Earn more than your man? - Sick, Sick, Sick

[goddess40]

This is on the main page of MSNBC's web page and it's currently our homepage but damn not if they keep putting crap like this on it. This article is truly pathetic - if a man is going to be such a child about earning less maybe the marriage shouldn't last. I'm sure the majority of men here would welcome their wife making more - after all more money is more money.

Earn more than your man? 5 relationship tips
Financial Editor Jean Chatzky
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21069775/

....And it's a problem. We like our traditional roles. Men and women are happier in marriages in which the husband earns more money. Men and women are happier in marriages in which the woman does more of the housework.

What happens in these situations? Unfortunately, too much of the time when women start outearning their spouses, they begin to compensate. They try to hide it by putting complete financial control in the husbands hands or earmarking the woman's income to pay the bills so that there's no money left to spend as she sees fit. Other times, the woman feels so guilty about outearning her partner that she takes on more and more of the housework. Rarely will either spouse admit that the woman is the breadwinner to their friends or family. And more of these families split up than average. Is there a solution? ....

[YOY]

1. Jesus, I wish my wife would earn more than me

F*** traditional roles, we just want to be able to afford a house.

[rateyes]

2. The more my wife makes, the merrier.

[Heidi]

3. I wonder whether men earning more in the past decades were advised to "Be her biggest cheerleader"

for their wives who earned less? I'm guessing probably not.

Seems to me that partners should be one another's biggest fans, regardless of who earns more.

[supernova]

28. Yes, that's the next serious LTR

I'm looking for. You hit the nail on the head Heidi. :thumbsup: :-)

My verbally abusive ex was always jealous that I outearned him, eventhough it wasn't hard to do and I didn't make that much to start with. :crazy:

Men who, deep down, still want to outearn their wives, really have control issues, I think.

[Heidi]

33. All I know is, my mom as a first-grade teacher earned MUCH less than my dad,

and mutal respect has never been an issue in their marriage. However, if my dad had EVER started in with a bunch of head-patting, "I'm your biggest fan" crap, my mom would have totally felt he was being condescending, and if he had earned less, my mother would have never done that whole "Oh, here, let me validate you" sh!t with him. They both did what they needed and wanted to do, and their respect for one another was a lot more about respect for one another's mission and idealism than income. I'm extremely fortunate to have had such excellent role models. :)

[teenagebambam]

4. My man earns twice what I do

but then, I'm a man too. Seems to be working out OK so far.

[taterguy]

5. My wife has a master's degree and I don't

Frankly I'd be a bit annoyed if she didn't earn more than I did.

[mikeytherat]

6. I used to earn more than my wife, and now her income kicks mine to the curb.

BFD.

Do people still get worked up about this?

mikey_the_rat

[REP]

7. Guys with Tiny Penis Syndrome get worked up about it

(Obviously, you do not suffer from this ailment.)

[mikeytherat]

9. Well, we have been married for 17 years, and she's always smiling!

I'm just saying...

mikey_the_rat

[REP]

11. Ah, I Bet She Loves You For Your Great Big

mind and self-confidence! (What did you think I was going to say?!)

Congratulations to you two!

[hobbit709]

8. My wife makes twice what I do

Haven't lost any sleep over it. I just wish I was physically able to work more and earn more.

[Bassic]

10. This is such fucking bullshit,

I can't believe that this was written as a serious piece.

[mikeytherat]

12. Well, here's a picture of the author's husband:

She really should be fetching his pipe and slippers, though.

mikey_the_rat

[Bassic]

14. Yeah.

I hope she's got supper ready for when he gets home too.

[jody]

13. Is the author touting for Stepford, Connecticut? n/t

[USA_1]

15. I'm Looking For A Wealthy Wife ...

... wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I had a wife who had more $$$ than I did. The more, the merrier! :)

[renie408]

16. My husband keeps encouraging me to earn enough that he can quit

and become a golf bum. He thinks he would make a great stay at home dad (and he would). I am currently taking classes so that I can get a job earning more money, so maybe he will get his wish.

[NewJeffCT]

20. I try to do that with my wife, too

but, I don't think it will work!

[gatorboy]

17. Pffft! If my wife starts earning more.

I'm staying home with the kids so I can hook! :)


EDIT: er, Cook! :P

[NewJeffCT]

18. Let me compare my marriages:

1st marriage - I earned about 4x my ex-wife's salary because she didn't work full-time. We lasted less than a year. (In support of the article, however, I will say she did almost no housework...)

2nd marriage - my wife now earns more than me, and all of our benefits are from her job. I suspect that in five years, she'll earn a decent amount more than me... I also do a majority of the housework, but certainly not all. Our sixth anniversary is coming up next month.

[Sparkly]

19. "Men and women are happier in marriages in which the woman does more of the housework."

"Men and women are happier in marriages in which the woman does more of the housework."

Okay, now I would REALLY need to see the study itself. How was the data obtained (what questions were asked etc.) and how were the results calculated? I assume there was a study (but after reading that I assume it wasn't valid).

For example, if in 90% of marriages women do most of the housework, and in 60% of marriages women are happy, they could draw some convoluted conclusion from that. ("In marriages where women are happy, women do most of the housework!" Tada!!)

Be skeptical. Be very, very skeptical.

[PDenton]

21. it does go against unwritten expectations

for the man to be earning less than the woman. The same is true with unmarried people and/or dating. Women don't always respect men who earn less and sometimes the men are afraid of women that earn more.

This ties into something I was talking about last week- society can be hard on men who don't achieve monetarily. For a while there was a big bit of hero-worship and gabbing in the press about firefighters, policeman, and blue-collar workers being "heroes" and attractive to women but it seems to have died down. Alot of women both want the manly man, and the guy that makes 100,000+ a year, and they don't always mesh in reality.

[InkAddict]

22. :wtf: Corporate thiefs finds no value in "homebodies" or in "workerbees" no matter what gender.

unless "the couple" have assets, no matter how modest, that can be seduced, dominated, and/or stolen...or razed (not a typo)to the glory of their God of War and their candidate. The one that earns more is just deluding themselves as to their intrinsic value in AmeriKa; the one that earns less-to-none is just plain "lazy" unless they're homeschooling 17 clones in their bus-home, and/or shopping till they're dropping.

Once these pigs are done stealin' noone has any confidence or means left to own a home and/or raise children, hence HRC's big bribe to the fertile wannabees. Workers fear taking a day off/taking a vacation...homebodies watch their skills diminish as their on-going birthdays become the source of discrimination should they need to return to the workplace. BOTH FEAR THE CURSE OF ILL HEALTH.

Here's the fact: Undermining any system of checks and balances in which accountability is disregarded and fuzzy math touted will soon collapse any structural setup--no matter who does the laundry. Where basic needs are not able to be met, marriages fail or never happen. Geesh!

Hurumph, some value!

[Romulox]

23. Women *routinely* seek out men who make more than they...

This is one area where women are as guilty as men.

[Canuckistanian]

24. When was this written, in 1975?

What a piece of crap.

I think the author has some "issues".

[brooklynite]

25. My wife makes 20x more...doesn't bother me a bit

The key is that we're both well paid for work we enjoy doing, we divide all the house chores (I do the laundry and cooking, she does the home repairs), and we share everything (no "personal" accounts)

[BlooInBloo]

26. A lot of the trouble I hear about is from *girls* not wanting to be with a guy....

... who makes less than they do.

In terms of traditional roles, it makes sense, I suppose. Just pointing out that the adjustment to be done is all over.

[supernova]

29. The problem seems to be mismatched expectations

If a couple is more traditionally minded and they agree on traditional gender roles, or nothing much changes, then they're golden.

If a couple have flexible ideas about gender roles, still golden because you can work it out.

But if you have a more traditional male who pairs off with a more modern woman, it becomes harder. He can feel threatened. And the opposite is true too. If you have a more traditional female paired off with a more modern guy, she might view his acceptance of her bigger salary (or even that she works at all) as a lack of ambition on his part.

[elehhhhna]

31. In reality thowe women can AFFORD to troll a much broader range of men

wilst looking for "the one". The idea that your incomes shoud be matchy-matchy is outmoded.


Best time o'MY life? When hubs stayed home w/our 2 babies while I raked in a load of dough in a fun amd unstressful job.

[DavidDvorkin]

27. I wish my wife did make more than me

It would be great for her psychologically, and it would be extremely great for our finances.

In fact, she'd probably start urging me to switch to part-time work.

[supernova]

30. Just wanna say,

I love DU men.

:grouphug:

[KansDem]

32. When we were first married 19 years ago, I made a little more than my wife...

Now she make a whole lot more than I do. But this occurred as a result of a reclassification (up) of her position (union driven) and a more generous increase in raises (union driven).

I, on the other hand, played the "return to school for a higher degree" game, believing that would benefit me financially (although the main reason was to secure a position in a field of my liking). I got the degree, plenty of student loan debt, no job, and a shitty "secondary career" that doesn't pay much.

I think we both realize what contributed to our present financial situation and don't really make a fuss out of it. Only during really heated "discussions" does this arrangement rear its ugly head. But even then I can usually stop the exchange of barbs just short of one of us dropping the "F" bomb on the other by saying, "Dear, no one was more surprised than I when I discovered I couldn't get a job with a PhD from _______ University!"

She really does not have a comeback for this...