Curious knuckledragger insult: "You must be gay."

[Buzz Clik]

I've always wondered about this one: I'll be trying to have an intense but civilized interaction with one or more right-leaning types. I've clearly established my position as being on the left (and all the associated philosophies: racial tolerance, acceptance of sexual orientation, environmental issues, etc, etc). Without fail, one of my opponents will become frustrated and declare that I must be gay. Of course, they assume that this must be an insult, I guess because they would never want anyone to think they are gay (Larry Craig).

But, knowing that I am truly tolerant and fully accepting of all these groups, why would I be insulted by this comment?

It always makes me laugh.

[gratuitous]

1. A burst of laughter is the appropriate response

Followed by, "Is that the best you got, nancy boy?"

[Didereaux]

20. here's a chuckle for you...

Stanley the Stupid Virus seen out on the party circuit with Sen. David Vitter(R)LA
Full story(pic) here:


http://www.flickr.com/photos/12461951@N03/1366498706/

...you can follow the adventures of Stan here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/12461951@N03/


jes' havin' a l'il fun!
;)

[EFerrari]

2. I usually say, "You're right, I am". It works pretty well. n/t

[TechBear_Seattle]

5. Followed by an appraising look, a wrinkling of your nose and....

"Trust me, you have nothing to fear from me" in the same tone you might say, "We've had this meatloaf three times already this week. Isn't it time to just throw it out?"

:toast:

[Buzz Clik]

9. LOL!

You know, it's funny. The homophobes are always offended when gay men are not attracted to them.

[EFerrari]

10. LOL!

:hi:

[TechBear_Seattle]

31. I'm here through Wednesday. Try the veal! n/t

[northzax]

15. I have a friend who was once asked

"what's the gayest thing you have ever done?" by a older colleague at work. his response? "I'd say taking it up the ass, actually"

[Buzz Clik]

18. To coin a phrase: Yeah, that's pretty gay.

[slampoet]

30. Taking it up the ass isn't as gay as say.... listening to Bronski Beat.

[mondo joe]

32. But what about doing both at the same time?

I think I may have...like a few decades ago.

:shrug:

[YOY]

3. The simple answer is "No, I'm not and you are mistaken."

The smartass answers are where it gets fun

My personal fave: "Damn, then why do I think about p***y all day?!?!? {Cling to the knuckledragger's shirt} Man! You gotta help me! I'm seriously programmed by the homosexual conspiracy as a member of their sleeper cells! You guys know about deprogramming sexuality! Tell me man, for the love of all that's good and holy, WHO CAN I GO TO IN ORDER TO THINK ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH A MAN WITHOUT BEING REPULSED!?!?!" Repeat begging and pleading until they run away shitting themselves...

Unless you are gay, then a good answer might be: "Yes, I am. Do you have a problem with that?"

[shain from kane]

6. "Damn, then why do I think about p***y all day?!?!?" --- You better check. You might be a lesbian.

[YOY]

8. Depends on what you want the p***y to do and to do to the p***y as well as the speaker's gender.

Going into graphic detail on DU might not be a good idea! :evilgrin:

[shain from kane]

12. This is the joke for you.

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

[YOY]

17. LOL

:evilgrin:

[Greyskye]

35. My friends all know...

My friends all know that I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body. O8)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. ..

:rofl:

[mainegreen]

7. Or screw with them. Respond with 'Why yes, I am having a particularly nice day.

Thank you for noticing!'

Feign complete and sincere ignorance if they struggle to explain what they really meant.
It's always fun to play innocent with them. They really don't know how to deal with it. They expect and need you to either get angry or to moralize them.

[MuseRider]

11. I hear that all the time.

My first reaction is to just ask why that would matter and never tell them I am not or that I am, let them wonder and think why that would matter. My organization tells me it is too helpful to have allies so I have been asked to tell them I am not. Still, I always say, "Thank you but no, I am not a lesbian." They are always a little puzzled by that.

Nope, not an insult at all and for the life of me I don't understand why anyone would think it was.

Edit for dumb mistake

[Ian David]

13. "Even if I was, I still would find you morbidly unattractive," is a good rejoinder. n/t

[AspenRose]

14. Translation:

Why would any heterosexual white male willingly want to support democrats?

The self-serving attitude of the average GOPer just can't comprehend that.

[TahitiNut]

16. "Yeah. Right. Everyone with smarts, looks, and a sense of justice must be gay, right? Jealous?"

I've never bothered disabusing folks of such perceptions. If that makes me a "closet hetero," so be it. Not a problem.
:shrug:

[Buzz Clik]

21. "Closet hetero". I like it.

[mondo joe]

19. That's why I like to let 'em know I'm a big giant homo up front.

:-)

[xchrom]

23. oh. my. god. -- a big giant homo?!?!

i have this image of a paul bunyon in my mind.

-- getting down with some sylvester of course.

[Buzz Clik]

27. I picture the two guys on Sarah Silverman's show.

"They're big, they're red, and they're gay."

[mondo joe]

29. Exactly. With my giant blue poodle. NT

[TlalocW]

22. I normally reply along the lines of...

Wow, how very third-grade of you. Well, let me come down to your level. You have cooties. (Depending on my mood, I'll REALLY milk this to the point of totally pissing off the other person)

TlalocW

[zbdent]

24. give him a heart attack / stroke

give him a big wet sloppy kiss on the lips ...

[Buzz Clik]

26. Hm. That would be risky.

What if I liked it? ;)

[zbdent]

34. the real question is

what if he liked it? How would you deal with that?

;)

[Buzz Clik]

37. LOL!

[TechBear_Seattle]

33. See post #5

The best way to diffuse the situation with humor is to admit being gay and then say up front that they have nothing to fear about getting hit on by gays. It is quite amusing to watch them decide whether to be relieved or insulted. :toast:

[zbdent]

25. the way things are going, you should reply (next time):

"No, sorry ... I'm not a registered Republican ..."

[Neecy]

28. I got this recently...

I belong to a buying co-op and they have a message board that I seldom visit because 99% of the participants are knuckle-dragging Bush lovers, and who needs it?

I did, however, read through a thread where they were in a high state of anxiety over the Craig situation - not because he's a family values hypocrite, of course, but because they perceive him as gay. This unleashed quite a torrent of homophobia, really nasty stuff, complete with mentions of 'deviants', lots of God talk, and a comparison of gay men to dogs who hump someone's leg.

For the first time I jumped into one of their discussions and asked if the family values hypocrisy bothered them at all. I asked why Vitter got a free pass. And - you know it - I was immediately hounded and asked if I was gay. I am, but I would have entered that thread if they were blasting African-Americans or Latinos or any other group.

The hatred was really amazing. If anyone here thinks that gays and lesbians are truly safe in this country, the answer I got from that thread is clearly no. And there are lots of their fellow travellers throughout the GOP.

Thank you for your post, btw. It's nice to come here and know that there are still decent straight people in the world.

[Buzz Clik]

38. I've seen the same scenario play out:

One case was suggesting that Craig being forced out was evidence of the "fundies'" influence in the federal government -- the logic being that Craig (assumed to be gay) was being pushed out whereas Vitter survived, despite his apetite for hookers. The poster was immediately labeled as being gay. No clue if he was or not, but the responses were quite ugly.

[Warren DeMontague]

36. Well, you READ, for starters. And you use words with more than 2 syllables.

Hell-looooo!

[orleans]

39. pukes can't imagine someone would be standing up for the

rights of others without some type of personal vested interest in the situation. there is no such thing as as social conscience with these fuckers.

defending gay rights? you must be gay

saying marijuana laws are too strict? you must smoke dope

defending minority rights? you must have a "thing" for minorities

otherwise, why the hell would anyone care. right?

(because it's the right thing to do? no, they don't fucking get that)

[Buzz Clik]

40. "you must have a 'thing' for minorities" ... What was the '50s version of that?

[orleans]

41. years ago a friend of mine was murdered

she was white and her boyfriend was black
and the investigators were determined to end the investigation with the boyfriend

so one of the investigators asked me: "did your friend always have a thing for black guys?"

and i said: "maybe if you guys weren't so set on making this a race issue you could have caught the person who killed her."

they never did.

on edit: that conversation i had with that undercover cop had a major impact on my life that i can't even begin to tell you

[Buzz Clik]

48. I can only imagine...

[SalmonChantedEvening]

42. I just say "Hold Me"

:evilgrin:

[Buzz Clik]

43. LOL!

I think that would appeal to them on all sorts of levels....

[bullwinkle428]

44. Just use the George Carlin line -

"Hey buddy, why don't you bend over and we'll both find out!"

[IndianaJones]

45. Is it only "knuckledraggers"? Is it an insult? nt.

[BreweryYardRat]

46. The appropriate response for me is generally:

"I'm bi. And even if you weren't a stupid jackoff, you still wouldn't be my type." If necessary, tack on: "Run along now -- go home to that hound dog you call a girlfriend. Poor pooch -- at least it won't have to feel too much."

[Buzz Clik]

47. Note to self: Do NOT piss off seawolf.

[BreweryYardRat]

51. Why thank you.

Trust me, I'm usually not that nasty.

[madmom]

49. simple response...."you only wish"

[zbdent]

53. or ...

"yes, but not attracted to you. Hurt? Disappointed?"

[agent46]

50. It's not just knuckledraggers that do this, it's our whole toxic culture

In its inimitable "binary" way, our consumer culture insists on putting everything into neat little boxes so we don't have to think about what we're buying or being sold. In politics, we get the right and the left (all the other possible viewpoints don't count). In religion there's the atheists and the deists (the other possible views of life don't count). In history there's the official story and the tin-foil theory (and all the truer stories that demand a tolerance for ambiguity and take too much work to digest).

We do this with sexuality too. We've got John Wayne or PeeWee Herman; straight or gay.(But of course there's all those other damn troublemakers too, who simply won't conform to the mind numbing formula of either/or). It would be laughable if so many otherwise normal, healthy people weren't so severely effected, judged, marginalized, legislated against or tampered with psychologically for there own good by the keepers of morality and "mental health" in this country.

As in all things, human sexuality expresses a continuum. How many sexes are there really? Two? Three? Five? Maybe more? As I see it, each individual human being represents a unique new sexual formula that individualizes a point along a practically infinite spectrum. In humans, sexuality is elevated far beyond the mere instinct of attraction and reproduction into the realms of creativity and imagination - some would even argue spirituality. The individual alchemy of characteristics such as strength and compassion, tenderness, aggression, altruism, competition, idealism, complacency, attraction, indifference aren't allowed (by our current culture) the real complexity achieved by Nature in human beings. Someone who refuses to think any further than they can spit will easily line up every possible attribute and divide the world into two camps. Thus progressive thinkers, liberals and folks who just value "the heart" get to be feminized.

Hopefully our culture will someday be able to recognize just how exquisite sexual variety in our species really is. But to do this, we'd have to go all the way back to our original culturally defined assumptions about what it means to be human. I don't see Joe Six Pack or John the Pundit willing to go there any time soon. It's too easy and profitable to keep the world divided into discrete little boxes - a good substitute for thinking and feeling. And even more subversive, a true barrier to relationship and real community.

When someone tells me I must be gay because I openly express my emotions, care about the future of humanity, or worse, don't give a shit about football, guns, or American triumphalism, I'm actually glad I don't fit into the same nasty little boxes they put themselves into. I just shrug, look innocent and say, "Well, I'm not gay but I try to be happy."

Then I blow them a little kiss. Works every time!

:rofl:

[Buzz Clik]

52. Great post. Thanks. ("Then I blow them a little kiss.")

:+ :hippie: :spray: :hippie: :+