Well my wife has called it quits

[ewoden]

Informed me of impending divorce. Grabbed all the liquid funds. She's moving out Tuesday and taking our youngest daughter.

Needless to say I am about as low as one can get right about now. Though I am sure it gets worse as this thing develops.

Pray for my loved ones if you get a chance. My kids, the ones not in Iraq, are pretty broken up.

[rusty quoin]

1. I'm sorry man.

[MannyGoldstein]

2. Ooof. So Very, Very Sorry To Hear

It's always darkest before the dawn... my thoughts are with you!

[momzno1]

3. goodness, I am really sorry...

I have been down that road and it is difficult. I wish you and your children the very best....

[EFerrari]

4. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[Zoigal]

5. Sincerely sorry, ewoden

Try to hang in there for your kids...divorce/separations can really
be difficult for them. They are really going to need your support.
Been there...ex cleaned out all the bank accounts and didn't even
mention it. p

[Beausoir]

6. Damn. I am sorry.

[grasswire]

7. Do you have a lawyer?

I'm sure there must be things to do ASAP to protect your rights. One thing you can do is to start writing down what happens in any interactions with her. Keep a mini-journal for now. It can help you later.

Do you have a support system to talk to? You always have listeners here, but hopefully you have some family to stand with you through this.

Hold on. Be strong. And be aware that many of us have gone through this, too.

[BlueJazz]

8. I understand....Many of us have gone through a divorce and there...

..are no magic words that can cause the pain to ease but there are Many ...like myself...
that will be here for you and understand the torment you must be going through right now.

All I can tell Ya..Man..right now ...is just try to get through it and someday in the future it will be just a bad Memory.

But..You know that ..already.. :)

[cyberpj]

9. DO THIS NOW: 1-Get printouts of all financial accounts. 2-Hire an attorney. Do NOT wait.

Speaking from personal experience here.

It won't make it hurt any less but it will be important.

As for your kids, do everything possible to be there for them and refuse to involve them in the grown-ups problems and they will be ok. They still need you to be their Dad. No matter what.

[peacebird]

10. oh my, I am so sorry. Know that you and your family are in our prayers, hoping against hope

that this can resolve itself as gently as possible, if only for the sake of the children.

It is dark now, ewoden, but dawn will come. It may take a while but dawn will come again. Be strong for your children, take care of yourself.

:hug:

[Uben]

11. Life goes on, bro

I was with my first wife for 25 yrs. we grew apart and had little in common, other than the two kids. But, unlike most divorcees, my ex and my current wife get along great. We have even gone out with her and her significant other! We still see each other weekly because we are raising our kids. My youngest just entered high school this year, but she has been coming to my house every day after school for tutoring. Her mom comes and gets her when she gets off work.

Divorce doesn't have to be bitter, it depends upon the people involved. I know sometimes things happen that make an amicable divorce impossible, but it is much easier on the kids if things go smoothly and the parents act civil to each other. I guarantee you will reap the benefit of the extra effort in years to come.

Good luck, and remember everything changes and not always the way we want or expected. To give you an example, twelve years later I am a retired multi-millionaire with a lovely wife and everything I ever wanted. Dreams do come true, but not without action. you control your destiny. The pain of separation lessens with time, and can completely disappear if you both work on having an amicable post-marriage life.

(When I divorced my first wife, I took my clothes and my truck. I left her the house and what money we had because she was caring for the kids, although we got joint custody. I have made monthly child support payments like clockwork for twelve years, and my relationship with my kids and my ex, could not be better!)

I had help. My second wife is/was ........get this..........a marriage counselor! We have been married now for 10 years now and I am one of the happiest men on this earth!

[Raejeanowl]

12. Pardon My French, But That Is Shitty

You know, I walked out on a marriage without children and a long-term relationship with one, and both times I left with nothing I'd invested (except the son in the latter case) and had to start households and finances and everything over.

I'd never walk out empty-handed again, but totally cleaning out the co-mingled operating funds is just criminal. Double-ditto the advice about seeing the lawyer ASAP. And change the locks on everything immediately so the rest will have to be negotiated under court supervision rather than removed behind your back.

Good luck and hang in there.

[napi21]

13. Another thing you need to do NOW is get a note book.

One of those spiral ones you used to use in HS. Keep it as small as you canm, and keep it with you ALL THE TIME! Make a note in it every time you have any conversation with your "ex-wife". It could be very material if and or when your divorce goes to court. All the statements made to you, all the threats, everything you talk about. I would never have thought of this, but when my DIL did a similar thing 5 years ago, a good friend of my sons gave him the advise about the note book and it proved itself to be extremely important during their divorce hearing. People do say the damdest things when they're angry!

Also run a credit report with the three main reporting agencies. You could be shocked by debts you knew nothing about! Make sure you take your wife's nam;e off of all your credit cards NOW! Don't forget about changing beneficiaries on your life insurance policies, both individual and at work.

I really feel for you. It's a very difficult thing to go through, but you will get through it!

Get a good lawyer! As my son put it...get a Pit Bull of an attorney and tell her not to hold back!

[TahitiNut]

14. (Been there, Done that.) You are about to have one of the most difficult experiences of all.

It's difficult. And it's lonely. It's an emotional roller-coaster.

(1) Get a lawyer.
(2) Don't drink. At all.
(3) Get outdoors exercise every day - in the daylight.
(4) You'll have enough difficulty controlling your own behavior - don't try to control others. Every button you have will be pushed and every chain will be pulled ... even some you never knew you had.
(5) Find a support group - separated and divorced groups are everywhere ... because they work.

Eventually, your best realization will be that loving is about you and that you can love someone and hate their behavior.

Good luck. :hi:

[goclark]

31. Excellent and so true ~

[TroglodyteScholar]

32. Wish someone had given me this advice when my wife left awhile back...

...don't know how much of it I would've taken, but it looks like good advice looking back on my experience.

Guess I'm lucky that my soon-to-be-ex- only wants half the house and not much else. Of course, that amount is pretty damn close to the amount of her credit debt I paid off when we god married. Oh well, if you never give it a shot you never know.

Sending you good thoughts, ewoden.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

45. tahiti has some great points. follow them.

No drugs, no alcohol. no drowing your sorrow. A journal, exercise, a good lawyer is worth its weight in gold.

[Beerboy]

38. Holy shit, how I wish I'd read your list

back then.

[blondie58]

15. I am so sorry, ewoden

Please take the advice of the other wise people on this board. Stay strong, this is just a speedbump on the roadof life. Please take care of yourself, stress can do horrible things to your body. And yes, men benefit from seeing counselors, also.

[Name removed]

16. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[0007]

17. Its easy to give advise but hard to take it ... Don't do anything

crazy like joining the Army or the Navy. You'll get your life back together even though its hard to believe you can live without her.

See an attorney right away.

[Mojorabbit]

18. I can't add to the

excellent advice that has already been posted but I send you a big hug and some good mojo.

[Carolina]

19. my deepest sympathy

ewoden. I know the awful pain you are feeling ... after suffering through my own separation and impending divorce, not of my choice either. Nothing I can say now will make you feel better other than the words that were told to me: "have faith, things will get better."

At the time, I didn't believe it was possible to survive the wound, the hurt. But it's true. It will get better. Hold on to this thought at those dark moments in the middle of the night. And convey them to your kids.

I know it's hard to believe and accept because you are suffering and grieving a death without a body. Your hopes, expectations, life as you knew it ... whoosh.

Write through your pain. Keep a journal. Silly though it may sound. Chronicle your thoughts, hopes, little inspirations each day, even words from your fellow DUers, any and everything... And you will see that light at the end of the tunnel. I started writing the day my husband walked out and continue to do so now. My journal is now as thick as a major metropolitan telephone book and it amazes me when I go back and read where I was and see where I am. Encourage your children to do likewise, really.

Some last thoughts:

1) If you can, get up ~dawn and go for a walk. Walking when the world is still asleep or just starting to stir and talking to yourself or your God truly helps. My husband walked out at the beginning of spring a few years back and since I couldn't sleep, I'd get out (just walking up and down my street), commune with nature (the chirping birds) and yes, ask God to get me through this, to give me the strength to make it through each day. The lilting music of Aaron Copeland's Appalachian Spring was my staple walking accompaniment. Beautiful classical music always lifts the spirits and I developed a real love for it (avoid love popular songs).

2) Bathe just before bed. Soaking in a tub with warm water and lavendar bath salts along with a background of soft classical or mood music (Target has kiosks of such stuff) on a CD player will help you sleep. May not seem manly but who cares. It does work.

3) Any exercise you already do, continue! Just as a positive state of mind can affect a physical sicknesss, a positive body feeling (and exercise does this) can help your mental anguish and broken heart. If you don't exercise, find one something, anything you can do. I took up Pilates at a very early morning class (I repeat, I couldn't sleep) and it helped me immensely, both physically and mentally.

Things will get better, dearie. Take care.

[intheozone]

20. sorry to hear it, a divorce is never easy, especially with kids. nt

[emilyg]

21. So sorry.

There is life after divorce. Trust me.

[Cleetus]

22. Shit, I'm sorry.

I'm in roughly the same boat you're in, with my wife of 12 years. Hang in there.

[soothsayer]

23. Think of it as a rough patch. Things will work out for the best.

Hang in there!

[On the Road]

24. Took Your Money and Your Daughter --

that is an act of warfare. You need to protect yourself, especially if she has moved or might move out of state.

I've been separated/divorced for 11 years, and thankfully it was never like that. I really feel for you. Relationships can come and go, but I hope you can work something out to spend enough time with your daughter.

[Colorado Progressive]

25. Crap. Try to work it out, really. Fight the devil you know.

You have kids together, seriously focus on fixing your relationship. Everyone is an asshole, period. You had kids with this asshole, so try to make it work. I cant begin to describe what my husband and I have been through, it has always come down to the fact that we are raising two critters who need us more than anything. Divorced friends of ours, dont get me started on what they go through as far as custody, etc.

[Name removed]

26. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

27. That was just mean.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

46. and thoroughly uncalled for.

That person should go piss on a fire. while the flames are rising.

[SammyWinstonJack]

49. ...

:wtf: :wow:

[Hoof Hearted]

28. Deepest sympathies. It's just like a death. Your kids will be O.K. if the two of you can both

really, truly learn to separate your own biases and feelings from the needs of the kids.

It's damn hard. It takes an almost super-human effort, but the rewards are great.

You have our prayers.

[Name removed]

29. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Maraya1969]

30. Oh geeze I am so sorry.

:hug: :grouphug:

[nosmokes]

33. Divorce sucks. I'm sorry.

As some others have stated,GET A LAWYER. This looks like it's gonna be anything but friendly. Document everything. and I mean everything. All casual correspondence should be email so you have a record of it. anything requiring a signature send return rceipt requested. tape all phone converstions and make sure you state that you're taping th converstion on the tape. Close all your joint accounts. If you need to take money to live on take the bare minimum and put the rest in an escrow account. close all credit accounts. close all your utility accounts and reopen new ones in your name only and change your name a bit. Like if you were using Bill when you were married start using William now. Get a credit report every couple of weeks for the next year or so.Get a locking gas cap.change the locks on the house and your car tomorrow. Change your paswords and any codes.Make sure she can't get into your safety depposit box. These are the immediate concerns.Over the next couple weeks you need to get her off your car insurance.Remember to be civil and keep a professional tone at all times. If you feel like you're liable to be emotional in any encounter w/ her then for the love of FSM take along a friend for support and ballast.She may be a finalist for the world's biggest bint award, but y'all do have childrens in common and you'll be dealing w/ each other for a long time so it's point in throwing dynamite into the hotsteaming pile right now. Revenge hasta be finessed...;)

**And don't let her take your daughter w/o talking to a lawyer first!

[Der Blaue Engel]

34. You have my sympathies

:hug:

[donheld]

35. I'm so very sorry

:hug:

[Guaranteed]

36. Make sure you aim the anger in the right direction.

There is a natural grieving process you are going to go through, and it will be very difficult. But the thing is to try not to fight it- just go with your feelings.

[Beerboy]

37. Wow, that's about as grim as it gets short of Death;

No one other than your family knows what's going on, but despite all the devastation of betrayal, look @ everything, especially the financial aspects, and especially if you saw signs of any kind, however unpleasant, that might have been harbingers.
Hang in there bud, the worst is yet to come...
Just keep your wits about you. You're going to fucking HATE how 'clinical' the coming shit is going to feel, but it's just a process now, one you're going to have to feel your way through.
I'd contact some legal counsel on Tuesday or Wednesday, but first change all the passwords for online-accessible financial accounts; it's up to lawyers and judges now.
So sorry man.
A small comfort; there's people here you don't know and will probably never even meet, but definitely will take a minute to pray with you for what your family is going through right now.

[Shandris]

39. I know I'm brand new here

but I hate seeing good people hurting. My deepest heartfelt sympathies, ewoden, and I hope things look in a more positive direction for you very very soon. :grouphug:

[Heidi]

40. Welcome to DU, shandris!

:hi:

[Kajsa]

74. Welcome to DU, Shandris.

:hi:

[MichaelHarris]

41. Very sorry to hear that

I hope things do get better for you. We'll pray for you, if you live in California we'll pray twice :)

[reggie the dog]

42. is

your wife's car in your name? Sell it if it is and hide the cash. change the locks, while she is at work take all of your jewels, expensive electronic stuff and leave it with your family. If she already took all the liquid she will likely take anything else. Also if you have any vices that can be used against you in a custody case stop them (ie pot smoking etc.). If your kids are old enough make sure they understand that it is not their fault.

ps to the bible thumper what does your good book say about compassion?????

[ChairmanAgnostic]

44. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

The courts will deal with all assets, and so long as you keep good lists, you get a credit for things she stole, depending on the state law.

DO NOT DO ANYTHING STUPID LIKE STEAL SHIT FROM THE ESTATE. ESPECIALLY HER SHIT. A temporary joy of gotcha will bite you in the assl. DON'T DO IT.

The best, most productive, safest, cheapest, more rewarding (ethically) and the least stressful way to deal with this is through mediation. Get a lawyer, an experienced one, not a friend who you party with, and ask about mediation and your local rules. Mediation is safest, cheapest, fastest, AND you usually end up with the same result as protracted litigation, except your attorneys make less money. Which is a good thing.

[gaspee]

47. And after mediation

You're not left, as in a contentious legal proceeding, trying to co-parent in a bitter situation.

I second the mediation. Wholeheartedly. The last thing the children need is baggage inflicted on them by parents who are at war.

Mediation is the way to go if you ever want a civil relationship with the person you share your children with.

All these posts telling him to turn his life into a war kind of scary. Part of emotional maturity means putting aside your own feelings of bitterness, disappointment and loss to work toward a better future.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

43. first things first

do you have a lawyer? if not, get one. PRONTO.
Next, notify your employer's HR department. They need a heads up about why you will be acting strange and may miss days of work.

DON'T DO ANYTHING CRAZY.

Seriously, I wrote and published a book about males and divorce and what to do, what to expect, and most important, what NOT TO DO. You want more info, PM me, and let's talk.

A few quick pointers. DO NOT STEAL THE KID BACK. That will only compound the problem. Possession is NOT 9/10s of ownership.
Do you own or rent?
is anything personal, nonmarital, and very important to you missing?
Be careful never to raise your voice, your fist, or threaten her. NEVER. And don't talk to friends about doing so. That gets you arrested. and in trouble. And you lose all your kids.

Do not beg her to come back. Do not plead with her on the phone. DO NO CALL HER DRUNK OR ON DRUGS.

Start a journal. Keep all atty advice in that journal. WRite down every and any question in that journal. The only stupid question is the one you are afraid to ask. I will repeat that. THE ONLY STUPID QUESTION IS THE ONE THAT YOU FAIL TO ASK. Rely on a well selected, experienced attorney, not on friends, rumors, or old wives tales. The law has some quirks in it, and it is the lawyer's job to teach and guide you, and not for you to get bad advice from others.

[gaspee]

48. When you said

that you wrote a book on men and divorce, the red flags started going up in my head. But your advice is sound. Keep your head. Act civil. Remember that while you don't feel that way now, you cared about your ex enough to have children together.

Don't think about revenge. Think about how to make the transition easiest for the kids. Don't try to "take the kids away" from her. Think about the best custody arrangement for the children. If 50/50 joint is doable, then do it.

Bitter divorces can wreck kids. I wish more people would think about that than think about how they can get revenge on someone who broke their heart. Or someone they've battled with for years and aren't ready to call a truce.

Keep your head (and I know, personally, how hard that can be) and try to be fair minded. Try to remember that this person is going to be in your life forevermore. Whether you like it or not.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

65. That is what I promote in my book.

don't hit, threaten, steal.
don't lose your temper.
don't hide your kids. don't hide assets.
don't do drugs or alcohol.
don't bitch in public.
don't have an affair
don't sleep with her if you are getting a divorce
don't sleep with anyone else.
don't get remarried without a prenupt.
don't call late at night.
don't blame her for your mistakes.
don't despair, because there is a beginning, a nasty middle, and a grateful end.
don't stalk her, call her at work, or harass her.

if you are depressed, get professional help. depression is not only painful, it can kill.
if you are scared, join the club
if you are lonely, join a CLUB.
if you are divorce poor, buy used gifts and clothes for the kids. If your kids grow out of stuff, donate that stuff to other divorcing dads.
if you are afraid of socializing, join a CLUB, or better yet, start one for divorced men. A lot of us felt like that at the time.

DO keep a journal.
DO take notes.
Do gather all documents.
DO ask questions.
DO treat your ex fairly in front of the kids. (that is how they learn to be honest, good, and ethic.)
Don't bitch about her to the kids.
DO NOT USE THEM AS A TELEPHONE. EVER.

[Heidi]

55. And I might add: do NOT attempt to turn the children against the other parent.

Children figure stuff out on their own as they grow up, and they don't need feuding parents making an already painful situation worse.

Children generally don't want to hear anyone saying bad things, even they're true, about their mom or dad.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

66. very well put! how true.

[johan helge]

50. I'm so sorry,

but make sure you don't sink into despair. Life is sometimes hard, and then it's more important than ever to remember its brighter sides.

[The Backlash Cometh]

51. And this too shall pass. Just hold on, try to do something positive and new

everyday.

[NorthernSpy]

52. this is a huge shock to your system, and you have to protect your heart...

After my dad died this summer, I stopped eating except for Ensure Plus mixed with whisky. So I wound up losing a bunch of weight and got really sick and got a nice stack of medical bills of my own.

x(

a

When someone you love is leaving you, the emotional anguish is can turn into physical suffering. It's a shock to your whole body. You may find it too hard to take proper care of yourself. You might stop eating or sleeping, and that can shut down your immune system and make you very prone to illness.

If nothing else, given that you are likely a man of middle age, it might be a good idea to begin taking daily low dose aspirin (if you don't already). Any kind of severe life stress is known to raise the risk for heart attack significantly, and prophylactic aspirin therapy is one preventative measure that is both easy and effective.


Ewoden, I am sorry about what you're going through. It's been a hell of year, hasn't it?


:hug:

[Xenotime]

53. You sound like this was a bit of a surprise to you. So sorry.

[BlackVelvet04]

54. It's really important to have someone to talk to who isn't too

emotionally invested. Divorce can make us act really irrationally and against our best interests. Get an attorney.

[Kajsa]

56. I am so sorry Ewoden.

Like many here, I've been through this.

You've gotten such great advice that I have little to add.

Do you have a son/daughter in Iraq, also?

Man, your plate is full! :hug:

Remember that things may look very dark now and it's going
to be a rough road ahead.

But when things settled down you may find, as I did, that I
was much happier not being in a marriage that was falling apart.

I'm still friends with my ex husband.
I am very good friends with his new girlfriend! ( He-he- that makes him nervous sometimes)
She's great! ;-)

But I would never want to be married to him, again.

Hang in there, things will get better.

And yes, I am praying for all of you.

:hug: :grouphug:

[mnhtnbb]

57. So sorry to hear this. Excellent advice on some of these posts

first off, get a good attorney NOW. Make a list of all your assets--bank accounts, CD's, brokerage accounts, with valuations as of today. Cancel your joint credit cards so she can't run up bills for which you're responsible.

Don't put the kids in the middle and don't badmouth your wife to the kids.

Get some exercise every day.

Good luck.

[Kajsa]

58. Great advice, Mnhtnbb!

i second the "Don't badmouth your wife to the kids."

My parent's didn't when they got divorced.
Both my brother and I appreciated them for it.

I followed their example with my divorce.
My son appreciates my ex and I for it.

:thumbsup:

[John Q. Citizen]

70. Yep, no badmouthing. If you can't say something good about her, her

(if and when) new lover, her choices, etc, then don't say anything at all about her to the kids. If you need to discuss your kid's mom with someone, just to vent, choose a close friend who has known you for a long time, and is willing to listen. Don't do it with the attroney, because a friend is much cheaper and probably actually cares about you more than even a good attrorney, who has to charge you billiable hours while you relate how your ex showed up two hours late with the kids, etc.

Divorce, often, is a one size fits all factory process that is intended to protect the rights and the interests of the children, as well as the economic rights of the adults. It often doesn't do what it was intended to do, but ideally it does. So get used to the fact that "justice" isn't part of the deal.

Take a class on parenting through divorce. I did, and it really helped me. Our local Families First organization was the brightest spot in my divorce. They helped deal on a human level with a legal process that is largely mechanized and impersonal.

In fact, I would go there first if I had to do it over.

Spend some time finding a lawyer who fits your situation. Often, a lawyer who is out to get you as much money and control as possible may not be in your, or your children's, best interests. By that I mean, winning isn't always the best course, depending on what it is you win. Depending on the situation, a lawyer who is willing and able to compromise on what can be compromised on, and who is able to give some perspective, can be a lot better than a bull dog. It depends on what you feel is worth fighting over and why.

Good luck, stay as calm as possible, eat well, exercise more than usual, and work on creating something beautiful. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[leftist_not_liberal]

59. My condolences and two words of advice

Be Nice

[Hepburn]

60. Get a lawyer....NOW!

And please don't say you don't have funds. There are lawyers who do give free initial consultations. Go with a list of prepared questions and do not do just one of these free consultations. Not all lawyers give the exact same advice based on the exact same facts.

As to your child: IMO, unless you are an abusive monster, you deserve 50/50 custody of this child. Parents IMO should not VISIT with their children, they should have custody. That is why I am saying see a lawyer NOW ~~ because your wife split with the child, you may be eligible for an emergency order to make sure you have all the info as to where your child is and that you have contact. Besides, if you are in the regular family residence, it might be in the best interests that the child comes home to where she normally lives. Kids are NOT property. Just because your wife packed up her belongings and left, that does NOT mean that she gets to pack up the child and take her, too.

Note: I have no clue what state you are in or the facts of your case. I am just putting out some food for thought. If the marriage is over, there is plenty of time to mourn the death of the relationship later. Right now IMO you need to move to protect yourself and your child.

Good luck and please keep us posted!

[mcscajun]

61. My condolences, ewoden. Tough times ahead, for sure. Been there.

There's some excellent advice in this thread, particularly from TahitiNut, and I would add one item to that list: see your doctor. If you haven't gotten a physical in recent years, get one now. If you have any trouble sleeping, lose interest in activities, have a sudden loss or gain of weight, etc., talk to your doctor. You'll need to have seen him or her recently in order to get any prescriptions you may need during this time.

Keep your chin up, and don't be afraid to lean on your friends, IRL and here. :hi:

[lonestarnot]

62. Here's a couple more words of advise you didn't ask for but,

don't fight, it's cheaper.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

67. and less stressful, and more rewarding for the kids

because they don't feel torn.

also always tell each kid that IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT. Every kid feels that they did something wrong, or that if only they had tried, they could fix it. tell them it is not their fault and never was.
MAKE SURE you tell them you love them. EVery day. this is harder on them than on you. In fact, I am about done with a book for teens whose parents are divorcing. If you want, I will e-mail the unpublished text.

[John Q. Citizen]

71. It depends on what is being faught over. If it's the TV, just let it go. If it's

something that effects the well being of your kids, then speaking for myself, I'd have to fight (legally, ethically) to protect my children.

Hopefully that isn't an issue here.

[Midlodemocrat]

63. I'm sorry, ewoden. Very, very sorry for your pain.

:hug:

Best to you.

[Vidar]

64. I'm very sorry. I hope you are able to deal with it better than I did.

[iamthebandfanman]

68. as someone from a divorced family

please stay close to your kids!

and i hope n pray that they wont be used as pawns against you or put in the middle.

remember, they are kids... not items.


sorry to hear about your situation tho....
its always sad when a love comes to an end.

[muffin1]

69. I am so sorry.

As you may have noticed, DU is a fantastic place to be when something really awful happens.
So much good advice has already been dispensed, so I'll just give you a :hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

72. I am so very sorry *hugs*

[applegrove]

73. So sorry. And yes it is all about the kids now.

[blue cat]

75. I'm so sorry

I know how much it hurts....but it will get better. Hang in there. I said a prayer for you.

[momster]

76. My Sympathies

Choose your battles wisely. Keep your head (try meditation when things get very bleak or angry...it can help.) If your situation can accept it, consider adopting a pet of some sort. Having something to care for -- and which can give love unconditionally -- can help you hang on.

Above all, pay your child support. My father never paid a dime because he was ticked at Mom and my sister *never* forgave him. We're talking a 30 yr grudge. (As long as there were books around, I didn't care about food/clothing/shelter so I never noticed any lack.) Try your damnedest not to put the kids in the middle. They will dream for years of the two of you getting back together. If any of your children start to 'act out' at all, or seem depressed, get them help. A little counseling now can save a lot of anguish down the road.

[NC_Nurse]

77. Wow, that sucks.

No chance of counseling for you two?

I'm sorry, getting divorced sucks, especially with kids. :hug:

[Flabbergasted]

78. I'll keep some good vibes going for you.....