Your Creation Museum Report: $27 million dolloars of horse shit...

[cynatnite]

First, imagine, if you will, a load of horseshit. And we’re not talking just your average load of horseshit; no, we’re talking colossal load of horsehit. An epic load of horseshit. The kind of load of horseshit that has accreted over decades and has developed its own sort of ecosystem, from the flyblown chunks at the perimeter, down into the heated and decomposing center, generating explosive levels of methane as bacteria feast merrily on vintage, liquified crap. This is a Herculean load of horseshit, friends, the likes of which has not been seen since the days of Augeas.

And you look at it and you say, “Wow, what a load of horseshit.”

But then there’s this guy. And this guy loves this load of horseshit. Why? Well, really, who knows? What possesses someone to love a load of horseshit? It’s beyond your understanding and possibly you don’t actually want to know, even if you could know; maybe it’s one of those “on that path lies madness” things. But love it he does, and he’s not the only one; the admiration for this particular load of horseshit exists, unaccountably, far and wide. There are advocates for this load of horseshit.

And so this guy who loves this load of horseshit decides that he’s going to do something; he’s going to give it a home. And not just any home, because as this is no ordinary load of horseshit, so must its home be no ordinary repository for horseshit. And so the fellow builds a temple for his load of horseshit. The finest architects scope this temple’s dimensions; the most excellent builders hoist columns around the load of horseshit and cap them with a cunning and elegant dome; and every surface of the temple is clad in fine-grained Italian marble by the most competent masons in a three-state radius. The load of horseshit is surrounded by comfortable seats, the better for people to gaze upon it; docents are hired to expertly describe its history and features; multimedia events are designed to explain its superior nature, relative not only to other loads of horseshit which may compete in loadosity or horseshittery, but to other, completely unrelated things which may or may not be loads of anything, much less loads of horseshit.

The guy who built the temple, satisfied that it truly represents his beloved load of horseshit in the best possible light, then opens the temple to the public, to attract not only the already-established horseshit enthusiasts, but possibly to entice new people to come and gaze on the horseshit, and to, well, who knows, admire its moundyness, or the way it piles just so, to nod in appreciation of the rationalizations for its excellence or to clap in delight and take pictures when an escaping swell of methane causes the load of horseshit to sigh a moist and pungent sigh.

http://scalzi.com/whatever/?p=121

:rofl: It's a must read.

[Ian David]

1. Black Collar Douchebaggery Hard at Work. n/t

[enid602]

2. ah, yes. . .

The CREaTIoN Museum.

[trotsky]

3. Oh that's hilarious.

Did you know, for example, that Adam is responsible not only for the fall of man, but also for the creation of venom? It didn’t exist in the Garden of Eden, because, well. Why would it? Weeds? Adam’s fault. Carnivorous animals (and, one assumes, the occasional carnivorous plant)? Adam again. Entropy? You guessed it: Adam. Think about that, won’t you; eat one piece of fruit and suddenly you’re responsible for the inevitable heat death of the universe. God’s kind of mean.

:rofl:

[DCKit]

6. I thought it was Pandora's fault.... Oh, right. nt

[Wildewolfe]

7. So what your saying....

... one bite of the apple and boom you've got the republican party? They're kinda the only ones that like to take advantage of all that.

They'll need a new slogan for that.

Republicans, making money off the worst day in history for over 6000 years...

[Tsiyu]

4. As someone who pays a lot to manufacture horse shit

(the hay and grain bills are a struggle every year) I must say you have offended all the horse apples around here.

How about "$27 million worth of Vitter shit" or "Fundy Shit?"

Can't we leave the critters - and their very valuable, nutrient-rich, abundant fecal matter - out of these descriptions of human waste and idiocy?"

Thank you from all the hard-working equine poop out there :)

[redqueen]

8. I thought horse apples were those softball-sized green things

that fall off those trees. (Dunno which type of tree...)

[Der Blaue Engel]

5. Of course it's horseshit

Any scientist worth his salt knows that dinosaur fossils were only put there by the devil to deceive us.