Batman vs Superman - Repub vs Dem - as seen by small fish in medium pond

[zbdent]

A local extension of the Alex Macheskee Plain Dealer (regarded as "liberal", but A.M. made his people not endorse anybody in 2004, because his people were set to endorse Kerry), the "Sun" Newspapers in the Cleveland area - obviously, they cannot have a "liberal" or "moderate" column go unchallenged.

So, a small fish in a "medium" market pond gets a column. Funny, the "metrosexual" picture is of the RW columnist, while his "arch-nemesis" (my wording) looks like the geek who could spout all kinds of mathematical equations way above your head ... and this one "represents" the leftish view.

I stumbled across a recent column of this idjit - 3/20/2008. In "response" to a New York Times guest editorial, this guy (unasked) decides to take it a bit further. I present the first few paragraphs of the column (to avoid copyright issues), avoiding giving the direct link, and then give the person's "analysis" of the political leanings of various superheroes. My counter-analysis is provided in italics.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The New York Times recently ran an editorial from ex-"Family Ties" writer Gary David Goldberg called, "What Would Alex Keaton Do?" Goldberg opines that Keaton would be dismayed by the current state of the Republican Party, it's nominee John McCain, and in a change of heart could lean toward Barack Obama this election.

While this further fuels my Obama/Bill Brasky corollary from my last column, it also inspired me to look at where other fictional characters would fall politically. I thought I should look to people we admire, people who stand for justice, people who can wear tights and capes in public without being laughed at. Yes, I'm talking about superheroes.

The most interesting political dynamic in the world of superheroes is Batman vs. Superman. Though they occasionally work together, these two genuinely don't like each other and don't agree with the other's methods.

Now, let's see his analysis:

Batman: Republican; orphan of wealthy parents, could lose billions due to “inheritance tax” when parents were murdered. Tough on crime and frustrated by the revolving door criminal-justice system. Not afraid to use pre-emptive strike; will take a life in the course of duty to prevent further crimes. More liberal superheroes would oppose interrogation tactics

Mostly right on the Republican because of the inheritances. Uh-oh ... he forgot to use the code words "Death Tax" - two demerits for him ... Unlike most Republicans in that position, he actually went and did something about it. Very intellectual (does that disqualify him? Rs are anti-intellectual).

Again, the idea that he’s a Republican works well when you consider that he operates well outside the law. Well, with John Ashcroft/Alberto Gonzales, er, Commisioner Gordon having a “relationship” with Batman … but then, Gordon didn’t push for the death penalty when his daughter was paralyzed by the Joker.

Joker (and quite a few other mass murderers) left alive, despite all the times that Batman could have ended the life. Never read that Batman advocated the death penalty.

Major flaw in the RW columnist’s opinion: Batman will do whatever it takes to do his job without using a gun. Try getting the NRA to back you up on that.

Another flaw in the “R” standing is that when he finds that his industries are being used by third-world countries to spread evil and kill innocents, he makes sure all those resources are shut down.

Also broke away from the Justice League when they lobotomized a villain.


Superman: Seeming conservative, but “red, white and blue uniform and Truth, Justice, and the American way motto”; but somehow a Democrat because he’s an “illegal alien” and probably soft on border control. On dealing with enemies, seems to be perennially on defensive; opposing pre-emptive strike, wants to engage enemies in discussion to find out why they’re attacking before he’s willing to engage in battle

Big error – about the only “white” in Superman’s “Red white and blue” costume is the white skin. Republican=white.

Superman is also all about life. He is a massively powerful being. He holds back in fear of hurting the everyday joe. Only in the most extreme circumstances will he EVER unleash power (nuclear?) upon an opponent. Darkseid was where Superman said that he finally could unleash his full power without having to hold back.

Also, EVERYONE knows Superman is an alien.

Because of his high profile, he has to stay within the law – no killing.

In this situation, a more apt analogy would be Lex Luthor being Republican. Always getting away with everything – ruthless, doesn’t care who he steps on to get his way. Obsessed with destroying Superman. Has his own propaganda channel – LNN.


Iron Man: Republican. Rich, capitalist industrialist, strong on national defense. Was all for the “Superhero Registration Act” (in comic realm) forcing heroes to reveal their secret identities

Robin Hood couldn’t have hit the target any more dead center with Tony Stark. Built his wealth on defense contracts. BIG BUCKS there. Stands to perpetually be rich from selling tech to the Government.

Decided that decent, law-abiding citizens who actually were doing the job of saving lives and the planet were criminals because they didn’t exactly agree with the government.

Alcoholic. Reputation of a womanizer.

But, he had a saving grace. At the end of the “Civil War”, he admitted to the dying Captain America that C.A. was right all along. So, he might just be turning independent soon …


Captain America: Disenfranchised Republican. Stood up for the U.S. government for years, fought against communism. Went rogue when he felt the govt. intrusion went too far and refused to sign the “Superhero Registration Act”

True independent. Fought in the wars (something wealthy Batman avoided!)

Revealed (in ret-conning) that the “Captain America” fighting the Communists in the 50s was a flawed copy, who started to go insane due to the “super-soldier” formula. Explained the extreme jingoisms.

Very willing to stand up for the Constitution and stand up to the authority figures when they get out of line and overstep their authority. (These days, that’s more a Democratic trait)

Conservative in the fact that he was raised (a scrawny kid, at that) in the Depression, and jumped forward decades (due to being frozen in an iceberg) to a time in which he still has to adapt to.

Assassinated by someone who didn’t want the “symbol” of America to actually show up and turn himself in because good people were being killed over the Civil War.


Wonder Woman: Democrat. Princess of all-female Amazons, voting Hillary all the way

Actually, may be rather hard-right after the ret-con. Willing to stand up to authoritative figures, male or female.

May be independent. Has a golden lasso, which will force someone to state the truth.

When faced with a person (in her lasso of truth) who admitted that the only way he could be stopped (remember, this bad guy, Max Lord, had been able to mind-control Superman, making him the most dangerous person on the planet) was to kill him, she did. So there’s where your “hard right” may sneak in.

Also rather comfortable around weapons (in the origin, she used a pistol in one of the contests).

In the origin, she was formed out of clay and given life by the gods (whoops, there goes the Religious Right – she’s a pagan), it’s questionable whether or not she’s human any more than Superman. Then again, her “designer” used intelligence. But, would Republicans or conservatives accept the “intelligent designer” choosing the form of a woman?


Green Lantern: Democrat. Went insane and destroyed the Green Lantern Corps, which fits in with “Obama’s theme of change”

All through his career, Hal Jordan was a member of the “universal police force”. How does that make him a Democrat, according to Right-wing standards?

By the way, there have been many G.L.s Which one was the original RW columnist’s choice? Yes, Hal Jordan killed the GLs. In the aftermath, he became the "pro-death penalty" Spectre.


Spider-Man: Democrat. Hard to peg politically, he’s a scientist first and was a public school teacher

Extremely intelligent, studied to get where he got today. Very against killing. Yep, Dem. Was always the target of a right-wing media mogul, J. Jonah Jameson, who wanted to tie him to every bad thing ever.

Initially supported the “Superhero Registration Act”, shocking the nation by becoming the second superhero to unmask nationally (Tony Stark was the first). As he saw the worst come out of the S.H.R.A., he opposed it. Was punished by Stark for doing so.


Punisher: Republican (uses Wikipedia for definition). “vigilante who considers murder, kidnapping, extortion, coercion, threats of violence and torture to be acceptable crime fighting tactics.”

Far-far-far right. We’re talking Tim McVeigh here. Probably thinks that Ollie North is a commie pinko bastard.

Arguably insane. Kinda like the way that Batman would have become had he been listening to Rush Limbaugh exclusively after his parents were killed. (Punisher’s family was killed in front of him by the mob. Was a former cop). The NRA loves this guy.


Flash: Independent, mainly because fastest man alive would get bored watching Congress at work

Again, which one? The second Flash, Barry Allen, was a police scientist. The third was Wally West, a garage mechanic on the police force. The fourth (and brief) was a relative from the future – home schooled (very intelligent, with photographic memory. Read an entire public library in a major city in seconds)

Wally West is still the current one, I believe. Has amazing power – if he unleashed his power, he could kill – but he chooses not to. Maybe that puts him in the liberal camp.

The villains of his home town have an interesting understanding … if they don’t kill someone, they will be less likely to get hard punishment and the “capes” (as the “Rogues” call them) will not rain death upon them.


X-Men: Democrats. Always used as a metaphor for civil rights in the 60s, gay rights these days. Existence based on evolution, “so it would probably be hard to argue intelligent design with them.”

I agree with him here. X-men have faced down gods, and quite a few have killed (Wolverine, anyone?)


Aquaman: Republican. “As ruler of the seas, he’s gotta be rooting for global warming.

Another flaw … Aquaman has been very vocal about the fact that he will not tolerate pollution in his “world”. Isn't that a "liberal" issue? Not using the oceans as our personal toilet?