Pet Congress?

[BridgeTheGap]

Congratulations on your purchase of your new 110th Congress! These
care and feeding instructions will help ensure many years of future
enjoyment of your Congress: please read them carefully.

CONTENTS

As packaged, your new Congress contains:

* 1 Capitol (white)
* 435 live Representatives (also mostly white)
* 100 live Senators (mostly blazingly, translucently white)
* Congress Chow, in the form of hundreds of billions of dollars
in cash
* A variety of checks and balances. You may set these aside:
they don't actually do anything.

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Soon after installing your new Congress, a green, cash-rich
buildup may occur. This buildup is a normal part of the ecological
balance in your Congress; the murky green colors will fade slightly
as the ratio of legislators to beneficial lobbyists finds a natural
balance.

2. Do not expose your Congress to direct sunlight, as this may
cause excessive "loss" of Senators and Representatives. In order to
best ensure the health of your Congress, keep it in a dimly lit
place, preferably near a variety of restaurants.

3. If your Congress begins looking drab, place an American flag
behind the tank. This will stimulate your Congressmen into a variety
of unusual displays. When the effect fades, add more flags.

4. Do not taunt your Congress. Their feelings are easily hurt,
and may result in uncontrollable, deafening wailing. If this happens,
add additional flags.

5. A certain amount of sexual perversion is normal. If your
household includes children, place your Congress in a location where
children will not have direct access to it. Positioning your Congress
away from telephone and other communications equipment will help
prevent a buildup of prostitutes.

6. As normal behavior, your Senators and Representatives will
travel in schools. You may notice portions of your Congress from time
to time erupt in panic over an unseen enemy, usually hippies or
communists. This is normal, and will usually resolve itself through a
series of sternly worded but ineffectual bills.

7. Your Congress is a carefully organized hierarchical society.
Watch them work together to build highways, bridges, and overfunded
vanity projects. Do not, however, expect them to show interest in you
or acknowledge your presence in any way. If that's what you wanted,
you should have bought a dog.

8. Under optimal conditions, your Congress may develop one or two
Presidential Candidates. The bright colors and dramatic displays of
these creatures can provide hours of entertainment. While
Presidential Candidates may add excitement to your Congress, note
that they are territorial and prone to fighting: keep Candidates
separate as much as possible. Also, be aware that Presidential
Candidates require ten times the amount of nutrition of other
legislators, so feed regularly.

9. Clean your Congress every two years to remove buildup and
prevent disease. Wipe your Congress with a disinfecting solution
made up of cursory debate, weakly contested primaries, and
embarrassingly shallow campaign coverage. It won't make the slightest
bit of difference, but what the hell -- it will give you something to
do.

All sales final. No refunds. May exchange for identically
dysfunctional Congress

[Perry Logan]

1. Sounds like you're in the wrong forum. This one is called "Democratic Underground."

"President Bush's success rating in the Democratic-controlled House has fallen this year to a half-century low, and he prevailed on only 14 percent of the 76 roll call votes on which he took a clear position.

"So far this year, Democrats have backed the majority position of their caucus 91 percent of the time on average on such votes. That marks the highest Democratic unity score in 51 years."
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=1728952&mesg_id=1728952
http://public.cq.com/documents/cqt/news110-000002576765.html

[sam sarrha]

2. oh.... i thought he was talking about the Faso-Corporations.......

[BridgeTheGap]

4. I can't lay claim to writing this - author unknown

However, it is bi-partisan or, at least, doesn't mention either party.
I am a Democrat and proud of it. I'm not always proud of what our party's reps do in Congress. Too many are beholden to special interests.

[OregonBlue]

3. What a hoot!! I watched the debates last night was heartened by the choice I am

being offered but I gotta say, I love your post. I'm pretty pissed about the Iran "Sense of the Senate" or "non-binging resolution" or whatever that crap was they voted FOR yesterday.