stillcool
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 06:55 PM
Original message |
|
an old lady died recently. She raised me. When I got the call, the first words out of my mouth were..thank God. I am finally free. It seems I've been waiting for that call my entire adult life. It's not that I hate, it's not that I don't understand, it's not that I can't forgive. I just can't go back. Those feelings did not last long. I thought I'd broken all ties to that past, but it turns out the ties that bind me are made of elastic. The further away I get the more it stings when I get snapped back. Why is it that when death visits all those that went before come back? My interest in politics...the world that spins around me...began as a way to make sense of life, and people, and why we do the things we do. And, I've learned a lot. About the effects of war on the human spirit, and the consequences of those consequences. That we human beings are all the same, what we see in others is inherent in us all. That what you put in, is what you get out. That the choices I make every day... who I want to be, how I want to act, what I want to focus on, how I choose to talk to others, how I allow others words to affect me...those choices can unleash my own war or bring me peace. Oh yeah, and one other thing..words are important. Words last lifetimes.
|
MadMaddie
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 06:57 PM
Response to Original message |
1. It is good when burdons are lifted off of your shoulders |
|
May you enjoy your life and the wonderful moments it presents.
|
angstlessk
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 07:01 PM
Response to Original message |
2. It is said..."freedom is not free" we all pay a price for our freedom be |
|
it not crying at a loved ones funeral beacuse they not only did not free us, but they held us back. It probably happens more often than not? Humans, after all, are an imperfect species.
|
eleny
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 07:01 PM
Response to Original message |
3. Just a little something... |
stillcool
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 07:03 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
kitty44
(96 posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 07:06 PM
Response to Original message |
|
...as you sort out your conflicting emotions.
Thanks so much for your honesty!
|
H2O Man
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 07:48 PM
Response to Original message |
|
we have known, even from our past, is painful. And it can be painful in many different ways, including bringing up conflicted feelings. That's normal .... or, if there really isn't such thing as "normal," it is okay.
|
Gregorian
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 08:06 PM
Response to Original message |
|
For some reason your post sounds like something that has been going on in my head lately. If I inserted right here the story, it would take some time. Parents who I hated. But then after Bush got into office, realized were actually very very good people. Just not good parents. But not bad parents. And then my cat died. I loved him more than any human I've ever known. And then I realized that life isn't, not infinite, but permanent. And that there will be a time when I will find that I will finally discover what it's like to live without that person I hated. And then what. Will I miss them. Will I find out that my hate was in me. Will I... Something changed in your life. Now you are at that other place. On that other side. And who knew what it would be like. Now I also realize that it's best to be careful. What we do just might also reside within us. Not just like throwing something away. I'll tell you, I cry every other day now. I haven't cried in twenty years. Something changed. I guess the only thing I can say is that it's like a wave of time. Try to keep on going on.
Also I might add something that might make all of what I'm saying even more ridiculous than it already sounds. But if we really are unique people, then do we really just vaporize and disappear? I don't think so. Keep in mind that things might be more permanent than they seem.
And I apologize if this is meaningless babble. Something in your post really resonates with me.
|
stillcool
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 09:23 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
|
died a few weeks ago. Her sister is still looking for her. So, I guess I'm already in a weird place. My real parents died a long time ago...And yet it seems as long as I breathe, they will never die. This one has taken me by surprise...the same people and places I've been running away from are all right here. What I feel most is afraid. I've been hiding for a long time. Someone once told me that 'thou shalt not kill' really means that you can't kill...makes perfect sense.
|
Wiley50
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 08:06 PM
Response to Original message |
8. A year and a bit ago, my mom died |
|
I last saw her a week before she died She didn't know me. She was suffering in pain so much even through the morphine She had lapsed into something not human anymore She had regressed into a wild animal
She had sought help from a church the last year or so even though she had nevver attended church before as an adult. They assigned an old fundy wingnut lady to look after her affairs. They chased me, an admitted atheist, away, out of contact until the very end
That old crazy fundy wingnut woke me up at 4 am the day mom died and in a loud fruitcake euphoria proclaimed, " Dorothy has passed into god's hands, she is now with the lord"
"U huh"
|
GeorgeGist
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Fri Aug-31-07 09:10 PM
Response to Original message |
9. you have a way to go ... |
|
before you're free. Pity the old lady if she was an obstacle and get beyond her.
|
DU
AdBot (1000+ posts) |
Wed May 08th 2024, 08:53 PM
Response to Original message |