<snip>
Scientists confirm that the sudden spikes of heat all over the US and indeed the world will most likely be offset by subzero temperatures in the region known as Freeperland. This has gone so far that the cyst on Rush Limbaugh's behind is said to have left the building, thereby making Rush eligible for military duty in Iraq.
Congratulations are streaming in from all over the world.
When asked about his comments on the development, the Sole Ice bear On The Shrinking Iceberg said : "I have yet to make a post about this on DU, but Al can come rub my back anytime", after which he gobbled up a large unsuspecting fish. The disappearing species of the American Swallow were last heard saying "this is a victory for the ...aaaaah!".
The surviving Nelson Mandelas in Iraq have been heard to cheer on Al to run, albeit with a very strange accent. Childrens all over the world are using the internets to post self-made drawings of Al on a throne, waving a scepter and making all things good again, but unfortunately many drawings have been scrubbed already, due to inclusion of a fecally besmirched primate-looking politician.
The news was less favorably received in republican circles, with contenders for the presidency threatening to challenge the decision in the International Criminal Court, only to receive the message "you are not a member yet. Subscribe in three easy steps, 3-day free trial". Fred Thompson specifically was overheard saying "uhmmmm" in a very negative way before his siesta, and behind-the scenes SCOTUS bribery negotiations have been started by VP Dick Cheney at an undisclosed location, that will likely be flooded if Al is right. In a desperate move to reverse the Peace Prizes sobering effect on Americans, the Corporate Media has decided to use only blue icy backgrounds from now on, and to have anchors presenting with a fresh wind blowing through their hair, dressed in polar fleeces.
On the economic front, the news provoked mixed reactions. Alan Greenspan commented "this will mean thong bikini sales will continue strong, but they are no basis for sustainable growth". Pollsters on the other hand are doing overtime to find a large enough sample of naysayers, creating jobs on the fly. Ice saw sales are up in Greenland, with notable conservative Eskigimmemore CEO B. Luefacedguy commenting "we are switching back from rowing boats and suntan lotion".
On a less positive note, the Centers for Disease and Crowdcontrol are advocating at least waiting till noon to consume alcoholic beverages, bummer. In case of intoxication, funny dancing all alone is recommended to minimize effects.
Rumor has it that infighting in GDP will halt for a day, but this was denied by anonymous sources, in a snarky manner at that.
</snip>
DU:GD, do you feel the warmth?
:toast:
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