How to win an election (rant)

[TrogL]

Full disclosure:

• I am Canadian and living and working in Canada.
  
• I have worked for Elections Canada in the past in a variety of positions.
  
• I have worked on many election campaigns (some successful, some not) at a variety of levels.
  
• I am a card-carrying member of a political Party (that reminds me, I need to renew).
  
• I am not currently working on a election campaign, but intend to work in the upcoming Canadian Federal election for a political Party.
  

Be that as it may, the rules are the same no matter where.

1. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to run.
   
2. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to take office.
   
3. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to win.
   
4. Set up your infrastructure.
   
5. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to get and keep supporters.
   
6. Make sure that it is possible for your supporters to vote.
   
7. Make sure that it is possible for those votes to be tallied, authenticated, audited and the correct results published.
   
8. Make sure that your candidate can actually take office once the results are published.
   
9. Find out who your supporters are
   
10. Get more supporters
    
11. Make sure that your supporters vote.
    
12. Make sure those votes are counted, authenticated, tallied, are auditable and audited if necessary.
    
13. Make sure the correct results are published and acknowledged by the Powers That Be.
    
14. Have your candidate take office.
    

Some of this may seem obvious. They're not. I've seen more bone-headed mistakes than I can describe here. I've seen blatant violations that would make your head spin.

START NOW!@!@! Yes, I'm going to be doing a lot of yelling. Get over it.

1. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to run.
   
   There's no point in me running for President of the United States - I'm a Canadian citizen. If you can't afford the startup fee or don't know where to pay it or don't know what forms to fill out and can't or won't hire anybody who does have that knowledge - give up now.
   
   
2. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to take office.
   
   If you are a member of an opposition Party and it is Constitutionally impossible for members of that Party to rule, then you need to doing something about the Constitution.
   
   
3. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to win.
   
   Gerrymandering comes to mind, but there are other examples.
   
   Most of this is covered below, but there is one interesting example that happened locally. The Province of Alberta, Canada used to have "winner take all" elections for the head of the political Party. Politicking and back-room stuff would go on all damn night until somebody got a clear majority. Then they brought a new system in, Preferential voting, which I STILL don't understand, where you voted for a second choice. If no clear winner showed up, then they started tallying the second choices and if THAT guy got a clear majority, he was in.
   
   And that's exactly what happened. There were two main candidates, one heavy-duty right-wing, one heavy-duty populist. Their supporters absolutely HATED each other so they all put "whatever" for their second choice. The votes were tallied. The right wing guy got a lot of votes, but not a majority. The populist got lots of votes, but not a majority. So, they went to the second choices. It turned out that everybody who voted for "whatever" picked the SAME "whatever". When they announced the results you could hear everybody simultaneously bellow "WHO?!?!?!?" and run to find out who the fuck they'd voted for.
   
   So, if you're supporting a second tier candidate, it might be to your advantage to work to get whatever system it takes to get your guy elected in place.
   
   
4. Set up your infrastructure.
   
   Now that you've actually got a hope in hell, you're going to be needing a shitload of volunteers. Do everything within the rules to treat them nice. Feed them, give them swag, talk nice to them, give them a nice place to work with functioning equipment. You need a BIG office with lots of room, proper heat, light and power. You need a bazillion phone lines and good quality, comfortable to use phones. You need comfortable desks and chairs. People are going to be siting there for hours at a time. Make the best coffee in town. Have the best food - fruit, veggies, pizza - whatever it takes. Lots of clean bathrooms. Acres of secure parking. Shuttle service. Security at the door. Sexual harassment policies. Bullying policies. But THE number one is facetime with the candidate. One handshake is worth hundreds of hours on the phone. Which reminds me, make sure the people on the phone can do their job. They need scripts, policy papers, cheat sheets, a backup person to call if they get in over their heads or abused and training, training, training. Make sure they take care of their voices. Make sure they got sharp pencils and something to scribble notes on. Make sure they've got up-to-the-minute phone lists. Get the computer system from hell and top-notch people to keep it running and secure. Get everything into the database and back it up 14 ways from Sunday. Make sure what is in the database is ACCURATE!! If your people need special paperwork such as security clearances, make it happen. Make sure they've got valid drivers licenses. Make they they DON'T have a criminal record if that's going to be a problem. Make sure they're YOUR people and not spies.
   
   
5. Make sure that it is possible for your candidate to get and keep supporters.
   
   If the rules prevent you from campaigning, or you can't get access to the media, or your supporters get jailed or shot or there's no enforced libel laws (think Swift boating) then you can't get supporters so you need to fix that first. If your candidate has the propensity for shooting off his mouth at EXACTLY the wrong time, or there's so many skeletons in the closet you can't close the door - maybe you've got the wrong candidate.
   
   
6. Make sure that it is possible for your supporters to vote.
   
   Make sure they've got the right paperwork, that they turn that paperwork in, that the paperwork gets processed, that they get proof that they can vote, that there's a way for them to get to the polling place (start getting your driver volunteers NOW), that they have the proper papers at the polling place and those papers are accepted, that the polling place actually exists and somebody is actually there, that if machines are used they work (more about that later) and there's a backup plan if they don't, that there's a methodology for absentee voting.
   
   
7. Make sure that it is possible for those votes to be tallied, authenticated, audited and the correct results published.
   
   Find out what the election laws are for polling places, make sure it actually works and that you've got the people lined up to make sure it works (they're called scrutineers here). Hire lots of lawyers. Think Black Box Voting. Make sure there is a paper trail and that there is a way for the auditors to confirm that paper trail. Confirm that there is actually going to BE auditors. If not, get your volunteers to start lobbying or protesting.
   
   
8. Make sure that your candidate can actually take office once the results are published.
   
   If the government sets it up to declare martial law, get your volunteers to start lobbying or protesting.
   
   
9. Find out who your supporters are
   
   This is THE most important pre-campaign activity for your volunteers. Get them on the phones asking people who they're voting for. If they're voting for you, FOR FUCK SAKES WRITE IT DOWN AND KEEP TRACK OF THIS PERSON. If they're not, still keep track of it for later. This is the stage where you eliminate bad phone numbers so you're not phoning them later. Get addresses NOW instead of on voting day.
   
   
10. Get more supporters
    
    Do whatever it takes; campaigning, signs, blogs, banging on doors, leaflets, pamphlets, word of mouth, radio and press interviews, Town Hall meetings, running naked down the street...hey, who knows, it might work. Just DON'T PISS OFF PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ALREADY PISSED OFF AT YOU.
    
    
11. Make sure that your supporters vote.
    
    Keep in contact with them. Make sure they're still happy. Find out if they've got any questions. Make sure they've still got their paperwork. Make sure they know where to vote and have a way to get there and a backup plan if that falls through.
    
    Take your list of your voters and get them to the polling station. Tick them off when you're SURE they've voted. Otherwise, keep at them until they'll vote just to shut you up. Drive them there if you have to. Where possible, help them with the voting process eg. disabled. Do NOT break the law.
    
    
12. Make sure those votes are counted, authenticated, tallied, are auditable and audited if necessary.
    
    Have your scrutineers, lawyers, whatever else in place and have them actually do their jobs. Make sure all paperwork is completed perfectly. Make sure everybody is wearing whatever ID is needed to identify themselves as valid Party workers. Keep an eye on the other team's workers and make sure they're not up to something and report them if they are. I worked on election where my opposite number WAS STANDING BEHIND THE POLLING BOOTH WATCHING PEOPLE VOTE. I damn near had to throw a tantrum to get the election officials to get him out of there. Check the washrooms for pamphlets. Check the parking lots. Check for signage too close to a polling station. Scrutinize every damn ballot and challenge ANYTHING WHATSOEVER that could be a bad ballot. Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and nuclear war. Make sure all procedures are followed for securing the ballots, the tallies and all other paperwork.
    
    
13. Make sure the correct results are published and acknowledged by the Powers That Be.
    
    You are supposed to get your own personal copy of the final count. Make sure that's what actually gets on record and is published by the press.
    
    
14. Have your candidate take office.
    
    Make sure he doesn't get shot.
    
    If there's anything that needs to be done during the actual ceremony, eg. swearing on books, make sure it happens and is documented. Make sure the documentation is signed by the right people and that THAT is documented.
    

Good luck, you're going to need it.

[TrogL]

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