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A little chestnut I saw on Myspace.
"or your viewing pleasure, here are ten differences between what liberals and conservatives believe. Read it and weep, Libs!
10) Conservatives believe that individual Americans have a right to defend themselves and their families with guns and that right cannot be taken away by any method short of a Constitutional Amendment, which conservatives would oppose. Liberals believe by taking arms away from law abiding citizens, they can prevent criminals, who aren't going to abide by gun control laws, from using guns in the commission of crimes.
9) Conservatives believe that we should live in a color blind society where every individual is judged on the content of his character and the merits of his actions. On the other hand, liberals believe that it's ok to discriminate based on race as long as it primarily benefits minority groups.
8) Conservatives are capitalists and believe that entrepreneurs who amass great wealth through their own efforts are good for the country and shouldn't be punished for being successful. Liberals are socialists who view successful business owners as people who cheated the system somehow or got lucky. That's why they don't respect high achievers and see them as little more than piggy banks for their programs.
7) Conservatives believe that abortion ends the life of an innocent child and since we believe that infanticide is wrong, we oppose abortion. Most liberals, despite what they'll tell you, believe that abortion ends the life of an innocent child, but they prefer killing the baby to inconveniencing the mother.
6) Conservatives believe in confronting and defeating enemies of the United States before they can harm American citizens. Liberals believe in using law enforcement measures to deal with terrorism, which means that they feel we should allow terrorists to train, plan, and actually attempt to kill Americans before we try to arrest them -- as if you can just send the police around to pick up a terrorist mastermind hiding in Iran or the wilds of Pakistan.
5) Conservatives, but not necessarily Republicans (which is unfortunate), believe it's vitally important to the future of the country to reduce the size of government, keep taxes low, balance the budget, and get this country out of debt. Liberals, and Democrats for that matter, believe in big government, high taxes, and they have never met a new spending program they didn't like, whether we will have to go into debt to pay for it or not.
4) Conservatives believe that government, by its very nature, tends to be inefficient, incompetent, wasteful, and power hungry. That's why we believe that the government that governs least, governs best. Liberals think that the solution to every problem is another government program. Even when those new programs create new problems, often worse than the ones that were being fixed in the first place, the solution is always....you guessed it, another government program.
2) Conservatives, most of them anyway, believe in God and think that the Constitution has been twisted by liberal judges to illegitimately try to purge Christianity from the public square. We also believe, most of us anyway, that this country has been successful in large part because it is a good, Christian nation and if our country ever turns away from the Lord, it will cease to prosper. Liberals, most of them anyway, are hostile to Christianity. That's why, whether you're talking about a school play at Christmas time, a judge putting the Ten Commandments on the wall of his court, or a store employee saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays," liberals are dedicated to driving reminders of Christianity from polite society.
1) Conservatives believe in pursuing policies because they're pragmatic and because they work. Liberals believe in pursuing policies because they're "nice" and make them feel good. Whether the policies they're advocating actually work or not is of secondary importance to them."
And my response: Correction:
10) Conservatives believe that all Americans not only have the right to pack heat but should be automatically issued a free assault rifle at age 3. Liberals believe that reasonable gun control laws should be in place to make sure only responsible law-abiding citizens can access guns.
9) Liberals believe that we should live in a color blind society where every individual is judged on the content of his character and the merits of his actions. On the other hand, conservatives believe that if white people are not the dominant race like in the "good old days," they are being persecuted.
8) Conservatives have a reverse Robin Hood mentality and believe that the rich deserve money more than the poor. Liberals believe in providing help to the less fortunate.
7) Conservatives believe that women are property and should serve no purpose other than to serve men and crank out future Marines. Also, they believe in blaming the victims in cases of rape. Liberals believe that women are entitled to do what the please with their bodies and oppose abortion but support the right for women to have it as an option. They still believe that abortion should only be a last result and is a decision to be taken seriously.
6) Conservatives believe in solving problems by shooting or blowing them up. Conservatives respond to terrorists threats by going postal on everyone; in particular, countries that did not attack us in the 1st place. Liberals believe in actually focusing on the people who attacked us in the 1st place and not making our situation worse by telling the rest of the world to fuck off.
5) Conservatives, despite claiming to be for smaller government, want to spy on people, listen in on phone conversations, and control what people do in the bedroom. Liberals do not believe in dictating how people choose to live their private lives.
4) See above
3) Conservatives are so uneducated and Neanderthal-minded that they forgot #3 in the original post
2) Conservatives, most of them anyway, at least claim to believe in God and think that Christianity is the only religion that should be legal to practice in America. Whenever Christians don't get their way, they are being persecuted, accorsing to conservatives. Also, conservatives believe that George Bush is the second Son of God and rules by divine right. Liberals, most of them anyway, are hostile to people who try to force their beliefs on others. That's why, whether you're talking about a school play at Christmas time, a judge putting the Ten Commandments on the wall of his court, or a store employee saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays," liberals are dedicated to making sure that Christians do not have a monopoly on the right to express their beliefs.
1) Liberals believe in pursuing policies because they're pragmatic and because they work. Conservatives believe in pursuing policies because they appeal to their constituents' hatred of gays, blacks, women, Jews, non-Christians, and anyone else not exactly like them.
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