The "C" Word: A New Political Pejorative

[biglefthander]

I am a Conservative, and every time I use the word "liberal" it is used as a pejorative.

I am a Conservative, so I know the best reaction to 9/11--an atrocity committed by citizens of Saudi Arabia, UAE and Egypt who entered the country legally--is to invade Iraq and deport all illegal immigrants.

I am a Conservative, so I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God*. And that's what we need to do -- to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view. So does Mike Huckabee. *(The word God does not appear anywhere in the Constitution)

I am a Conservative, so I am grateful that war heroes like George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz and Condoleeza Rice have guided our military policy and traitorous cowards like John Kerry, Colin Powell and John Murtha have been ignored and marginalized.

I am a Conservative, so I don't want any Mexicans coming into my country, unless they are here to mow my lawn for $4.

I am a Conservative, so I would prefer to give a tax attorney and his lobbyists $1 to avoid giving $2 to my community for better services.

I am a Conservative, so Bush and I think it is better for Muslims to be killing US troops in the Middle East instead of killing each other in a civil war that is inevitable. 9/11!!!

I am a Conservative, so I would rather build big, shiny new prisons instead of world-class public schools.

I am a Conservative, so I yearn for the salad days of the Poll Tax, Jim Crow and Strom Thurmond.

I am a Conservative, so I believe God wants the United States military to be forever on the lookout for oil-rich nations to invade, conquer and convert to evangelical Christianity. Boy, Ann Coulter sure is great!

I am a Conservative, so it is fine with me that my government kidnaps foreign citizens and holds them in isolation indefinitely with no legal counsel. Gitmo!!!

I am a Conservative, so I know the best way to fix public schools is to push some Jesus in there.

I am a Conservative, so I must be allowed to have any gun I want as fast as possible with no questions asked, and so should everyone else, even Cho-Seung Hui.

I am a Conservative, so I don't want poor women to have abortions; I also don't want to pay for social services like prenatal health care or the decent care of foster children.

I am a Conservative, so I think all petty drug users should be thrown in prison immediately, except Rush Limbaugh.

I am a Conservative, so I will deny any and all existence of the evidence of global warming because that might drive down the demand for oil and ruin my profits on Exxon stock.

I am a Conservative, so it is fine for pharmaceutical companies to dictate policy to the FDA, after all, the high cost of prescription drugs is my parents problem, not mine.

I am a Conservative, so I prefer the federal government borrow money to fund its operations rather than levy taxes because the interest on the national debt is my children's problem, not mine.

I am a Conservative, so it is better to allow corporations and industry to regulate itself, because preserving the environment is my grandchildren's problem, not mine.

I am a Conservative, so I am pleased that a Christian minister like Pat Robertson has the First Amendment right to call for the execution of a foreign leader on national TV.

I am a Conservative, so I think it is a travesty that the First Amendment allows anyone to buy an ad in a newspaper and question the motives of a President or Army General.

I am a Conservative, so I am thrilled the Louisiana National Guard was defending my freedom in Iraq instead of alleviating the suffering while its greatest city drowned.

I am a Conservative, so it is better to close all those unnecessary schools, hospitals and libraries than even one military base.

I am a Conservative, so fuck the Veterans' Administration, the Department of Education and FEMA.

I am a Conservative, so greed is good.

I am a Conservative, so the Geneva Convention is "quaint" when applied to "enemy combatants," but not our own troops. 9/11!!!

I am a Conservative, so the Fourth Amendment is optional. The Second Amendment is not.

I am a Conservative, so cut federal grants to students for higher education. They can earn just as much money serving a few tours in Iraq.

I am a Conservative, so go ahead and waterboard that fucker. He's wearing a turban, isn't he?

I am a Conservative, so for God's sake, give war a chance. Surge, anyone? Did I forget to mention 9/11?

I am a Conservative, and I am a (insert pejorative here).


:sarcasm:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Hit the nail on the head

Conservatives as you describe them are selfish and think only of themselves, and not for the greater good.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Came back here an no one else has recommended?

I can't believe it! I'm kicking it so more can read.