Have you ever been tasered?

[Wcross]

This tale has been circulating on the net for a while.......

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…. WAY TOO
COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arch
of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the
face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,… right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser
in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
batteries.
All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…..
I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, "don’t do it" reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad…. I
decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note
of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst
would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-…. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can’t be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
lbs.
I’m still looking for my testicles. I’m offering a significant
reward for their safe return.

[Ellen Forradalom]

1. A priority item on my daily to-do list

is to avoid being tasered.

[groovedaddy]

2. Dude, what were you thinking!?!

I mean, beside what you laid out here. This is Jeff Foxworthy material here!

[spindoctor]

3. ok, now I have to explain to my colleagues why I just fell out my chair

:rofl:

[hobbit709]

4. The famous last words of a southern male

"Hey y'all, watch this!"

[L. Coyote]

5. NO, just tortured, sexually abused, and forcibilly drugged

Thank goodness, I've never been tased :rofl:

[Tommy_Carcetti]

6. Umm....

No.

[daninthemoon]

7. Very funny cautionary tale. Only part missing is : what did your

wife have to say to you after?

[KillCapitalism]

8. No, but I have seen one idiot taze another in real life.

Let's just say it was an environment where there were a lot of morons and a lot of alcohol. For a stunt, one guy pulled his pants down for another guy to taze him in the buttocks. The guy that got tazed DID NOT enjoy it one bit, even after mass amounts of alcohol.

[Proveit]

9. taser or stun gun?

I think what you used was a stun gun, not a taser

[Bitwit1234]

10. No but my son stuck me with a cattle prod

he didn't know it would shock me. AND it hurt. I don't know the wattage but I wouldn't want it any higher.

[Wcross]

12. OOOCH! Did you ever watch the movie "Casino"?

They hit the cheater with a cattle prod and he was down. I sure am glad I don't have kids! I probably would have let him experience the prod if he was laughing after he did it.

[Indy Lurker]

11. A friend volunteered to be tasered

A friend volunteered to be tasered.

actually it was a 900,000 volt stun gun that runs on a 3-3.6v lithium camera batteries (CR123A).

It's called "Small Fry" and made by Streetwise.





He had had about 8 beers, and was zapped for about 3 seconds in the stomach. It doubled him over, and he said it hurt like hell, but it didn't knock him down, or or really disable him.

From other reading I've done, if you really want to disable an attacker, you need to maintain contact for at least 10 seconds, or until the batteries die.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

[AuntPatsy]

13. lol I am ashamed to admit I laughed at the way this story was told.

But at the same time after I thought about it, I guess for those not wanting to test it out and being forced to it would not be so humorous.

[Prophet 451]

14. I was high and stupid

Of course, the two terms kinda go together. Hurt like hell, even through the clouds of narcotic painkillers.

I'm clean now and have no intention of getting tazed again.