... always remain perky and upbeat even when spending an hour inching forward in line while the TSA experts pinch and poke and prod, probing the body's most private nooks and crannies for the instruments of doom.
Maybe engage a stranger in conversation about something innocuous, like the weather or sports. Since there's a good chance that the stranger will be a snitch, you want to leave the best possible, non-threatening impression.
Be careful not to express impatience about the possibility of missing your flight; that could be construed as a negative comment on our national security infrastructure, which is a particularly sensitive area these days what with taser murders and nipple ring extractions and random cavity searches (for attractive young women only; the rest are presumed to pose no threat to the state).
So no toe-tapping or finger-drumming. Try to maintain a neutral expression, and smile when it's appropriate.
When those blue-gloved strangers stick their fingers into your purse or pockets, don't become annoyed because that's exactly the kind of reaction the behavior detection officers are trained to spot. Again, remain perky and upbeat and, above all, cooperative.
The authorities don't like it when you become assertive; best to remain meek and compliant, even when they feel you up in the name of defending the homeland. Smile a lot.
Here's an
article describing how these new behavior detection specialists -- aptly called VIPRs, for Visible Intermodal Protection Response -- spent a day fucking with people at bus stops in Indianapolis last year. The original story has been scrubbed from the IndyStar website, of course.
I suppose this was a dry run preparing them for hazardous duty at the front lines of the war on privacy: America's airports, where dull-normal security dorks steal sewing scissors from 80-year-old radical Islamic grannies, an opened plastic water bottle gets them all hot and excited, shoes and belts are potential weapons of mass destruction and doing a partial striptease is the only way to get on a plane anymore.
And
another putting a somewhat positive spin on their voyage of discovery to Dulles Airport, where they no doubt made lots of new friends.
And here's some
happy talk from the DHS website about how these amateur Jungs are going to revolutionize the fine art of thought crime detection:
TRAINING TEAMS AND DEPLOYING MANPOWER AND RESOURCES TO THE FIELD
DHS is training various teams including law enforcement personnel, canine teams, and inspection personnel for deployment to deter and protect against potential terrorist actions.
Developing Visible Intermodal Protection Response (VIPR) Teams: Consisting of Federal Air Marshals (FAMs), Surface Transportation Security Inspectors, canine teams, and advanced screening technology, these teams provide DHS the ability to leverage a variety of resources quickly and effectively. These deployments are designed to raise the level of security in any mode of transportation anywhere in the country. The teams work with local security and law enforcement officials to supplement existing security resources, provide deterrent presence and detection capabilities, and introduce an element of unpredictability to disrupt potential terrorist planning activities. 14 VIPR exercises have been conducted at key commuter and regional rail facilities this year alone, and more are planned for the near future.
And the sick thing is, we let them get away with this nonsense. Instead of either refusing to be messed with or flatly refusing to buy another plane ticket until this idiocy stops and the TSA is run out of business, we just keep on swallowing as much shit as they can dish out.
What a completely fucked up country.
wp
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