Just a little levity on a Friday night ...

[NanceGreggs]

Please add your own probable headlines in either category!


Headlines You Can Count On Seeing Every Week:

“George W. Bush Begins One-Week Vacation”

“Admin Ignores Subpoenas”

“WH Invokes Executive Privilege”

“Republican Caught in Sex Scandal”

“Elected GOPer Investigated re Fraud/Corruption”

“Cheney Enters Hospital for Routine Procedure”

“Bush Appoints New Military Advisor”

“New Military Advisor States Surge is Working!”

“Iraq Gov’t Crumbling”

“More Civilian Deaths in Iraq”

“More Troop Deaths In Iraq”

“Cheney Points to Evidence of Al-Qaeda Influence in Iraq”

“Cheney Points to Evidence of Iran Influence in Iraq”

“Bush Threatens Veto”

“US Headed for Economic Hard Times”

“Major American Corporation Announces Lay-Offs”

“Halliburton Stock Value Soars”

“Oil/Pharma Companies Post Record-Breaking Profits”

“Bush Clowns It Up at Int’l Conference”

“Rising Numbers on Outsourced US Jobs/Unemployment ‘Misleading’ Says WH Spokesperson”

“Tony Snow Calls Latest Accusation of GOP Wrongdoing Witch-Hunt/Fishing Expedition”

“SoS Rice Cancels Meeting Due to Scheduling Conflict”

“Priest/Minister Arrested on Sex Charges”


Headlines You Will Never See:

“Gonzales Remembers Details of Meeting/Emails”

“WH Declares Iraq War a Complete Failure”

“$$$ Missing in Fog of Iraq War FOUND!!!”

“Bush Makes Coherent Speech”

“Halliburton Becomes Twelfth War-Services Contractor to Declare Bankruptcy”

“Latest Admin Outrage Gets Non-Stop Coverage by MSM”

“Kristol, Wolfowitz, Perle Enlist – Request Immediate Deployment to Front-Lines”

“FreeRepublic Contributor Wins National Spelling Bee”

“Condi Rice Accomplishes Something”

“Tony Snow Startles Press Corp with Straightfoward, Honest Answers”

“Cheney Cites Diplomacy as Key in Dealing with Iran”

“Coalition of Fundamentalist Pastors Demand Separation of Chuch/State”

“Republicans Call for Banishing Lobbyists from DC”

“Administration Insists on Strict Adherence to Constitution/ Geneva Conventions”

“McCain’s Campaign Swimming in $$$”

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Nance!

You are way too clever for me!

I couldn't think of any half as funny as yours if I tried for a million years!

Great job, sweetie!

K&R, of course...

:hug:

[AlCzervik]

2. "Bush and Cheney will be tried separately at the Hague"

"Henry Kissinger is serving his time at a super max in Colorado"

[JeffR]

3. I'll add one to the second list

"Diebold software praised by programmers as 'a model of transparency which also sets a new standard for data security'"

[Kurovski]

8. ...and that reminds me...

bricks are a delicious addition to soups and stews.

[JeffR]

9. Don't forget cheese with wires

Good eatin'.

[Kurovski]

10. ...especially with juice

in the wires. 60 volts makes a tasty snack.

[JeffR]

11. Mm mm mm mm mm

Toasty!

[Kurovski]

12. One of those things you give the kids after a day of sledding and snowman building.

Hot cocoa and cheesy zaps.

[JeffR]

13. Just narrowly avoided spewing vermouth on my keyboard

Damn, this site is dangerous.

And my newest exciting poll news about your campaign is burning up GDP, BTW, as it rockets at light-speed to below-the-fold obscurity.

It's a fun forum, GDP. Can't wait for the primaries!

[Kurovski]

14. Wha...?

Why hasen't Laurab informed me of this?

Worried about the future level of discourse in GDP? Didn't you know? I worked out a deal with Skinner: vote for Wetz-Kuro or get tombstoned. See? No more fights in GDP.

Well, more like no more GDP at all.

[JeffR]

15. I'll sleep soundly tonight, for the first time in weeks

ah...

[Kurovski]

16. That's good.

Wetz-Kuro do their best work when no one's conscious.

[JeffR]

18. Neat. I do my best work when I'm not conscious.

I think.

[Kurovski]

21. That's why you were chosen.

Certainly you don't think you chose us, do you?

Don't try to figure it out. You've already forgotten.

[JeffR]

26. Forgotten what?

[Kurovski]

28. Spoken like our A-number one bag man.

Er, um, aaaa...SUPPORTER!

[NanceGreggs]

22. I see you have highjacked my thread ...

... to shamelessly campaign for your chosen candidates!

Is there no escaping the madness????

[JeffR]

24. No escape. There's a litttle bit of GDP in every forum these days.

:P

[Kurovski]

27. It's funny that we both posted what we did at exactly 6:09 PT

Hi, Nance! :hi:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

4. You can count on seeing

Young Blond Celebrity With Little Or No Talent Caught By Cops Again

American Idol Idolized For Whatever It Is They Do On American Idol To Get Idolized

Another Stupid Game Show Rules the Ratings

Some Candidate Has Had Some Superficial Change Made To Appearance

Never Expect to See

Hard Working Actors Spend Time Helping Charities (this really does happen but you never hear about it)

Bill Moyers Given Expanded Program On All Major Networks

Masters of Science Fiction Rules the Ratings (or substitute the title of any quality program)

The Health Care, Defense, and Labor Platforms of All Candidates Presented Clearly

[NanceGreggs]

5. If we're going to bring the MSM into it ...

... I'd like to make a few additions of my own:

Things You'll Never See:

"Wolf Blitzer Fails to Refer to Latest News Story as Chilling"

"Larry King Starts Sentence that Doesn't Begin 'Whadda Ya Make of This ..."

"FOX-News Correctly Identifies Corrupt GOPer with an (R) Instead of a (D)"

[NeedleCast]

6. Chinese Product Show to Contain

(insert toxin here).

[Jade Fox]

7. Fabulous list. May I steal it....

and leave it around the break room at work? Although I'm sure Mr. Snow would call it a Partisan fishing expedition.

[NanceGreggs]

19. Feel free! n/t

[hisownpetard]

17. Headline we'll never see: Bush Reads Another Book n/t

edit:add

[NanceGreggs]

23. GOOD ONE!!!

How could I have overlooked the obvious?

:rofl:

[hisownpetard]

32. Wow - coming from you, what a compliment! Thanks! n/t

[hisownpetard]

20. Never see: Gonzales Tells Bush To Go F*** Himself n/t

[hisownpetard]

25. Never see: Cronkite Nominates Geraldo for Edward R. Murrow Award

[hisownpetard]

29. Never See: Bush Discovers Oval Office is Flat n/t

[Just-plain-Kathy]

30. PNAC Becomes Public Knowledge, Now all Americans are Behind Impeachment.

[hisownpetard]

31. Never See: Bush Enrolls for Fall Semester: Taking 'English as a Second Language' n/t

[hisownpetard]

33. Never See: Cheney's Personal Diary Found But Can't Be Unlocked n/t

[hisownpetard]

34. Never See: New Laser Treatment Promises to Get Teeth Joe-Biden-White n/t

[cutlassmama]

35. K&R. Ms. Greggs, you rock!!! eom

[Radio_Lady]

36. Very funny, Nance and hisownpetard! Thanks for lightening up my evening!

K & R!

Sincerely,

Radio Lady in Oregon

[Radio_Lady]

37. Oh, oh... number 13 recommendation! But it's bad luck to be superstitious!

Good night and good luck!

[hisownpetard]

39. It was all Nance's doing, but I had fun putting my few cents in! Thanks. n/t

[Kurovski]

38. Headlines You Will Never See:

George W. Bush Enters Rehab.

[hisownpetard]

40. Never See: Bush Has Own Name Redacted Post-humously From

His Tombstone.

[JudyM]

41. "Cheney donates all his shares of Halliburton to inner-city school"