats possibility of a conspiracy by the Democrats to cause Roberts' seizure
"On the July 30 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show... Savage asked, 'Am I to believe there's no connection between Charles Schumer on Friday saying he would never appoint, or never, excuse me, approve another Bush appointment to the court, to any court? And then the chief justice suffers a so-called seizure two days later? You're telling me there's no possibility of a conspiracy by the Democrats to have caused this seizure in some manner?' He added: 'Tell me it's not possible, and I'll tell you you're a liar...'"

response #1 by Bornaginhooligan:

      First, we got in our time machine and gave him one in 1993.
Then we used our cone of silence to keep it from coming up during his confirmation.

response #3 by IanDB1:

      Someone explain to me why this man isn't sleeping under a bridge screaming at people? n/t

response #9 by NCevilDUer:

      Because getting on TV and screaming at people pays so much better. nt

response #36 by jazzjunkysue:

      Mr. Savage: You're next. Have a nice day.
Ok, everyone. Strap on your seizure-beam helmets and aim them at the TV. Ready, aim, fire!

GD, August 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1487493

OP by unpossibles:

Hypothetical GOP Internets Debate Questions
I started thinking about why the GOP candidates don't want to do the YouTube debate thing, and I started to wonder if it's because they know what the questions from their base would be like:

Q: "HEY, WHO YOU THINKS GONNA WIN THE BRICKYARD?"

Q: "WHY DO'NT WE JUST NUKE THE WHOLE MIDDLE EAST?"

Q: "WHY DO LIBRALS HATE AMERICA SO MUCH?"

Q: "I GOT THIS POSSUM STUCK IN MY DIFFRENTIAL. HOW DO I GIT IT OUT?"

Q: "I THINK MY SON CAWT THE GAY. WHICH REFORM CAMP SHOULD I SIND HIM TOO?"

Q; "HOW COMES THEM EYE-RACKIES CAIN'T GOVERN THEYSELVS?"

Q: "SHOULD WE BOMB THE F**K OUT OF EYERAN OR PAKISTAN FIRST?"

Q: "SHOULD EDUCASHUN B MAED ILEGAL?"

Q: "WEN KIN I EXPECT MY NEXT TAX BRAKE COMIN?"

feel free to add your own.

response #1 by regularguy:

Jesus wasn't really no hippie, was he?

The Lounge, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6790053

OP by edwardlindy:

I herewith claim executive privilege
so you're not allowed to read this.

response #3 by Idealist Hippie:

I don't recall whether I read it or not.

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1496571

OP title by ceile:

      "What fur-trimmed gift did Gordon Brown receive from Bush?"

response #2 by AndyTiedye:

      A Horse's Head
Bush is making Gordon Brown an offer he can't refuse.

response #5 by TomInTib:

      I immediately thought "Jenna or Barbara?".
Probably do anything to get shut of those girls.

response #9 by woodsprite:

      Mine was worse - I thought "Laura". n/t

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1498325

On a thread by applegrove:

      A cup of joe does more good than harm
"... It wasn't long ago when coffee was linked to heart disease, osteoporosis, infertility and pancreatic cancer. Now research suggests that if you drink enough of it, you'll lower the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, asthma, gallstones, Parkinson's disease, liver cancer and possibly colon cancer. And you'll feel more alert and work out harder at the gym.

That's positive news for coffee-loving Canadians who prefer the beverage over tea, milk, juice, soft drinks and beer. According to the Coffee Association of Canada, nearly two-thirds of Canadians drink an average of 2.33 cups of coffee every day..."

response #6 by FormerRushFan:

      I'm thinking by reading this, I should be immortal.... n/t
2.33 cups a day? ...and what *sized* cups would those be, Mr. Coffee "12 cup carafe" cups? I get about 4 cups out of a pot...

response #13 by shireen:

      i used to walk into meetings with
a 4-cup carafe of coffee that had just been brewed in my office.

It always got a few chuckles, people thought I was sending a message about how deadly boring those meetings were. But I had more practical considerations, it was either that carafe of coffee or taping my

eyelids open with duct tape.
:boring:

response #7 by toddaa:

      Only in moderation, though
That's why I've cut back to two pots a day. Wouldn't want to over do it.

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1498390

On a thread by IChing:

      McCain relies on supporters to drive him to events now.
"John McCain's slide in the presidential race shows up everywhere on the campaign trail.

His staff drastically reduced and his organization nearly broke, McCain flies commercial instead of on private jets, carries his own luggage and relies on supporters to drive him to events, including one who pulled away from a Rotary meeting last week with a flat rear tire.

On Monday, he missed a fundraising breakfast in Pittsburgh because his commercial flight was canceled. He called in by speakerphone to the 30 supporters in a hotel conference room..."

response #5 by struggle4progress:

      Ah, Johnny, they hardly knew ye -- and yet they could smell ye

response #6 by Lerkfish:

      wow. 30 supporters in a conference room? I'm almost feeling sorry for the guy
nope, wait, the feeling passed. Screw 'im.

Check out the Special Visual Achievement Awards below for another DUzy-winning response from this thread.

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1501426

On a thread by rodeodance:

      Beck: "He feels the pain of every wounded hero, every lonely, grieving parent this war has caused."
"Today, CNN Headline News’s right-wing host Glenn Beck had a personal 'off-the-record' meeting with President Bush at the White House. Beck’s insights from this meeting include that Bush 'is a man who personally feels the pain of every wounded hero' and has 'incredible passion and resolve.' From Beck’s show tonight:

'Let me tell you the whole story on this. He feels the pain of every wounded hero, every lonely, grieving parent this war has caused. He is a man who understands the heavy cost that we are paying, but who believes with every ounce of his being that we are in the fight for our very survival, a fight that’s importance can only be judged fairly decades from now, and I believe a fight he is willing to be judged harshly for until that time comes, even if he’s long dead.

I can also tell you that he’s — frustrated is not exactly the right word — hopeful, yet frustrated. He’s so frustrated that so many people are so myopic that they have lost sight of the forest through the trees...'"

response #1 by lonestarnot:

      Well all I wanted to know was
did bushitler give him a blow job?

response #4 by rodeodance:

      what goes on in the WH stays in the WH

response #7 by lonestarnot:

      Oh no it doesn't. Someone should be seeing to that.

response #21 by tanyev:

      OMG. Bush is going to need another colonoscopy to get Glenn Beck out.

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1500960

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      Are the fairies all dead? Where oh where can the fairies be?
The health care fairy ...... hasn't been able to provide health care to millions of us.

The road fairy ....... hasn't been able to get control of overcrowded highways and crumbling byways.

The national security fairy ...... hasn't yet been able to secure our ports or borders.

The honest vote counting fairy ....... must be off someplace ... crying.

The bridge fairy ...... no need to even go there, huh?

The education fairy ...... must be on a prolonged recess.

The energy fairy ......... needs some Red Bull, maybe?

And all those other fairies that we need to REPLACE THE INCOME OUR GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO DO ITS FUCKING JOB? Where the FUCK are they????????????????????

I HATE the simpleminded, unnuanced, asshat, greedy, tax-cutting motherfuckers who cause us to rely on fairies for our basic needs.

response #3 by Donnachaidh:

      pssssttttt..... come 'ere
The fairies were caught in an interstate sting, trying to sneak tools thru from Canada. Because they carried *wands of potential mass destruction* they've been *disappeared*. We should expect to see them at Gitmo after the tortu - err, questioning....

I heard this from a former WH source.

response #7 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      All fairy-related programs...
Have been contracted out to Halliburton, who outsourced the work to India, to cut costs and because there is a total lack of qualified fairies in the US.

response #17 by kineneb:

      all is not lost- the dish fairy visited my house
and emptied the dishwasher... just so I could fill it up again.

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1501259

OP by LaraMN:

      Bush says the gov't will "respond robustly" re: the bridge collapse.
:wtf:

Sorry, Canada.

I think we're gonna bomb you.

response #3 by Bassic:

      Respond robustly,
by not actually spending enough money to fix the problems, because raisin taxes is the devil's work.

response #7 by LaraMN:

      Respond robustly by sendin' POWERFUL good prayers!
:puke:

The only thing worse than watching the disaster footage is having to listen Captain Crackhead blabber about it.

response #8 by Peake:

      Maybe we'll get to see him strut about the site with a megaphone, hugging firemen.
:puke:

response #21 by rug:

      Looks like Utah's getting a new bridge.

response #32 by billyskank:

      Don't worry. If it's about helping people, "respond robustly" means
"we couldn't give a flying fuck about you losers."

response #33 by LaraMN:

      I am renaming him "the Robustinator."
That word is utterly meaningless.

response #43 by jobycom:

      Another presidential promise peppered with alarming alliteration.
Fear him, for his foibles are farcically fierce, and frequently unfortunate.

response #45 by LaraMN:

      I suspect his mediocrity will be metered out methodically.
:crazy:

response #50 by jobycom:

      He's doing his doggone damndest to emend the dilemma

The Lounge, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6790081

OP by displacedtexan:

      Did I just hear Bush* say "Minnesota Governor Po-len-tay?"
Gee, I could've sworn it was Tim Pawlenty.

Asshat's daily screw up. (He must've had Polenta for dinner last night.)

response #1 by AndyA:

      Bush wouldn't know Polenta if it came shooting out of his ass like a Chinese
firecracker!

Grilled cheese sandwiches, chili, and chicken fried chicken are all he knows.

response #2 by NCevilDUer:

      Hey, he was caught by surprise and didn't have time to figure out
how to pronounce it in Fake Texan.

Ad-libbing is always hazardous for bad actors.

GDP, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3421967

On a thread by Bassic:

      I just watched Bush's speech about how his budget
is so much more intelligent than the one the Dems want to pass because it "balances the budget in 5 years, while keeping your taxes low".

He _is_ an arrogant prick.

response #1 by MrScorpio:

      He is THE Arrogant Prick
His Arrogant Prickness stands as a shining example for all other lesser pricks worldwide.

We are truly blessed.

response #5 by DS1:

      The only time Bush really tried to balance anything was when he was
trying to walk in a straight line for the cops.

response #7 by Bassic:

      I'm not so sure,
I heard he regularly tries to balance two bottles of scotch on a case of beer when he walks around the White House or his ranch.

The Lounge, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6790091

On a thread by Kadie:

      "Mr. Jennings, I am not here to play games," warned Chairman Patrick Leahy
"The Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday scored its first public interview with a currently-serving aide to President Bush about the firings of federal prosecutors.

But the session with White House political aide J. Scott Jennings yielded little more than an appeal for sympathy and a citation of Greek mythology...

Jennings' refusal to answer questions is all very familiar to the committee. What they hadn't heard before was a young political buck quoting Greek literature to its members.

'I hope that you can appreciate the difficulty of my situation,' Jennings said. 'It makes Odysseus' voyage between Scylla and Charybdis seem like a pleasure cruise.'

Committee members were not intrigued.

'Mr. Jennings, I am not here to play games,' warned Chairman Patrick Leahy, D-Vt. 'Let's not be too contemptuous of this committee...'"

response #3 by rug:

      Maybe Leahy should get an eagle to gnaw on his liver.

response #4 by Beetwasher:

      Who's His Writer? Dennis Miller?
What a fucking idiot. Yeah, it's all a big fucking joke. I hope you ultimately rot in prison you fucking treasonous scumbag, or spend the rest of your life dreading a hunting trip invite from Dick Cheney.

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1500562

On a thread by Blackhatjack:

You got to admit...Repubs are professionals when it comes to WHINING...

response #4 by tsuki:

Republicans are the only people in the world that can whine and
bitch simultaneously.

GD, August 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1505344

On a thread by babylonsister:

For online users, a looming shortage of IP addresses

response #1 by corkhead:

OMG we've reached PEAK URL!!!!
:scared:

GD, August 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1505511

On a thread by NYCGirl:

      So Senator Clinton is raising money because of "sexism" and fashion comments...

response #5 by ronnykmarshall

response #7 by BeyondGeography

response #20 by Alamom

response #31 by wyldwolf

GDP, July 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3408407

OP by hootinholler:

      Bupkiss, I got bupkiss. No birds, no thumbs-up, nothing.

response #2 by Swamp Rat

response #3 by MannyGoldstein

response #10 by stellanoir

response #16 by sfexpat2000

response #21 by Buzz Clik

responses #27 & #29 by Gabi Hayes

GD, July 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1460191

On a thread by IChing:

      McCain relies on supporters to drive him to events now.

response #2 by Bluebear

GD, August 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1501426