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Edited on Sat Feb-02-08 04:25 PM by beezlebum
the truth is, i have lost every microgram of faith i ever had in this country, in the election process, in our governing body, in the people. i have none whatsoever. i have never felt so cynical as i do now.
at the beginning of all the campaigning months and months ago, i remained skeptical after 2004, but this time there were two candidates who really spoke to me, and i wondered how anyone could disagree with them, for everything people complained about, dennis kucinich had a clear message and plan; i personally agreed with on every single issue; i was eager to support either gravel or kucinich (primarily DK) in every way i could. i told my family and friends about them. i had long discussions with my neighbors. i kept track of the campaigning, i read every single email and spread the message.
but my family and friends rolled their eyes and said they really weren't up to discuss politics, they wanted to discuss little league games and the grades their kids were making and what a dick spencer was and why they didn't like LC on the hills;
my neighbors said they were republican, because they are anti-abortion and teh turrists might git us if we elect a democrat and they didn't want gay marriage and liberal tree huggers were buying into propaganda (yep- i actually had someone tell me that global warming is the "boogeyman" for the democrats);
the people on my email lists politely asked that i stop clogging their emails with spam, and the people on discussion boards claimed to love him and his message, but called him "unelectable."
wounded, i vowed to carry on, perhaps with less enthusiasm. i was frustrated by my two candidates being ignored and their messages misrepresented and manipulated by the media, but i continued to have faith!
and then, kucinich dropped out after not making any headway in the primaries, deciding to focus on being reelected. gravel's flame has been stamped out altogether.
but a couple of days after DK's withdrawal, i told myself i shouldn't give up. so i saddled up on the edwards bandwagon- reluctantly, having disagreed with him in the past, what with the IWR and what not. his populist message did move me, although i still had some trust issues.
but i got behind him, because i decided that i'm not going to agree with everything a candidate does/says/is about. i changed my email icon to edwards 08. i got attention from my family and friends- gee, what happened to the kravilovitch guy you were supporting last week? and i cheered for him every step of the way...and then he dropped out.
my conscience, as i have repeated again and again, will not let me fall in love with the clinton charisma train, and it won't let me be swayed by the obama charm. i don't know if i even consider myself a democrat anymore. the whole thing to me seemed so mechanical, so planned, so contrived!
i thought back to 2004. i had supported dean, and i remember the media coverage john kerry got- i kept saying, this dude is going to win, not because his message is so wonderful, but because the media is picking him! and then i thought about the "dean scream," and how i so did not buy into that- but how people laughed at me when i said i still supported him- they all reverted back to the scream as though they had been hypnotized to really believe that it was so much worse than george bush's illegal invasion of iraq.
edit number two- reaffirming my lack of faith: since 2004, i saw my city wiped away. i saw buildings i drove past every day under 10 feet of water. i saw dead bodies floating around, and returned to rumors of martial law, and indeed the natl guard was guarding the local grocery store in my undamaged neighborhood, allowing two patrons in at a time; i had my pastor tell me that in his meeting with homeland security and the national guard, there had been talk of hundreds shot by the guard, and that no one was legally inclined to inform families. i saw entire neighborhoods torn to shreds, and never saw the people who lived in them again. i saw my local hangouts and homes demolished when the owner's couldn't get the money together to come home and gut them. i saw this big, frightening nightmare, and i saw the inexcusable idleness of our governing body, and then i heard my fellow citizens tell me that my city should not be rebuilt. after the huge earthquake in san francisco years ago, all i could remember was being afraid for the people in california, but it never once crossed my mind to tell them they'd be foolsih to rebuild. but still, to so many nola is a disgrace, just as gentrifiers would love for us to believe in this port city where so much profit stands to be made. this is a pain that still doesn't go away. i cry every time i visit my mother in lakeview, or when i see my friends' bands play on the weekends, and i have ask myself every time i consider voting, would this person let this happen again?
writing in kucinich, or still voting for edwards...i might consider it. but i honestly have no faith left, and the truth is, i never really had it in government- it's mostly in my fellow americans that i have lost it.
edit: nader?? nader??? i thought it was a general consensus here on DU that nader and naderites were basically republicans only with slightly less moral turpitude...? ;)
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