***DUzy Awards for week ending September 21, 2007.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Sep-21-07 06:59 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring vigorous vivisection, vivacious vim and valiant venting from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The hand-rolled DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to havocmom, CaliforniaPeggy, bleever, Bluebear, wildhorses, Buzz Clik, stellanoir, RevCheesehead, unhappycamper, XemaSab, KitchenWitch, MN Against Bush, dicksteele, Lars39, krispos42, AZDemDist6 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance. The locked threads were the deepest, baby I know. The locked threads were the deepest...

On a thread by NanceGreggs:

You Can Shut Up Now

response #25 by calimary:

"...but, but, but, they'll FOLLOW us HOME!!!
Yeah. Actually, they will. They'll follow us home and take all our parking spaces, and push out all the Vietnamese restaurant owners to make space for their Iraquisine. They'll crowd our freeways, compete for our jobs, and maybe beat us in a bidding war for that house that just foreclosed. Or maybe they'll invade West Hollywood with their new hair salon chains. Move over Supercuts! here come the "Baghdad Bobs."

You heard it here first!

GDP, September 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3521601

OP by Redstone:

      Excuse me for about 20 minutes; I have to go confess to Homeland Security that I have
a stuffy nose and need to buy a box of pseudoephedrine tablets, so I don't snore Mrs R out of the bed tonight.

I have to remember to bring my driver's license to to the drugstore so they can scan it into the Big Database of People With Stuffy Noses... you know what a threat THEY are to the security of our beloved Vaterland...oops, Homeland.

response #2 by Fridays Child:

      Snotbomber...
...you're being watched. :evilfrown:

:P

response #7 by Patsy Stone:

      While you're at it
you should stop into the library. I'm sure there's a database there they'd enjoy adding you to.

response #17 by Redstone:

      Been there, earlier today. I'm sure that Vaterland Security already knows that I
took out one book about England, one about the Gold Rush, and a cookbook featuring Italian food.

Now all they have to do is to connect the dots, and I'm toast. I may as well go turn myself in.

response #47 by warren pease:

      You are, in fact, toast...
Books about England are now on the watch list because Brits refuse to privatize their health care system, despite 17 straight years of noble conservative attempts to convince them to dump that monolithic socialist mess and go with the US model instead. See Canada, France, Germany and Scandinavian countries for further information.

The gold rush was a well-known magnet for foreign undesirables who infested California and tried to steal precious metals right out from under good, hard-working native Americans -- native being Northern Europeans in this case. This invasion is seen as the inspiration for all the illegals now overrunning this great land of ours and stealing precious sidewalk space from good, hard-working Americans who are on the streets because illegals have taken up all the beds at the shelters.

And finally, Sacco and Vanzetti were Italians, as were the Red Brigades and Titian. What else could you possibly want to know about Italy and its relationship to the international
terrorist/anarchist/oil-painting conspiracy?

Frankly, the evidence is overwhelming. You're an enemy of the US health care system, which is completely at odds with official doctrine; you're studying issues related to illegal immigration, which isn't necessarily too bad, but when combined with your desire to cook the kinds of dishes known to have been eaten by terrorist organizations and artists, in complete disregard for the approved meal of a Big Mac with fries and a shake favored by mainstream Americans...

All this puts you in a very bad light. Nothing that a few years of political reeducation at Gitmo won't fix, but I'm afraid you're off to the camps for the time being.

Be well, praise JeeeeZuzzzz and revere Overlord Cheney as if your life depended on it.

response #22 by sfexpat2000:

      Whatever you do, don't were a pink shirt or carry a Mexican flag!
:scared:

response #37 by flvegan:

      Oh, shit sir...you shoulda PM'd me. I've got a stockpile
of the real thing. Thermodrene, Black Asians, Yellows, Ripped Fuel...

GD, September 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1811699

On a thread by Mark E. Smith:

      Alan Keyes Announces For President

response #1 by northzax:

      Excellent
It's just not a campaign season without krazy keyes. Wonder what state he is pretending to be from this year?

response #3 by chimpsrsmarter:

      Woohoo, ain't no crazy like Alan Keyes crazy cause Alan Keyes crazy don't stop.

response #18 by Yupster:

      He's in because he has experience at facing off against Obama
A return race could get him up to 30 % if everything falls into place just right.

response #40 by Jim Lane:

      I hope his running mate will be Katherine Harris -- the dream ticket (n/t)

response #43 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      He will be defeated by the margin of error.

LBN, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2992066

On a thread by texanwitch:

I was watching How Clean Is Your House today and learned that computer keyboards are very dirty.

response #11 by canetoad:

keyboards are filthy microbe nests
also, a spill in the wrong area can seriously curtail your internet activities: eg. a cannabis seed under the space bar.

To this end, I developed a sort of Martha Stewart guide to keyboard cleanliness;

Always keep on hand a bamboo skewer for picking out big lumps, such as congealed sweet chili sauce, baked beans etc
A pure bristle watercolour brush for gently sweeping powder spills
Cotton buds for alcohol

And every so often upturn it, shake from side to side (much like a laser toner cartridge)then tap firmly 6 - 8 times on desk. This will generally yield enough schwag for a smallish joint.

The Lounge, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6930883

On a thread by BlooInBloo:

      Montana GOPer: Dead Soldier Is Too Stupid To Have Written NYT Op-Ed!
"Pardon my skepticism, and certainly no disrespect for the dead Montana soldier, but in my time in the Army I never heard such a word as 'recalcitrant' escape the lips of any Staff Sergeant..."

response #1 by Xipe Totec:

      Whoever's edumacatin' the plebes, quit it!
Cain't have no soldiers messin' up their haids with them big words and such.

response #11 by NewJeffCT:

      Compassionate Conservatism at its finest!
wow, every time I don't think they can top themselves, they do.

response #14 by BlooInBloo:

      Vegas doesn't even put odds out on that any more.

GD, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1815710

OP by uppityperson:

Today's public service message for trolls.
Pick a username that doesn't look suspicious. Variations of "IMaLibrul" "democraticundergroundtroll" "hsub evol I" all are instant tip offs that you probably won't get many posts in.

Sincerely, uppityperson
p.s. This is not aimed toward any troll in particular, just a general public service message

response #17 by SalmonChantedEvening:

Damn. I was gonna re-register as Clint^Tonzfallt.

sonofa.

:yoiks:

GD, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1816902

On a thread by Joanne98:

      Ann Coulter! STOCK PICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

response #1 by dicksteele:

      You misspelled "pig-stalker". nm

response #28 by BenDavid:

      I would not have sex with her even with a borrowed penis

GD, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1817005

On a thread by Disturbed:

      " I have seen tyranny, dishonesty, corruption and depravity."
"Over the past two and a half years, I have seen tyranny, dishonesty, corruption and depravity of types I never thought possible." Alberto Gonzales.

response #1 by rpannier:

      I have seen tyranny, dishonesty, corruption and depravity
And that was what he did before his morning coffee

response #3 by rucky:

      He was patting himself on the back when he said it. n/t

response #4 by Bluebear:

      But enough about Washington Republicans.

response #16 by msu2ba:

      and, then he sang.......
"These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things"

GD, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1817189

On a thread by Dirty Hippie:

      As a Woman I was NOT offended by Bill Maher last night.

response #34 by Luminous Animal:

      I'm pretty confident in stating
that Bill Maher would have no problem with young women who have fabulous breasts walking around topless in public. His problem is with women's breasts being exposed for any other purpose than for his titillation. Bill Maher is a boob.

response #42 by ellenfl:

      a lecherous, misogynist boob . . . is that an oxymoron?
that does not stop me from watching him, however . . . which i have been doing since his 'politically incorrect' days. no, i do not always agree but he's had some great shows . . . most of them . . . and his 'new rules' are usually very good.

i have never had kids but i can tell you that i would have covered, in some form, if i had to breast feed away from the privacy of my home.

this all sounds like a tempest in a b-cup to me.

response #46 by AzDar:

      As the mom of two boys, I udderly agree.
:rofl:

GD, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1815065

OP by hang a left:

They are going off on ABC over domestic spying!!!
Unfortunately, it is all over Belichek and his Patriots. OUTRAGE all over the NFL.

Blows. My. Mind.

response #1 by spirit of wine:

It is not called the Patriot Act for Nothing.

GD, September 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1822513

On a thread by The Sushi Bandit:

      Is DU Getting Dull??
or have I become too jaded?

response #1 by Skittles:

      it is possible you need an ass-kicking
I will assess

response #20 by spag68:

      I'll give you something to get upset about
What if the cia bastards put a chip in KO's head, while he is sedated?

response #21 by cboy4:

      LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!!
:grr:

response #22 by walldude:

      Yeah...
but it's all my fault.

response #38 by djohnson:

      I've noticed a lull in Republican sex scandals
It's been, what, a little over 3 weeks since the last one? Maybe that's it.

See below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, September 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1822956

On a thread by Retired AF Dem:

      OJ arrested

response #1 by bluestateguy:

      Maybe the police have decided to help him find the real killer
The police never did go back to investigating the case after the trial.

The real killer is still out there somewhere!

:rofl:

response #4 by Junkdrawer:

      Iraq and Iran have just been doomed to obscurity: OJ's in jail...
If a million Iraqis fall in a forest, and no one hears them....

response #25 by LiberalEsto:

      The Sequel: "If I Did it Again" nt

response #37 by Lakerstan:

      What happens in Vegas, stays in...nevermind. Too easy n/t

LBN, September 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2993102

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Simpson ordered held WITHOUT BAIL

response #18 by opihimoimoi:

      WELL WELL WELL...what have we here? Justice....? Is that you???

response #21 by ossman:

      Simpson... what the fuck did Homer do?

response #30 by Snarkturian Clone:

      This keeps getting better and better.
The mysterious individual who framed Simpson for murder has framed him again I see! Diabolical!

GD, September 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1823121

On a thread by G_j:

      McCain Says He's Been Baptist for Years
"Republican presidential candidate John McCain, who has long identified himself as an Episcopalian, said this weekend that he is a Baptist and has been for years.

Campaigning in this conservative, predominantly Baptist state, McCain called himself a Baptist when speaking to reporters Sunday and noted that he and his family have been members of the North Phoenix Baptist Church in his home state of Arizona for more than 15 years...

In a June interview with McClatchy Newspapers, the senator said his wife and two of their children have been baptized in the Arizona Baptist church, but he had not. 'I didn't find it necessary to do so for my spiritual needs,'' he said..."

response #6 by MonkeyFunk:

      A Bapto-Episcal?
isn't that a stomach medicine?

response #7 by King Coal:

      Well, he did refuse to make love while standing up, so nobody would think he was dancing.

response #8 by nuxvomica:

      Can someone be an unbaptized Baptist?
And if he wants to call himself a Baptist, what's so difficult about having the baptism and getting it over with? Is he afraid of drowning? I guess I don't understand Protestantism.

GD, September 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1823405

On a thread by rzemanfl:

I have to go to work. I cannot believe that CNN is swiftboating
Sally Field...

response #4 by MonkeyFunk:

They're making up lies about Sally Field's military service?
The bastards!

GD, September 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1824133

On a thread by Squatch:

      If men can walk around in public bare-chested, should women, too?

response #23 by Juniperx:

      Ever watch "cops"?
Bare chested guys are just asking to be arrested ;)

response #43 by bemildred:

      But then nobody will be able to make money off of pictures of tits.
Hollywood starlets will have to be able to act. This could mean doom for the entertainment business. Where would David Hasselhof be today if tits were no big deal? You have to think about the consequences of this sort of radical change.

response #50 by cherokeeprogressive:

      I go back and forth on the subject. Can't make a firm decision. I'm all wiggly on this. n/t

GD, September 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1828042

On a thread by Lisa:

      if congressional districts had names instead of numbers, what would yours be called?

response #3 by LeftyMom:

      Subdivided Swampland nt

response #6 by XemaSab:

      Neener neener neener you don't live here.
:P

response #8 by Orsino:

      "We gave you Bob Barr." n/t

response #11 by gwbsamoron:

      "Twentysixth Poorest"

response #14 by blockhead:

      North Dakota.
Same as it is now.

response #15 by philosophie_en_rose:

      South Canada
:)

response #16 by Taverner:

      Soccermomistan

response #17 by KitchenWitch:

      Master Planned

response #22 by sarge43:

      Wherethehell. n/t

response #25 by Richardo:

      "9th Circle, Wingnut Hell"

response #28 by WakeMeUp:

      Headinass
or Grabyerankles - it was a tossup.

The Lounge, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6941530

On a thread by helderheid:

Jack Hanna, flamingo trapped in airport turnstile
"Animal expert Jack Hanna and an 11-month-old flamingo became trapped while trying to squeeze through an airport security turnstile. It took firefighters to finally get the flamingo out.

Hanna, the director emeritus of the Columbus Zoo and a frequent guest on nationally televised talk shows, was returning from a zoo fundraiser with a mongoose, a small leopard and the flamingo..."

response #6 by northzax:

so, a leopard, mongoose and flamingo walk into an airport...
oh man, this stuff writes itself!

GD, September 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1828208

On a thread by Artiechoke:

      The words "nutcase" and "wacko" are discriminatory

response #1 by leftofthedial:

      I'm sick of you nutcase wackos trying to constrain language

response #6 by Cruzan:

      Your user name makes fun of a vegetable and I find that offensive!

response #14 by dbaker41:

      "Nutjob", however, is perfectly acceptable.
Please revise your posts accordingly. That is all.

response #32 by snooper2:

      how about crazed, shaky, tottering
lunatic, mad, foolish, imprudent, foolhardy or rickety? :evilgrin:

response #38 by WinkyDink:

      NUTS!

response #50 by aikoaiko:

      Meh, that's just crazy talk.
;)

GD, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1834800

On a poll by DemocratSinceBirth:

      Is There Too Much Binary Thinking At DU?
:bluebox: Yes

:bluebox: No

response #4 by yurbud:

      although we accept the binary orientation, most of us are hetero

response #5 by liberaldemocrat7:

      Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes people evaluate with more than two choices.

response #8 by Beelzebud:

      01111001 01100101 01110011 00001101 00001010

response #26 by hootinholler:

      Don't really need the 00001101 00001010 n/t

response #16 by RobofSWVA:

      well...
long answer: yes with a but.
short answer: no with a maybe.

response #22 by JohnnyLib2:

      Nah, at least 2 of my personalities
are comfortable with 'em.

response #23 by lumberjack_jeff:

      No. And anyone who disagrees isn't a real democrat. n/t

response #25 by Canuckistanian:

      There are only two kinds of people in the world
Those who categorize everyone into two groups - and those who don't.

response #48 by warren pease:

      Hell yes! Or maybe not... n/t

At press time, "Yes" was winning with 79% of the vote.

GD, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1833453

OP by cali:

Prayer To Saint Andrew of Disruptus
the patron saint of obnoxious disruptors and hecklers.

Prayer to Saint Andrew:

Oh blessed Saint Andrew, hear my prayer. Help me in my fervent quest to be as big an asshole as I can be. Aid me each day in rolling over the rights of others, as I strive to disrupt and heckle, and assist me always in getting away with it. May I ever be seen as the victim by those I'm trying to bamboozle, and may I never get called on my crap no matter how egregious. Protect me, Saint Andrew. from having the crap beaten out of me, no matter how disruptive and disorderly my conduct.

Amen.

Say this prayer 53x daily for seven days, publish it on the 8th day, in the classifieds, spam everyone on your address list with the prayer, and it shall be answered.

Disclaimer: NO I DON"T THINK HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN TASERED.

GD, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1839727

On a poll by NightWatcher:

      Taser Poll: who's to blame
:bluebox: the student

:bluebox: the cops

:bluebox: Kerry

response #3 by NoPasaran:

      No choice for Clinton?

response #11 by H2O Man:

      Mick Jagger
is fully responsible for the Hell's Angels killing the guy at Altomont. It's Mick's fault. If he had just sung "The Sound of Music," it never would have happened.

response #22 by aikoaiko:

      I blame Tesla and his freaking inventions involving electricity.

response #34 by Bornaginhooligan:

      The woman in the third row, sixth in from the left.
She bears 100% of the responsibility. She should have gotten the cops to stop. Also, she used her hypnotic witch powers to force the student to purposefully attempt to disrupt the event and get the cops to forcibly arrest him.

response #37 by sleipnir:

      Kerry: If he hadn't conceded the election so soon, none of this would have happened.
That's the answer.

At press time, "the cops" was winning with 47% of the vote.

GD, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1833005

OP by DemocratSinceBirth:

      Circumcision, Prostitution, Pornography, Tasering, Spanking, Restroom Hijinks
I am compiling a list of the hottest topics on DU...

response #3 by youthere:

      Public Breastfeeding..Smoking...Pit Bulls.
No pitbulls should be allowed to smoke while they breastfeed in public..that's just sick.

response #11 by Ellen Forradalom:

      Fat Actress and Attitudes Towards The Plus-Sized
The Merits of the Olive Garden
The Constitutional Implications of Showing Your Receipt at Circuit City
Why Parents Cannot Control Their Children These-a-days

response #14 by lionesspriyanka:

      al gore is destroying the environment with his meat eating.

response #29 by YOY:

      Not recently but it WILL come again: violent video games
And do they make kids dress up like Italian plumbers, collect coins, and step on turtles?

response #34 by BerryBush:

      Everybody’s talkin’ ‘bout
circumcision, prostitution, veganism, creationism, pornographin’, taserin’, spankin’, restroomin’, breastfeedin’, children dinin’, Olive Gardenin’, Furby-huggin’, ciggie-smokin’, dogfightin’, gun-packin’, receipt-showin’, pitbullin’, tree-huggin’, big-housin’, right-repressin’, rattlesnakin’, chili-beanin’, video-gamin’…

All we are saying is give peace a chance…

GD, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1833324

On a thread by liberaldemocrat7:

      Call GOP contributor Wendy's restaurants at 614 764-3553 and demand a $10 minimum wage.

response #6 by Richardo:

      I called them, but they said I didn't even work there.
:shrug:

response #15 by 2rth2pwr:

      $10 is too low, demand $67.50/Hour
If you don't ask you don't get.

response #17 by skygazer:

      I called and ordered a bacon double cheeseburger
with fries.

response #18 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      Meat is murder...
just thought I'd try to totally hijack this thread, you soul-devouring carnivore.

You going to eat all those fries?

response #21 by Kelly Rupert:

      Pizza is assault.
Pepsi is treason.
Tater tots are securities fraud.

response #28 by Bluebear:

      LEEEEAVE WENDY'S ALONE!
You should be grateful that she even cooks a hamburger for you BASTARDS!

;)

GD, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1832421

OP by Botany:

      Is spending too much time on DU harmful?
Are you just getting one side of the story?

Are you just getting data and information that reinforces you
own thoughts?

Do you think that you are in the majority because you spend time
w/ the fun loving minority called DU?

Do you ever worry about bad threads you have started?

response #2 by trumad:

      Been here 6 years...
I'm fucked.

response #3 by Liberal_in_LA:

      Let's all log off for 1 hour. Prove we aren't addicts.

response #19 by Canuckistanian:

      You go first
If you make it back, I'll give it a try.

response #20 by LiberalHeart:

      Are you CRAZY?!?!?!?!
I tried it for ten minutes once, but got the shakes so bad I had to log in again right away.

GD, September 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1840983

On a thread by fedupfisherman:

      Do you see Obama as white or black?

response #3 by William769:

      I see him as green.

response #31 by Dr Fate:

      Cool ass dude who I really like a lot. Happens to be "Black"- same with Bill Clinton.

GD, September 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3533264

On a thread by bananas:

US Senate to debate bill boosting military use of renewable power

response #2 by hunter:

We could easily cut military energy use 90%...
...simply by reducing our military 90%.

:shrug:

Environment/Energy, September 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=115x113393

OP by XemaSab:

      OJ Simpson just tasered a breastfeeding mother and her screaming children for not showing receipts!
:cry:

Why does he hate America?

:cry:

response #2 by sfexpat2000:

      Damn that John Kerry!
lol

Okay. Stopping now.

response #6 by NYVet:

      You neglected to tell the entire story...
He also used a baby harp seal to club a homeless Iraq vet.

Damn that OJ, DAMN HIM!!!

The Lounge (moved from GD), September 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6945201

OP by Virginia Dare:

      Moderated sites like DU violate my right to free speech..
I should be able to come here and say whatever I want without restraint. Why are some of my posts deleted? Why are some posters banned? Why should I have to agree to follow any rules before I post here?

Anybody who posts here is acquiescing to authoritarianism.

response #3 by Buzz Clik:

      I would support your complaints, but I fear being banned, tasered, or humiliated.
I blame John Kerry for this.

response #26 by Enrique:

      don't tombstone me, bro

response #31 by TwilightZone:

      I demand that John Kerry do something about that!
Since I don't see him rushing right out to take care of that, he must be a coward.

response #37 by H2O Man:

      The Shrimp Boaters
were right after all.

GD, September 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1847206

OP by SalmonChantedEvening:

Letsa Ride Redding Hood
Any Given Night On DU
(To the tune of Dock Of The Bay – Otis Redding)

Posting in the morning some
Read and post more when the evening comes
Reccin’ a post or three
And replying when the mood is with me

Any given night on DU
There’s a flame war just for you
Any given night on DU
Take your time

Taxing my carpel-tunnel
On this mofo every day
Taking the lighter pathway
Yahoo’s Coulter boards killed my taste for fray, but

Any given night on DU
There’s a flame war just for you
Any given night on DU
Take your time

Ye Gods, please don’t let it change
Clashing minds propel the wheels of change
I get scared when ten people agree with me
Lockstep carries an eerie strange

Sittin' with my illin’ bones
Readin’ threads and punning just for the groans (OOH!)
Through internets tubes I’ve roamed
Now I make DU my home, yeah

Any given night on DU
There’s a flame war just for you, hoo
Any given night on DU
Take your time *

*Whistle cuz you know it ;)

GD, September 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1850484

On a thread by Vektor:

Circuit City and Olive Garden?
I must have been busy and away from DU when all that hullabaloo hit. I am ALL TOO AWARE of the Taser Story, which has prompted many mentions of both Circuit City and the Olive Garden. I tried to search for thread titles to get more info, but I failed to find the original stories...

response #1 by in search of sanity:

You forgot to ask about Carrot Top and Brazillion soldiers
Or are you current on those stories?

GD, September 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1851731

On a thread by BushOut06:

      U.S. Airport Screeners Are Watching What You Read
"International travelers concerned about being labeled a terrorist or drug runner by secret Homeland Security algorithms may want to be careful what books they read on the plane. Newly revealed records show the government is storing such information for years..."

response #1 by no_hypocrisy:

      So a terrorist carrying "A Charge To Keep" will be off the radar
so to speak?

response #4 by truebrit71:

      Simple...anything by Chomsky and a copy of the Koran...

response #16 by valerief:

      I was thinking we should carry My Pet Goat. nt

response #31 by IDemo:

      Good thinking. Better hold it upside down just to make sure

response #44 by f the letter:

      i'm going to start making book jackets myself to fly with
like "Do you seriously think you can gauge whether i'm a terrorist from this book jacket" or "thought is not a crime you monkeys"

LBN, September 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2998773

OP title by n2doc:

      Balls! Is there anything they can't do?
"U.S. scientists said adult stem cells found in human testicles might be used in place of controversial embryonic stem cells to help fight diseases..."

response #2 by liberal N proud:

      I can think of a dozen things to say here
But some might get this thread locked

response #9 by EstimatedProphet:

      If you want to make a lasting impression, say it with balls!

response #11 by FloridaJudy:

      New sleazy pick-up line:
"How would you like a free stem-cell donation?"

response #13 by MilesColtrane:

      George Bush FOR stem cell research?
Naaaw....He doesn't have the balls.

Health, September 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=222x25707

On a thread by kpete:

Breaking - FBI STINGS STEVENS
"The FBI, working with an Alaska oil contractor, secretly taped telephone calls with Sen. Ted Stevens as part of a public corruption sting, according to people close to the investigation..."

response #5 by EOO:

Throw him down the SERIES OF TUBES!!!

GD, September 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1862531

On a thread by NeoConsSuck:

      Iceland phasing out fossil fuels for clean energy
"Waterfalls, volcanoes, geysers and hot springs provide Icelanders with abundant electricity and hot water..."

response #3 by eppur_se_muova:

      Renewable my ass! Just wait until the Earth's mantle cools off!
Where will you get your lava power then, smart guys?

response #6 by lurky:

      He he he!!
:-)

Yeah, and I can't want to hear all those solar power hippies whine when their precious little sun runs out of fuel. They'll sure wish they bought Exxon stock when that happens!

LBN, September 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2999665

OP by IanDB1:

      Ask Congress to pass The Whitehouse-Sessions Prostitution Reduction Act!
And any other fictitious and funny-named co-sponsored bills you can put together by combining the names of congress-people in creative ways.

response #6 by regularguy:

      Senator Hegel declares September Dialectics Month!

response #8 by HERVEPA:

      Warner-Pryor Herpes disclosure act ... or
Wyden-Webb internet expansion bill
............... or ..............
Bayh-Kohl anti-nuclear energy bill
.... or ......
Boxer-Tester pre-fight examination bill

response #10 by SteppingRazor:

      A Senate Dem and House GOPper come together to guarantee shotguns for everyone with...
The Byrd-Hunter Act

response #13 by SteppingRazor:

      In the House, a CA GOP and a VA GOP lay out the GOP agenda in...
The Doolittle-Goode Act!

(Man, I'm good at this! :) )

response #16 by IanDB1:

      The Goode-Boehner Circumcision Education Act. n/t

Ian was on a roll here. Check it out.

The Lounge, September 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6949227

On a thread by Thankfully_in_Britain:

      George Bush the Texan is 'scared of horses'
"President Bush may like to be seen as a swaggering tough guy with a penchant for manly outdoor pursuits, but in a new book one of his closest allies has said he is afraid of horses.

Vicente Fox, the former president of Mexico, derided his political friend as a 'windshield cowboy' – a cowboy who prefers to drive – and 'the cockiest guy I have ever met in my life'..."

response #5 by Journeyman:

      Ever since "the incident," Mr Bush has shied away from the ponies. . .
It happened his first year as Governor. Concerned about the impression his non-riding would have with Texas voters, his Staff decided it'd be best if they staged a photo-op on a horse. They picked out the steed they thought best for the novice rider, and two of his aides helped him into the saddle. No sooner was he seated, though, when the horse bolted, took off with no warning whatsoever. Mr Bush clung bravely to the reins, and tried to wrap his legs tight around the haunches, but the speed of the horse, coupled with the wild motion of its galloping, threw Mr Bush from the saddle.

To the horror of all the witnesses, Mr Bush's foot became ensnared in the stirrup, and though he crashed hard to the ground, he was trapped and drug helplessly behind the charging steed. Some of the younger aides rushed after him to help, but it was hopeless -- the galloping beast rushed ahead, and Mr Bush bounced wildly behind, his arms flailing helplessly, his head and shoulders repeatedly smashed on the hard ground beneath the thundering hooves.

It seemed, for a moment, that all was lost and Mr Bush would be pounded to death before his horrified Staff. Shouts of anguish and despair arose from them all and the end seemed inevitable, but fortunately, all the hubbub alerted the WalMart manager, who stepped outside and pulled the plug.

And so, you can understand, ever since "the incident" Mr Bush has shied away from the ponies. . .

response #35 by DrDan:

      give the guy a break
he falls off bikes.

he falls off segways.

he apparently falls off the couch if attempting to munch a pretzel.

He knows his limitations . . . . and there are quite a few.

LBN, September 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3000084

On a thread by YeOldeBostonEarl:

      Does anyone think a DU writer deserves a Nobel Prize in literature?

response #5 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Alright, I don't know who leaked that I was Pablo Neruda.
But I specifically requested anonymity, dammit!

response #6 by The Straight Story:

      A few people in the lounge
:)

response #12 by NanceGreggs:

      I thought I had a real shot at it ...
... with my book, "It Takes a Village".

But then the Clintons broke into my house and stole the manuscript ...

response #20 by EstimatedProphet:

      My "I'm starting an ask me anything thread, ask me anything" thread was Nobel quality
But, no, I couldn't accept.

response #25 by Whisp:

      if Putzer prizes were handed out
I'd have a few nominations. ;)

GD, September 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1870736

On a thread by hisownpetard:

I got a nasty, irrelevant comment over at GD from someone who has no profile listed.

response #7 by EstimatedProphet:

In GD, that's called a "reply"

The Lounge, September 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6953384

On a thread by babylonsister:

      The indignity! Abe Lincoln flies coach!
"Madame Tussauds flew its wax statue of Abraham Lincoln to D.C. on a Delta Shuttle flight on Thursday. Abe rode in the coach section with regular, non-presidential passengers. As for how they got him to sit down, a spokeswoman informs us that he will be depicted in a seated position in the wax museum..."

response #5 by DefenseLawyer:

      Unfortunately
the wax former president wouldn't stop staring menacingly at the flight attendant during the safety instructions, so he was melted down by the flight crew.

response #6 by FredScuttle:

      I don't like the looks of him
those kooky eyes that never blink, the wacky extremist beard-with-no-moustache, the weird clothes...

LET'S ROLL!

GD, September 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1867156

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      And the Completely Missed Point Award goes to ........

response #7 by Vickers

response #12 by soothsayer

GD, September 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1816695

On a thread by The Sushi Bandit:

      Is DU Getting Dull??

response #4 by TwoSparkles

GD, September 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1822956

On a thread by Enrique:

      Caption Dick

response #1 by unhappycamper

response #4 by SoCalDem

response #7 by Blue Belle

response #16 by SallyMander

response #17 by sakabatou

GD, September 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1819594

On a thread by Stephanie:

      Looks LIke They Dragged George Out of Bed & Propped Him in Front of the Camera ---pix--->>>

response #6 by Ghost in the Machine

response #11 by bullwinkle428

response #22 by wicket

response #31 by simmonsj811

GD, September 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1826020

On a thread by JI7:

      Mitt Romney is a Plastic Whore

response #1 by NanceGreggs

response #2 by Kool Kitty

response #5 by wordswinker

response #6 by Bluebear

response #11 by allalone

response #15 by Starbucks Anarchist

response #18 by Buns_of_Fire

GD, September 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1823667

OP by MrScorpio:

      The First Meeting of the DARTH VADER FAN CLUB is called to ORDAH!

response #5 by krispos42

response #6 by benny05

response #7 by mikeytherat

response #8 by NewJeffCT

response #12 by DerekG

The Lounge, September 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6951820