JeffR

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Sat Sep-01-07 03:10 PM
Original message

***DUzy Awards for week ending August 31, 2007.***

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring saucy swipes, sardonic scorn and stunning send-ups from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The shiny, happy DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to merh, bridgit, twenty4blackbirds, AllyCat, Buzz Clik, SeattleGirl, CaliforniaPeggy, eleny, wryter2000, SallyMander, krispos42, rocknation, stellanoir, chimpsrsmarter, unhappycamper, djmaddox1 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance. Had to leave out a lot to finish the awards this week, but thanks to everyone for your suggestions.

Deepest sympathies to Mrs. Grumpy on her loss.

This should have appeared last week:

On a thread by rumpel:

      VOTER FRAUD & JUSTICE FIRINGS PROBES REVEAL DISAPPEARING PRESSURE GROUP, THE ACVR
"The American Center for Voting Rights (ACVR) was supposed to be a non-partisan NGO pushing for government action to combat what it alleged was a widespread problem with ballot fraud across the United States. When investigations revealed it was founded and operated by Republican campaign operatives, and that its allegations were largely fabricated, the organization literally disappeared from public view. And now it is increasingly difficult to find documents it published or links to information about its founders online...

The group's founder, Mark Hearne —also known as 'Thor'—, or someone close to him, has apparently been busy erasing references to the group from sites that bear his name, or vice-versa..."

response #3 by bleever:

      Thor, god of blunder,
King of all
Whose heads are dunder.

Worst. Fake. Advocacy. Group. Ever.

response #8 by truedelphi:

      It happens every election - I really really mean to vote Democratic
Ticket but then I think about gay marriage and all those same sex love buddies twisting and turning in the night, and then no matter how inane the Republican running, I just can't help but pull the lever for George W or Dole, or George the Elder.

NOT!!

But it is a good cover story.

Election Reform, August 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=203x481116

On a thread by Mind_your_head:

      What will you do when the cell-phones don't work?

response #1 by aquart:

      Rejoice?

response #9 by kenny blankenship:

      I will drive around with a cell phone clamped to my ear, singing show tunes into it
in the most animated display I can manage, just to convince other drivers on I-285 that my cell phone still works while theirs is pushing up daisies in a landfill...

GD, August 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1659886

On a thread by Vyan:

      Ted Nugent Calls for Violence against Obama, Hillary, Boxer, Feinstein

response #3 by LiberalinNC:

      What an asshole!!! I can't believe this piece of shit is out on tour, who
the hell would spend their hard earned money on this asswipe!!!

response #5 by orleans:

      apparently other asswipes. n/t

response #26 by MissMillie:

      why would he ask someone to suck one of his guns?
doesn't he have a penis?

(I didn't think so.)

Political Videos, August 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x49574

OP by Philosoraptor:

      What snappy slogans will be used to extend the war 6 more mnths.?
The whole war has been created and maintained with the simple use of clever slogans. They fit well on bumper stickers and headlines. Stay the course is a good one, that is still in use, even yesterday I saw it in a bushwar headline.

We must fight them over there bla bla is another fine and effective slogan.

We must continue the fight so that the fallen did not die in vain is an extra snappy one.

Lately its been, 'we are waiting on General Betrayus's report in September', each six month war cycle continuation is fueled by snappy slogans written by dick and his speech writers.

On September eleventh the good general will deliver his super hyped report, but he's wasting everyone's time, we all know what it says already, then the 'surge' will be re-named, repackaged, and given a few new snappy slogans to accompany it.

"Stability by Spring"? "Surge Two, the Return"? "Surge Hard, with a vengeance"?

"The March toward March"? "Springtime for bush and Victory"? "Iran has weapons of mass destruction, an army of terrorists, and is developing nuclear weapons"?

I just can't WAIT for the next snappy slogans!

response #1 by Bluebear:

      Surge Deep Until The Job Is Done! Pullout is Not An Option!
Operation Mucho Macho Desert Proud Erect Eagle Bravo Surge-o!

response #5 by Philosoraptor:

      Va Va Voom! Viva Viagra! Vim, Vigor & Victory! Vrooom Vrooooomm!!

response #3 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      "Iraq: Extended Remix."

response #29 by Sabriel:

      It needs a cute, cartoony mascot, like the Olympics
Maybe a Boobah-type amorphous creature wearing desert fatigues.

response #31 by rucky:

      Name him Sergio.

GD, August 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1660213

OP by The Vinyl Ripper:

      What will eventually end mankind?
What with all the super cheerful threads here I thought I would inject a little more levity..

What are your thoughts, I have more exotic ones but heres's a few to start with.

Biosphere collapse after oceanic die off mid century?

Asteroid impact?

Deliberate asteroid impact?

Genetic experiment gone unexpectedly awry?

Nuclear war?

Bio war?

Eventually the sun will turn red giant and everything out to Mars will be history.

Jesus comes back, who gets what? "Jesus is coming, and boy is he seriously upset".

response #4 by LiberalAndProud:

      Apathy ... and I don't care.

response #5 by Middle finga:

      Another presidency from the Bush family

response #9 by Philosoraptor:

      Driving while texting.

response #11 by AngryAmish:

      Chuck Norris

GD, August 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1661708

On a thread by Contrary1:

      Scientists Say They've Found Cure For Alzheimers

response #2 by LiberalFighter:

      Just don't let any of the Bush family get the cure

response #9 by melody:

      It only works on humans n/t

GD, August 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1663936

On a thread by snappyturtle:

Lookie!! The pres is going to Sydney in style.....sickening
"When President George Bush takes off from the White House for the short trip to Andrews Air Force Base in Marine One, not one but three identical helicopters rise into the sky, in an airborne pea-and-thimble trick.

No one knows which helicopter is the President's. It is the same with the motorcades that regularly bring Washington's traffic to a standstill. The smoked windows of the dozen official cars and huge Chevrolet Suburbans that race through the streets with sirens and horns blaring, with a vanguard of motorcycle police frantically waving people out of the way and blocking intersections, make it impossible to know just who is where.

Washingtonians say there are decoy motorcades, too, but who, apart from the Secret Service, would know?..."

response #15 by KoKo01:

HA! Bush is now traveling like SADDAM who used decoys and
dummies so that no one would know if it was real or Fake Saddam. "Beware your enemies lest you become like them" or some such saying comes to mind. :rofl:

Mussolini also comes to mind as far as puffed up dictators thinking they are hot stuff.

GD, August 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1662439

OP by highnooner:

With Apologies to Gilligan's Island....
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful war
That started from Republicans
and PNAC’s manical core.

G Dub was a naive cowboy kid,
Dick Cheney dumb and sure.
The soldiers went to war that day
For a three month tour, a three month tour.

Then the war started getting rough,
Another plan was tossed,
Because of the idiotic fearless few
The war has been lost, the war has been lost.

The war set ground on the shore of Iraqi desert sands
With GW
And Cheney too,
Rummy boy and Condi Rice,
Negroponte
Wolfowitz and Patraeus,
There on Iraqi soil.

So this is the tale of the US troops
They're there for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.

Then G Dub and Cheney too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others scared as hell,
From the quagmire that is their mess.

No peace, more plights, more bombing sites,
Not a real victory,
It’s a poorly planned war,
A quagmire it’s come to be.

So join us here each year my friends,
You're sure to get a sore,
Because of seven morons,
And their failed Iraqi war.

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1676877

Poll question by zulchzulu:

      Why did Alberto Gonzales finally resign?
:bluebox: He wanted to spend more time with his family

:bluebox: He wanted to finally come clean and admit he is an idiot

:bluebox: George didn't invite him to last Saturday's Crawford weenie roast

:bluebox: Even his dog doesn't trust him, so he finally saw the light

:bluebox: His daughter kept saying she "didn't recall" why she smelled like booze

:bluebox: He kept repeating "I don't recall" over and over to himself in the mirror

:bluebox: The Ship of Fools was close to shore, so it was time to jump

:bluebox: Halliburton wants him to head up the new Martial Law Torture Division

:bluebox: All the above

:bluebox: Other

response #1 by IanDB1:

      His wife bought him a new power drill, and he can't wait to try it on his own family. n/t

response #4 by lwcon:

      I'm not sure he's going to resign
By 10:30AM, he might forget.

response #6 by Sparkly:

      Ironic statement du jour: Chimpy "loves a secret"
So said John Wang on MSNBC in response to a question about why Chimpy had Gonzo resign.

Yeah, they love secrets, all right. That's kind of the problem. :eyes:

response #7 by leftofthedial:

      according to the official press release
he doesn't recall why he resigned

At press time, "The Ship of Fools was close to shore, so it was time to jump" was winning with 42% of the votes.

GDP, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3480563

On a thread by Newsjock:

      (Sen.) Craig (R-Idaho) Arrested, Pleads Guilty Following Incident in Airport Restroom
"Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) was arrested in June at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men’s public restroom, according to an arrest report obtained by Roll Call Monday afternoon.

Craig’s arrest occurred just after noon on June 11 at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. On Aug. 8, he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct in the Hennepin County District Court. He paid more than $500 in fines and fees, and a 10-day jail sentence was stayed. He also was given one year of probation with the court that began on Aug. 8.

A spokesman for Craig described the incident as a 'he said/he said misunderstanding'..."

response #18 by Snarkoleptic:

      Mebbe the lewd behavior was with a 'family values' constituent?
After all, his Senate.gov homepage shows the following missions...
1) Deliver timely, high quality constituent service.
and
3) Defend and strengthen the traditional values of the American family.

response #59 by Bosso 63:

      Get a room!
Sex,(gay or straight) in public bathrooms is rude and unsanitary.
I guess I'm a romantic.

response #70 by tularetom:

      Perhaps he could become the "solicitor general"
Bwahahahahahahahaha...

:rofl: :rofl:

response #76 by FredScuttle:

      I can't wait for this to be blamed on the Clenis
You see, Larry Craig was an upstanding, God-fearing HETEROAMERICANPATRIOT, but because of that diabolical Bill Clinton, he had an eight-year delayed reaction and all of a sudden was struck with a sudden desire to cheat on his wife....with a dude! In an airport bathroom!

Behold the Power of the Clenis!

response #102 by Mr. Sinister:

      Re-public-can
It's in the name. They must ALL love public toilet sexcapades.
Who knew you could build a party on such a basis and win elections.
America is a great land!

response #129 by matt819:

      If there's a resignation, you just know what's going to be said
Need to spend more time with the family
Though why they would want to spend time with him is a mystery

Problem with alcohol/drugs and entering rehab
Can you just imagine the group sessions with Foley, et al?

Have confessed to my wife/family/god, and they have forgiven
What is it with these people? If I did these things and was caught, there'd be a vacuum behind me as my wife kicked me out the door. Forgiveness? Give me a break!

A quick question for all the male DUers out there who have used public restrooms in airports. How many times have you done anything in a men's room that has been - or, hell, can be - misconstrued as lewd behavior. How complicated is it for these republicans to use a friggin' men's room. Enter men's room. Unzip zipper. Stare at wall in front of you. Pee. Zip up zipper. Wash hands. Leave. Where's the room for misunderstanding? What part of this has them confused? And remember, people elected these idiots. Maybe that should be a debate question. How do you use a men's room? How can we trust you with foreign policy if you somehow are unable to use a men's room? What have we become??

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2968630

On a thread by Archae:

      Latest "Off the deep end" Freeper quote...
From a thread about Gonzalez resigning...

"Dems’ successfully destroying GOP Executive Branch of Govt. and implementing next phase of coup d’etat....allowing Putin to install Presidential Cabinet in transition to a Clinton dictatorship."

6 posted on 08/27/2007 5:28:19 AM PDT by sodpoodle (Despair -Man's surrender. Laughter - God's redemption)

:wtf:

response #7 by IMModerate:

      OMG! They've discovered the Clinton-Putin Entente!
How are we gonna take over the world now? :shrug:

response #10 by simskl:

      That is one slow coup d'etat going on n/t

response #19 by jazzjunkysue:

      Plan X succeeds! We've destroyed the GOP Exec branch! Our work here is done.
I'd like to thank my agent, my manager, and my mother, for making this destruction possible. A lot of people worked together to make this destruction possible. I accept this award for all of the people who contributed to the destruction of the GOP executive branch.

Thank you.

response #29 by FredScuttle:

      Putin?
I thought our plot was to install Osama Bin Laden as interim Supreme-Ruler-For-Life until Hillary was able to sneak Hugo Chavez and the zombie Fidel Castro into the country to set fire to the Constitution and roll out the red carpet for Bill Clinton to assume his rightful throne.

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1671741

On a thread by MonkeyFunk:

      Ah, all is well. Vick found Jesus
Doing a press conference now. This ordeal has caused him to find Jesus and turn his life over to God.

At least that worked out well.

response #1 by hobbit709:

      Wanta buy a bridge?

response #20 by underpants:

      He turned his life over to DOG??!!!?

response #26 by antifaschits:

      WRONG WRONG WRONG!
THE TIMING IS OFF.

First, you plead no contest, then you go into rehab, then you make a public statement apologizing that mistakes were made, then you find jesus. You have the keep that order - that playbook specified every move, damn it.

response #47 by DFW:

      Well, it's about time!
As we all know, Vick had been turning his house upside down looking.
It just goes to show--you never know what you'll find when going through
all that stuff piled up in your attic.

After he has turned his cash advance back over to his football team,
I guess he might as well turn his life over to God, unless the IRS
thinks it should get turned over to them first. I don't know of one
single case where the IRS has ceded priority to God without a court order....

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1672055

On a thread by DemocratSinceBirth:

      Larry Craig On Civil Rights
Voted YES on recommending Constitutional ban on flag desecration. (Jun 2006)
Voted YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. (Jun 2006)
Voted NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes. (Jun 2002)
Voted YES on loosening restrictions on cell phone wiretapping. (Oct 2001)
Voted NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation. (Jun 2000)
Voted NO on setting aside 10% of highway funds for minorities & women. (Mar 1998)
Voted YES on ending special funding for minority & women-owned business. (Oct 1997)
Voted YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage. (Sep 1996)
Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation. (Sep 1996)
Voted YES on Amendment to prohibit flag burning. (Dec 1995)
Voted YES on banning affirmative action hiring with federal funds. (Jul 1995)
Supports anti-flag desecration amendment. (Mar 2001)
Rated 25% by the ACLU, indicating an anti-civil rights voting record. (Dec 2002)

http://www.ontheissues.org/senate/Larry_Craig.htm#Civil_Rights

response #2 by jgraz:

      Whew -- lucky he never voted against fucking in a toilet stall
That might make him look like a hypocrite.

response #3 by DemocratSinceBirth:

      WRONG
He just wanted to give someone furtive oral sex as he basked in the aroma of stale urine and unflushed hard waste...

response #4 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      Because such a place is "dirty".
And in his puddin' head, he thinks dirty thoughts and does dirty things with dirty men, according to him.

The kinda guy who thinks that a cologne that smells like urinal cakes would be a great idea, and that truck stops are beauty contests.

But those homersexuals are ruining America.

Mind mapping a guy like this would require string theory.

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1678281

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      First Lady Sidelined By Pinched Nerve (Not going to Australia)
"First Lady Laura Bush, one of the President's most faithful traveling companions, has cancelled her trip to Australia with him early next month because of a pinched nerve, White House officials announced Sunday.

Mrs Bush suffered the painful injury earlier this spring while she was hiking in Zion National Park in Utah, her spokeswoman, Sally McDonough, said..."

response #2 by rooboy:

      Damn!! Now who am I going to bum a cigarette from? n/t

response #13 by cosmicone:

      ummmmmm
her husband has a pinched brain and he is still going !

response #29 by sutz12:

      Prob'ly threw her neck out when she heard about Gonzo retiring...
What?!?!

That'll spin your head around. :rofl:

LBN, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2967787

On a thread by marmar:

      Freepers manage racism, sexism and homophobia in a thread about Gonzales resignation
"...To: Melissa 24
The guy really was a terrible choice. Like Harriet Meyers. Let’s see who Bush will chose next. The Dems want a liberal hack or someone like Fitzpatrick. Let’s see if Bush shoots himself in the foot yet again.

44 posted on 08/27/2007 7:37:28 AM PDT by JackRyanCIA (Our next generation will be reading the Spanish version of the Koran.)
< Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies >..."

response #4 by peekaloo:

      a liberal hack or someone like Fitzpatrick? Gerald Fitzpatrick ?
:rofl:

response #6 by IMModerate:

      Patrick Fitzgerald has an evil twin named Gerald Fitzpatrick...
That is an LKF. (Little Known Fact)

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1671373

On a thread by kpete:

BUSH-SHOCKED-To Learn Iraq War Strapped CIA's Ability To Focus On bin Laden
"In 2005, the CIA gave President Bush a secret slide show on the hunt for bin Laden. The president was taken aback by the small number of CIA case officers posted to Afghanistan and Pakistan. 'Is that all there are?' the president asked, according to a former intelligence official, who declined to be identified..."

response #2 by graywarrior:

I'm shocked that I'm not shocked that the president is an idiot.

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1671837

OP by walldude:

      OMG! I just realized.... it's all my fault!
Katrina? My fault. Vick? My fault. Chicken Nuggest? My fault. Cheeseburgers? My fault. Your candidate? My fault.
Abortion? My fault. Misogyny? My fault. Gonzalez? My fault. No Impeachment? My fault. Crappy public schools? My fault.
Iraq? My fault. Bush? My fault. Cheney? My fault. Free Republic? My fault. Darfur? My fault. Foreclosures? My fault.
No health care? My fault. I'm sure there are many other things that are my fault as well and I sit here with baited breath awaiting another DU'er to remind me how much it's my fault because I'm worried about what I'm worried about instead of what they're worried about. Sorry, my fault.

Oh and the fact that I can't think of everything else that's my fault? That's my fault too.

response #1 by Buzz Clik:

      Excellent. You've officially become a Democrat.
You become a left wing nut bag when you transfer that guilt onto George Bush.

response #7 by yardwork:

      (raises hand) Please, how can I become a moon bat?
I want to achieve moon bat level.

response #8 by Buzz Clik:

      No, no, no. Moon Bat is not achieved. It is an honor bestowed upon you.
You must, through your literary achievements on a bulletin board, attract the attention of howling Neanderthals. When you become threatening, they will label you Moon Bat, and your life will be complete.

response #13 by flvegan:

      I see that you failed to take the blame for global warming. Pathetic.
Oh, and that big "gaping hole in the universe" thing, too.

response #18 by ccpup:

      actually, that was my bad
who knew blinding my little sis with Mom's AquaNet for a few good laughs all those years ago would cause so much death, destruction and inconvenience. And sunburns.

Again, my bad.

response #19 by lvx35:

      Thanks for the shitty dental work, walldude.
I had a crown crack in the night. Nice going!

response #26 by walldude:

      Sorry, my fault... Actually I meant to break off the whole tooth
but being the cause of everything keeps you busy. So many things to fuck up, so little time.

response #39 by lvx35:

      Man! You even fuck up at fucking things up! Your fault. ;)
;)

response #41 by hootinholler:

      Sounds like you can fuck up an anvil with a rubber mallet. n/t

response #42 by walldude:

      You know I actually tried that once
the mallet bounced back, hit me in the head and I fell over onto a kitten and killed it.

Sorry, my fault.

response #43 by The Straight Story:

      This thread is your fault and so is my reply
Now start worrying about what brand toilet paper is best for the environment and quit being selfish, think of the children!

response #63 by entanglement:

      Damn! I was looking for the San Andreas in your list of faults
:cry:

Lots more guilty laughs in the thread...

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1673604

On a poll by dflprincess:

The DSCC is looking for input on what their slogan should be

response #1 by evlbstrd:

Send us money and we'll still ignore you.

GDP, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3481657

OP by MilesColtrane:

      Possible jobs for Gonzales after DOJ resignation?
Feel free to brainstorm....

1) Proprietor of an S&M club

2) IRS auditor

3) Dentist (a la Steve Martin in "Little Shop of Horrors")

4) Bouncer at the new George W. Bush Presidential Library

5) John Tesh's keyboard tech

6) Official executioner of the State of Texas

response #5 by Totally Committed:

      "Dancing With the Stars".... until a vacancy on the SCOTUS opens up
Just a guess.

response #10 by Jack Rabbit:

      Making license plates

response #13 by RubyDuby in GA:

      Will this new job happen before or after he gets his Presidential Medal of Freedom?
Inquiring minds want to know...

response #24 by LeftishBrit:

      I don't know...
is there a job market for people who can sweep elephant dung under the rug?

See below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1671950

On a thread by salin:

Tall male Duers... help me out, please... (Sen Craig question)
I am a not terribly tall woman. It is unconceivable that there is any way I could sit on a toilet - without great contortions - that my foot could come into contact with the foot of a person in another stall. Is it possible? Has anyone ever unintentionally done this because their legs are so long that they would accidentally spread so far that they would go under the stall to the next stall and brush against another person's leg?

If it is possible, and has happened, I would imagine this would be one of those terribly embarrassing moments that one would say something like "excuse me" or the like...

response #10 by Old Crusoe:

Not sure. But they said Rosemary Woods could answer the phone,
lunge for the file cabinet AND accidentally reach and erase 18 1/2 minutes of the Nixon tapes.

I guess if ol' Rosemary can do that, Larry Craig can do this.

In any event, I'd like to see Nancy Grace devote at least a full hour to the subject.

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1677715

On a thread by Ghost in the Machine:

Feds Seize $400,000 of Cocaine at O'Hare

response #1 by The Straight Story:

Well, guess bush will have to wait for another shipment then
:)

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1679048

On a thread by spanone:

Why did it take two months for the Craig story to surface???

response #1 by Bornaginhooligan:

Obviously the most complicated solution is the answer.
I suspect the Rosicrucians.

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1683568

On a thread by MannyGoldstein:

      sexuallyfreerepublic.com
I'm thinking of starting a new online community, sexuallyfreerepublic.com. It can be a warm and nurturing gathering place for gay Republicans who hate gay people.

Feedback appreciated.

response #3 by chimpsrsmarter:

      you need names for the forums, how about "The outhouse"
"Talk about your beard here" "How to run for public office and win no matter what you're hiding!"

response #30 by flying rabbit:

      An organizational forum:
Let's all get on the same page.

GDP, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3484362

On a thread by Truth Hurts A Lot:

      OK. Seriously. What's the attack plan for Huckabee?

response #5 by alfredo:

      He looks like Jim Nabors after a real bad weekend.

response #12 by H2O Man:

      Let him talk. n/t

response #45 by Old Crusoe:

      When he isn't offending me outright, he bores me to bits.
I hope he gets swallowed by a crocodile soon, this weekend at the latest.

GDP, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3483024

On a thread by sabra:

      ABC: Sen. Craig's office announces news conference for this afternoon

response #4 by BurtWorm:

      I wonder what his stance will be...
:patriot:

response #16 by TahitiNut:

      He'll play footsie with the press.
:shrug:

response #18 by hatrack:

      It'll probably be delayed - he's well known for his stalling tactics
:evilgrin:

response #44 by FredScuttle:

      He's announcing a vacation....probably a cruise
:evilgrin:

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1681796

On a thread by HawkeyeX:

*****OFFICIAL LARRY CRAIG PRESSOR THREAD #1 *****

response #3 by dancingme:

wait! I have to go to the bathroom!

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1683298

On a thread by Buzz Clik:

      It's Tuesday -- Always a good day for Bush to threaten Iran.

response #2 by NanceGreggs:

      I checked my Bushie calendar ...
... and by George(!), you're right!

Wednesday: Appear at scheduled photo-op.
Thursday: Announce weekend plans of clearing brush.
Friday: Dump unpleasant news items; head for Crawford.
Saturday: Start clearing brush first thing in a.m.
Sunday: Drink coffee - lots and lots of coffee.
Monday: Try to act sober after weekend of clearing brush.

Tuesday: Threaten IRAN!!!

Damn, you know your stuff, Buzz Clik!

response #4 by Buzz Clik:

      One wonders how he finds time to fall off his bicycle.

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1685688

On a thread by orleans:

      What the Hell Is Ray Nagin Doing Giving Bush A Fucking Hug?

response #1 by NYVet:

      He wasn't giving him a hug
He was patting him down for loose change.

response #3 by KamaAina:

      Nagin: yet another baldy
like Gannon/Guckert, Rove, Cheney, and who knows how many others.

What is this? Was fuckhead raised by a bowling ball or something?!

GD, August 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1692359

OP by MannyGoldstein:

*Breaking*... Petraeus To Mentally Project Iraq Report Via White House
In a stunning development, the White House has announced that Gen. David Petraeus will not be available in person to testify to Congress on his assessment of military progress in Iraq - rather, his thoughts will be psychically channeled through Vice President Dick Cheney.

"We'd love to make Gen. Petraeus personally available" said White House spokesperson Tony Snow, "but we feel that, when he's confronted by the very, very scary Congressional Democrats, he might seize up and faint. The General is a very brave man - but not brave enough to face that crowd. By psychically channeling his testimony through the Vice President, we can avoid possible embarrassment while ensuring that Congress and the American People have the unvarnished facts they need".

When asked if this was an absolute load of crap, Snow bristled: "It's really sad that some people see this war as some sort of political game. Like the President, we all really need to respect the psychic judgement of our commanders in the field..."

GDP, August 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3488549

OP by NNN0LHI:

      Have you in your life ever picked up a piece of toilet paper off a floor in a public bathroom?
We have a Republican Senator who swears he did.

Something doesn't seem quite right.

response #3 by Horse with no Name:

      No but I stayed in a Holiday Inn last night.
:D

response #6 by jgraz:

      I did it once and some Republican tried to give me a blowjob
Now I just let it lie there.

response #32 by Jed Dilligan:

      Only to plug open wounds
cause i really want hep c

response #34 by saddlesore:

      No.
But I do chew gum I find under chairs in theaters...

:hide:

response #50 by Philosoraptor:

      ONLY if I employ the five second rule.....

response #55 by Gilligan:

      Of Course -
I take it home and make soup out of it.

Mmmmm - toilet paper soup.

response #61 by cgrindley:

      No, but I've eaten a lot of those huge free mints (nt)

GD, August 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1699767

On a thread by SharonRB:

Legislature approves Jan. 15 Michigan primary

response #1 by Old Crusoe:

And this just in: Maine, Virginia, Montana, Ohio, and Oregon will
hold their primaries this Saturday.

At dawn.

LBN, August 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2972851

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      Plane carrying Shelby and Cramer fired on above Iraq
"A C-130 aircraft carrying an Alabama senator and congressman was fired on this evening as it was flying from Baghdad to Amman, Jordan.

The airplane was carrying Sen. Richard Shelby, R-Ala., and Rep. Bud Cramer, D-Huntsville, and two other senators..."

response #3 by stillcool47:

      Shelby said "there was no doubt in his mind...
they were enemy insurgents?" Wow. How long did it take him to figure that out? Or do republicans routinely have rockets fired at them?

response #6 by DURHAM D:

      It was probably friendly fire. eom

LBN, August 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2972753

On a thread by Donnachaidh:

Need Help - Democratic reply to this crap going through lists
Okay all you creative DUers --

Can we come up with a Republican version of this?

2008 Democrat Convention Agenda

7:00 pm Opening - raising of the Mexican flag

7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the UN

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast...

response #1 by madinmaryland:

Try this....
6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

The Lounge, August 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6885682

On a thread by idgiehkt:

      what on earth is this?

response #1 by HypnoToad

response #8 by Connonym

response #14 by HypnoToad

response #29 by BlueDogDemocratNH

response #36 by baldguy

response #37 by havocmom

The Lounge, August 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6865577

On a thread by Cruzan:

      Can anyone identify this bug?

response #3 by lurky

response #4 by PetrusMonsFormicarum

response #9 by Buzz Clik

The Lounge (moved from GD), August 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6871236

On a thread by highnooner:

      With Apologies to Gilligan's Island....

response #3 by impeachdubya

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1676877

On a thread by MilesColtrane:

      Possible jobs for Gonzales after DOJ resignation?

response #30 by Swamp Rat

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1671950

OP by Botany:

      A.P. Breaking Senior White House Staff Calls Meeting ....

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1670860

OP by SoCalDem:

      Will Larry Craig be vindicated? The poor man is ill.

GD, August 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1675183

OP by Beetwasher:

      Craig's ABNORMALLY WIDE BATHROOM STANCE! (Pics!!!)

response #2 by Rick Myers

response #6 by HypnoToad

response #9 by SalmonChantedEvening

response #12 by Beetwasher

response #13 by SalmonChantedEvening

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1676680

On a thread by Kadie:

      Caption this * pic

response #1 by Ghost in the Machine

response #4 by Sydnie

response #9 by rhiannon55

response #19 by Swamp Rat

response #20 by alphafemale

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1682841

OP by gatorboy:

      During your next bathroom break, beware of what lurks...

response #4 by AnneD

response #6 by L. Coyote

response #15 by FloridaJudy

response #20 by skids

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1682975

OP by ourbluenation:

      Bill Clinton's response to the Sen. Craig ordeal ...

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1684956

OP by underpants:

      Wookin' pa Nub

GD, August 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1681594

OP by EarlG:

      I was trying to think of what Craig's "naughty, nasty boy" comments reminded me of...

GD, August 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1687752

***DUzy Awards for week ending August 31, 2007.***

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring saucy swipes, sardonic scorn and stunning send-ups from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

Fellow DU'ers, :loveya::hi::thumbsup::hi::loveya: !!!!

DUzy Awards for week ending August 31, 2007.