BREAKING: Huckabee Chooses Jesus as Running Mate

[Bluebear]

Huckabee Chooses Jesus as Running Mate
Move to Shore Up Evangelical Base

by Andy Borowitz
In a bold move that could dramatically alter the playing field of the 2008 G.O.P. presidential race, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee today named Jesus Christ as his vice-presidential running mate.

Governor Huckabee has made an increasing number of comments about his relationship with Jesus in recent debates, but few Republican insiders expected him to announce that he was anointing Christ as his vice-presidential pick.

“This could be huge for Huckabee,” said Stenson Partridge, a veteran G.O.P. consultant. “Among Republican voters, Jesus Christ is even more popular than Ronald Reagan.”

The Reverend Pat Robertson, a supporter of former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani, said he was “blindsided” by the news of Huckabee’s decision: “I talked to Jesus last night and He didn’t mention anything about it.”....



http://www.borowitzreport.com/default.asp

[terrya]

1. Jesus consorted with known prostitutes...

Well, one at least.

Someone got a bit sloppy with the backround check.

[underpants]

4. Damn! what were the odds of a "long hair" getting on a Republican ticket?

Oh well Huck needs a good lead singer for the band

[tridim]

9. Damn hippies. nt

[underpants]

11. He's like that guy from the Spin Doctors

but he can get tail like that guy from Counting Crows

[Buzz Clik]

12. JC isn't going to go over well with some important base groups:

1. Money changers. Some real bad blood here.
   
2. Pharisees. So much for New York.
   
3. American Medical Association. Engaging in the healing arts without a license? tsk tsk.
   
4. International Grocers Association and American Vintners. Feeding a multitude with a couple of fish and a few loaves of bread and turning water into wine is as anti-union as it gets.

Huckabee is toast.

[BlueJazz]

20. Plus the Union workers who are dredging sand in order to restore beaches...

...are thoughly pissed about this "Parting the Waves" Crap....

[Deep13]

2. Kucinich/YHWH '08 n/t

[zabet]

3. Watch Jesus

get his Daddy to smite every
reporter who asks about Jesus'
rumored affair.

[BOSSHOG]

5. Will Mary Magdalene be an intern?

[IndianaJones]

6. better than Paul...

of Tarsus.

[Rex]

7. God and Jesus are on the outs since Oral Junior got a pinkslip

See? Even God's Chosen like Moral Jr and Jesus disagree about things. One wanted a fleet of Rolls Royces. One wanted to feed the poor.

Jesus and Godzilla 2008

[polichick]

8. But what would Jesus do???

He'd vote anything but Republican!

[Devlzown]

10. I thought it would be Jared.

n/t

[Bucky]

13. Ha-ha! Borowitz recycles the funniest four year old jokes from other people!

Nit: Jesus isn't 35 and only Romney believes he's a naturalized American.

[Bluebear]

16. I take it you weren't amused

[Bucky]

17. No, I was amused... in 2004 when someone did a Bush-Jesus in 2004 website.

Borowitz is doing his best, but his humor runs a little obvious or a little trite pretty often. Occaisonally he scores a good one, but often as not I see recycled jokes in his columns.

[Mr_Monday]

14. WTF is wrong with this Man?

Oh wait I thought he actually had said this. lol

[tanyev]

15. I hope they check his citizenship papers.

[madrchsod]

18. hmmmmmm... if jesus saves

then he'd better save himself
from the gory glory-seekers
who would use his name in death"
"jethro tull"

[LeftishBrit]

19. However, it was thought that Jesus would not accept the nomination

As some of His previous statements, e.g. "Blessed are the peacemakers", "The meek shall inherit the earth", "What you did not unto the least of these you did not unto Me", and "It is easier for a camel to pass through a needle's eye than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven" are believed to be inconsistent with key aspects of the Republican platform.

[LittleClarkie]

21. Has Jesus accepted?

They might wanna look a bit closer at the guy. Might just be someone in a Jesus suit.

[razors edge]

22. He has been working his way up to the job.

If he can avoid the scandals, I think he has a real shot at it.

[mtnester]

23. Jesus issues press release....

"Uh, no thanks"

[SalmonChantedEvening]

24. But he's a furriner!! He wuz bornt in Leb'nun!!

Ain't that where them Arribz lives? And where cedar chests come from?

Yo Blue :hi: :D

[alfredo]

25. The water into wine thing might cause trouble, and he is a Jew.

[Swamp Rat]

26. Old news.

The Christofascists have put Jeebus on their ticket since they killed him.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

27. They should ask him if he believes in the 'End Times' and Armageddon

the Rapture and all the rest. And if he thinks we are heading for it in the Middle East. The media seems to take the position that it's not appropriate to ask the candidates about their personal religious beliefs. But in this case, Huckabee's personal political views could also affect his posture vis-a-vis the wars in the Middle East and whether he sees them as a welcomed vehicle for the 'End Times'.

[and-justice-for-all]

28. I knew all the rethug candidates were morons...

but this should be hucks ticket to padded cell and a day pass. If a candidate claims to have an invisible friend as a running mate, send them to crazt kates and not the WH. thanks.