What can't we be better friends to America like the Republicans are?

[booley]

Republicans are such good friends to America. Oh sure, not every single Republican but most, especially those in control of the party, show their love for America everyday.

They don't criticize her. They lover her right or wrong.

Why can't Liberals and Democrats be more like Conservative Republicans? Republicans are right in that Liberals must hate America since they are always telling America about her mistakes and warning her about "consequences". What kind of friend does that?

IF America asked Republicans if those jeans made her ass look big and they did make her ass look like a walrus flossing that decided to become a three dollar whore because "OMG how much Butt floss can denim take?", Republicans would say, "No, you look great. You should wear them home to show your Mom! In fact, walk home so everyone can see!"

If America's Boyfriend was cheating her and Republicans found out, they would know to spare America's feelings by keeping it secret. If America suspected, Republicans would work to make sure the truth stayed hidden, especially if it was the Republicans her boyfriend was cheating on her with. America does not need the emotional distress of that kind of news. If someone else tried to Tell America that her Boyfriend was not only a cheating lying bastard but had a revolving account at the STD clinic, Republicans would defend America's honor by making that person seem to be the lier instead. And if America wanted to fool herself into thinking that it was normal for a guy to work late at the office for an entire weekend.. every weekend... in Key West, Republicans would help enable America in her rationalizations because living in denial is America's right. Isn't it better that America not be upset?

And if America had a massive crack addiction, Republicans wouldn't judge her. I mean they would judge her tastes and opinions and lifestyle. But not something serious like a drug addiction. Republicans have priorities. They would even go to her pusher to buy her drugs, making sure America didn't waste the money on things like food or rent because Republicans are such good friends. They know it's the drugs America really wants and needs. If America didn't have the money to buy crack, Republicans would help. Not by giving her the money, of course as that would foster a sense of dependence. But by selling off everything America has ever worked for over her life to give to her pusher, who by a weird and unrelated coincidence is also giving the Republican a cut.

If America needed to go the Hospital , Republicans would help. Not by driving her to the hospital because have you seen gas prices? But by helping America help itself. A health problem doesn't mean your legs don't work.. unless part of the problem is your legs don't work. But never mind that.

And if America killed a homeless man while driving drunk, Republicans would help by providing an alibi. Or maybe just pinning the blame on one of America's kids. Sure America feels guilty and wants to come clean on what she did but Republicans will make sure she doesn't do anything "rash". Republicans know what's best for America. And if it keeps the Republicans from going to jail for lying to the police about where America was at 9:45 pm last Saturday, that's good too! What's good for Republicans is good for America.

Can you imagine what would happen if all of us had a friend like America does with the Republicans?

[booley]

1. let me know what you think

I am thinking of sending it off to everyone who ever sent me a right wing chain e-mail.

[Cheap_Trick]

2. with friends like them

who needs enemas?

[booley]

3. LOL

But do you think the Joker will be angry at you stealing his lines?