U.S. Navy Hopes to Hit Broad Side of a Barn

[Ichingcarpenter]

The U.S. Chief of Naval Operations Adm. John Paul Halsey announced plans to demonstrate the effectiveness of the Navy's intercontinental missile defense shield today by targeting a barn in St. Olaf's, Minnesota.

'The missile will be launched from thousands of miles away in the Pacific Ocean from one of our Aegis-class missile cruisers. I want to emphasize that the barn is not a strategic threat to the U.S. We had thought about shooting down that spy satellite, but were afraid we might miss a moving target and cause some collateral damage in -say - North Korea or Russia not to mention the Tribal Territories in Pakistan. We wouldn't want that to happen - yet.'

One reporter asked if NASA's decision to land the Space Shuttle today had any relation to the firing of the missile. Halsey answered 'Purely a coincidence. With today's high-tech telemetry we should be able to hit a dime, provided it's not moving, from thousands of miles away. Of course, in case there is a malfunction in the targeting system we have put a 150 megaton nuclear warhead on the thing just to make sure we take the barn out.'
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i30745

[Jim__]

1. They're also only going to launch if weather permits.

I sure hope an enemy never decides to launch an attack in foul weather.

[Adsos Letter]

2. Not St. Olaf's...!... think of the choir...!

...oh, the humanity...