== Eat this, you fat, sad idiot = By Mark Morford

[madokie]

Who, pray who, is still sucked in by grotesque fast-food ads? Shouldn't there be a law?

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/09/19/notes091907.DTL&nl=fix

I admit scattershot naivete. I admit to a strain of blind optimism, a sort of sporadic myopia, a weirdly sanguine tunnel vision that makes me somehow think that we as a species and a culture and as a mad gaggle of individual human souls who are coupled with functioning hunks of semi-rational gray matter, we must, at least occasionally, be learning something, ever-so-slightly advancing our awareness of those things on this planet that want to harm us and sicken us and even kill us, and therefore we can alter our behaviors accordingly.

I must be completely wrong. Because there it is, that violently obnoxious Wendy's burger commercial I stumbled across recently, apparently part of a larger and stranger ad campaign featuring the usual assortment of requisite sagging thick-waisted former frat dudes -- a group, by the way, that must be an entire category unto itself for Los Angeles casting agencies, given how many of them appear in all sorts of similar monosyllabic commercials for, say, trucks. Or beer. Or power tools. Et al.

These ads feature the same childish concept: All the dudes have bright red cartoon pigtails (a la the Wendy's mascot) where their receding hairline used to be, and in their thick fists they're maybe clutching a giant greasy burger and staring at it with a sort of desperate, animalistic lust you normally see from, say, secretly gay Idaho Republicans in airport restrooms. Or something.

But this particular ad offers something extra, something a bit more... extraordinary. The burger in question is something very special indeed. It is not your typical "value menu" item. It is not a Wendy's Single with Cheese, or whatever it's called down in noncomestible junk-food hell. ...

[B Calm]

1. animalistic lust you normally see from, say, secretly gay Idaho Republicans in airport restrooms

You have to love Morford, he sure has a way with words!

[hang a left]

2. wordy he is. nt

[bluerum]

3. I love this guy. One thing in life that makes me laugh - his writing.

[kdmorris]

4. I get a real kick out of Morford!

I love this part:

"The burger is this: two sickeningly brownish-gray, chemical-blasted 1/4-pound beeflike patties, intersliced with two slabs of neon-orange cheeselike substance, slathered with mayonnaise, all topped with the big kicker: six (yes, six) strips of bacon. Oh my, yes. It's like a giant middle finger to your heart."

[B Calm]

5. The only thing I would add is: plugged arteries in a bun!

[ThomWV]

6. I Tried To Eat A Wendy's Burger Once - Tossed it out the truck window

A friend and I had to make a day trip to Cleveland a few years ago. On the way out of town my friend pulled into a Wendy's drive-up window to grab something as fast as possible to eat while we went up the road. We both ordered whatever their burgers are called. Within a mile and two bites both of us tossed the damned things out the window of the truck. Let the birds eat them. It was grease hell, unedible shit that turned the stomach. I've never been back.