The Sin of Misunderstanding The Poor

[demgurl]

There is a wonderful post about being poor in America and what it means. It was very touching and after reading some responses I realize that there are people out there that do not understand what it means to be poor.

If you are making ends meet, and have never had to skip a meal, it is hard to understand why people 'choose' to live as they do. I confess that I have been ignorant to the plight of the homeless or, at least, those barely getting by. One of my husband's relatives recently moved into a hotel. I do not feel the need to divulge what brought her to this but it is where she ended up. The ignorance we displayed was appalling. We sat in our wonderful home, at our kitchen table, unable to understand why someone would throw away their money on a hotel when rent would be so much cheaper and you could get a better place to live. Yes, as if someone had that true choice and decided she would like to reside in a cramped hotel room with three children. We were blissful in our ignorance. We were so 'smart' talking about how she would have to eat out and how much more money that would cost over having her own apartment. Two middle aged college educated people wallowed in their ignorance of another person's situation.

A light bulb moment soon came. I started to read "Nickeled and Dimed" and soon I realized the reality of a waitress (what our relative does for a living) trying to make ends meet with deposits, food, clothing, gas and any other bills there might be. If you have never experienced being poor first hand, you need to buy this book and start reading it. It explains the things we 'edumacated' sorts might be too out of the loop to understand.

I explained the pitfalls to my husband and all of a sudden we both felt we now understood. Perhaps we do not understand as much as living such a life but when another relative stepped up to the plate saying they were looking for donations for a deposit on a trailer, we were right there saying we would be happy to help in any way possible.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you just have no idea about someone else's situation unless you live it. You may think you know the details or you might be high and mighty stating they should just get a better job but life hardly ever comes down to a simple one sentence answer that solves everything. It is so much more complicated than that. I am ashamed of my earlier attitude and I must admit it has put me in my place to find out how complicated the matters really can be. I can not believe just how ignorant, and dense, I could be. At least I found out some answers for myself.

If I understand the book correctly (and this is putting it in VERY simple terms) then a lot of living in a car or at the back of a restaurant is because of needing a down payment on a house/apartment. I can't help but think of the gentleman who went to the poor countries with a bank that gave micro-loans. He won the Nobel Peace Prize and the story of how many people have been helped is inspiring. It would be wonderful if we had something of that sort here that could give out micro-loans so that our poor might have a chance and possibly get a leg up.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

1. I lived in a motel for 4 months a few years ago...

Once I got my Income Tax return, I was out of there, went from paying $800 a month, to $500. I don't know what I would have done with out that return.
You are so kind to help out! :hug:

[demgurl]

4. It's not kindness as much as ...

making up for my ignorance. I would hope our family would help us out if we were in the same place and not be as ignorant as we were.

I am glad you got that tax return and were able to get a place to live. We all need to help each other out.

[Stargazer99]

2. Those of you who think they have the answers-PAY ATTENTION

This person has posted the dynamics of this country when it comes to the poor and low-income. So many say well just go get a job...that job has been outsourced overseas and is beyond what education we've been able to achieve. A highschool diploma and some college just doesn't cut it anymore. When there is such disparity between the haves and the have nots it becomes even more difficult for the poor to survive. The voices of the poor are not heard. You read and hear the conservative view upon which I doubt any of the have really been out there in the homeless shelters and in poor communities to really know a damn thing they are spouting out of an ignorant mouth. The heartache and pain being poor can destroy a person, some totally. Listen to the poor and low income, really listen and quit putting your situation in the problem, most do not have your assets whether it be autos to get to a job or intellect that is demanding from the present day occupations, or they lack experience. One thing conservatives have left out of their philosophy and that is Christ's compassion for the poor and downtrodden. You don't lift a man up by stepping on his throat and so many of the conservative ideals do just exactly that. This first poster was being honest with the self...a difficult task to do in this culture...my praise to her spiritual growth.

[demgurl]

8. Now, more than ever, we all need to grow spiritually.

The phrase 'I am my brother's keeper' comes to mind. We are all one and what effects one has an effect on all of us whether we see it or not. We need to look around us and actually see those who are in need. We need to reach out to them and help them. Yes, we do have a responsibility and when we realize that we must act on it.

[truedelphi]

23. I wholeheartedly agree with that - & if you can't offer money Instead

Offer a psychic blessing

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=245x50555

[Uncle Joe]

3. This reminds me of that old saying

You can't really know someone, until you've walked a mile in their shoes or moccasins. Thanks for sharing demgurl.

Kicked and recommended.

[demgurl]

9. I agree, Uncle Joe.

I was totally judging someone without ever walking in their shoes/knowing what their true situation was. I hope others may learn from the ignorance I have experienced. I am not saying I fully understand everything at this point but I understand a lot more than I did and hopefully I will keep expanding my knowledge.

[Madspirit]

5. 5th k&r...from someone who used to be homeless...n/t

[demgurl]

10. I am humbled that someone who was once homeless would

recommend this thread. All comments from people who have been through this mean so much. It reinforces that I am moving in the right direction. Thank you so much and I am glad your situation has changed.

[Madspirit]

16. Thank-you Demgurl!...n/t

[Lars39]

6. ductapefatwa's Advice for the New Poor:

http://www.pkblogs.com/ductapefatwa/2003/11/advice-for-new-poor-part-1-some-advice.html

[ConsAreLiars]

19. EVERYONE should read that essay!

It was one of the most brilliant and insightful observations on the way things are that I have ever read. First posted on DU a few years ago, and one of the best bits of truth-telling ever written.

[Lars39]

21. Indeed.

That's why I keep posting it. ;)
The conversations(threads) that occured each time he posted a new installment were great,too. Really made people think.

[RandomKoolzip]

7. Two very big thumbsup and a recommendation.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Great post.

[demgurl]

11. Thank you, Random. nt

[kineneb]

12. medical poverty

We were "lucky," we still have our home with an incredibly low mortgage (below any market rents, even with taxes). Hubby lost his job at WorldCom in 2002. He was already heading towards kidney failure. We had to sell the house in the East Bay or lose it, and so moved out to the country.

He has been on dialysis since 2005 and in a slow decline. He was unable to get SSDI until he was 3 months from dialysis; now he has Medicare and Medicaid to cover his costs. After battling the system to get him medical care, I have come to the following conclusion: once one falls out of the private insurance system, one is doomed to poverty to keep one's medical coverage. There is no half-way, no pro-rated coverage, there is only covered or not.

To qualify for Medicaid, there are fixed income and asset levels. For two people, at least one disabled: one house, one car, no more than $3000 total cash assets, no more than $1437/month income (from all sources). Hubby qualifies. I do not, because I am neither old nor officially disabled. I qualify for California's rural program, CSMP. The income cutoff for me is $934/month; I have a $280/month spend-down per month before I have any medical coverage. Period. So the gov. forces people to stay extremely poor to get medical care.

The CMSP income cuttoff for a single person is $600. So assuming I were mentally healthy enough, when Hubby dies, I would need to be hired for a full-time job with full benefits. Otherwise, if I wanted medical coverage, $600 is what I will have to live on. There is no in-between. Above that income level, I would have a spend-down to that. Yes, I could earn more, but if I had to go into the hospital, I would have to pay the difference. Never mind losing pay for not being able to work.

So below a certain level, living at poverty level is guaranteed.

Am I in favor of universal single-payer healthcare? YES.

[sandnsea]

18. pro-rated coverage

Your story is what makes me so angry when people oppose subsidized insurance. Some people really are denying any help at all to people who need it so much. My husband and I finally got our subsidized policy a few days ago and the relief to know we can go to the emergency room if we start having a stroke or heart attack - overwhelming. We still have to wait 6 months for our pre-existing conditions to be covered, but at least they will be some day. And we have $10 generic prescription coverage, woohoo! I feel like I won the lottery, I really do. I hope California passes something better for you soon. :hug:

[demgurl]

20. There are so many stories with legitimate reasons why people

live as they do. I remember when I first moved to the US and I heard my Dad talking about how people who live out on the streets choose to do so. He said that in this day and age of shelters, etc...that no one is hungry or has nowhere to sleep unless they choose it. I was still a teen and was not quite sure how to refute it but I did understand that no one would choose that path. Too bad

I am sorry for your experience with insurance, health care and our system in general. I am glad you are finally covered but health care and a roof over your head should be a right for everyone, not just the very rich.

I used to live in Canada so I am all for universal health care. :hug:

[TalkingDog]

13. The absolute best way to understand? Do it. Take a summer off...

by yourself, away from your spouse and live it.

Give yourself, oh,....150.00 to start. That's being generous believe me. Then go out, get yourself a job at...Chili's or Ruby Tuesdays or better yet The Waffle House...they always need waitresses.

Yes, you'll live in your car for a week, til you can get a super cheap place. You'll also get a discount on your meals at the restaurant. But not enough to make it worth eating the nutritionally deficient food they serve.

BTW, get used to the bad cheap food. The bulkier stuff that fills you up is just about worthless in terms of nutrition, so expect to gain a lot of fat and become nutrient deprived at the same time.

Oh, and make sure you get a place close to work if you can. (that probably won't happen, but you might get lucky) If you live in an area without public transportation, you'll either spend your check on gas money or walk.

Now, you'll be living high on the hog since you don't have kids to support. So if you want the real experience, donate about 1/2 your check every week to a local women's shelter and then try to make it on the rest.

Good luck. (saw my mother live that life. did it myself as a teen, glad to say that was many, many years ago)

[demgurl]

14. I can't do that right now since

I have kids and we do not have any sort of daycare at all. I have lived as a waitress but was lucky enough to have a place to live. I worked at TGIFridays and made crap for tips. My apartment did not have a lock on the back door. I think I recall it did not even close all the way. There was no A/C and while my Dad gave me a computer, it was dial-up that I used.

Oh, did I mention that my apartment Also did not have heat? Except for one heater on the wall in the bedroom. I remember one night my car ran out of gas and my boyfriend came to pick me up. It was the middle of winter and I was frozen by the time he got my message and came to get me. I was in tears because of the cold. The apartment, of course, was also cold and I got warm by standing in a hot shower.

I remember the two young boys next door did not even have glass on their window! There was cardboard but I felt badly for them.

Despite all of that, I never really thought of myself as being poor. I always was lucky enough to have roof over my head and food on my table. I have been lucky enough to not have to live in a hotel or in a car. I feel blessed.

[The Vinyl Ripper]

15. We lived in a motel for nine months in Virgina..

And in a tent for three months in Mississippi.. With a three year old.

We weren't really supposed to cook in the motel room but since we were good paying customers they turned a blind eye to our camp stove. We would put our milk outside the window on the sill to keep, no refrigerator.

The tent was by choice, we probably had enough money to get a cheap place but we were trying to save money to move back to where we came from. I was on unemployment from being laid off and that covered groceries and campsite fees. We saved what my wife made. There were showers and electricity, we even had a little black and white tv.

It really wasn't that bad, but then the weather was warm.

My brother lived in a run down farmhouse out in the country for a couple of years, the glass full of water besides his bed froze solid a couple of times, no heat besides a little kerosene heater. He had a heated waterbed so was ok when in bed. Taking a shower though was not much fun. :)

[EFerrari]

17. K&R&T

(Where T = Thank you!)

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

22. It used to be a lot easier to overcome economic hardship

years ago. I was jobless at one point almost 40 years ago. I was fortunate enough to have a kind landlady who waited until we could pay the back rent. Would that happen today ? My SO and I panhandled enough $ to buy a box of pasta and a jar of sauce for supper every day. We finally got on city welfare which gave us a clothing allowance at the Good Will and some chits for groceries. It was a one-time assist but I don't know if the city even does that anymore.

Jobs were not that hard to find in those days. We both got jobs pretty quickly within walking distance of home and we wore our Good Will clothes to work.

To get an apartment today you need about $3000 for 1st month, last month and 1 month security. How do people come up with that amount ????

Thanks to another thread on this topic I learned that what Nobel Peace Prize winner Muhammad Yunus is doing with the micro-loans is being done here in the States, too . I will get the URL for the website and update this in a moment......

It is Prosper.com People can ask for loans for any purpose. There is also Kiva.org where you can make loans to people in mostly third world countries so that they can start a home based business