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In this skewed, screwed up universe we've all fallen into, the world is populated by strange, human-like figures that share amazing characteristics with fictional creations from years gone past. We've entered bizzaro-world, and nothing makes any sense any more.
Our President, George W. Bush, is like a fleshly version of the puppet Howdy-Doody, except the wooden puppet was probably more perceptive. He's so self-absorbed and generally ignorant, the only time he says something that makes a damn lick of sense is when someone's got their hand up his ass.
Which brings us to Dick Cheney. This guy looks so evil he might have stepped out of the next Star Wars movie--assuming there was going to be one. One can see him waddling around, wrapped in a black cloak, strangling people at a distance and squashing small aliens underfoot with a twisted look of scorn on his fat, feral face.
Condi Rice? A soulless automoton, programmed to parrot certain phrases and buy expensive shoes to keep up appearances as being a real person rather than a thoughtless robot.
Tony Snow? A smarmy used car salesman promoted to the pinnacle of his profession--bullshitting the media and the American public into buying an absolute lemon of a car that'll get them exactly .25 miles down the road before exploding into flames.
Denny Hastert? C'mon. He looks like the man who ate Cleveland. Whole. With ketchup.
Joe Leiberman? He'd sell his mother, wife, and kids, just to hold on to a tiny bit more political power, to have one more moment of relevance, no matter the cost. The man who COULD have been Vice President, but instead became a high-priced whore for the powers-that-be.
Then you have the pundits.
Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. It's as if someone captured a pair of harpies from myth, plucked all their feathers, and disguised their lower extremities with great care and incredible precision. I mean, what can they do but shriek and gabble? When was the last time they said something that didn't sound like it came from a hideous, vengeful half-human, half-bird creature?
Bill O'Reilly. This guy is like a parody of himself. How could he possibly take himself seriously? At this point Stephen Colbert is little more than a parody of a parody.
Rush Limbaugh. What can you say about this guy? A self-proclaimed paragon of virtue caught forcing his housekeeper to get him hillbilly heroin, then, while still under probation for THAT, caught coming into the country from a known destination for sexual deviants, carrying viagra prescribed to someone else? He's like some alien blob wearing a human suit.
Sean Hannity? Talk about vainglory. He's so enthralled by his own image, and the sound of his own voice, that he'll say anything to stay on the air. He's like Tony Snow's slightly less capable protege, the guy at the used car lot that grovels better than anyone else, but pisses in your backseat before you take possession of the car.
It would all be funny, if it weren't so fucking tragic. This cast of characters is so bizarre that if a screenwriter tried to peddle them to Hollywood, he (or she) would be laughed out of town. "They'll never buy it."
Problem is, they did buy it. And we are all continuing to pay the price.
Enough with bizarro world. I want to go home.
On edit: And, of course, I forgot to mention the desperado diplomat, the one and only John Bolton, who, as everyone has already noted, takes fashion tips from Yosemite Sam. So far the only thing he HASN'T done was fire a couple of six-guns into the ceiling as exclamation points.
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