***DUzy Awards for week ending September 14, 2007.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Sat Sep-15-07 05:52 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring happy hokum, hip humbug and highfalutin hooey from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The wide-stance DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to stellanoir, eridani, CaliforniaPeggy, Yael, sfexpat2000, Buzz Clik, babylonsister, dicksteele, Breeze54, Lars39, krispos42, unhappycamper, hootinholler, chimpsrsmarter, Patsy Stone, bleever, uppityperson, Bluebear, havocmom and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance. Whew, y'all.

A few that should have appeared last week:

On a thread by Kelvin Mace:

      The more I read about the AWOL nukes story, the fishier it gets

response #8 by Orrex:

      Oh, come on.
Like you never misplace half a dozen nuclear warheads.

Honestly!

response #12 by Kelvin Mace:

      Well, to be honest
I can't seem to find that kilo of anti-matter I had from my college days.

It was in my sock drawer, but I think the cat may be playing with it.

GD, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1742546

OP by Ravy:

      Primer: How to protect your civil liberties at Circuit City.
Go into any Circuit City, and wave around a Colt 45 and an AK-47. You have a right to keep and bear arms. Use it or lose it!

Stand near the checkout. Tell every customer you see that stuff is much cheaper at Costco. Provide directions to the nearest Costco if they seem interested. You have the right to free speech.

Sure. You will probably be arrested. Sue the cops, sue the store. This is America. You may get a sympathetic jury and win some money. But at least doing that you won't have time to post ridiculous arguments on DU for a while.

response #12 by jberryhill:

      I'm with you brother
As long as I can smoke and conduct religious services in the Home Theater section.

response #15 by The Vinyl Ripper:

      Smoke what? n/t

response #27 by TahitiNut:

      Freshly-disemboweled roosters ... seeking product guidance from the FSM.
I'd want to anoint my body with oils, too.

response #36 by jberryhill:

      My uh, um.... religious sacrament.... yeah, that's it /nt

response #30 by ComerPerro:

      more importantly, while exercising your first and second amendment rights,
politely ask the cashier to empty out the register. It is the cashier's right to refuse, but who knows, the cashier might give you some cash!

GD, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1751761

On a thread by DemocratSinceBirth:

      Can sand make you sick? Scientists say ... maybe
"Results of a new two-year university study in Fort Lauderdale, Hollywood and Miami shows fecal bacteria in levels 100 to 1,000 times higher than what's found in the water lapping on the shoreline..."

response #1 by jgraz:

      Jeez, and I was just sitting down to a big bowl of sand
thanks, my breakfast is ruined now. :puke:

response #5 by Buzz Clik:

      You should boil it first.
Sand melts at about 3000 degrees, so you might want to put it in the microwave on full power for at least two or three minutes.

response #6 by jgraz:

      nah, heat really dulls the flavor of the cat urine

response #8 by porphyrian:

      Not if you only clean it once a year. - n/t

GD, September 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1753398

OP by hatrack:

      Circuit City security busts drunken Lindsay Lohan for tapping foot in bathroom stall during dogfight
Police search of the star's home revealed spiked dog collars, jars of Slim-Fast and methadone-flavored Double-Bubble gum wrapped in shatooshes manufactured by slave labor in a sweatshop located in the back of a Hummer H2 parked in Lohan's garage.

The vehicle was impounded by police in a suspected road rage case involving allegations of rape by wealthy preppy members of Harvard polo club and members of the Minutemen anti-immigration group who also appeared on "To Catch A Predator" - Brangelina's cell phone number found in possession of cell-phone-wielding driver, along with child pornography downloads and glossy photographs of Sanjaya.

response #2 by Beelzebud:

      I am outraged to the very fiber of my being. This is deeply offensive.
:D

response #4 by BuffyTheFundieSlayer:

      As long as she wasn't eating veal at Olive Garden
I really don't care. :shrug:

response #5 by Chipper Chat:

      Fox News Channel is all over this.
The Clenis is to blame of course.

response #8 by Hydra:

      I think you covered it all
but what about OJ and Michael Jackson? :evilgrin:

response #15 by hatrack:

      Damnit!! DAMNIT!!
I KNEW I had forgotten something!

:toast:

response #9 by LittleClarkie:

      Yes, yes, but was she SMOKING at the time
that's the most important question.

I suspect she was spanked as a child, personally.

response #16 by WildEyedLiberal :

      Or her mom didn't breastfeed her long enough

response #16 by WildEyedLiberal :

      Or her mom didn't breastfeed her long enough

Other scandalously good responses in the thread.

GD, September 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1758167

On a thread by Aviation Pro:

      I'm going to say this once, the bin Laden tape is a fake.....

response #15 by Gman:

      If that's OBL, I'll kiss your ass in front of the White House
Starting with the 04 tape and now this one, OBL never talked about current events in his tapes, nor did he address American political parties. This tape is a RNC/WH production.

response #33 by Karenina:

      He's been hiding out in a bunker at the pig farm
scarfing Lay's chips and swilling Dr. Pepper since 2001. Check the archives. I called it then! ;-)

response #60 by impeachdubya:

      There'll be another one before the election- you can take that to the fucking bank.
This is the "surge" edition. :eyes:

response #82 by chknltl:

      What's this? Osama's dissen the Dems now?????
So I suppose he is testin the waters, he's thinkin about throwin his turban into the ring as a republican. Sheesh, just when you think the neo-nuts couldn't sink any lower! This means bush will have to give OBL a Presidential Pardon and tweak the Constitution a bit in regards to the requirements to being a POTUS...(you have to admit bush has been playen fast and loose with the Constitution!)

So those whacky repugs are thinkin about running OBL...well I suppose he could be more popular than Tancredo and with a little work...who knows??? Next thing you know we'll be seing him anouncing on Letterman! He might even get gingrich or rove to be campaign manager. The very thought of a turbaned-turdblossom makes me want to get VERY VERY drunk!

OBL will easily get the Anti-Hillary votes, perhaps even securing a few from right here in the DU from what I can tell! (Have you seen some of THOSE threads???) If he promises to lift the ban on assault rifles, allowing those who pass the NRA guidelines for gun ownership to own FULLY AUTOMATIC AK-47s he should easily secure the gun nutters votes too!

I'll bet he's gonna promise to have our troops home by Ramadan thereby quelling any fears of a potential surge into Iran... thus stealing away the Ron Paul backers!

From what I can tell he does not speak or write english very well, making him one with most of the members of the free republic...those guys just might appreciate the camaraderie...(boy wouldn't it be funny seeing anne coulter in a burkha as a faux news anchor!)

Hmmm...this could turn into a tighter race than we thought....I wonder what OBL's views are on the abortion issue??? If he is a 'right to lifer' we may be in deep trouble gang!

GD, September 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1758495

On a thread by cal04:

Bombs kill 20 in Iraq, Bush to address Americans
"Bombs killed 20 people in Iraq on Saturday including 15 in Baghdad, police said, as U.S. President George W. Bush said he would address Americans next week to 'lay out a vision' for the future U.S. role in Iraq..".

response #2 by frogcycle:

"lay out a vision?"
how can someone with his head firmly up his ass lay out a vision of anything but shit?

GD, September 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1762820

Poll question by LostInAnomie:

Click on the link. That's all I can say. A DUzy for each response on the thread. Including yours, motocicleta.

GD, September 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1765313

OP by Bluebear:

      Why does the White House get the OBL videos first?
I see they get to "analyze" them for a spell before we (just unimportant Americans) get to see them. Does bin Laden just email the video to Bush? Or does "al Qaeda" leave a tape behind the condiment bar at a KFC in Pakistan for someone to recover? Is the video posted on an "extremist Islamic website" first? And what is the url of this supposed "extremist Islamic website" to which they are always referring? And is it too "tinfoil" to ask these legitimate questions?

Seriously, what is the transmission mechanism that they expect us to believe happens when Puff Daddy releases his new video?

response #10 by rurallib:

      Look, they are paying Bin Laden. They should get first look.

response #12 by johnnie:

      They have a gold membership to Netflix
That's the only reason I can think of.

GD, September 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1764233

On a thread by Enrique:

      Destructive species turns up in Cheney
"Biologists discovered adult zebra mussels this week at Cheney Reservoir, a discovery that has boaters, anglers and the Wichita Water Department concerned..."

response #1 by rucky:

      Great headline!
but shouldn't it be "AS Cheney"?

response #3 by JTFrog:

      I thought maybe they found where Rove went to hide. n/t

response #6 by sfexpat2000:

      And they want OUT NOW!

response #8 by Rock_Garden:

      This will be the first time anyone gets Cheney to redeploy anything.

response #9 by Gormy Cuss:

      Time to call Ripley. n/t

response #11 by PittPoliSci:

      why at a glance did i think it said "destructive feces?"

LBN, September 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2983549

On a thread by Disturbed:

      Does Osama bin Laden live in a cave?

response #2 by Olney Blue:

      To dye his beard, he uses "For Cavemen Only"
The insert says," So easy, a caveman can do it."

He has been invited to appear in an episode of "Man Caves" on cable TV next Spring.

So yes, I would say he lives in a cave. ;-)

response #4 by undeterred:

      Yes, and he has a special cavedelmodem hookup and satellite dish tv
so he is able to surf the internet and watch many television channels all over the world. He even audited an online course with Chomsky.

response #5 by Ghost in the Machine:

      Yes, and he has a flying carpet & mystical powers too!

response #6 by Benhurst:

      No, but Dick Cheney does.

GD, September 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1771007

On a thread by MarkInLA:

      Brain study finds political divide
"Exploring the neurobiology of politics, scientists have found that liberals tolerate ambiguity and conflict better than conservatives because of how their brains work..."

response #154 by happygoluckytoyou:

      GEORGE BUSH HERE....weighing in on this BRAINIAC stuff
when i was a kid, the REAL lil'bush, some of them smarter edjumacated kids would pick on me, then they would kick my ass... i told them i would come back and fight them later... they would say "you and what army"... haha got them now!!!

i dont think the drugs or alcohol did me any harm. i can still pick up small objects with my toes, and the occasional slurp of beer doesn't hurt either.

conservatives not flexible??? then how does dick get his head in that undisclosed location?

response #167 by antifaschits:

      they made an error in transcription:
"liberals tolerate ambiguity and conflict better than conservatives because of how their brains work."

IT SHOULD READ

"Liberals tolerate ambiguity and conflict better than conservatives because their brains work."

LBN, September 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2983859

On a thread by sabra:

      Bin Laden's black beard baffles U.S. intelligence
"U.S. intelligence officials studying Osama bin Laden's videotape released last week said on Monday they were baffled by his new black beard.

'We don't know if it's dyed and trimmed, or real, but that's one of the things we are looking at,' Director of National Intelligence Michael McConnell told a Senate committee hearing. 'The last time he appeared it was very different...'"

response #15 by flblu2:

      Some highlights and lowlights would have been nice

response #18 by Mz Pip:

      Too bad he didn't
punk it up with some purple and blue streaks. That would have really weirded out our Intelligence.

response #20 by kickysnana:

      What doesn't baffle US Intelligence? (large I) n/t

response #23 by NV Whino:

      US Intelligence
(cap I) is an oxymoron. (Whereas, the Commander in Chief is a simple moron.)

response #47 by Solly Mack:

      if they would just use their special decoder glasses they'd see messages
hidden in his beard and I betcha if they check the Almanac, they'd find a dyed beard means more rain

LBN, September 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2985234

Poll question by cboy4:

What can we expect from David Petraeus?
:bluebox: He'll start lying within the first 60 seconds of his "presentation"

:bluebox: He'll bullshit for a couple of minutes before the lying starts

:bluebox: He'll actually be honest and risk being water boarded at a secret prison

:bluebox: Other, explain

response #1 by AndyTiedye:

Would You Buy a Used War From This Man?

At press time, "He'll start lying within the first 60 seconds of his 'presentation'" was winning with 74% of the votes.

GD, September 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1772165

On a thread by DemoTex:

Attention Fla. Panhandle DUers: Karl Rove sighted in Seaside.

response #5 by porphyrian:

So that's why we've had so many fecal coliform blooms in the Gulf. - n/t

GD, September 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1776075

On a thread by L. Coyote:

      *********** Petreaus Hearing Thread 8 ****************

response #13 by Solly Mack:

      10 years from now - " Remember Anbar! We had Anbar!"

response #43 by Breeze54:

      That sounded like a gunshot!
Who's slamming the doors? :shrug:

response #44 by MAGICBULLET:

      I just thought the exact same thing!!!
did you flinch? hehehe

response #53 by Graybeard:

      MAGICBULLET replies to a gunshot question. LOL
You can't make this stuff up. :rofl:

GD, September 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1776831

On a thread by WillyT:

      Oh My... I Do Believe She Has A Thing For Dick !!!
Now I have noticed these 'Photos of Dear Leader' threads at Freeperville before, and here's today's: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1894342/posts

BUT... Check out the author's profile page !!!

http://www.freerepublic.com/~snugs/

response #2 by Ellen Forradalom:

      Her shirt should say
"I Want a Shot in the Face from a Big Dick"

response #40 by unhappycamper:

      Give it up for the girl and her dick.
:applause:

By all means, check out the woman's profile. If you dare...

GD, September 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1778955

OP by Skip Intro:

Jack Abramoff
But I hardly know Abram.

I am sooooooooo sorry.

The Lounge, September 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6917181

On a thread by KoKo01:

WaPo Mislabels NC Rep Patrick McHenry as War Veteran!
"... McHenry, however, never served in the military, let alone the Iraq war..."

response #1 by bear425:

Patrick McHenry is a war veteran
Just like Larry Craig has a naturally wide stance when he pee pees.

GD, September 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1783618

OP by burythehatchet:

      It all makes sense now. About a year ago, I came home and saw that two
lawnmowers I had were stolen. They were both excellent mowers, one was a Honda, even.

No suspects were ever apprehended. My grass remained uncut for months.

Just recently it occurred to me that the Clintons' estate in Westchester county New York HAS A SIZEABLE LAWN. And, it is very well groomed. It looks like it may have been cut by a Honda lawnmower.

I'm just puttng two and two together and.....

response #1 by onethatcares:

      not only that,
one of the guys I work with had two fishing rods stolen out of the back of his pick up, have you ever seen the Clintons fishing? Neither have I, I just wondered if you had.

response #2 by burythehatchet:

      HOLY SHIT. HRC was dining on fish JUST LAST WEEK.

response #9 by Javaman:

      When I moved into my house a year ago someone stole my
hedge trimmer. Damn those Clintons and their neat well groomed hedges.

response #12 by mikeytherat:

      I had a socket set stolen from my truck, and I'm in Virginia, south of D.C.
I'll bet screws and nuts are nice and snug in the ol' Clinton household...

response #16 by burythehatchet:

      There will be no talk of tight screws at the Clinton household.
Bill's nuts notwithstanding.

Other profoundly disturbing revelations in the thread.

GD, September 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1793451

Poll question by underpants:

      Poll question: Have the Clintons broken into YOUR house?
:bluebox: Yes I am just sure of it

:bluebox: I too, like Willey AND Schippers' wife, was alone upstairs but didn't hear them

:bluebox: Yes I am more sure of it than I was back at Choice 1

:bluebox: I'm not sure, they stole my mind

:bluebox: They left a suspicious note that said-THE CATS DID IT

:bluebox: Choice 6

:bluebox: How would I know? they are like the wind!

:bluebox: Yes they stole my term paper... swear to God

:bluebox: No

:bluebox: More wine?

response #2 by cali:

      Can't I swear they stole my term paper
and have more wine?

unnumbered response by chimpsrsmarter:

      they broke in, stole all my stuff and replaced it with exact replicas!

response #7 by ronnykmarshall:

      Can you just see Bill and Hillary in cat burglar outfits?
Sneaking around on their tip toes with flash lights and dark masks?

Hillary has to slap Bill's hand when he tries to sneak some potato salad from the fridge.

response #13 by underpants:

      "Concentrate Bill!!"
"You are getting sloppy. Now come on lets finish this job just like the other 400 we've done hold it WAIT! ssshhh oh okay we just have another Republican wife drowning her existance one box of wine at a time"

Bill: "They have dip"

Hillary (sighs and gives a COME ON!! look to Bill)

our characters move off screen right hutched over and tiptoeing

response #12 by Squatch:

      Yes, and they're STILL HERE!
Anybody have any tips on how to remove Clintons from your home? I've tried bleach, but it just makes 'em dig in even more.

response #28 by otherlander:

      Have you tried using asparagus?

response #18 by babylonsister:

      No, but the Mrs. sent me a letter asking for money; it felt like a break-in. nt

response #19 by LSK:

      Yes and they left the light on one night
You would have thought they read about Global Warming on Al Gore's internet tubes!!!!

:crazy:

response #25 by L. Coyote:

      Who are all these lucky smucks who have houses?

At press time, "More wine?" was winning with 30% of the votes, narrowly edging out "Yes I am sure of it".

GD, September 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1793119

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

Most think founders wanted Christian USA
"The survey measuring attitudes toward freedom of religion, speech and the press found that 55% believe erroneously that the Constitution establishes a Christian nation. In the survey, which is conducted annually by the First Amendment Center, a non-partisan educational group, three out of four people who identify themselves as evangelical or Republican believe that the Constitution establishes a Christian nation. About half of Democrats and independents do..."

response #33 by Col Jack D Ripper:

There's a conservapedia.com!?!?! Oh God...
If I tried rolling my eyes any harder, I'd be looking square at my own brain.

LBN, September 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2988061

On a thread by superconnected:

      Life expectancy of Americans climbs to 78 years
"The life expectancy for Americans is nearly 78 years, the longest in U.S. history, according to new government figures from 2005 released Thursday.

That age, based on the latest data available, was still lower than the life span in more than three dozen other countries, however..."

response #1 by Xipe Totec:

      Did the chocolate rations go up too?
and the Victory Gin rations?

response #7 by kirby:

      Average IQ down to 78 too.... n/t

response #19 by melody:

      It's the Bush years. Maybe it just seems longer. n/t

LBN, September 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2988782

On a thread by jasonc:

      Pick your mock outrage event of the day?
Just what insignificant event will you pretend to get upset about today?

response #1 by malta blue:

      Well, my chinese delivery was not steamed without
carrots as requested.... :nuke: :grr: :nuke:

response #2 by jasonc:

      bastards
we need a press conference to let these damn chinese restaurants know that we will not stand for this!

response #3 by malta blue:

      You're telling me??? Delivery guy gets a $10 tip,
calls me "doll" and they still don't get it right?!?!?!

CALL CONGRESS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!1!!!1

response #6 by regularguy:

      I saw a guy with baggy pants and his underwear was showing!!
MOMMY HOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lounge, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6924703

On a thread by tsegat01:

      Biden: Pollution More Deadly Than Terrorists
"Rose: Sen. Biden, forgetting about the upcoming Iowa caucus for just a moment, which would you honestly say is more likely to contribute to the death of your average American: a terrorist strike or high-fructose corn syrup and air that has too much coal in it?

Biden: Air that has too much coal in it. Corn syrup next, and then a terrorist attack. But that does not in any way diminish the fact that a terrorist attack is real. It's not an existential threat to bring down the country, but does have the capacity still it can kill thousands of people. But hundreds of thousands of people die and their lives are shortened because of coal plants, coal-fired plants, and because of corn syrup..."

response #1 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Ah, yes.
Let's all remember the Great Boston Corn Syrup Flood of 1919.

response #9 by wienerdoggie:

      He has a point. However, corn syrup tastes good and won't behead me.

response #11 by daninthemoon:

      You been having a problem with beheadings in your neighborhood
lately?

response #12 by tsegat01:

      It is a serious issue that we are failing to address!
I'm thinking about starting an action group - MARB, Mothers Against Rampant Beheadings!

Think of the Children!!!

response #13 by wienerdoggie:

      No. Just pointing out why people aren't going to fear corn syrup
the way they fear terrorists. Fear of corn syrup isn't going to control our behavior, and cause us to allow our civil liberties to erode, and lead us into needless war. Now, trans fats...those are some real scary-ass mofo's.

GDP, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3517523

On a thread by TNDemo:

      Explain the right wing mind to me.
I have a coworker who just told me she absolutely loves GW...

response #4 by Kutjara:

      "Right wing" and "mind" are two things that don't...
...belong in the same sentence.

response #16 by wuushew:

      what kind of winger is she?
(A) Bush works for Jeebus and is doing his will

(B) I'm going to be rich some day and I need that tax cut.

(C) My mailman looked at me funny so there must be an Al Queda cell in the neighborhood.

I need to understand her pattern of ignorance to prepare appropriate rebutal.

response #19 by WilliamPitt:

      There isn't just one mind
There are several species.

Decentus Candefendideasicus: my grandfather belonged to this species. He was an Irish Catholic rock-ribbed old-school conservative, and was the best man I have ever known in my life...and he could defend all of his beliefs seamlessly. I didn't agree, but you have to respect a mind at work.

Uninformedus Minimus: the least dangerous of the three types of Uninformedus, the Minimus doesn't really follow the news unless the guys on his favorite shock-jock/sports-talk radio show happen to get into a topic. Minimus is a good person, works hard, and is "right-wing" because that's the default position for a brain that doesn't know any better.

Uninformedus Maximus: This species has sharper teeth but is still not too bright. An avid fan of Fox news, Savage, Scarborough and Jay Severin, Maximus also secretly loves Rush, but can't tell that to his Maximus buddies, because they think Rush is passe...even though they listen to him, too. Maximus appears to be fierce upon first encounter, but it becomes quickly obvious that his only defenses are lame Bill-O lines, "liberal media" cracks and a transparent "I'm a Libertarian" camoflauge that everyone can see through. Somehow thinks war is peace.

Uninformedus Berzerkus Rex: Masturbates to Ann Coulter, legitimately fantasizes about being a Minuteman shooting Mexicans down on the border, loves the war but believes he serves his country by sticking it to the liberals on the home front, is totally dysfunctional in any social setting, hasn't had a date since Winger went platinum, loves FreeRepublic, is despised by his co-workers, sleeps on sheets that smell like Satan's Own Asshole, thinks all gay people should be executed, and is generally the poster child for the value of childhood diagnoses of severe anti-social potentially-violent mental disorders...oh, yeah, and he can prove that Hillary had Vince Foster whacked by Janet Reno's trigger-men.

Fetusis Firstis: A simple breed. Votes straight-line anti-choice. Period. Supports the death penalty. Thinks G.W. Bush is on armchair-to-armchair relations with God. And is part of the single most dependable voting bloc in the history of democracy.

Biggus Buckus: Very few have seen this one. It lives in the rarefied air reserved for creatures with at least twelve digits to the left of the decimal on their bank statement. CEO of a defense corporation, or oil concern, or both. These creatures know what the real deal is, and use all the other species as useful idiot shock-troops to keep everyone distracted about gay marriage and abortion and the Ten Commandments and the like, while they make sure there will always be war and that they will always get paid.

response #30 by Bluebear:

      Stunningly incurious. Raised to not even fathom that authority can be wrong.
An overdose of Paul Harvey, Reader's Digest. and the Hall of Presidents exhibit at Disney = my country, right or wrong, and you don't even need to turn on the news to know that our President is always right, unless he receives oral sex.

GD, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1799393

OP by NNN0LHI:

      Huckabee looks like a hobo
Where does the GOP find these freaks?

response #9 by Neecy:

      all the repigs look like freaks tonight
They painted such rosy cheeks on the chimp I expected him to be wearing lederhosen. He looked like a hummel.

response #17 by la la:

      he's going for that
sexy Don Johnson look!

:freak:

response #18 by Olney Blue:

      Arkansas Vice
:rofl:

GD, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1803674

On a thread by Purveyor:

U.S. Develops 14-Ton Super Bomb, Bigger Than Russian Vacuum Bomb
"The U.S. has a 14-ton super bomb more destructive than the vacuum bomb just tested by Russia, a U.S. general said Wednesday..."

response #1 by htuttle:

Geez -- quit waving it around and tuck it back in your pants, boys!!
:eyes:

LBN, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2989554

On a thread by 11 Bravo:

      You know you've made it at DU when ________ responds to one of your posts.

response #6 by Lasher:

      Lasher
Congratulations, you've made the big time. :hi:

response #9 by AZDemDist6:

      Skinner
is there anyone else who matters? I mean, really.

response #10 by InvisibleTouch:

      Skinner.
Which did indeed happen to me once. (And I said, "Hey, I'm not totally Invisible!" ;) )

response #16 by johnnie:

      GrovelBot
Who else really matters?

response #17 by wienerdoggie:

      Hell, I'm grateful for ANYBODY to respond.

response #24 by TahitiNut:

      A moderator ... with a post entitled "Locking..."
:evilgrin:

response #59 by porphyrian:

      Getting people to respond is nothing. Getting people to keep you on Ignore is a challenge. -n/t

response #76 by ocelot:

      Anybody.
I am become Death, Destroyer of Threads.

response #91 by chimpsrsmarter:

      Deleted message
Name removed.

response #93 by blondeatlast:

      Dammit, I keep trying to add him/her to my buddy list but it doesn't work! nt

GD, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1797991

On a thread by cali:

       I Believe Most Conspiracy Theories
are bunk, and most of the claims aren't even authenticated, like the one of the missing nuke. Rumors fuel conspiracy theories. So why do they proliferate among intelligent people? I think it's largely an attempt to make order in tumultuous times. People want explanations that fit their world view, as well...

response #15 by Husb2Sparkly:

      Gawddammit .... there go my tin foil futures.

response #17 by bahrbearian:

      Invest in Kool-Aid

GD, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1801251

On a thread by cali:

      ********Live Thread- bush speech***************
If anyone's into it.

response #18 by shadowknows69:

      I'm a masochist I'm here
lunch already threatening in the back of my throat.

response #28 by antifaschits:

      first three sentences pronounced correctly.
Are morale ans straigic goals are won.
Betrayus told congress who is where and how is why. The surge is WOrking!

progress. reconsiliation. our new goal is to provide security for political reconciliationarytorism.

we are surging diplomats in those areas that were cleared. Rah...

response #43 by smokey nj:

      Is it just me, or does it look like Chimpy used Ray-gun's make-up guy for tonight's
speechifyin'?

response #64 by chimpsrsmarter:

      ok i'm sold, i'm buying a sweet lot in Diyala!

response #70 by Solly Mack:

      and a summer home in Anbar?

response #87 by chimpsrsmarter:

      oh hells yes, didn't you get the memo, things are pissa.

response #66 by spanone:

      he's lyin' much more than i anticipated....i anticipated a lot

response #71 by MazeRat7:

      Oh hell I'm outta here... gonna go trim my dogs butt hair.. (much more palatable) -nt

response #89 by Warren Stupidity:

      Who the fuck is General Portrayus?

response #99 by ncteechur:

      His nose is starting to come through my TV set!

response #180 by RoyGBiv:

      The times they are a changin'
1941 - ... the only thing we have to fear is fear itself ...

2007 - There is nothing but fear.

response #199 by Laxman:

      I didn't realize!
Was that the President? I thought it was a Lancelot Link rerun on TVLand

GD, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1802828

OP by MysticalChicken:

      Gross food your parents prepared when you were younger
When I was a kid, my dad created a concoction that consisted of noodles (cooked to mushiness), chicken, mushrooms, sour cream, and some sort of broth or bullion or something, I think. When I was a kid I liked it (despite my absolute lifelong loathing of mushrooms), but as I got older I realized--holy crap, this stuff is horrible. The very last time I was able to worry some down, some ten years ago, I nearly threw up, because it's the grossest-looking stuff ever. And the gods help you if you ever find a hair in it. I wish I had a photograph of it, but it's probably a good thing I don't.

The ironic thing is that my dad is normally a pretty good cook.

response #4 by ruiner4u:

      something my mom called Swiss Steak...
It was a good piece of meat simmered in a few cans of crushed tomatoes and some other stuff.. When it was done it was the most god awful dried out thing that that was impossible to cut or chew...

god bless her, she tried... :)

response #6 by MysticalChicken:

      We had a different type of "Swiss steak"
It consisted of my mom beating the fuck out of a slab of flank steak as if she had a personal vendetta against it, then covering it with gravy made with cream of celery soup. I hate cream of celery soup.

response #12 by Throd:

      Glop from cans marked "Chun King" or "La Choy"
I think I was about 15 when I first discovered that Chinese food wasn't mushy tasteless water chestnuts covered in a phlegm colored viscous slime.

response #113 by 1gobluedem:

      My mother would combine the last bits in all the boxes of cereal
Into one box and make us eat it for breakfast. She called it 'mystery cereal.' I hated it.

She also once gave me the option of trying creamed hominy grits or going to bed. I said "Good night."

response #157 by TheCentepedeShoes:

      Whatever we had
was cooked to absolute death. Veggies were mush and I think I was in my teens before I realized you could get a steak that wasn't the color and consistancy of a pair of loafers.

response #158 by pacoyogi:

      Chicken Gizzards.
Chicken Gizzards, fried in a pan, and served with spaghetti. Burnt spaghetti.

Chili made with paprika (Mom had run out of chili powder.)

Liverwurst and onion sandwiches.

Tuna-noodle casserole made with fried Chinese noodles.

Block o'Flounder---Flounder filets, frozen into a block and sold that way. My mother would slighty defrost them, then bake them in a pan with some crushed Saltines.

Liver---sliced and dredged in Cream of Wheat, then fried and served over burnt onions and white potatoes from a can.

Pork Chops with Cream of Mushroom Soup--just pour can of soup over pork chops in pan. Bake until they curl.

I could go on and on.....

Mm-mmm. Plenty more enticing recipes in the thread...

The Lounge, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6926330

On a thread by Horse with no Name:

      HURRY--fact check...36 nations with troops on the ground in Iraq?

response #10 by rocknation:

      Here's seven of them
Munchkinland
The Land of Hona-Lee
The land where the bong tree grows
Narnia
Never Never Land
Camazotz
Caladian

response #11 by Sparkly:

      Land of a thousand dances.
Disneyland.
Dreamland.
LaLaLand.
Candyland.

response #19 by Art_from_Ark:

      Don't forget Erehwon!
Everyone seems to overlook the significant contributions of the Erehwonians!

And the Lilliputians! Almost forgot about them!
:crazy:

GD, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1803237

On a thread by babylonsister:

Josh Marshall: 36 Nations
"ThinkProgress caught Chris Matthews' reaction to President Bush's claim that there are 36 nations with troops on the ground today in Iraq. And we're curious too. What the hell is the president talking about? Which countries are these..?"

response #1 by SoCalDem:

Who they are, and what they do
here they are and their likely contributions

Afghanistan...yaks?
Albania..........assorted rocks & sticks
Angola...........assorted jungle animals
Australia........diggirree doos & boomerangs
Azerbaijan......couscous
Bulgaria........conscripted homeless gypsies
Colombia......need you ask???
Costa Rica...spider monkeys & killer-parrots
Czech Republic...waiting to see what the Slovaks bring
Denmark....Cheese & fruity pastries
Dominican Republic.....beach sand & baseball players
El Salvador.....bananas &coffee
Eritrea...gotta have people to serve the coffee
Estonia....whatever Latvia brings..only more of of it
Ethiopia....framed pictures of Haile Selassie
Georgia...peaches? (oh the OTHER Georgia)
Honduras....passion fruit, mangos & papayas
Hungary...goulash
Iceland....lava chunks
Italy......spaghetti & canneloni
Japan... tons of "made in" stickers & fake beards
Kuwait...valet parking
Latvia....See Lithuania & Estonia
Lithuania...See Latvia & Estonia
Macedonia....Mace?Myrrh? Frankensence?
Marshall Islands...underage female factory workers
Micronesia...leeetle tiny sea shells
Mongolia....spicy mongolian bbq
Netherlands....clack clack clack, go the wooden boots
Nicaragua......coffee & banana leaves
Palau.....ceremonial scary masks
Panama........canal water & yellow fever mosquitos
Philippines......volcano dust
Poland..........pierogies & kielbasa
Portugal.......corked bats for sand ball
Romania......anti-vampire technology
Rwanda.......Misty Gorillas
Singapore.... a few tangy slings
Slovakia.......waiting to see what the Czechs are bringing
Solomon Islands...wisdom?
South Korea.....kim chi
Spain.....flamenco teachers
Tonga...drums & dancers
Turkey....whirling dervishes
Uganda...Framed pictures of Idi Amin
Ukraine...loose nukes
United Kingdom...um..dude, they left
United States..the whole shebang
Uzbekistan...more valet parking

GD, September 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1806624

On a thread by Up2Late:

      Hey, Quantcast.com say that DU is a bunch of Rich, White, 65+, Empty Nesters! WTF?

response #1 by whoneedstickets:

      Yeah, that site's reliable! Just check out the FR stats..
..apparently they're all retired African-Americans with grad degrees.

Time to adjust the metrics....

response #6 by WilliamPitt:

      Already?
Shit. I lost 30 years and a bunch of kids.

Anyone seen 'em?

Guess I got that money now, tho.

Cool. I can buy new kids.

:P

response #21 by hootinholler:

      Damn I'm glad that's over!
Whoo Hoo! I'll call in to work and let them know I'm retired! Not like I need the money or anything, because I'm sure when I check the ATM this morning my balance will no longer be $125 with 7 days to payday.

What a relief!

response #33 by blondeatlast:

      Careful--you must give more than a passing thought to supporting Ron Paul... nt

GD, September 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1805840

OP by sabra:

      US confuses hair coloring infomercial as new Bin Laden terror tape

response #3 by meegbear

response #6 by rox63

GD, September 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1755543

OP by Nick at Noon:

      It is not a Chariot of the gods -- it is a chariot of the Redneck

response #17 by Buzz Clik

response #24 by Wcross

GD, September 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1767640

OP by radfringe:

      RADICAL FRINGE TOON Mon. 9/10 -- have a shot

GD, September 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1772155

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      Most see Iraq war as complete or partial failure(AP/Ipsos Poll)

response #1 by Submariner

response #2 by tomeboy

LBN, September 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2986677

On a thread by MichaelHarris:

      Oh, It's Go Time!!!

response #1 by Kutjara

GD, September 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1796755

On a thread by Kadie:

      Photo-op - * has lunch at the Marines Corps Base in Quantico, Va. - pics

response #2 by Vinca

response #15 by Whoa_Nelly

response #21 by jmowreader

response #23 by krispos42

response #24 by Botany

GD, September 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1808092