Can you imagine how the wives of closeted homosexual men must feel?

[Herman Munster]

To find out that the only reason someone married you was to be used as "political cover" and that your husband has been having anonymous sex at truck stops or bathrooms and bringing back home to you god knows what sexually transmitted diseases.

When you think of rock bottom, that has to be it.

[Warpy]

1. Rock bottom is when they fall in love with one of them,

but yes, this is close. She has to wonder how the hell she missed it all those years, how many people knew before she did and were laughing at her, and just what god awful diseases he's given her over the years and omigawd, do any of the children have them?

I'm deeply shocked these women aren't Bobbitizing these jokers.

[malaise]

4. Craig married a women with children

They have none from their marriage. What's more they married after the 1982 rumors so maybe she was looking for security and the good life. Just saying.

[ret5hd]

6. I don't see how they could have "missed it"...

i can't (of course) be absolutely sure, but i have a suspicion that somewhere deep down, maybe on a level they themselves didn't even want to recognize, they knew. And much of their agony is acknowledgement of the fact that they knowingly wasted their lives with this person.

[madeline_con]

99. Has Mrs. Craig acknolwledged she wasted her life?

They may have been in a mutually agreed-upon sexless marriage. Or, she may have known all along.
Is there a link where they discuss their sex life, or the ramifications on their relationship?

[Raven]

2. That was the first thought I had. How very sad and what a

breach of faith and vows. I don't know if Craig's wife knew but I'm sure this is awful for her and the kids. I grew up thinking that my father walked on water. It would have been devistating for me to find out that he wasn't what he seemed or that he had a dirty little secret.

[Heidi]

3. Oh, come on.

Let's get some perspective, shall we? Being married to a closeted gay man cannot possibly be the worst thing on earth. Sad? Yeah, it'd be very sad to know my partner, the person I love with my whole heart, for whatever reason, couldn't be who he knows (or maybe suspects but cannot admit) he is.

But there are many, many worse things that finding out the person you love is gay. Finding out the person I love is dying, mentally, spiritually or physically, would be a helluva a lot worse than finding out he's gay.

[xchrom]

11. ...

:loveya:

[TahitiNut]

13. Bravo.

As a twice-married guy (whose former wives had "incompatible sleeping habits"), I strongly agree.

[Heidi]

26. Love goes on.

It's not the end of the world, is it, friend? :hug:

[TahitiNut]

41. Indeed.

:hug: :yourock:

[RaleighNCDUer]

29. You do understand that implicit in the realization is the acknowledgment

of being cheated on?

[Heidi]

33. And you DO realize there are worse things in the world? (nt)

[Katherine Brengle]

59. I guess the rationalization is that worse things can happen so get over it already.

Which is seriously puke-worthy imo. Just because it "could be worse" doesn't mean it's okay or good or acceptable.

[TahitiNut]

74. Try reading the OM.

"When you think of rock bottom, that has to be it."

"Rock bottom"??? Well guess what? That introduces the question of "what's worse" ... and NOBODY says it's not difficult or painful or traumatic. But what's "rock bottom" for some MAY NOT be close for others - with experience.

"Get over it"?? Well ... yes. If one can learn to love unconditionally, isn't that "getting over it"??

[Midlodemocrat]

44. My friend Barb just found out her husband has three months to live.

Pancreatic cancer. Three kids.

I'll bet she would have taken him as a closeted gay man any day to have him alive for her kids.

[Heidi]

48. And for herself, probably, too.

CMW and I just finished dinner and we were discussing how some of this "scorned woman" stuff about Craig's wife likely goes back to Hillary Clinton's decision to stand by her husband. How sexist is that? Why does it have to be that one partner or the other is stupid, scorned, etc.? Could it possibly be that men and women stand by their partners out of empathy, compassion, understanding and the fact that, human and cultural foiables included, their partners are fantastic human beings?

:rantoff:

[Midlodemocrat]

51. A friend of mine came out not that long ago.

A married mom. Two kids. Her husband's reaction? Deep, devastating sorrow at the loss of the life he thought they were to have and a profound sadness at how hard it must have been for HER to deny who she was all those years. For almost two months, he couldn't talk about how hard it was for her without welling up.

They've remained wonderful friends. They're united as parents and he has expressed a little interest in dating.

She is in a deeply loving relationship and confesses that for the first time, she is happy.

How sad that she had to endure that because society wouldn't allow her to be who she was.

[madeline_con]

101. Wouldn't allow her?

Does she feel society allows her to be who she is now, or did she decide to hell with it, she'll do as she pleases?

[amitten]

62. Um, hold up there just a minute. This sort of thing destroys

people's emotional lives. It has nothing to do with gayness.

Finding out your entire life with someone has been a lie, or finding out that your parent has been lying to your other parent all along, is devastating any way you cut it. This is true whether the spouse in question is gay or not.

Let's not pretend that this stuff is not extremely hurtful to the surrounding family, shall we? Because that is complete and utter bullshit. I feel very badly for EVERYONE involved in this situation.

On edit: Oh and one more thing: No one's sexual orientation, gay or straight or bi, gives them an excuse to lie, cheat, and otherwise harm others to satisfy their own needs. And anyone who isn't purely selfish realizes this.

[lligrd]

5. Anyone Gullible Enough To Fall For The Right Wing BS

is gullible enough to still believe her husband.

[deadmessengers]

7. It happened to my cousin

My cousin and her husband divorced less than a year after they were married, after he "came out" to her. Apparently, she found a few weird charges on their credit card, and when she investigated, they turned out to be from a gay bath-house not far from their home. She confronted him and he confessed.

She was utterly devastated - packed her stuff and moved out that week, and never spoke to him again.

[Bjornsdotter]

47. Happened to a coworker of mine

...married for 20 years and he came out...on Oprah!

She and her children had no warning, her kids saw daddy on Oprah and called her at work. They were so upset, screaming and crying on the phone. She had to rush home from work to handle the situation.

Classy guy to announce it on national TV before telling the family.

Cheers

[treestar]

8. Must be bad for a husband, too, to find out his wife is a lesbian

This is how the closet hurts people. This society made it hard for people to be who they really were.

[EFerrari]

18. There was a great documentary of a woman pastor who came out

to her husband, her family and then, to her congregation. The way it was handled by everyone was simply amazing and uplifting. It was running on Link a while ago.

[MuseRider]

19. We fix society

we fix the problem. I know quite a few men who have been married to lesbians and quite a few lesbians who had been married to men. Most of the couples, no matter who it was that came out, had a very difficult time with it. Some actually remained close. Every one of them lost friends over it. We have a lot of work left to do.

[TahitiNut]

21. Speaking for myself, that would've been far easier than 'ordinary' infidelity.

I've never been under the illusion that sexual orientation is a 'choice' ... but fidelity is. I would've had a great deal more compassion for a wife with such conflicted drives. As it is, it took me a long time to mature to the point that I could acknowledge that my love for another person is about me and can be unconditional. It's one thing to love another person and quite another to choose to pair one's life with them based on commitments. Finding that the latter cannot continue does not mean that the former must be discontinued. That took me a long, long time to comprehend.

[RaleighNCDUer]

35. Good point.

I'll have to think about that one. Does make for a different perspective.

[Quantess]

87. Really?

Finding out that she was never sexually attracted to you, would be alright with you?

I could never be romantic with a man who wasn't attracted to me.
I think it would be very traumatic to find out my lover had to think about men to be able to have sex with me.

[TahitiNut]

96. That presumes something not said.

You say "I could never be romantic with a man who wasn't attracted to me."

I agree. I go further and say that the attraction, for me, must be something more than physical - even though I sure like the physical, too. I was still in my 20s when I came to peace with the fact that I'm just not wired to engage in sexual relations with someone for whom I have no love and there's a reciprical interest. OTOH, when it's there it's 'vroom!'

While I'm personally a hopeless het, I'm not naive enough to think others are "10-0," so I just don't project my own 'leanings' on others.

[Heidi]

23. Lots worse things than being a man married to a lesbian, too.

Do we have no perspective whatsoever on what _really_ constitutes love?

There would be NO CLOSET if not for a culture dead set on ostracizing and persecuting the 10 percent who dare defy the majority's definition of "normal."

[BlooInBloo]

9. Because it's oh-so typical of gay men to have anonymous sex at truckstops?

[uppityperson]

103. and to bring back home to you god knows what sexually transmitted diseases.

I think it would be difficult for anyone to have their partner do this. Regardless of either's sexual orientation.

[uberblonde]

10. He married one of his staffers.

It's highly unlikely she didn't know.

[lligrd]

12. And Why Do We Keep Insisting He Is Gay?

Why couldn't he be Bi? Or just a pervert who likes sex in dirty places?

[TahitiNut]

14. It's the toxic pill in PottyGate ... irrelevant.

:shrug:

[Heidi]

27. What would be perverted

about having to live your life on the margins of society, gay OR bi?

With all due respect to you, Iligrd, I don't get the whole "perverted" thing. Truly.

[lligrd]

30. Their Politics Are Perverted And I Have No Doubt That Their Sex

lives are equally so. I wouldn't doubt that Craigs attempts at bathroom sex and Page molestation are just the tip of the iceburg. Hope I cleared that up, nothing to do with being gay or bi.

[Heidi]

34. As far as I know, he has not been accused of abusing his power or molesting pages.

Do you have some other information?

[RaleighNCDUer]

37. Peeping into toilet stalls sounds pretty perverted to me.

But maybe one person's perversion is another's good clean fun.

[Heidi]

39. Oh, for cryin' out loud. He wasn't charged with that.

And certainly law enforcement would have added it to the list if they thought they could prove it. Don't you agree?

Further, if I'd attempted to press charges against every person who ever tried to get a peek at my "nether regions," I'd have spent much of my childhood, adolescence and college experience in litigation. I'm not a Craig apologist, but his hypocrisy (and the culture that enables it) are far more culpable than this man and this incident.

Big picture, anyone?

[lligrd]

50. Think You Are Preaching To The Wrong Crowd

Don't think most of us give a rats ass even if he is a pervert. The right wingers are the ones who have always made a big deal out of this. We are just enjoying watching them get caught in their own web. That is the big picture.

[sandnsea]

63. It's perverted behavior

Sexual orientation has got absolutely nothing to do with calling this behavior perverted. If gay people choose to construe it into a slam against homosexuaity - well then they can just have a jolly good time doing it. Nobody has said that. Soliciting anonymous sex in bathrooms is perverted - no matter who is doing it. It's ridiculous people are being called bigots for defending some basic standards of decency.

[TorchTheWitch]

71. YES HE WAS

Interference with Privacy - MSS 609.746 subd. 1(c) provides that:

(c) A person is guilty of a gross misdemeanor who:
(1) surreptitiously gazes, stares, or peeps in the window or other aperture of a sleeping room in a hotel, as defined in section 327.70, subdivision 3, a tanning booth, or other place where a reasonable person would have an expectation of privacy and has exposed or is likely to expose their intimate parts, as defined in section 609.341, subdivision 5, or the clothing covering the immediate area of the intimate parts; and
(2) does so with intent to intrude upon or interfere with the privacy of the occupant.

Disorderly Conduct - MSS 609.72 subd. 1(3) provides that:

Subdivision 1. Crime.
Whoever does any of the following in a public or private place, including on a school bus, knowing, or having reasonable grounds to know that it will, or will tend to, alarm, anger or disturb others or provoke an assault or breach of the peace, is guilty of disorderly conduct, which is a misdemeanor:
...
(3) Engages in offensive, obscene, abusive, boisterous, or noisy conduct or in offensive, obscene, or abusive language tending reasonably to arouse alarm, anger, or resentment in others. A person does not violate this section if the person's disorderly conduct was caused by an epileptic seizure.

The more serious charge is the Interference with Privacy charge as in Minnesota a gross misdemeaner is punishable by up to one year in the county jail. Craig got the more serious charge of Interference with Privacy (peeping) dropped by pleading guilty to the lesser charge of Disorderly Conduct.

Simple.

[sandnsea]

40. Back in the 80's

When the page scandal broke, he was quick to plead innocent at that time too. Just an interesting coinkydink is all.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

53. Yes, he was implicated in a page scandal in 1982, which "went away" and

and according to a report I heard on Olbermann, the lawyer for a then page is talking about re-opening the charges.

[sandnsea]

38. He can't be a pervert

That's been established. And objecting to sex in bathrooms, well that's just prudish.

From the education I have recently received, he's probably just a straight guy who likes quick anonymous sex, or maybe he was just an innocent victim of the Bush administration.

:shrug:

[flyarm]

15. happened to a friend of mine..it was awful when he told her..but all their friends knew..

I often wonder how she didn't know..nor did their children.It was devistating to the entire family..except the husband ..he was so happy to stop pretending..he went out and had a ball..but the family was left in total dismay..and a hurt i hope i never see again..

the kids turned on the dad..and they supported the mom completely..

but it was a bad scene..

the mom came and stayed with me for the first week..and she was just devistated.

I begged her to go for therapy..she finally did, but it took awhile before she was able to do even that.

They were very big in the methodist church..and very well known in their church..very active..

so it was just crushing for the wife..

but everyone else around knew he was gay..or surmised it.

she was the last to find out..i think that made it even more devistating..


it was total betryal she was so hurt by..( it was what she said over and over again)

she has moved on in life now..after 5 years ..but i don't think this woman will ever trust again.

oh and she was the Assistant to the Supervisor of Education in our county.

My son had dated her daughter.

fly

[JackBeck]

16. Why do you assume he wasn't practicing safe-sex? n/t

[Link93]

24. I've noticed that many assumptions have been made on some threads I have read.

I find many of them to be offensive.

[JackBeck]

43. Obviously, you're not alone.

And welcome to DU.

:hi:

[alcibiades_mystery]

104. Welcome to Homophobia Central

A more despicable week on this board has not yet been seen.

And then the really righteous among us have the fucking nerve to demand that we return to the "real" issues! As if the fact that even an apparent majority of progressive Democrats manifests blatant and vicious homophobia and gay-hating isn't a "real" enough issue for these people! Welcome to "Democratic" Underground, where they tell you that they're not really talking about "gay" (it's the hypocrisy, they'll say, the lawbreaking), but their dreamy accusations are full of disease, predation, perversion, and pedophilia.

I'm disheartened, to say the least.

[Heidi]

31. Well, you know how self-centered and impulsive all those GAYS are.

:sarcasm:

These threads are extremely telling, aren't they? I doubt there's a US population more well-educated about and attentive to safe sex practices than the gay community.

[JackBeck]

45. Yes, they are telling.

And disappointing.

Maybe I should just develop a thick skin. :eyes:

[Midlodemocrat]

52. I just want my son to be safe when he uses the men's room.

:sarcasm:

I mean, from reading here lately, he's in danger, no?

[Heidi]

56. He probably should be on the lookout

for quota-seeking cops, especially if he's had tap lessons. Other than that, I'd say he's probably safe.

[BadgerLaw2010]

36. Trolling for strangers for one-night stand (or less) hookups is never safe behavior.

Heterosexual, homosexual, bar, restroom, street prostitution, frat house, bath house, whatever.

By definition, you don't have a clue as to what the person may or may not have, and they don't necessarily have to tell you the truth. They don't know you, they probably don't care about you, they probably aren't going to see you again. Roll the dice and hope you don't get a sociopath.

Condom or not, that just isn't a good idea.

[JackBeck]

46. My question still stands.

Why was an assumption made that there was no use of safe-sex practices?

[sandnsea]

55. Take it as an insult if you choose to

It would be a question regarding anybody who was routinely having sex with anonymous partners. It has nothing to do with orientation, 99% of the comments have had NOTHING to do with orientation, despite being construed that way. Some people really look for insult where none is.

[JackBeck]

57. I said nothing about anyone's sexual identity.

I asked why there was an assumption that safe-sex wasn't being used.

[sandnsea]

58. Because it's unsafe behavior

and people engaged in risky behavior notoriously don't practice safe sex. Duh.

You were answered - and it's not good enough for you because you want to call people bigots and homophobes. It's quite clear.

[JackBeck]

60. What is clear

is that you don't think condoms and dental dams are effective means in preventing the transmission of STDs.

[sandnsea]

64. Yeah, that's just what I said

:eyes:

[JackBeck]

65. Well, then my question still stands:

Since we weren't there, how do we know he doesn't practice safe sex?

Your statement that people who engage in risky behavior notoriously don't practice safe-sex I'd lie to see backed up with figures and studies. And if the number is "100% of people who engage in risky behavior don't practice safe-sex" I will withdraw my original question.

[sandnsea]

68. Are you saying 100% of people practice safe sex?

No?

Right, obviously it's not 100% because of the number of STD's and unplanned pregnancies.

So, hmmm, who doesn't practice safe sex?

Oh yeah, people engaged in risky behavior.

Would any spouse worry about STD's if they found out a spouse was cheating - male or female? Well yeah, duh.

This comment has absolutely nothing to do with homosexuality. The same as not wanting children to walk in on bathroom sex or be accosted by ANYBODY in a bathroom. Has absolutely nothing to do with homosexuality and expressing those concerns doesn't equate to saying homosexuals are pedophiles.

Everything is not a bigoted conspiracy against gays. It has really gotten beyond ridiculous.

[JackBeck]

70. No, I was asking you if 100% of people who engage in risky behavior don't practice safe-sex.

[sandnsea]

72. Nobody said that

but keep reaching for "homophobe", because you'll find a way to use it before the days done.

[JackBeck]

73. Here's what you said:

"people engaged in risky behavior notoriously don't practice safe sex". I have asked for links to back-up this statement, which you haven't supplied.

What I asked you was if 100% of people engaged in risky behavior don't practice safe-sex. So I'll ask again:

Do 100% of people engaged in risky behavior not practice safe-sex?

[sandnsea]

75. "notoriously"

Known widely for.

As opposed to absolutely and always

Keep reaching. You'll get there somehow.

[JackBeck]

76. So the number is not 100%?

If not, then how can we assume that safe-sex was not involved?

[sandnsea]

77. Because liars and cheaters

don't give a shit about anybody but themselves. Any spouse would worry about an STD if they found out their spouse was cheating. That's it. That's all.

There's nothing else to it. NOTHING. But keep on trying to find something to jump up and down and scream "bigot" over.

[JackBeck]

78. Condoms have been proven to be an effective means in preventing STDs.

So if a person were to practice safe-sex, chances are extremely high they will not get an STD.

Why is it assumed that safe-sex wasn't being practiced?

[sandnsea]

80. come on

go ahead and say it. it's okay. it's perfectly acceptable to call me any name out there. you know that's what you want. just get on with it already.

[JackBeck]

100. That's not my style.

Still waiting for those links, though.

[lligrd]

81. Exactly.

And your never going to win an argument with Jack. Been there, trust me.

[Midlodemocrat]

89. Jack Beck is the shizzit.

He's a Mets fan and he knows how to use the correct your.


I LOVE HIM.

[swimboy]

90. It's true--JackBeck is that good.

:loveya:

When are getting together for that chicken pot pie behind enemy lines? :hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

94. School starts on Tuesday. PRAISE GOD.

So maybe this week? I could head downtown.

I would SO love to see you!!!! :loveya:

[lligrd]

98. Dang - Been Doing That All Week (Or Is That Weak)

Did it earlier with hear/here. Posting like a damn Republican. I blame the heat and * and Jack.

[JackBeck]

102. Debate versus argument.

Discuss.

[Toasterlad]

83. You Are SERIOUSLY Misinformed, And Need to Stop Giving Sexual Advice.

Gay men looking for sex in bathrooms - the risky behavior you're talking about - have learned a long, hard lesson throughout the entire AIDS epidemic to practice safe sex. You may regard them as perverted, but they are NOT stupid, and they realize that sex with strangers can be dangerous...so by and large, they take precautions.

Thousands of people get STDs every day from people they know well, or thought they knew well. THOSE are the people not practicing safe sex, because they believed they didn't have to. They are often in for a rude awakening. And, needless to say, gay men engaged in "risky behavior" with other gay men are responsible for zero percent of the unwanted pregnancies in this or any other country. Why you even included that in your argument is puzzling at best.

Lastly, bringing up children's safety in restrooms during a discussion of adult men looking for sex from adult men in restrooms ABSOLUTELY links homosexuality to pedophilia, and you'd have to be incredibly thick not to see that. I've got news for you: your precious son has a much better chance of getting an STD from his first girlfriend than he has of being propositioned by a man in a men's room. Those who bring children into a discussion involving adult gay men are indulging their secret fears that all gay men are child-molesting predators. Deny it all you want; it's ignorant and stupid thinking...not to mention incredibly insulting to the gay community.

[swimboy]

91. Please add this to your journal, Toasterlad

so I'll know where to go to access this excellent statement.

Thanks!

[Toasterlad]

95. Done!

I usually do anyway...I'm shamelessly infatuated with my own voice. :blush:

Thanks for the kind words!

[Bluebear]

88. What kind of sex was going on in the Minneapolis airport for children to "walk in on"?

Do you fathom that it was insertive/receptive anal intercourse? If so, two people would have to be in the same stall. I imagine the stall would be locked, so I don't know how "the children" would be walking in on this impossible situation. Is that the risky behavior you imagine was going on there to worry about the spouse receiving some disease? Just to be clear.

[Midlodemocrat]

93. This is the thing that amazes me.

I have three brothers who are in airports every day. My husband flies every week.

We have been discussing this since the Craig thing broke and they can't believe that people are so concerned about being 'approached' in a bathroom.

Hell, bluebear. I was approached once by a female before I was married. In the food court. She asked me if I had been 'saved'.

That is the extent of any of our families' encounters in airports. And, I don't think we're abnormal. I think we're the norm.

[Katherine Brengle]

61. I think it's always fair to be concerned about STDs when your partner cheats -

regardless of who they cheat with and whether they are gay or straight.

If I found out my husband had cheated, I would tell him to get tested immediately and would do the same myself.

[JackBeck]

66. I'd be less concerned

if my partner told me that they had practiced safe-sex.

[Katherine Brengle]

67. I wouldn't. They already lied, right? No room for trust there.

Seriously.

[Withywindle]

17. To insert a bit of levity...

...I always thought it'd be less painful to get dumped for another man than another woman. I wouldn't be comparing myself as much, and it's easy to understand what he has that I don't.

Honestly, I have to think it's different in these high-profile, right-wing political marriages. (I'm including the Haggards in this) Granted, it's the right-wing "ideal" for women to be ignorant about sexual matters and to look up to their husbands no matter what, but how gullible are they really? How much of it is tolerating this for the sake of appearances--and for the money?

[Beelzebud]

20. Did everyone on DU forget that bisexual people exist?

[TahitiNut]

22. Far more exists in our heads and hearts than is routed through our fingers to the keyboard.

Since I don't forget, I can confidently answer "No. Not 'everyone.'" :shrug:

[BadgerLaw2010]

28. Probably gong to get flamed, but I doubt that goes over well as a "surprise" either.

Outside of porn fantasies when the wife and her equally hot friend both really like her husband as well...not good news to find out. It's still "gay" behavior, and it's still cheating.

In the case of a wife of a man who is secretly cruising for other men in a risky way, you've also got the serious STD risk, as seeking random anal sex isn't generally very safe sex. Same for wives who find out their husband likes to troll red light districts for female prostitutes. Not only are you finding out he cheats, you're finding out that he probably gave you an STD.

Undisclosed, active bisexuality is also infidelity on its face.

Generally, the sort of people who would be cool with that kind of discovery are not in relationships where one partner feels compelled to hide it. Heck, I live in Madison, I see plenty of weird relationships.

[iamahaingttta]

32. I would be surprised if Craig EVER had sex with his wife.

He married a staffer who already had kids.
She knew he was gay, and knew the rumors.
She wanted security, he wanted a beard.
And this doesn't mean that they didn't grow to love each other.
I just doubt he ever screwed the lady.

[Katherine Brengle]

69. Being bisexual doesn't give you a "get out of cheating" free card.

[sandnsea]

25. Or meeting up with prostitutes

Or slinking off with the secretary. Cheating is cheating. Marriages of convenience are always a sad thing.

[Puglover]

82. Yes Goody Sandnsea

Cheating is cheating. Perverts are perverts.

I'm comforted to know that in Goody Sandnsea's world everything is so easily black and white. In your hundreds of posts in these threads you really have been an inspiration for me.

Do I need to use the sarcasm thingie here?

Nah.

[swimboy]

92. Praise God. n/t

[Avalux]

42. I know how it feels because I was one.

He married me because he came from a very conservative Catholic family and it was what was expected of him. The last 2 years of our marriage we lived like brother and sister (not intimate); so many lies and abuse too.

Yeah, it's pretty much rock bottom. And the irony was that for a time, because I was young and naive, I thought I was to blame for it.

[Heidi]

49. Did you find some empathy for him, eventually?

I miss you and your kind heart, my friend. :hug: :loveya:

[dsc]

54. In Craig's case his wife did have some clue

Craig was implicated in the page scandal of 1982. I don't know if she just didn't believe the evidence or what.

[chaumont58]

79. Let's see if I understand this

A gay politician marries, but continues, on the sly, to seek gay sex. A straight politician marries but continues, on the sly(maybe), to seek partners other than his wife. Both are cheating, but one is horrific? And the other is perfectly natural?

[Quantess]

85. Being married to a closeted gay does seem worse, in many ways.

First, there's the realization that he was never really that into you. He was never really attracted to you. Every time the 2 of you had sex, he was thinking about someone else.

In a heterosexual marriage, he was probably attracted to you, at one time, at least. The secretly gay husband was probably never attracted to you.

[Retired AF Dem]

84. Can you imagine how the husbands of closeted homosexual women must feel?

Just being fair. And it does happen

[Toasterlad]

86. I'd Imagine It's Horrible for Both.

In Craig's case, of course, I have no doubt that his wife knew exactly who she was marrying: it was obviously a marriage of convenience. Whether they grew to love each other as friends or not, it's extremely unlikely that they ever had any kind of sexual relationship. This, of course, is pure speculation on my part, but I think it's likely the truth. Consequently, I don't feel the slightest bit sorry for Craig's wife. She made her (separate) bed, and now she has to lie in it. In her own way, she's a hypocrite herself.

However, in the case of those women who honestly don't know their husband's sexual orientation, and marry them in good faith, believing they are loved and desired, I feel enormous pity. This actually happened to a college friend of mine; she dated a man all through school, they got married shortly after graduation, and then, right after she'd given birth to their first child, he announced he was leaving her for a man. Naturally, she was devastated.

While I can understand all too well what keeps men in the closet, and leads them to "legitimatize" themselves by getting married, I think it is incredibly selfish and cruel of them to involve another person in their deception. And it's even worse to complicate matters by having children. You can't run from who you are: it will catch up to you eventually.

[Chovexani]

97. Oh, I dunno

Nicole Kidman made out alright. :evilgrin:

Not every woman is McGreevey's wife. Sometimes arrangements are made.

[entanglement]

105. They must feel like suing the gaydar manufacturer

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