MY NIECE IS AT THE POLICE STATION!!!

[demgurl]

She is staying with my (wimpy) mother-in-law tonight and then....??????? As it turns out, she has a disorder where she pulls out her hair. There is a clinic in Wisconsin that deals with that sort of thing and they are going to suggest her going up there. Not sure who would be there or how it would work. We still think everyone is not dealing with the issue and this hear pulling thing, I am sure, is due to the father-in-law. We are going to try and intervene and see if my niece would like to be with us.

[OzarkDem]

1. Good luck

I hope she gets the support, attention and love she so desperately needs.

[BlooInBloo]

2. But they found her - PHEW!

[LWolf]

3. I'm so glad you found her.

:grouphug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

4. Thank God and good luck! *hugs*

[knitter4democracy]

5. What a relief!

I hope that she gets the safe place to be that she needs and the care she is obviously asking for.

Keep us posted. Maybe your MIL will be able to keep her safe for now.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

6. Here:

Learn and understand a little.

https://dbpeds.org/articles/detail.cfm?TextID=379

http://web4health.info/en/answers/child-ttm-comorbid.htm

http://www.charleston.net/news/2007/aug/07/helping_children_stop_chronic_hair_pulli12351/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania

On edit: Were they nagging her about the habit a lot? The reason I ask is that some of these pieces point out that nagging does not work.

[demgurl]

9. I am not sure if they were nagging her.

I will read those links. Thank you for providing them. You can not help someone if you do not understand them.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

12. Bingo!

You get to wear a gold paper star in the middle of your forehead for the rest of the day, for that insight! ;-)

[Madrone]

23. I've taken in a girl that has that.

She was ecstatic when we realized it's a REAL thing -- and not that she just pulls it out for no reason. She feels like now she knows it can be fixed, with the proper help, that she'll never get around here, but I digress.

You are right though, that nagging doesn't work.

[mikelgb]

40. thanks, I have been looking for this

describes me to a T

I pull facial hair

[Mz Pip]

7. Glad she was found

and is safe. Sounds like she really needs some help. Maybe the clinic isn't such a bad idea if she can get some professional help.

What a relief for you and your family. Scary stuff to be wondering and worrying about what might have happened to her.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[demgurl]

8. You know, I meant to post this under my other thread.

I am so sorry for making an extra post. I am at my wit's end and emotionally drained. Please excuse me if I am addled. Thank you for your well wishes and please keep praying for my niece.

[Karenina]

19. Don't apologize!!!

I was waiting for this thread KNOWING, upon seeing your first, that YOUR heart, soul and dedication would suffice. :hug: I'm SO delighted and will continue to send love and support to you and your family from across the Big Pond. :hug::bounce::hug:

[demgurl]

24. Thank you for the support.

You have no idea how it has helped me the last few days.

[Karenina]

27. And you have it for the next few days, months, years...

:grouphug:

One day at a time Babykins. Sufficient to the day are...........

[Double T]

10. Sounds like a difficult situation all the way around............

hope things work out for her and your family.

[FormerOstrich]

11. Demgurl....

You are a wonderful person. I am so glad your niece is safe.

I am not sure if you had a chance to read my post on the other thread but I encouraged you to take charge of the entire situation and perhaps even seek the advice of an attorney. I know that is a huge responsibility but...

btw...my niece move to Arizona (where I live) when she started college. While I always had a good relationship with her it was an adjustment when she moved here. At first she lived in the dorms. At the time, I told my mom that I had not understood teenage girls when I was one, so I certainly had no chance now.

Several times she would ask if she could move in with me. I patiently explained to her that I loved her and enjoyed her company. As such, I wanted that to be true when she graduated, as well, so no she probably shouldn't move in. And of course, she would anyway.

She has now graduated and her and matured considerable. While there were many times I wished that she had not made the choice to move here, I am no so very glad she did.

Good luck to you and your Niece. Thank you so very much for the follow up information! Please continue to keep us posted.

[bobthedrummer]

13. Strongly suggest forget about Wisconsin clinics that "specialize" in what you describe.

There is a lot of dark history behind these corrupted facilities. If you want further details PM me.

Here's a link to a related post, demgurl.

"Wisconsin and some black operations"
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=186x21683#21699

[Sparkly]

15. Doesn't mean that all psych clinics in Wisconsin are corrupt.

If the girl needs help, she should have it.

[Sparkly]

14. So glad to hear it.

Is she by any chance on meds for ADD? I ask because I've seen the hair-pulling as a side-effect of stimulant medications.

Glad she's safe. :hug:

[demgurl]

28. I do not believe she has ever been diagnosed with ADD

but her brother was.

[MissWaverly]

16. good luck to you, hope you can get her to live with you

sounds like you have all been through an ordeal.

God Bless!

Miss Waverly

[demgurl]

30. Thank you for your kind words, Miss. Waverly. nt

[MissWaverly]

33. You are welcome

I think that after the battle, you will be proud of the fact that you jumped in and
tried to help, whether it goes well or not, you will know that you gave your
heart, and your sweat and tears and that you tried rather than sitting on
the sidelines. I have had my heart broken twice over losing the cancer
battle with 2 dear friends but I am glad that I made a difference in
their lives with what time they had.

[demgurl]

37. When we get old...

it is the things we did not try to do that we will regret most. I intend to go the full distance with this one. I will do all I can.

[MissWaverly]

43. Yes, that's the truth

one thing I truly believe, Love is never wasted.

:-)

[The Witch]

17. K&R!! Thank god she's found

I'm sure the hard part is yet to come but for now breathe a sigh of relief... you are a good person and a good aunt and I'm so relieved to hear that she's safe.

[pitohui]

18. great news, i'm glad she is found safe and well

as a nit -- the hair pulling disorder is not related to or caused by asshole FILs, no matter how tempting it is to blame them, it's a relative of the obsessive-compulsive disorders

in some (most?) cases it is treated by medications so your niece should be serious about going to the clinic and getting her Rx

the running away is a separate issue from the hair pulling, unless the niece ran away out of shame and not wanting to be seen by anyone who knows her (always possible if the family is not accepting, now that CAN be put at FIL's door for treating her cruelly)

thank you for taking time to keep us informed when you must have so much to do

only the best and brightest of wishes for you and your niece in the future

many compulsive scratchers, hair pullers, nail biters, "pickers" etc. out there -- i think you'd be surprised how many -- best thing you can do from your end of things is be accepting when she needs acceptance and not make a big thing out of the pulling, no comments on her appearance unless they are flattering, and of course support her if she needs to try more than one medication to find the one that works, OCD can be tricky and require experiment

[onewholaughsatfools]

20. I have glad she has been found

Now the real issues are out and up front, she is blessed to have you love and concern..

[HereSince1628]

21. Here's a site for Trcichotillomania

Trichotillomania Learning Center's Web page www.trich.org

[lisa58]

22. Again...

...thank God she is safe and you know where she is. I'm sure everyone here is wishing for the best outcome for her and your family.

Keep us posted.

[madisongrace]

25. In Wisconsin, this is an excellent organization

http://www.grassrootspower.org/recovery.html

[Shine]

26. Glad to know she's safe and I hope she gets the help she needs

therapy will help her, I'm sure.
:hug: you're a good Auntie.

[proud patriot]

29. I wish you all the best

:hi:

[Ilsa]

31. I am so relieved for you and her and her family. Of course, there

would have to be some deeper issue involved that she needs help for. There are so many medications available for treatment of OCD, anxiety, etc, whatever is behind her hair-pulling behavior. I wishher the best for recovery, and hope her family will join her in some family counselling. Hugs to you and her.

[Jack Rabbit]

32. ()

[billyoc]

34. I'm very glad she's safe.

:hi:

[Kahuna]

35. So happy to hear it Demgurl. When I read your earlier threads...

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: I got a sense that she was safe somewhere. Lots of :pals: to you all.

[rodeodance]

36. hair pulling is a psy disorder---there is a name but I forget. Best to you.

[MLFerrell]

38. Trichotillomania can be hell...

I should know, I suffered from it your years when I was younger. Your niece will need loving support in order to overcome the stigma associated with this disease.

I'm glad that she is safe and sound. Let her know that you'll be there for her.

[Scout1071]

39. I had an old friend that pulled out her hair.

Very odd. She didn't have any eyebrows because of it. I always wondered what caused it.

And I'm glad that your niece has been located. I'm sure it will all work out and I certainly hope she gets the help she needs.

[porphyrian]

41. Good. Take care. - n/t

[demgurl]

42. I AM GOING TO SEE MY NIECE IN AN HOUR OR SO....

She is at her Grandma's house and we are having supper. My husband will pull his Mom aside to talk to her about the whole situation and I will pull aside my niece and ask her if she has been abused. I talked to my niece's boyfriend's Grandmother and she alleges that my niece confessed, to the cops, that her stepfather abuses. Allegedly my niece has a HUGE bald spot on the side of her head and she said her stepfather pulled her hair out. Maybe the Grandmother is lying, maybe my niece is lying or maybe my niece had already pulled out a bunch of hair and her stepfather pulled her back, by the hair on her head, and a bunch of her hair was pulled out.

I have no idea what to believe any more until I talk to my niece. My sister-in-law never divulged this hair pulling disease to us before so perhaps it does not exist but she is trying to cover for her husband. My husband says he has been keeping an eye on our niece to make sure she has not been abused.....would it not follow that he would have noticed something about her hair?????

If she told the cops about her stepfather, would they have just released her to my mother-in-law? I am so confused and want to do what is right by my niece. Any input is still appreciated. Thanks!

[MissB]

45. I'm glad you're going to pull her aside and ask her.

:hug: This can't be easy for any of the family. I don't have any advice to offer, I'm just glad she has been found and is now safe.

[The Vinyl Ripper]

47. It may take more than a simple pulling aside to get the straight story from your niece.

Getting to the bottom of things like abuse often take a lot of time and patience.

I wouldn't take the young lady's word either way without some corroborating evidence.

Keep your eyes open and your antennae tuned for strange vibes from the niece, stepfather, mother, etc.

[demgurl]

48. SHE DENIED IT.......

She did say there was verbal, heavy verbal abuse. She said she allegedly told the cops that her stepfather pulled her hair but that it was an accident and that his ring got caught in her hair and it was completely an accident. My husband is assured by this and I promised him I would back off for now if she said she was not physically abused. I offered her our house now and in the future but she did say she was happy where she was right now.

I did call the cops to ask if she had reported abuse or if she told them it was an accident. The cop assigned to her case will not be back until Wednesday and I am not sure he can disclose that information to me.

As I told my husband, the one thing that truly bothers me is she has admitted verbal abuse, there are still four children in that abusive home and everyone is focusing on my niece and how to make her feel better but not on the real problem - the stepfather. I have not heard one person state that needs to be addressed. That horrifies me to no end.

For now I have no blood on my hands. I handle this with a clear conscience knowing that I have tried, and will continue trying to get at the truth. I will love her and keep an eye out for her. I have told her our door is open for shelter and our wallets are open to hire a lawyer. She at least know she has choices.

[Vidar]

44. Glad she's safe.

[uppityperson]

46. Good and good luck to her

[blondeatlast]

49. Wonderful news--and thank you for caring so much for her. Sounds like

the support is much needed.

I'm so happy to read this! :hug: