Now that the stinky cigarettes are gone all that is left is stinky customers

[NNN0LHI]

http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/chi-0219smokers_nufeb19,1,5358163.story

Subtracting cigs from club equation equals too much BO

By Glenn Jeffers | Tribune reporter
February 19, 2008

Since Jan. 1, smokers have been exiled to the cold tundra. Drive down a street in Wrigleyville, and you'll find them huddled together like emperor penguins in need of a nicotine fix.

Bring them in from the cold, I say. Bring back the smokers.

It's not that I feel sympathy for them. And, honestly, I like the drop in my dry cleaning bills. But I miss the smoke. Rather, I miss what the smoke did.

It's not until you stand in a crowded bar at 2 in the morning that you realize the smoke had a purpose. It covered up the other aromas, the scents generated by sweating pores and the failure of deodorant.

Smoke trapped that wretched composite of funk. But without that hazy exhaust, we're left with fumes no person should endure. Cheap perfume. Stale Axe body spray. The passing remnants of curry-rubbed shrimp skewers.

Back in the Dark Ages (about a month ago) you could forgo a clean shirt or that second daily shower. A shield of unfiltered Lucky Strikes kept us all smelling like a kiln, and blissfully ignorant. But with the New World Order, you can smell the difference. Benson & Hedges no longer has your back. Or your pits.

And heaven help those brave souls on the dance floor. All that fervor creates an odor that rivals a middle school gym locker.

[wtmusic]

1. Second-hand BO kills.

I want my cancer sticks! :crazy:

[shain from kane]

2. It's bound to affect your taste buds, too. Maybe you should go home to a home-cooked meal,

instead of hanging around bars.

[sam sarrha]

3. guess AA is you only hope

[northzax]

4. it takes a while to adjust

and, in your really sketchy bars, it also helped cover up the odor of old vomit and bleach.

[wuushew]

5. Modern anti-perspirants have gotten much better

Would anyone claim that funk levels are higher now then they were 10 years ago?

[zanne]

6. I actually like the smell cigarette smoke...

Even when I was a little kid, I enjoyed being around people who were smoking. Of course, I became a smoker and had to quit eventually, but I still like the smell.

[NNN0LHI]

8. I used to sniff my parents Zippo lighters while they were playing Pinochle

That was my favorite.

Don

[Bake]

10. I still carry a Zippo

I love the substantial feel of it. The windproof of it; it lights in a hurricane. And the SMELL of the lighter fluid!!

Bake

[NNN0LHI]

12. Yea but I don't care how careful I am the SOB always leaks on my leg and burns the shit outta me

I will keep flicking my Bic.

Don

[Bake]

14. It makes me very popular in our windy "smoking zone"

"Damn, I can't get it lit ... hey, Bake's got a Zippo!!"

The trick to that leg-burn thing is to not overfill it. I keep a bottle of fluid in my desk at the office, and one at home, just in case.

Bake

edited because I can't type for sh*t today ....

[Warpy]

9. It's lethal to some of us

in closed spaces. I'm one of them.

[shain from kane]

24. You're still alive. How have you managed to avoid dying?

[Warpy]

28. House arrest

Consider what your life would be like if you were prevented from going to all social occasions plus restaurants and clubs.

That's how I've lived most of my life.

Thanks a lot.

[Warpy]

7. That's why you DRINK, buddy

because the smell of the alcohol you're blowing off through your lungs will cancel out the BO from the coked up dancing fools. Chances are that's 90% of what you're smelling and projecting onto the other customers. The other 10% is the stink of humanity. Inhale it and be glad you're not alone in the world.

It won't do much for the people who don't know the difference between smelling great and smelling, though. People who bathe in cologne will stink out loud no matter what.

[shain from kane]

29. We've always said that the fox doesn't smell its own scent. From the fox's perspective, that

is the smell that he is so used to smelling, so he doesn't realize such a smell that he makes. The same with cigarette smell and perfume. If I haven't smoked for a week, and someone lights up in my presence, I suddenly realize how overpowering that smell can be in the absence of other smells.

[zorahopkins]

11. Close The Bars!

This is so easy to solve.

Just close the bars.

"It's not until you stand in a crowded bar at 2 in the morning that you realize the smoke had a purpose. It covered up the other aromas, the scents generated by sweating pores and the failure of deodorant."

At 2 in the morning?

If you are standing around a bar at 2 a.m., you have been in the bar far too long. GO HOME!

If you are standing around a bar at 2 a.m., you have likely spent a lot of money on alcohol. GO HOME (and take a taxi!)

[shain from kane]

18. Close Up the Honky Tonks...

She's in some honky tonk tonight I know
She's dancing where the music's loud and lights're low
In a crowded bar she likes to hang around
And as long as there's a honky tonk she'll never settle down
So close up the honky tonks lock all the doors
Don't let the one I love go there anymore
Close up the honky tonks throw away the key
Then maybe the one I love will come back to me

I wish I had the power to turn back the time
And live again the hours when she was all mine
But it hurts to see her running with that crowd downtown
And as long as there's a honky tonk she'll never settle down
So close up the honky tonks...

[AndyTiedye]

25. After Hours

We're not standing around.

If it's still crowded at 2 AM (when last call was around 1:30) then those of us who are still there are there to dance.
Good riddance to the drunks.

We'll go home around sunrise when the music shuts down.

Outdoors is better, but it's the middle of the winter.

[Broadslidin]

13. Ignoring Soap & Water has always been the fate of the "Drinkin Class".

Eagerly consuming
U.S. Federal Government sanctioned psychoactive substances
under the glow of a hovering 60 inch Flat Screen...
Tis Heaven on Earth for the Dipsomaniacs...!

[AndyTiedye]

26. No Amount of Showering and Deodorant Will Avail in a Hot, Packed, Nightclub

Imagine that, the headliner comes on and everybody wants to be on the dance floor.
It gets crowded, hot, and sweaty.
For some reason most clubs are designed for most of the patrons to be sitting down and drinking instead of dancing.
Air conditioning is woefully inadequate, and the dance floor is almost always too small.

[pacalo]

15. Curry-rubbed shrimp? What a waste of seafood in the hands of that bar chef.

He could use some of this -- it's so easy it would make his head spin & it's a guarantee to make the customers keep coming back...

[Javaman]

16. The raising of arms in public will be outlawed unless reaching for something on the top shelf. nt

[devilgrrl]

17. Guess people will just have to wear more toxic perfumes or Aluminum Oxide laden deodorants!

:shrug:

[BoneDaddy]

19. LOL

I keep a can of air freshener in my office to dress up the odors left behind by people too unconscious to care how they smell. Pretty negligent.

[zorahopkins]

20. Obvious Solution: Cologne and Perfume!

The solution to this problem is just so obvious.

Provide each bar partron with their choice of a strong-smelling cologne or perfume.

Alternatively, provide the bartenders with spray bottles of cologne and perfume, and require them to give each person ordering a drink a good, healthy squirt of cologne or perfume.

That should solve the problem.

[NNN0LHI]

22. Cologne and Perfume weren't designed to work on someone who smells like a horse

Just makes things worse.

Don

[AndyTiedye]

21. Dance Outdoors

And heaven help those brave souls on the dance floor. All that fervor creates an odor that rivals a middle school gym locker.

Not to mention the lack of adequate air conditioning in most dance clubs.
Of course we're gonna sweat! It's 99º and 99% humidity on the (packed) dance floor.

You think that's fervor, you should see us when we have some room, and some fresh air.

Bring on spring, and outdoor dance parties!

[shain from kane]

23. Spend too much time in a smoky bar and you smell like a Camel. Spend too

much time in a non-smoking bar and you smell like a camel.

[Bill McBlueState]

27. I hear ya

I can think of a couple places with, to be kind, plumbing problems that were nicely masked by cigarette smoke before smoking bans took effect. Now the whole place smells like the men's room. That's the only downside I see to the smoking bans.

[nemo137]

30. I called this when Champaign-Urbana was talking about a smoking ban.

All the campus bars smell like the back of a scrotum anyway, taking cigarettes and their sweet, nose-dulling smoke out of the equation just brought that to the fore.

[shenmue]

31. Oh, grow up. Not even 1/4 of the population smokes. It's a business decision.

Sorry you don't like the fact that restaurants and bars went with the choice to appeal to the largest possible pool of customers-- those who don't smoke-- rather than kowtow to your me-me-me attitude. And clouds of cigarettes do smell. I've never left a bar or restaurant because of someone's underarm odor.

More babyish bullshit. Yeah, because having to wait a few minutes or going outside to smoke is exactly like having to go to jail. :nopity: It must really suck to go to dinner with you.

[RainDog]

32. Bars and restaurants did not make that choice

It was forced upon them.

You know, smokers have just asked for a choice. A place we can go to that you don't have to go to. But the puritans don't even want that. So want to talk about bullshit? It's bullshit that America has become a fucking nanny state.

why don't you care as passionately about the shitty water in the Great Lakes that's poisoning the population there? Work on that one.

The editorial was a joke. Grow up.

[formercia]

33. Washington at Valley Forge

decreed that a musket charge of gunpowder should be burned per day in each tent to purify the air.

I bet those Colonial farm boys had some pretty nasty funk.

[formercia]

34. In Washington's words:

http://www.projo.com/news/content/projo_20060602_nglive6.22056876.html


Washington's appearance may have boosted the morale of the troops, but the look of the troops encamped about Boston did little to boost the spirits of Washington. In a letter to his cousin, Washington described the New Englanders in his command as an exceedingly dirty and nasty people.