Eternity News update: Bush/Cheney to be Nixon’s “roommates” in Hell

[Cyrano]

Since arriving in Hell, Richard Nixon has been kept in isolation so as not to contaminate the other residents. His only “entertainment” consists of listening to an unending audio loop of “The Greatest Speeches of Dan Quayle” played at 180 decibels.

However, our sources have found that Nixon’s solitary confinement will be coming to an end. Hell’s Council of Senior Demons has concluded that, upon their arrival, both Bush and Cheney will be sharing Nixon’s private special corner.

Initially, some members of the council had held out against this arrangement. They were of the opinion that no one in recent times could possibly match Nixon’s depravity. But a short documentary presentation of the past seven years ended all debate and led to a unanimous decision. (Some believe it was Bush’s smirk and Cheney’s sneer that swung the vote.)

Many here on DU have no personal recollection of Richard Nixon. And many others wish they could cleanse their minds of the existence of this human-like beast. No one believed that we’d ever again see anyone as corrupt, or who literally reeked of undiluted bile.

The sub-committee demons responsible for enhancing the various punishments inflicted upon Hell’s residents reached the decision that both Nixon and Cheney would have to spend the rest of eternity being beaten with a blunt instrument. Further discussion led to the obvious conclusion that the blunt instrument to be used would be George W. Bush.

Another Council of Senior Demons meeting is scheduled to devise appropriate punishments for Bush/Cheney enablers, abettors and henchmen. And yes, radio and TV hate peddlers are on the list.

It seems that the biggest debate is what to do with Karl Rove. Junior demons polish their horns and sharpen their claws in anticipation of some of the more exotic forms of torture. But elder demons are far more subtle. Some want to send him back to earth as a servant at the Kennedy family compound. Others want to ship him to Saudi Arabia as a female who doesn’t own a burka.

Regarding Rove, the Council of Senior Demons is open to opinions on punishment to fit the crime(s).

[Cyrano]

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