One of my son's best friends is dying

[proud2BlibKansan]

It is so sad. He is 55 years old. My son is 28. His friend is a fellow musician and in fact, was quite gifted at one time. He was in a Grammy nominated band and made a good amount of money as a recording musician. My son met him several years ago through some other musicians and they became great friends, in spite of their age difference. This man lived nearby and he and my son spent a lot of time together in our basement studio.

His friend's life story is that he was at the top of the music world, married with 2 daughters and his band broke up. He began drinking and his marriage broke up. His wife moved to California and took his daughters, who he now sees only once or twice a year. And he moved into his parent's house.

About 2 years ago, my son found out his friend had a serious heroin problem. He had spent many years drinking himself to death and then finally quit alcohol and switched to heroin. By the time my son found out, his friend was on a methadone program. He was in a cycle for a long time where he would go to rehab for a few weeks, come back and look great but need methadone. Then he would quit the methadone, start the heroin again and go back to rehab.

About 6 months ago, we found out that my son's friend had a failing liver and was not a candidate for a transplant. Between no health insurance and his continuing addiction problems, he wouldn't be able to get a new liver.

He went in the hospital again a few days ago and my son asked me to help him send flowers as his friend was in ICU and only family could visit. Then just a little while ago, my son got a call from his friend's mother (who is 87 and my heart so aches for her) who said please come now to say goodbye.

So my grown up son just walked out the door to say goodbye to his good friend. It is just so sad.

My son has his own issues with alcohol and drugs and I was concerned about this friendship for a long time. Then I noticed my son drinking less. I can't even remember the last time I saw him drink anything. He brings up his friend now and again and I can see the pain in his eyes and the worry that this could be my son's future staring at him. So I think this has maybe been a good friendship for my son. But it is just sad today.

[Bluebear]

1. The needle and the damage done . . . very, very sad & I am sorry for your boy

I caught you knockin'
at my cellar door
I love you, baby,
can I have some more
Ooh, ooh, the damage done.

I hit the city and
I lost my band
I watched the needle
take another man
Gone, gone, the damage done.

I sing the song
because I love the man
I know that some
of you don't understand
Milk-blood
to keep from running out.

I've seen the needle
and the damage done
A little part of it in everyone
But every junkie's
like a settin' sun.

Neil Young

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. Sam Stone - one of my son's favorite songs

Sam Stone came home,
To his wife and family
After serving in the conflict overseas.
And the time that he served,
Had shattered all his nerves,
And left a little shrapnel in his knee.
But the morphine eased the pain,
And the grass grew round his brain,
And gave him all the confidence he lacked,
With a Purple Heart and a monkey on his back.

Chorus:
There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin' I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios.
Mmm....

Sam Stone's welcome home
Didn't last too long.
He went to work when he'd spent his last dime
And Sammy took to stealing
When he got that empty feeling
For a hundred dollar habit without overtime.
And the gold rolled through his veins
Like a thousand railroad trains,
And eased his mind in the hours that he chose,
While the kids ran around wearin' other peoples' clothes...

Repeat Chorus:

Sam Stone was alone
When he popped his last balloon
Climbing walls while sitting in a chair
Well, he played his last request
While the room smelled just like death
With an overdose hovering in the air
But life had lost its fun
And there was nothing to be done
But trade his house that he bought on the G. I. Bill
For a flag draped casket on a local heroes' hill.

Repeat Chorus

[Bluebear]

8. 'Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios' - absolutely

[Blue_In_AK]

22. I heard Neil Young since that song on TV the other night

and it brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me again of all the friends that I've lost to the hard drugs. It's so, so sad.

[cali]

2. That is sad, but it sounds

as if your son has been a very good friend. I'm glad he has the opportunity to say goodbye. That can be so valuble.

[proud2BlibKansan]

9. I am hoping it will be a positive friendship in the long run

It's just so hard to see your child deal with the death of a friend for the first time.

[Maestro]

3. I think your son's friendship with him was/is certainly

beneficial as he has seen what happens when one abuses anything, especially drugs. It is too bad that your son's friend, a respected musician at one time, could not find the solace he needed to find in his music and turned to alcohol and drugs. I wish everyone strength in whatever happens. :hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. Sometimes as a parent, especially when your kids are grown up,

you have to hold your breath and hope for the best. This has definitely been one of those times.

[mzmolly]

4. I am sorry to hear that. I have a former neigbhor/friend who drank himself to death.

It's tragic. I hope your son will take what he can from this experience and choose a different path.

[proud2BlibKansan]

11. Yes it is so very tragic

Thanks for the kind words.

[northamericancitizen]

5. Good vives sent your way . nt

[calimary]

13. Yeah. About all you can do in a time like this, I guess.

It's going to be good for both of them to be able to say goodbye to each other. Closure of some sort. But still so sad. So sad.

We send our love from casa de calimary.

[proud2BlibKansan]

16. Thank you

[flashl]

10. I hope for the best for you, your son, and his friend

I always try to remember that people enter our lives to teach us some valuable lesson.

[MuseRider]

12. I am so sorry to hear this.

Please give him a big hug from me, I have always had a soft place in my heart for him. Good kid, I hope this has helped him. I am terribly sorry.

[proud2BlibKansan]

14. Yes I hope it helps him too

He's had a rough couple years.

[jody]

15. proud2Blib sounds like your son was a friend in need, a friend indeed. He had a wonderful teacher.

Fair winds and following seas for your son on his journey through life.

Jody

[sandnsea]

17. Heroin and musicians

I don't know what the deal is. We had a friend who was a guitarist who just could not leave the stuff alone. Sounds exactly the same as your son's friend. Ruined relationships, career opportunities blown, just tragic. Incredibly nice and gentle guy too. Sometimes there is nothing you can do except love people just the way they are.

[TomInTib]

20. No kidding...

Sometimes when I awake, I am absolutely amazed that I am around to live through another day.

[proud2BlibKansan]

27. My husband is a musician and we lost count of the number of friends we have lost

due to addiction. It is so sad; many were very talented players.

[xchrom]

18. some days -- and yes some lives -- are just sad.

may your son and this man's family come to some blessed peace through this man's stormy life.

[renate]

19. I'm so sorry

Your son's friend has a wonderful legacy... although he may not have done so on purpose, he inspired your boy to keep from ending up in the same place, and gave him years of a good life that he might otherwise have spent wrestling with alcohol and drugs.

Which may or may not be a comfort to your son, unless maybe he can try to enjoy on his friend's behalf the pleasures of life that he's missing out on, and remind himself "I have the privilege of experiencing all of this because of my friend. Every day is a gift from him."

I think that at the end of our lives, what we want most of all is to be remembered with love. Your son will do that for him. Knowing that your son will always carry him in his heart must be making his final days easier.

[TahitiNut]

24. We can keep people 'alive' by taking the lessons they leave us to heart.

I have several relatives, friends, and neighbors whose legacies I treasure. It's my strong feeling that I keep them alive in some small part - at least in adopting the lessons they offered me. If we all "Paid It Forward," we'd live among heroes.

[Missy M]

21. How sad it is indeed...

55 is so young to die. If there is an up side to this it's your son now drinking less or not at all. Saying goodbye is so hard to do but your son has been a good friend and that means so much. Good luck to your son.

[proud patriot]

23. Sometimes these lessons have to be learned in painful ways

I hope your son is able to keep his memory and music alive .

[KoKo]

25. Hug.....

:hug: and hopes for your son. Sometimes an "example" is more than any parent can say. Sad for your son's best friend, though... Would that he had had a "mentor" through his trials who might have helped him.

[proud2BlibKansan]

29. Thanks for the hug

:hug:

[fed-up]

26. He is giving his life so your son may live-my son helped me clean up my eldest sister's (junkie )

apartment when she went to jail for possession 5 years ago.

After seeing the disaster that her life had become he has vowed to never do drugs-he is 18 and is clean and sober.

We also lost one of my younger brothers (44) earlier this year to drugs and alcohol.

Both of them got their start in hard drugs in the Bay Area in the late 1970's thanks to our wonderful government importing cocaine.



It is so sad to see so many lives wasted...

Hugs to your son.

[proud2BlibKansan]

28. We had such a good time in the 70s

No Aids. No hepatitis. No condoms. And no idea how the choices we were making were killing some of us.

[AZBlue]

30. I'm so sorry!

Please pass our collective condolences on to your son. Sounds like he's lucky to have known this man and I'm sure his friend was lucky to know your son. May his friend rest in peace.