JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Oct-12-07 06:14 PM
Original message

***DUzy Awards for week ending October 12, 2007.***

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring sagacious seething, snappy snippets and sinful sneers from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The Champale-soaked DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to Patsy Stone, Emit, AZDemDist6, Yael, babylonsister, dicksteele, Kurovski, stellanoir, tavalon, scarletwoman, BleedingHeartPatriot, NJCher, eridani, lynnertic, hootinholler, ih8thegop, CaliforniaPeggy, unhappycamper and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

The biggest winners for the week were: Locked Thread and Name Removed. Awesome work, everyone!

This should have appeared last week:

OP by ProSense:

      Bush: My job is a decision-making job. And as a result, I make a lot of decisions.|
link:thinkprogress.org/2007/10/03/decider-strikes-again/#comments|‘The Decider’ boasts again.

Hey, at least he didn't say: My job is a decision-making job. And as a result, I make a lot of jobs.

response #1 by Patsy Stone:

      And every last one of them
is wrong.

response #4 by Steve_DeShazer:

      It's pronounced "deshishion".
Shincerely,

Preshident Bush, Deshider

Warshington, D.Shee.

Shincerely,

Shteve_DeShasher

response #6 by Disturbed:

      I wish he would decide to ride his bike off of a tall cliff.
Yeah, I am not nice.

response #14 by Virginia Dare:

      The secret service has probably prevented this from happening..
on more than one occasion.

GD, October 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1970145

OP by Old and In the Way:

Hell yes, I'm proud to be a socialist.
Because, the opposite is to be anti-socialist. I worry about those types.

GDP, October 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3583031

OP by Bucky:

      Who would win in a fist fight between Aung San Suu Kyi and Benazir Bhutto?
Yes, it's the epic clash of the south Asian political dissident titans!

On the right, there's Benazir "the Basher" Bhutto...
Cool, detached, outgoing, even a hint of corruption as she muscles, hustles, and bustles her way back into power.

On the left, we have Aung San "Bang-a-Gong" Suu Kyi...
Two hotties will enter the ring... but only one will walk out. Call it! Who will win? Sunday... Sunday... Sunday!!

response #5 by IntravenousDemilo:

      How about Bhutto and Aung together, versus Mike Ditka?
But in answer to your question, it'd have to be Bhutto, because I suspect she eats better.

response #14 by leeroysphits:

      I'll take Bhutto. She wants it more. You can tell she has the Eye Of The Tiger...

response #16 by bicentennial_baby:

      You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only need
the edge EDGE EDGE!!!

response #19 by ncabot22:

      I'd pick Bhutto
Kyi has been under house arrest too long. I don't think she'd be in good physical shape to take on Bhutto. It would be a hell of a fight, though.

The Lounge, October 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7004914

OP by Mend:

anti-abortion protest here today....huge turnout of 6 people...
4 women who haven't been fertile in at least 25 years and two elderly men who require no comment. 3 posted on one corner and 3 down about a mile. It is in the nineties in SW Florida. I sure hope they aren't overcome by the passion of it all.

response #2 by Buzz Clik:

The protest was aborted in its first trimester.
No chance of sustaining life on its own.

GD, October 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1994331

On a thread by Judi Lynn:

      Sen. Craig to join Idaho Hall of Fame

response #4 by MADem:

      Was he "flushed" with pride at this award? Or did he try to "stall" receiving it?
Was he surprised that they tapped (tap, tap, tap) him for it?

:rofl:

response #11 by DemoTex:

      It should be the "Stall of Fame"
Know what I mean, Vern?

response #18 by Fly by night:

      Just who do you have to blow to get in the Idaho (St)all of Fame?
I guess I'll email Larry to find out.

LBN, October 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3019626

On a thread by zeemike:

Pelosi doesn't know if waterboarding is torture or not

response #40 by sfexpat2000:

The DLC has pictures of her eating trans fats?
:scared:

GD, October 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1993015

On a thread by EarlG:

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 309

response #12 by happygoluckytoyou:

AGENDA FOR 2008 MINNEAPOLIS CONVENTION
1. senator craig holds meat-and-greet at the minneapolis airport
2. dinner sermon on moral values, catered by enron and halliburton
3. abstaining only midnight party
4. early morning confession for those who missed #3
5. praise ronald reagan roast cancelled as nobody can find anything amusing to say beyond "i hear he lost his jellybeans"
6. hour of honoring fallen soldiers, guest speaker Rush, cake shaped as twin towers with rudy jumping out dressed as a firewoman
7. meet the wives hosted by Rudy and Mitt and all of their wives
8. Who Is Most Like Reagan contest.... Rudy's entry (dresses like Nancy), Mitt's entry (dresses like corpse), McCain's entry (the alzheimer years), Fred's entry (acts like corpse)
9. Face Painting for the kids. Bonzo the clown will be painting kids faces to look like they have been shot by the vice president
10. Lunch, in honor of the Secretary, will be White-meat On Rice
11. W's we're turning the corner speech
12. Pretzle eating contest sponsored by MoveOn.com
13. Comedy entertainment supplied by the FOX news team, actually just a rerun of their newscast

GOD I WISH I WAS GOING TO BE THERE.... HATE TO MISS THE FUN.... head in my ass competition, greased boy chasing contest, george and barbara speech on "quit picking on my kid", the competition among candidates to NOT be photographed with Dubya, the unvailing on a lifesized kiss photo of McCain and Bush sponsored by the other candidates....

ITS GOING TO BE MAGIC

and don't forget to remind your republican friends of the change in voting protocol in 2008...
because of the expected HIGH TURNOUT, democrats are voting on November 4, republicans on November 5

Editorials & Other Articles, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=103x312835

OP by RGBolen:

      Fred Thompson drinking game for the debate
1 shot every time Fred uses the term "outsider" as in being a "Washington Outsider" and a "Hollywood Outsider"

2 shots every time Fred uses a word that isn't a word such as "fixin" "ain't" "fussin" "yall"

4 shots if he uses the phrase "Back home in Tennessee" instead of "Back home in suburban Washington."

response #2 by acmavm:

      You could be out cold on the floor in one sentence!

response #4 by Pawel K:

      I'll get the tequila ready for when I get home. As an added bonus...
2 shots everytime Rudy says 911 and 1 shot everytime he says islamic terrorist or terrorism.

Not sure if one bottle will do, might want to have poison control on the line with you during this game.

response #7 by leftist_not_liberal:

      I ain't fixin' to start fussin' at y'all
for crackin' on us southerners.

But if you don't cut it out, you're gonna make me hottern a two-dicked rooster

:hi:

response #15 by Tejanocrat:

      Can we just drink the whole bottle if Thompson has to beg for applause, Giuliani takes a call from
his wife mid-debate, or Romney refuses to answer a question about medical marijuana?

response #17 by KamaAina:

      If he says "the Soviet Union", you have to finish the bottle.
of Stoli, preferably.

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2000579

On a thread by seafan:

      Jeb Bush bemoans "mean-spirited" politics
"A 'putrid' and 'mean-spirited' political atmosphere for both liberals and conservatives discourages good people from seeking public office, former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush said Thursday.

'I can't watch the news, as a brother who loves my brother,' said Bush, the brother of President George W. Bush and son of former President George H. W. Bush. 'The food fight has to stop, and there needs to be a restoration of civility...'"

response #1 by MookieWilson:

      If he's looking for sympathy, he'll find it...
between 'shit' and 'syphllis' in the dictionary.

response #15 by Sentinel Chicken:

      "Jeb Bush bemoans "mean-spirited" politics"
But killing brown people to steal their oil makes him feel all right.

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1998080

On a thread by Blackhatjack:

      Fred Thompson is the 'dullest knife in the drawer' among Repub Candidates...

response #1 by polichick:

      Here's the best description...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

response #6 by citizen_jane:

      A 5 watt bulb
in a box of 25 watt bulbs.
Face it, ain't none of the GOP 'shining' too brightly
these days.

response #9 by karlrschneider:

      Or, a "pre-tested" Flashbulb.
;-)

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2001527

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Rep. Ron Paul: I advocate the same foreign policy the Founding Fathers would

response #1 by YOY:

      Does he espouse powdered wig wearing?
That would really sway me more to him and his half sane version of Libertarian Republicanism... :sarcasm:

response #4 by Major Hogwash:

      He would know, he was there when they signed the Constitution.
He's an old bugger.

response #15 by Perry Logan:

      Ron, baby: there was this INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION that kind of changed everything.

GDP, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3589313

On a thread by bigtree:

Liz Cheney to spin for Fred Thompson after debate

response #1 by adsosletter:

the title of your OP...
elicits some truly disturbing mental images...

:D

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1998899

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      U.S. Secret Service Agent in Ahmadinejad Detail Accidentally shot his car
"The U.S. Secret Service is investigating why one of its agents shot his car last month during a United Nations visit by the Iranian premier.

Secret Service spokesman Eric Zahren confirmed that his agency's internal affairs unit has been asked to find out the details surrounding an agent's 'accidental discharge' into the floorboard of his vehicle on Sept. 25 in Manhattan..."

response #1 by T.Ruth2power:

      That's either Barney Fife
or "there's more to this than meets the eye."

response #2 by lligrd:

      Is Brownie Now Working For The SS? nt

response #3 by bahrbearian:

      Maybe he was hung over from the late night Cheney Quail hunt.

response #4 by damntexdem:

      Maybe he's a worse shot than Cheney.

response #8 by TahitiNut:

      He must've won the bet ...
... that he couldn't hit a car even if he was inside of it. I guess that'll stop him from being teased at the firing range.

:dunce:

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1999115

OP by karlrschneider:

      Vibrating suitcase shuts down Oakland airport baggage claim
just on CNN.

I think I will just skip commenting on this...

:evilgrin:

response #2 by _testify_:

      For chrissakes
Pack the batteries separately! :P

response #21 by junofeb:

      Someone fleeing Alabama? ....n/t

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2000589

On a thread by OwnedByFerrets:

"IF" you recognize Columbus Day as a national holiday
this is part and parcel of what you are commemorating.

"Columbus and his men also used the Taino as sex slaves: it was a common reward for Columbus’ men for him to present them with local women to rape..."

response #1 by hisownpetard:

Jeez, and I thought Columbus Day was all about mattress sales. n/t

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2000390

On a thread by wndycty:

A note about us Black folks and our "Blackcents" as it relates to Barack's church appearance

response #20 by Bucky:

Zelig syndrome
You humans never cease to amuse me. You remind me of that time Nancy Reagan got up and started dancing and clapping and spinning around in a black church in the 80s. Funniest thing I ever saw. I reported it back to the home planet and we called off the invasion immediately.

GDP, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3590531

OP by Orrex:

Nothing shocks me anymore
Except tasers.

Tasers still shock me, bro.

The Lounge, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7015472

On a thread by rinsd:

      Can anyone provide evidence showing Hillary will drive up GOP turnout?

response #1 by Xipe Totec:

      The only thing that would drive GOP turnout
is Ronald Regan's second coming.

And he would have to walk on water and cure some lepers.

response #3 by liberalmuse:

      No.
But I can present loads of premature speculation not backed up by any facts, if you want.

response #19 by Kurt_and_Hunter:

      I think you meant to post this in GD:Empiricism. This is GD:ReceivedWisdom

GDP, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3595000

On a thread by MnFats:

"If Jesus Christ were here, I think he would shake his head in shame."

response #2 by gratuitous:

A quick review of the last six years of Republican misrule
And I think it would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2007307

On a thread by Mythsaje:

      RW talking points? I don't think so.

response #7 by jgraz:

      I guess you just want the GOP to win
:P

Plus you are very very sexist.

And you hate puppies.

Edit: And you voted for Nader

Edit 2: who also hates puppies

response #8 by Mythsaje:

      Yeah, that's it.
It must be.

response #9 by jgraz:

      Seriesly, excellent post
But I'm still not sure about you and puppies.

response #10 by Mythsaje:

      Shhhh. Don't let my dogs hear you talking like that.
They might take it out on my kitten.

:)

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2003852

OP by originalpckelly:

      Is it possible that Fred Thompson is dumber than George Bush?
Have the Republicans finally hit upon an even greater idiot?

response #12 by Horse with no Name:

      Not physiologically possible. n/t

response #13 by originalpckelly:

      The Thompson unit seems to be defective and may have shipped without a processor.

response #24 by cadmium:

      Dont say that. It will get him
more wingnut support. The dummy vote is huge.

response #50 by hootinholler:

      Well if he hires Cheney to find a VP, then we'll know for sure.
:rofl:

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2008188

On a thread by Pastiche423:

      Fred's daughter is eating Jeri's diaphragm while sitting on his lap
My apologies if this has been posted before. I found this on another site and was blown away.

http://www.fredthompsonforum.com/showpost.php?p=14615&postcount=1

Is this their way of promoting "Family Values"? lol

response #2 by charlie:

      That thing could stop a Buick
Fred's wigglers must be mightier than Ninja Turtles, or something.

response #14 by valerief:

      they're making teething rings that look just like diaphragms????
"Here, sweetie, play with your pessary."

response #25 by maseman:

      Gives new meaning to UFO
Unidentified fucked-up object...

response #35 by ContraBass Black:

      If that's a diaphragm, I have a fundamental misunderstanding of human anatomy.
It looks about five inches in diameter. You think a woman puts that where?

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2008546

Poll question by smalll:

      Who will win the Democratic Presidential Nomination?
:bluebox: Hillary Clinton

:bluebox: Hillary Rodham Clinton

:bluebox: the Junior Senator from the State of New York

:bluebox: the Hillmeister

:bluebox: the Clintonator

:bluebox: Bill's wife

:bluebox: Chelsea's mom

:bluebox: "Our Girl"

:bluebox: Madame Inevitable!

response #1 by againes654:

      Is this a trick question?

response #11 by Laurab:

      I tried to vote, but right then my mouse broke
no matter what I did, it would not allow me to vote. It works fine for everything else, so it's quite baffling to me........

response #26 by Kurovski:

      Your mouse voted for Rudy.
Get over it.

:hug:

response #16 by marekjed:

      Is that the e-voting thing?
Because no matter what I click, on the confirmation page it always comes up as Bush.

response #18 by Kurovski:

      The poll is clean. No "nutcracker" option.
It must be legit.

response #21 by MGKrebs:

      What happened to Dick Gephardt?
I liked him. Did he drop out already?

response #29 by Kurovski:

      So many fine choices!
Who shall it be? I'm itching with anticipation from the top of my head right down to my anus!

Especially the anus.

At press time, "Hillary Clinton" was winning with 46% of the votes.

GDP, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3593602

On a thread by Husb2Sparkly:

      I'm working VERY hard at stifling a MASSIVE ........
.... Fuck You

response #11 by Bucky:

      It's your own fault for going to the Olive Garden in the first place.
Next time, cover up while you breastfeed your pit bull. Or is this about the Hillary nutcracker?

response #12 by JohnnyLib2:

      Stifle? On DU? GD?
Do we know you, and can you prove it?

:toast:

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2008196

Not for the squeamish...

On a thread by babylonsister:

      "Friend of Falwell" Minister Dies During Bizarre Sex Play
"An Alabama minister who died in June of "accidental mechanical asphyxia" was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report.

Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge's death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery's Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking). While the Montgomery Advertiser, which first obtained the autopsy records, reported on Aldridge's two wet suits, the family newspaper chose not to mention what police discovered inside the minister's rubber briefs..."
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1008072scuba2.html

response #6 by Solly Mack:

      I suppose a scuba tank would have defeated the purpose...
though it would have completed the ensemble...

response #7 by cat_girl25:

      So what was in his briefs? n/t

response #14 by tandot:

      a dildo in his heinie
:evilgrin:

response #65 by burythehatchet:

      a pumper
in the rumper???

response #19 by CatWoman:

      Falwell's dentures
:hi:

response #109 by puffymuffins:

      If his estate goes to probate trial
The representing lawyer will submit his briefs to the court. LOL!

response #8 by TomInTib:

      Well, at least he was practicing safe sex (used a condom).
I am not even going to post it, but read "what police discovered" at Smoking Gun link.

Evidently, Ol' Gary was a complex fellow.

response #90 by soothsayer:

      Actually, he WAS a condom!

response #85 by walldude:

      LOL.. this is my favorite thread of the day...
not sure how that looks for me but oh well :shrug:

response #32 by libnnc:

      Why is it that conservo-fundie straight folks
are having wilder, freakier sex than I am? I'm a 37 year old quasi-hip lesbian in a committed relationship. :wtf: is up?

response #34 by renie408:

      Are you really in NC? I am nearby and have a couple of wetsuits I can loan you.
You have to get your own dildo.

response #36 by libnnc:

      dildoes are no problemo
I would have a hard time finding a wet suit though...thanks :hi:

response #95 by Skittles:

      repress thyself and become a sanctimonious hypocrite
I hear it leads to some killer orgasms

response #33 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      I do so love...
The list of personal effects: one yellow metal ring, one dildo.

Good accessorizing is the touchstone of good fashion sense, I always say.

response #42 by Z_I_Peevey:

      Rubber-baby Bubba bumped off.
(sorry. couldn't help myself.)

response #51 by gateley:

      Do you think this will be covered by MSM? nt

response #73 by scarletwoman:

      No, but it certainly will be covered by the B&D S&M. (nt)

response #119 by Ezlivin:

      It's all in the biblical prophesies he believed
For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be earthquakes in divers places, and there shall be famines and troubles: these are the beginnings of sorrows. (Mark 13:8, KJV)

It's very simple: He suited up in a diving suit so that he could check out these "divers places" and see how the end-of-times prophecy was proceeding.

The dildo was there so he wouldn't be "left behind."

response #142 by rucky:

      If it were just one wet suit...
this wouldn't be that newsworthy.

response #148 by TwoSparkles:

      This conservative, moral man...
...may not have possessed standard porn, but I bet you a dozen
Krispy Kremes that he's got a stack of Jacques Cousteau videos
that reach his bedroom ceiling fan.

response #158 by scarletwoman:

      I just realized -- he must have been an ARISTOCRAT!!!! (nt)

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2008564

On a thread by BlackVelvet04:

      McAfee Site Advisor's info on D.U.
McAfee has something called Site Advisor that gives you information on any particular site.

Here is the link to the info on D.U. and the reviews of D.U.

http://www.siteadvisor.com/sites/democraticunderground.com?ref=safe&client_ver=FF_26.5_6172&locale=en-US&premium=false&client_type=FF&aff_id=105

Here is one of the three reviews:

Radical left political content; coarse language
Posted at 03/04/2007-11:37:22 PM by eyeball, Reviewer , View profile < Reputation score: 1 / 9 >

response #1 by NightWatcher:

      woo hoo, we're safe
and who the fuck is using coarse language on here

response #2 by Texas Explorer:

      Coarse language?

BULLSHIT!

response #3 by KitchenWitch:

What the Fuck?
:wtf:

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2009326

On a thread by spokane:

      I'm sick of hearing Al Gore for president

response #1 by still_one:

      AL GORE FOR PRESIDENT!!!

response #77 by Seabiscuit:

      AL GORE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!
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response #19 by Blue-Jay:

      I'M TYPING IN CAPS!
LOOK AT MEEEE!

response #21 by asthmaticeog:

      YOUR POST STOOD OUT FROM MOST OF THE OTHERS!
THIS IS COOL, I SHOULD TOTALLY DO THIS ALL THE TIME!

response #25 by Cathyclysmic:

      What do Al Gore, Stephen Hawking and a broken refrigerator have in common?
They're not running.

response #84 by stlsaxman:

      wow! even "ignored" hasn't shown up for this post-
i was thinking she'd be all over this like white on rice or stink on... nevermind.

GD, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2004375

On a thread by antiimperialist:

GOP debate winner: Hillary Clinton

response #1 by itsrobert:

Yup, the only Republican that wasn't there
Well, her and Alan Keyes.

Editorials & Other Articles, October 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=103x313312

On a poll by bobthedrummer:

War criminals of the Bush/Cheney administration

response #1 by left is right:

I thought this was a posting about a pinup calendar
for right wingers. Can't you just see it==Cheney wearing a Mr. February Sash and very little else, while holding an AK47 and one foot stomping down on the neck of an Iraqi child? It's enough to make them all say, "Hubba, hubba"

GD, October 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2016516

On a thread by marmar:

      Michelle Malkin is a (fill in the blank).....

response #1 by DinahMoeHum:

      . . .lamprey sucking on the cyst on Limbaugh's fat ass. . .
:evilfrown:

response #4 by TahitiNut:

      Festering boil on the ass of a dung beetle feeding on an elephant turd.

response #10 by Kurovski:

      A lovely, bright young woman
who fed on decades of flaming excrement dispatched from the bowels of a billion diseased devils, decaying from within as she treads the earth she's cursed by her presence.

response #12 by indepat:

      cockamamie cockalorum

response #18 by rucky:

      Sexist Pig!
I just thought I'd call myself that, and spare the flamewar that would ensue for typing my first thought.

response #25 by Elrond Hubbard:

      not just bottom-feeding pond-scum, not even the slime scrapped off of the pond scum, not even the
bits of filth contained within the slime that was scraped from the pond scum, but the tiny nuggets of sleaze that float in the bits of filth contained within the slime that was scraped from the bottom-feeding pond scum.
In other words, I don't like her much.

GD, October 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2016975

OP by NanceGreggs:

Jesus Facing Multiple Charges
Within days of his Second Coming, Jesus Christ (aka Prince of Peace, Savior, The Lord) is facing charges in a number of jurisdictions across the country.

After addressing a crowd in Washington D.C. with what is quickly becoming known as His now-infamous “Blessed are the Peacemakers” speech, Jesus was arrested for holding a political rally without a permit. A possible charge of treason is also pending, given that The Lord’s blatant anti-war statements may constitute a direct threat against the born-again president and his conduct of the war in Iraq.

Later that same day in Orlando, Florida, Jesus was handcuffed by local authorities after feeding a multitude of homeless people who had gathered to hear him speak about being Thy Brother’s Keeper. “We still don’t know how he pulled off the seven loaves and seven fishes thing, but the law is the law,” said the arresting officer, who refused to disclose his identity for fear of losing his immortal soul.

In a related incident, Jesus was again at odds with local authorities in Fresno, California, after attempting to prevent police from destroying makeshift shelters constructed by the homeless. After being read his Miranda rights, the Lord’s only comment was, “As you do to the least among you, so you do unto me.”

Within minutes of posting bail, Jesus reappeared at an Alabama state judicial building where he was promptly arrested for inciting to riot after making a statement about ‘rendering things unto Caesar, and things unto God’. “I knew the kid was a troublemaker the minute he started shooting his mouth off about the separation of church and state,” said a man later identified as one Roy Moore, who was outside the building protesting the removal of a granite monument displaying the Ten Commandments from the premises several years ago.

Jesus wound up his cross-country crime spree with an arrest at a mid-western mega-church, when he was unceremoniously ousted after disrupting a Sunday service by suggesting to the congregation that they do unto others as they would have others do unto them. “I was willing to let the whole thing go,” said the irate pastor, “but then he started emptying the poor box at the back of the church and handing the money out to the poor. When he started talking about he who is without sin casting the first stone, I had no choice but to call the police.” (The name of the pastor is being withheld due to pending litigation involving tax evasion, fraud, and an incident involving a male prostitute.)

While local jurisdictions in various states deal with the pending charges against Christ, Federal authorities are looking into possible ties to terrorist activity. Apparently several phone calls between Jesus and alleged distant relatives in the Middle East have been closely monitored, and further charges may be laid in connection with suspected links to terrorist organizations. “We’re pretty sure that His use of phrases like peace be with you, goodwill to all men is some kind of code," said one source, speaking on the condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter.

In addition, the Department of Homeland Security is looking into the fact that Jesus was able to transport himself from one place to another without setting off red flags at any airports, despite having been placed on the no-fly list. DHS Chief Michael Chertoff has vowed to investigate the matter fully.

Given the MSM coverage of the now ill-fated Second Coming, Christ’s lawyers are already concerned about His ability to get a fair trial.

“Rush Limbaugh called him a ‘phony Savior’ on his radio show last week,” said a public defender assigned to one of the Christ cases, “and Catholic League president Bill Donahue has already publicly denied him three times. How is the Son of God supposed to get a fair shake?”

In the midst of the controversy, White House spokesperson Dana Perrino fielded a barrage of questions on the topic during a recent press conference. She firmly stated that the president, in keeping with his long-held policy in such matters, refuses to comment on an ongoing investigation.

Although unconfirmed, several reliable sources have indicated that Jesus wept.

GDP, October 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3595270

On a thread by Swede:

      Book brings letters to Hitler to light
"At first glance, the letter carefully printed in a child's hand seems innocuous, nothing more than the expression of a young crush: 'I love you so much. Write me — please. Many greetings. Your Gina.'

But the note takes on a more sinister tone when its recipient is known: Adolf Hitler..."

response #2 by KG:

      nice post, um, wait....

response #5 by gratuitous:

      It's a little known fact
But Prescott Bush's nickname from his Skull and Bones days was Gina.

GD, October 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2014659

On a thread by skul_Donteecha:

      So, what's with Karl Rove these days?

response #6 by Turbineguy:

      He's travelling around the world
looking for another country in need of destroying.

response #12 by DeSwiss:

      Well now, let's see....
Karl stares all day long, at his newspaper cutout framed picture of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby and his wife on the day he was convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice. And also mumbling to himself about how really, really sorry he is about ALL THAT. Oh, and he's also ruminating about how to "reinvent himself," cause he doesn't want to be just a "Bush Guy" anymore. But he understands that some people out there "hate him." So I guess he's trying to figure out how to make that work for him.

Then there's Dan Barlett. Now he's bought himself a brand new iPod to take the place of his old, White House Blackberry. But he doesn't get any calls, text messages or emails from anyone anymore. So he bugs his wife all day asking her to send him an email or have sex or something.

And Sara Taylor's in a special desensitizing 12-Step program in a futile attempt to get her soul back from the devil. She says she's got her "groove back" though, so I guess she's cruising bars now.

And Meghan O'Sullivan -- the Iraq rebuilding architect is having nightmares. About Iraq. Who would have guessed? I'm looking for a headline about her and some kind of sexual thing or maybe jumping off a building anyday now....

GD, October 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2015069

On a thread by ih8thegop:

      Larry Craig's hot-dog-and-potato recipe ("Push hot dog through the center")
http://www.virtualcities.com/ons/id/gov/idgvlc10.htm

"Super Tuber is a great snack that uses one of my favorite vegetables: The Idaho Potato. Of course, I suppose any type of potato could be used, but I cannot guarantee that a Super Tuber made with anything but a true Idaho potato would taste as good. Sincerely, Larry E. Craig, United States Senator

Ingredients
1 hot dog, cook's choice
1 Idaho baking potato, 7 to 10 ounces
Mustard for dipping, any style
Other condiments as desired such as cheese sauce, sour cream, chili, chives, bacon pieces or black olives

Wash and dry potato. Rub with shortening or butter. With an apple corer or small knife, core out the potato center (end to end). Push hot dog through the center. Bake until potato is cooked through."

response #1 by Mojambo:

      I swear, this guy is like the Tobias Funke of the United States Senate. n/t

response #2 by BerryBush:

      Nah, something like that takes too long to cook.
I'd be tapping my foot with impatience.

response #3 by DemGa:

      Wow, I'm taking no stance on this....nt

response #12 by Crabby Appleton:

      I call that recipe the republican Dick-Tater nt

GD, October 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2016301

On a thread by Nomad559:

      Horror Novelist Boils Girlfriend's Flesh
"An aspiring Mexican horror novelist has been arrested after police discovered his girlfriend's torso in his closet, a leg in the refrigerator and bones in a cereal box.

Jose Luis Calva told police he had boiled some of his girlfriend's flesh but that he hadn't eaten it, the spokesman said on condition of anonymity.

Calva told police he was a writer and poet - officers found the draft of a novel titled Cannibalistic Instincts, the spokesman said.

Investigators are trying to determine if chunks of fried meat found in a pan in the apartment were human, the spokesman said..."

response #1 by Bornaginhooligan:

      I say we ban horror novels so this can never happen again.
But seriously, does having an unpublished manuscript make one a "horror novelist"?

If so, does that make me a Nobel laureate?

response #3 by TomInTib:

      And water. And pots and pans.
By the way, Bornaginhooligan, you did get my Nobel vote.

response #4 by soothsayer:

      dunno. who did you kill?

response #2 by sniffa:

      i'm going to caLL the cannibaL free mexico hotLine

The Lounge (moved from GD), October 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7024589

OP by TreasonousBastard:

Al Gore Won the Nobel Peace Prize!
Just wanted to be the first of hundreds to post.

Ignore my other post on this.

The Lounge (moved from GD), October 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7023570

OP by TreasonousBastard:

Al Gore did NOT win the Nobel Peace Prize!
Just wanted to be the first of hundreds to post this.

Ignore my other post on this.

The Lounge (moved from GD), October 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7023565

On a thread by babylonsister:

Pelosi Asks for Impeachable Offenses
"... in an October 10th interview with Ed Schultz, she said 'if anyone knows of impeachable offenses that can pass the Congress, then please let me know'. She then goes on to say that Bush has 'taken us into a war under false pretense', and 'gone outside the law in terms of the collection of information...'"

response #99 by zidzi:

Sounds like Nancy is calling
out for someone..anyone, to do her job for her.

GD, October 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2019249

On a thread by hisownpetard:

      Seeking legal opinion: If the telephone companies do not get the retroactive immunity they want
and were apparently guaranteed by Bushler, and if they subsequently get sued by citizens
whose privacy they invaded illegally, could they then turn around and sue Bush? Or the
government? And on what grounds would it be?

response #1 by monktonman:

      Why do they need it anyway?
If the phone companies aren't doing anything illegal,
why do they need this protection?
Besides, how the hell am I going to sue a telecom
from my cage in Guantanamo?

response #4 by bryant69:

      You're getting a cage? Wardens pet!
I'm pretty sure I'll end up in the pit.

GD, October 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2021024

OP by ruggerson:

Last night I sat in my car with God
He lives in a small apartment off of 5th on 86th st, but his Dominican illegal
housekeeper was "Fabreezing" the back bedroom. French houseguests had apparently
overstayed their welcome and spewed pomme frites and ketchup all over the bed while watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

So, anyway, we both had time to kill and we were talking about the election and he mentioned that if Dennis Kucinich wins he plans on sending a plague of locusts to attack Missouri.

Why Missouri?

"It's still a bellwether state isn't it," God mused, an almost rhetorical question, as he flipped the ashes from his joint out the window of my 87 Camry. "I've always
enjoyed fucking with bellwether states - they have this ungodly sense of self import."

Does God have something against Dennis Kucinich?

"Well, I usually like Vegans who marry up. But there's something about him that irritates me. He whines a lot and he kind of reminds me of Alan Keyes. If there's a presidential race, well... THERE he is."

God passed me the joint.

"Did you like my little Alan Keyes karmic moment?"

"You mean when you made his daughter a lesbian?"

God chuckles to Himself and stares out the window. "I crack myself up sometimes."

We sit in silence. God says, softly, "This whole '08 thing has your country in a frenzy. When are they ever going to learn?"

I looked at Him. "Who's going to win?"

He smiled. "This time.... the one who is supposed to."

"What, you trying to redeem yourself for George Bush?"

God outright laughs. "Everything goes in cycles, my son. Even the United States."

He glances at his watch. "Rosita should be done by now."

"Would you like me to drop you off?"

"No, I can walk it. Need the exercise."

God starts to climb out of the car.

I watch him, a little anxiously. "This election will turn out ok, won't it? I mean, I'm not going to have to move to Canada or anything?"

God leans back in the car. "Put it this way. I don't plan on having to really use those locusts."

As he grinned at me, I noticed something I'd never seen before. A little American flag pin on his robe, turned upside down.

"Goodnight," He said. And disappeared down 86th.

GDP, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3602041

On a thread by Ghost in the Machine:

      Call to return Inconvenient Truth Oscar
"A conservative think-tank in New Zealand has written to the president of the America's Academy Awards asking that the Oscar awarded to the director of an Inconvenient Truth be taken back..."

response #13 by melody:

      How odd that this should come out today
:eyes:

response #16 by FredScuttle:

      I support this cause wholeheartedly...
and hope that they also include these miscarriages of justices in Oscar history:

1998: Shakespeare In Love over Saving Private Ryan for Best Picture
1992: Marissa Tomei over Miranda Richardson, Vanessa Redgrave and Joan Plowright for Best Supporting Actress

GD, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2026276

OP by PretzelWarrior:

New Poll has Gore ahead of Hillary in nomination bid by 15%
In a survey conducted this morning with a broad cross section of Americans, Gore takes a healthy lead over the dominant Hillary Clinton in the polls. Americans were asked, "Who would you nominate for Democratic presidential candidate?" 45% said Al Gore, 30% said Hillary Clinton, 15% said Barak Obama, 8% said John Edwards, and 2% said somebody else.

Just so you know, a few of the people polled were my dog, my wife, the people at the coffee shop, and a few celebrities. I watched Guliani on the TV and asked him who he thinks would make the best Democratic nominee. I said, if you think it's Hillary, say "health care". If you think it's Gore, say "9/11".

GDP, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3602811

On a thread by Pachamama:

      OMFG! FOX is talking about Al Gore's Nobel Peace Prize and the guest speaking just suggested that
General Petraeus and our military should have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, not Al Gore!!!!!!

response #18 by mmonk:

      Yes, Peace prizes should go to those that wage war.
I think lobotomies are in order.

response #25 by Tesha:

      Well, after you blow up everyone and everything, it does get rather peaceful.
We just haven't blown enough shit up yet in order for
you to see the full effect!

response #56 by kitty1:

      I think Fox thought the award should be given for global war not warming
They get a little confused over there.

GD, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2027348

On a poll by redqueen:

Do you think Hillary Clinton is a corporatist?

response #5 by jgraz:

also think that ursine mammals tend to relieve their bowels in a sylvan wilderness

GDP, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3604026

OP by JamesA1102:

Top Republicans comment on Gore's Nobel Peace Prize

George W. Bush
"Is that like the Publishers Clearing House prize? And what piece of it did he win?"

Bill Bennett
"Damn!!! I had my money on the Dali Lama. My bookie gave me 10-1 odds. And please remember to buy my book 'The Death of Outrage' about the moral decay in America. I really need the cash. The casinos won't accept my markers any more".

Rudy Giuliani
"9/11, 9/11, 9/11, Gore, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, Nobel, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, Prize, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11"

Dick Cheney
"Al, I am your father!"

Mitt Romney
"This is a good thing for america...or maybe it's a bad thing...or it could be a good thing. Umm...Let me check the polls in Iowa and get back to you."

Ann Coulter
"Gore is a fag! But at least he's not jewish!"

Fred Thompson
"Go away it's time for my afternoon nap."

Bill O'Reilly
"I saw a black man reading about Gore's Nobel prize it in the newspaper. I tell you I was shocked. A black man reading a newspaper just like a white man. Unbelievable!"

Mike Huckabee
"Gore is an alarmist. If this earth gets too warm, God will create another one for us. It only takes him a week."

GD, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2034705

OP by npincus:

      Elephant mating behavior & RNC logo

response #1 by Deep13

response #3 by YOY

GD, October 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1981597

On a thread by WilliamPitt:

      A plea on behalf of DU's Hillary supporters.

response #3 by Deep13

GD, October 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1983812

OP by Flabbergasted:

      The Bush Transformation

response #4 by mentalsolstice

GD, October 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1990702

On a thread by whereismyparty:

      No matter what the question is, Rudy says 9/11

response #28 by Swamp Rat

GD, October 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2002483

On a thread by helderheid:

      caption

response #2 by Whoa_Nelly

GD, October 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2013283

On a thread by senseandsensibility:

      DU's hit the big time!

response #13 by Oeditpus Rex

GD, October 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2023972