http://www.atlanticfreepress.com/content/view/2302/81/Just once, I’d like to sit down and read or watch the news without feeling like I’ve just plunged into a Looney Tunes festival on crack. Since Dubya seems to worry about his place in history, he should rest easy knowing that he will always be known as the man who transformed fact-checking into an art usually associated with tinfoil hats, eye of newt and waxed lips. This past week has been a Dubya WTF doozy.
On Monday, Attorney General Alberto “Seedy” Gonzales quit his post because, uh, it was Monday. Bush added his own insightful thoughts. “It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Alberto Gonzales is impeded from doing his important work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons.” WTF?
It gets better. Visiting the moon crater that was once called New Orleans, Bush declared, “This town is better today than it was yesterday and it’s going to be better tomorrow than it is today.” He was later joined by Little Orphan Annie, Daddy Warbucks and Sandy for a rousing rendition of “Tomorrow.”
At this point in his presidency, Bush should just wear a Napoleon hat and lisp like Daffy Duck when he appears in public. At least this will give him the opportunity to end a press conference by bouncing up and down, crossing his eyes and shouting, “woo-woo-woo.”
Last week, before an audience of veterans, Bush compared the Iraq invasion with our role in Vietnam. His conclusion? We would have succeeded in ‘Nam if we hadn’t cut and run, leading to genocide in Cambodia. So, we’re staying in Iraq. Presidential aides, at the last minute, cut all references regarding Charlie Sheen and squads of flying suicider monkeys from Bush’s speech when it was discovered that he fell asleep watching “Platoon” the night before and woke up in time to catch the end of “The Wizard of Oz.”
Allan Lichtman, an American University historian, was quite impressed with Bush’s Vietnam analogy, saying, “It’s not revisionist history. It is fantasy history.”
Democratic strategist Paul Begala put it a tad more succinctly on CNN: “He’s saying, essentially, that 58,000 dead in Vietnam weren’t quite enough, that maybe we should have twice as big a tragic memorial on the Mall.
“And who’s saying it? A man who chose not to serve, took steps, used family friends to get out of serving in Vietnam, didn’t even show up for his own Guard duty, so that better, braver men could fight that war. He stood before those better, braver men today a coward in the company of heroes.”
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