men and women of the world

[blues90]

I was sitting here thinking about days gone by .

I wonder how many men near my age 59 who were brought up in a country where you could support you and your wife and if you had children you could support them too on one job working 8 hours a day 5 days a week . The job could have been any blue collar job and you managed to get by , felt like you had a future and and things would get better through an honest days work .

During this time many women wanted to work as well and be able to build up a savings and contribute not wonting to be classified as "house wifes" , and become an equal .

I had no problem with any women working and having a life outside the home . I certainly felt the work place was much better when in was no longer a mens club . If did not matter if they were my boss either .

I didn't know at first that women were paid less because it seemed to be something no one talked about . Once I did realize this I felt it was unfair .

There was the womens movement for equality and i had no problem with it . Of course I was still from the times were men opened doors and things of that sort and I do admit there were times I was told by women they could open their own door > I adjusted to this , I could tell when the women walked to the car door and placed her hand on the handle she was not requiring my help and this was fine and I respected this . It took a conscious effort to know what to do .

Now at my age as a male I find I am not able to be a provider any longer , no longer the one provider who could cover a wife let alone a family . This is quite difficult to accept without feeling like a failure and now the wife is forced to work still for less pay .

I battle to this day an out rage of becoming so down sized and I know well how women have always felt . Now we are in the same boat .

In the last 3 years I have been in and out of the workforce and my wife and I struggle to make ends meet as a team . through the course of struggle my wife ended up on SSI and a few years later due to a breakdown I am now on disability .

This is truely a sorry and sad place to be , that in our later years we have been stripped of all dignity and feel useless and forgotten and obsolete .

How are people defined now days as they worked hard and felt a part of society and now it has all been stripped away . We both worked hard and not for the american dream but to survive in our later years and feel good we made it and now that's far from the case .

There are no longer jobs I know how to do that pay well and worse due to my age I am not desired as an employee .

All I have left are my dust covered tools to remind me of what i once was , a working class hero with no hope for the future other than to try my best to survive without purpose .

I feel like a failure because I was brought up with the sense of being the bread winner . Now I am nothing and i feel I have failed my wife .

[raccoon]

1. I can relate to you, blues. As a single woman, I've worked all my adult life,

except when I couldn't due to disability.

I'm on the other side of the table from you--it used to really tick me off that people talked about how important a man's job was to him. And it is, of course, but I felt invalidated. What did they think I was working for--fun?

Anyway, I am in my 50's too and if I were to lose the job I have now I know it wouldn't be easy to find another. I've encountered discrimination too. I have some degrees but am underemployed--have been for years--because I couldn't find anything better.

You've got a lot of company. I've heard similar stories from other Du'ers.

And you are not a nothing.

:hug:

[blues90]

2. I woke in from a nightmare the other day

With all sort of people telling me I was a nothing , it was quite shocking and disturbing . My wife always tells me I worked hard and it's not my fault .

I never felt that things were fair when people get older . I never felt i was too old and thought I would end up like this .

You get rasied as a male to stand with some sort of ego , I let the ego part fall by the wayside .

There is this mens club sort of mentality and if like me you don't join this club you are an outsider . They say men stick together but it is only if you as a male join their club .

I did my job well but because I was not bendable to join the ranks I paid for it . Doing your job does not matter as much as who your buddies are .

I have my own life and interests and if they don't revolve around sports and nascar and the macho game of shear ignorance you are treated like garbage and then fall into the ranks many women face .

I do have my wifes respect and that's all that matters . I just hope we can make it .

[applegrove]

3. You sound so decent. That is what makes you a great human being.

Don't forget that. You may not go on fancy trips but it is the day in, day living that makes for a nice life. You are part of a team; and that is the best thing for your wife and kids. I'm glad you mentioned that. It is wonderful to have that.

[dysfunctional press]

4. try becoming disabled at age 38...

and finding out that a former employer never paid your fica deductions into social security, so that over 12% of your lifetime wages won't be tabulated into your disability payments. and your wife's chances of ever being able to retire early, if at all, go right out the window. and oh yeah, the medications you have to take pretty much abolish your sex drive- and you get to pay full price for them because you've lost your insurance & prescription coverage.

you're NOT a failure.
you have no control over the cards you get dealt.