***DUzy Awards for week ending April 4, 2008.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Sat Apr-05-08 06:31 PM
Original message

Edited on Sat Apr-05-08 07:22 PM by JeffR

Welcome to the tastefully renovated DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to devilgrrl, Kurovski, calimary, bleever, eridani, sfexpat2000, Kittycat, Buzz Clik, dicksteele, HawkeyeX, corkhead, sheeptramp, dogday, FlyingSquirrel, stellanoir, malta blue, dbaker41, hootinholler, gateley, eppur_se_muova, KamaAina, Sparkly, babylonsister and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

Deepest sympathies to kineneb.

On a thread by wndycty:

      Obama to Elizabeth on THE VIEW: Imagine if somebody compiled the 5 stupidest things you have ever..
...said and put them in a 30 second loop that was played everyday for 2 weeks."

response #6 by olkaz:

      Brilliant move by Obama
Jesus, go easy on Elizabeth.

It's kinda like Brian Urlacher playing football against a really hyper eleven year old.

response #37 by jgraz:

      Shit, imagine if somebody just compiled the *next* five things to come out of her stupid pie hole
With Hasselcrack, the next thing out of her mouth will always be the dumbest thing she's ever said.

GDP, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5294693

OP by guardian:

How will you celebrate * leaving office?
I just had to take a break from the party's internecine issues and think about something that will put me in a good mood for the weekend.

So how will you celebrate? I say B3:

* a blunt
* a beer
* some buddies

response #21 by Demeter:

Class Action Lawsuit!

GD, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3074759

On a thread by npincus:

      how are you going to celebrate the end of Chimpy's reign?

response #4 by angrycarpenter:

      depends on who's next.
I have been on the wagon for 3 years.

If it is Obama I will have a glass of champagne. And actually smile for the first time in 8 years.

If it is Hillary I will have a beer and say well it could have been worse.

If it is McCain I will drink a bottle of wild turkey, and one every day after.

response #5 by annabanana:

      I will be at Church, thanking God that he did not attack Iran.
(If he doesn't attack Iran)

response #14 by unkachuck:

      like I usually celebrate everyday....
....by having a plastic-coated picture of the chimp siliconed to the inside of my toilet....

GD, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3075465

On a thread by AGirl:

      Hillary can still win

response #17 by Bigleaf:

      Yes, she can. I can win the California State Lottery, too. After all, I bought a ticket.

response #24 by theredpen:

      Bought a ticket! I knew I was forgetting something! That's why I never win!

response #48 by HawkeyeX:

      Didn't you just switch sides from Hillary to Obama a few days ago?
and now you're switching back. Uh-huh.

Last time I believe you, Agirl.

response #56 by Ichingcarpenter:

      She did, then she went to Gravel and said she was always
with Gravel, first she was for Hillary, then Obama, then Gravel now back to Hillary.

She a multidimensional supporter and detractor of candidates and bad math.

response #64 by A-Schwarzenegger:

      It's no small feat to be so athletic a supporter.

GDP, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5299884

On a thread by wildbilln864:

      Operation Vigilant Shield!?
link:tinfoilhat:

response #4 by The Straight Story:

      Sounds like the name for a new tampon
:rofl:

response #7 by dicksteele:

      12 months from now, they'll roll out "Vigilant Shield ULTRA: New, with wings!"
Gawd bless Murka! :patriot:

GD, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3074674

On a thread by dweeb:

      Sadly, Free Republic lost another poster today.
"A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him..."

response #3 by TK421:

      UPDATE: Picnic table seeks damages on grounds of irreparable mental trauma

response #6 by laylah:

      Correction...
wouldn't that be irreparable METAL trauma? Just askin' :shrug: :rofl:

response #7 by FloridaJudy:

      And this is illegal why?
Assuming it was a consenting picnic table over the age of consent.

Any legal wonks know what the "age of consent" is for picnic tables in Ohio? I'll bet it's really young in Arkansas, though.

response #9 by kagehime:

      how in the hell did the dvd include what was going on the the bedroom?
and who the hell would tape something like that?

logic aside, i wounder how there wasn't some....uhm....shrinkage, shall we say, during the amorous encounter. i would think the table would be pretty cold

response #13 by Binka:

      Silly He Gave It A Blow Job To Warm It Up
Get your mind out of the gutter..... he used a BLOW dryer of course!

response #23 by MonkeyFunk:

      agreed
I don't see what's illegal about it.

Still, I wouldn't go to a cookout at his house.

response #33 by Oregonian:

      "No ranch dressing for me, thanks."
:scared:

response #39 by MrSlayer:

      So he interrupted the sex act in his bdroom to finish off with the table?
What was he fucking first? The alarm clock?

response #54 by GoneOffShore:

      I saw a guy hump a Buick
It was in South Philly and I was parking my car.

This guy was leaning over the hood of this Buick and I thought he was polishing it. Then I saw that he was just holding on to it and his butt was moving.

When I went past him I said, "You could have a least gone for a Cadillac."

added on edit

Brought a whole new meaning to auto eroticism.

response #61 by HamstersFromHell:

      Probably been banned for life from the Wal-Mart Garden Shop
:evilgrin:

response #63 by Peake:

      So this table isn't seeing anyone right now?

response #64 by Robeson:

      That must have been one hell of a table.

response #69 by Wetzelbill:

      What?! The chair wasn't looking hot enough for him?
That chair has had three kids and worked her ass off to get back in shape, dammit!!!

I think Bush just dropped another point in the polls.

response #83 by krispos42:

      I bet that would make an interesting 911 call
<ringing sound>

Operator: Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?

Caller: I, um, need some help.

Operator: Okay, sir, what's the problem.

Caller: I'm... <sigh> I'm stuck.

Operator: Where are you stuck, sir?

Caller: In my backyard.

Operator: In your backback yard, okay. What's your address, sir?

Caller: <gives address>

Operator: Got it. Now how are you stuck, sir?

Caller: Well, um, I'm sort of frozen to a picnic table.

Operator: Frozen to a picnic table?

Caller: Yeah. <pause> It's very cold out.

Operator: Okay, sure. How are you frozen to the table, sir?

Caller: Well, um... <pause>

Operator: Sir? Sir?

Caller: Yes?

Operator: How are you frozen to the table, sir?

Caller: <sigh> My penis is frozen to the table.

Operator: Sir, I can't year you. You'll have to speak up.

Caller: Um... damn.

Operator: Sir?

Caller: I said, my penis is frozen to the table!

Operator: <long pause> Really?

Caller: Yes, are you happy now? Yes. I didn't pull out in time, I came all over the place, and then it froze instantly because it's like one degree out!

Operator: <longer pause> I'm sending out a rescue unit now, sir.

Caller: Great, it's starting to change colors. Can they please hurry?

Operator: Oh, I'm sure they will, sir!

<covers microphone with her hand. Her voice can still be heard faintly>

Hey Gloria, Peter, Susan, check this out! I got a guy with his dick frozen to his picnic table!

<other operators break out laughing>

Yeah, he was having SEX with it and his jism froze!

<howls of laughter; operator removes her hand from the microphone>

The fire department's on their way, sir. Just hang tight.

Caller: <sourly> Thanks.

The Lounge, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7609556

On a thread by babsbunny:

      One hour, America. Earth Hour. Turn out for Earth Hour! What will you do when the lights are off?

response #26 by Forkboy:

      It'll be perfect for sex. I just hope someone else shows up.
:)

response #38 by QuestionAll:

      i guess i'll be watching tv by candlelight.

GD, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3074655

On a thread by Redstone:

      Well, I'm NOT sitting in the dark for any Earth Hour. So shoot me.

response #9 by greatauntoftriplets:

      I have a light on so I can find my way to the moderator hot tub.
Otherwise, I might fall in.

;)

response #31 by democracyindanger:

      Your brightly lit silhouette should make a nice target.
I'm on it.

response #39 by Pacifist Patriot:

      Aw crap, I forgot. I was watching "3 Days of the Condor"
Which by the way is mildly prophetic....just saying.

The Lounge, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7612571

On a thread by Popol Vuh:

      Police: Man Had Sex With Picnic Table
"Police said an Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act..."

response #4 by book_worm:

      Three DVD's!!??

response #12 by MonkeyFunk:

      and that's only the first season

response #103 by pepperbear:

      must be the director's cut. n/t

response #20 by Clear Blue Sky:

      I hope he brought the table some nice flowers first...

response #88 by undeterred:

      and that he called the next day...

response #23 by maseman:

      Be cautious if your friend says
"I'll bring the wieners to the picnic..."

response #42 by Old Crusoe:

      If the picnic table was 18 and over, the prosecution will be hard pressed to
get a conviction.

As transgressions go, this one is a bit odd but not in the league with assaulting a sovereign nation and killing its citizens for oil.

response #43 by MonkeyFunk:

      What're you?
Some kind of tablefucker-lover?

response #44 by Old Crusoe:

      Hey! JESUS counted among his disciples a couple picnic-table fuckers.
I think Paul references them somewhere in Corinthians.

To all -- the blessings of the Kingdom!

response #45 by MonkeyFunk:

      That's why it was the LAST Supper
"James, if you pork that table one more time, I swear, I'm gonna crucify myself."

response #48 by Cooley Hurd:

      This guy's on the table, yet impeachment is off of it?
:crazy:

response #56 by nashville_brook:

      it must've been naughty pine.

response #64 by frogcycle:

      now I understand what "lay the table" means...

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GD, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3076852

Poll question by DainBramaged:

      Dana Perino, bobblehead, partisan hack, or just plain dumbass
How does any person with a conscious (or half a brain) get up on front of the press corp every day and lie and propagandize thinking we are all stupid??

White House Press Briefing, March 24, 2008

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dtbx08a44Ic

:bluebox: Bobblehead

:bluebox: Partisan hack

:bluebox: Dumbass

response #11 by 90-percent:

      I picked
I picked bobblehead because I thought the other two choices were too complimentary to her limited skill set.

response #18 by Kurovski:

      Over-ambitious Sears catalog model with a love for lying.
Kidding. She's a dumbass.

At press time, "Dumbass" was winning with 74% of the votes.

GD, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3076891

On a thread by lame54:

      BUSH: "Have I really been so bad?"

response #6 by benld74:

      Does a bear SH*T in the woods?

response #14 by Uncle Joe:

      Not if it's last name is Stearns. n/t

response #42 by calimary:

      No kidding! In that case it shits all over wherever the hell it wants.

GD, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3078364

OP by WilliamPitt:

      President Barack H. Obama.
Just sayin'.

response #16 by unblock:

      not above playing to the cheap seats, i see!
just sayin'.

:hi:

response #17 by WilliamPitt:

      Fish, Barrel.
Boom.

;)

response #78 by jgraz:

      The day he wins the election, he should start going by B. Hussein Obama.
Just to make the Repigs' heads explode completely.

response #83 by WilliamPitt:

      Or change his name to Muhammad Ali
and grow a Malcolm X goatee.

And knock out George Foreman in Africa.

:)

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5306777

On a thread by TeamJordan23:

Rev. Wright gets standing ovation at Maya Angelou's bday celebration

response #4 by tabasco:

Rise! Reverend Wright! Rise! n/t

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5307096

On a thread by babylonsister:

      RNC deputy chairman demands apology from Dean
"A senior Republican Party official demanded that Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chairman Howard Dean apologize late Friday afternoon for calling Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) 'a blatant opportunist' who has 'cast aside his principles.'

Frank Donatelli, the deputy chairman of the Republican National Committee (RNC), sought to drive a wedge between Dean and Sens. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) and Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) over the comments.

'Howard Dean owes John McCain an immediate apology and both Senators Clinton and Obama should unequivocally denounce this disgraceful attack,' said Donatelli..."

response #10 by maseman:

      Don't pick on the old fucker
That's basically what the RNC is saying. WAAAAAA...you f-ing babies.

response #20 by NanceGreggs:

      I think Dean should apologize:
"I deeply regret the fact that Sen. John McCain is a blatant opportunist who has cast aside his principles. I only articulated what what I thought everyone already knew, and sincerely apologize for any shock I caused to those who were still ignorant of the obvious."

response #24 by Finnfan:

      I demand Dean apologize for not calling McCain "a giant fuckwad."
I am personally very offended that Dean did not take the opportunity to label McCain as "a senile bastard" or "Bush's skidmark."

response #30 by whutgives:

      I thought Donatelli was a Ninja turtle.

response #45 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Donatelli him a thing Howard!
:smoke:

GD, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3078771

On a thread by Bicoastal:

Who in the Democratic Party is currently "Dead to you," "Thrown under the bus," etc...

response #1 by Blue-Jay:

Why doesn't someone design a higher bus?
That way if you get thrown under it, it will roll right over you and leave you unscathed.

Or maybe a bus made out of Nerf® material...

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5307232

OP by Buzz Clik:

The red phone rings at 3 a.m. President Clinton fumbles for the bedside lamp:
(The red phone rings. A light comes on in the White House.)

HILLARY: Hello?

BILL (whispering): Hillary, you've gotta let me in.

HILLARY: Who is this?

BILL (whispering): It's Bill! Look I'm trying to keep away from the Secret Service surveillance cameras and ...

HILLARY: Bill's not here.

(click)

(phone rings)

HILLARY: Hello.

BILL(whispering louder): Hillary, let me in! Look, the Secret Service is still pissed off about last week. You've gotta let me in!

HILLARY: Who is this?

BILL: It's Bill!

HILLARY: Bill?

BILL: Yeah, Bill!

HILLARY: Bill's not here.

(click)

(the red phone rings)

HILLARY: Hello?

BILL (still whispering, but desperate and frustrated): Hillary. Go over and let me in!

HILLARY: Hmmmf? Whuh?

BILL: Let me in!

HILLARY: Who is this?

BILL: It's Bill! Look, I've got about 30 seconds before that big fucker with the Uzi shows up ....

HILLARY: Bill? Bill's not here...

BILL (shouting): No, God damn it! I'm Bill!

(An alarm sounds. The White House grounds are lit up with bright lights. Dogs start barking)

(click)

(the bedroom light goes out)

HILLARY (chuckling): Bill's not here.

=================
my apologies to Cheech and Chong

response #7 by yibbehobba:

I wrote this a while back...
A theoretical 3AM exchange between President (shudder) John McCain and Secretery of Defense (double-shudder) Joe Lieberman. Edited slightly from the original...

The phone rings at 3:00AM in the White House...

John McCain: Uhh... huh? I didn't order a pizza.

Secretery of Defense Joe Lieberman: No Pizza, sir. It's me, Joe. We have a situation.

JM: Anchovies, Joe? No, I hate goddamn anchovies.

JL: Sir, it's me! We have a situation.

JM: Situation?!? Hot damn! Hold on Joe, let me find my Bombing Cap.

JL: Your what?

JM: Bombing Cap! You know how some people have a thinking cap? Cindy! Where's my bombing cap?

Cindy McCain: On the nightstand, by my Xanax. Same place as always.

JL: Sir, I haven't even told you what this is about yet.

JM: Got my bombing cap on now, Joe. Who we gonna bomb today?

JL: Sir, we don't need to bomb anybody. There's been an uprising in the capital of Myanmar, and...

JM: Myanwhat now?

JL: Myanmar. It used to be Burma.

JM: Like the shaving gel?

JL: No, sir. The Myanmarese are claiming that rebels...

JM: Myanmarese? Sure that's what they're called? Not Myanmartians, or Myanaise?

JL: Sir, can we please stick to the topic? This is an important...

JM: Gooks? Can we call them gooks?

JL: ...situation and we need to have an apropriate response.

JM: RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!

JL: Come again, sir?

JM: It's called getting yourself PSYCHED FOR BATTLE, Lieberman! Try it with me! RRRRRRARRRRRRRR...

JL: Um... Rarrrrrrrr...

JM: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!

JL: Arrrrrrrgh.

JM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!

JM: Sir, could we get back to the Myanmar situation?

JM: Those Myanmartians! I've never forgiven them for the death of my son! RRARRRRRRRRGH! AAAARRRRH!

JL: Sir, I think you're getting them confused with the Klingons in Star Trek III.

JM: WE'LL BOMB THEM TOO! RARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

JL: The Klingons? Sir we can't bomb...

JM: Joe, I didn't make you my SecDef so you could go around NOT BOMBING PEOPLE.

JL: ...fictional characters.

JM: Well then can we bomb William Shatner's house?

JL: Certainly sir.

JM: Make it so, number one.

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5308324

On a thread by bluestateguy:

      Some shrill old bag was just whining about stopping abortion at the Obama rally
Nagging him during Q&A about what he's going to do to "stop all of these abortions".

response #8 by Pool Hall Ace:

      There are abortions going on at the Obama rally?
Since abortion is still legal, why should he stop them?

response #11 by cliffordu:

      Yea, I actually did a couple myself
It's easier than disenfranchising voters, but it's more time consuming.

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5307695

OP by RetroLounge:

      To Paraphrase Mohandas Gandhi
I like your Obama, I do not like your Obama-Supporters. Your Obama-Supporters are so unlike your Obama.

Not all, but most of those that are here.

That is all.

:hi:

response #1 by shain from kane:

      Didn't he own a service station in St. Louis?

response #9 by GoPsUx:

      I like your Pie, I do not like your Bakery.
:hide: :rofl:

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5306253

OP by blogslut:

      *****OFFICIAL SANCTUARY THREAD*****
The Purpose of This Thread:

Have you read yet another inflammatory post by either a Clinton or Obama supporter? Are you fighting an urge to flame away at the originator of that post? Fight that urge in here.

This is not a thread for argument, accusation or spew. This is your official SANCTUARY thread. Instead of hitting the reply button in a thread that's got you mad, come here and simply post this word:

SANCTUARY

That's all. No judgment. No hate. No partisan words. Just SANCTUARY.

Resist the temptation to join in the flame wars and pile ons.

Come in here. In here is SANCTUARY.

response #7 by Crunchy Frog:

      Hello, is this the right room for an argument?
:hide:

response #43 by grantcart:

      do you guys perform marriages in this sanctuary?

response #44 by blogslut:

      Anything's possible
I am a Reverend in of the Church of the Subgenius. We perform short duration marriage ceremonies:

http://www.subgenius.com/marriage.html

response #50 by cornermouse:

      Sanctuary
as I beat a pillow to death.

response #70 by cat_girl25:

      And a blogslut shall lead us....
;-)

response #72 by blogslut:

      Ironic, isn't it?
:hi:

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5308115

OP by nomad1776 :

THIS BOARD REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM
Everyone here gets enough exercise:

1) Jumping to conclusions.
2) Flying off the handle.
3) Carrying things too far.
4) Dodging responsibilities and
5) Pushing their luck.

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5316055

OP by panader0:

      I was ambushed by James Carville on the way to Wal-Mart
to buy some liberal latte. Pastorgate Wright snipergated him and i was able to get away. But, I was jumped by a shark and thrown under the bus. I am so dead to me now.

response #6 by Gidney N Cloyd:

      You can go to places other than Wal-Mart to get ambushed by Carville. Try a resale shop.
You'll find his soul for sale there on consignment.
:)

response #7 by grantcart:

      we need cleanup in the parking lot

response #8 by Ichingcarpenter:

      Where you even able to get off the Tarmac?

response #9 by TahitiNut:

      Where, oh where, to buy a union-made Tonya Harding baseball bat, then?
:dunce:

response #11 by bleever:

      Nice post, Judas.
:rofl:

unnumbered response by tridim:

      These days 30 pieces of silver doesn't buy much Chinese crap, even at Walmart.

response #26 by sfexpat2000:

      'Way to play the dead card.
:rofl:

response #29 by Ichingcarpenter:

      Dead People are now Dead to me now
:rofl:

response #53 by BeyondGeography:

      Your Prius was capable of a corkscrew landing
Remember that the next time you're under attack.

response #55 by Swamp Rat:

      I can't think of anything funny to say.
I suck. :(

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5317597

OP by cliffordu:

      This just in on CNN!!!!!
Obama pandering to CATTLE on some farm, feeding calves with bottles of milk, petting bessie......

:rofl:

response #1 by EmilyAnne:

      What a flip flopper!
I though he was only pandering to sheeple!

response #22 by BerryBush:

      More like a cow-flopper.
Maybe he wants to tip the cows in his favor.

COW-TIPPER!!!! :grr:

response #2 by donheld:

      Stop with the cow baiting
:D

response #3 by ossman:

      any sniper fire? Then shut it.

response #5 by DJ13:

      any sniper fire?
Hell yes, there's hamburger everywhere!

response #15 by DearAbby:

      I found it quite MOOooving
and MOOst delightful. :D

response #17 by EmperorHasNoClothes:

      What incredible bullshit!
:hide:

response #19 by bilgewaterbill:

      Why is it always about cattle? Hello? Chickens?

response #20 by WillyT:

      I Herd That Too... Udderly Ridiculous..

response #21 by globalvillage:

      He's cowtowing to big dairy. n/t

response #24 by azmouse:

      It's now Pasture-gate!!
The horror, the horror!

response #26 by TheDonkey:

      I heard the welcoming party was cancelled at the butter churning station.
due to mad cows.

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5318994

OP by Orrex:

      Whom do you suppose Skinner has on Ignore?
Other than madinmaryland, Temeah, and DuStrange, of course?

response #1 by Lil Missy:

      I'd bet there is no one on his Ignore list, if you know what I mean. n/t

response #8 by Orrex:

      Yikes!
:scared:

The Lounge, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7613350

OP by unblock:

omg!!!!11!!! obama said something!!!11!! this is hugh!!!11!!
ok it wasn't actually obama himself, but there was only several degrees of separation and we all know obama is 100% responsible for anything said within 3 degress of separation!

i can't believe what that finance committee member's landlord's pastor said!
he just HAD to point out that hillary was once "first lady"!!!

get that? "LADY"?? is it possible for a MALE to be a LADY? MUST he point out her gender at every opportunity??

WHAT A MISOGYNIST!!!!!!!11111

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5321877

On a thread by splat:

      Obama bowled a 37 last night in Altoona

response #14 by tularetom:

      I never wanted to put my feet in them rented bowling shoes.
I've delivered lambs and calves but that was too disgusting for me.

unnumbered response by undeterred:

      That does it. I can't vote for anyone who bowls under 40.
I have standards. They're low, but I've got 'em.

response #32 by jgraz:

      BREAKING: Obama announces major speech on bad bowling for Tuesday, Apr 1st
Hillary Clinton comments on what good bowlers she and John McCain are.

response #93 by RUMMYisFROSTED:

      "We didn't break 40. Not this time."
Lauded as the greatest speech on bowling by a politician since Truman's famous "Hambone, Hambone Have You Heard?" speech.

Note: HAMBONE
Throwing four strikes in a row (Courtesy of PBA announcer Rob Stone). This is also known as a four-bagger.

response #46 by EmperorHasNoClothes:

      The real low point was when Obama tried to dribble the ball
then he went for a 3-pointer and took out half the snack bar.

response #47 by Ichingcarpenter:

      Bowl-gate the untold story that Obama doesn't want to talk about.
Is Obama's bowling an indication on how he could govern?

Would his economic policies be a gutter ball?

If he couldn't get the spare, how can he bring our allies together
to help solve the problems in the middle east?

Faux News asks this and more in an upcoming story and video.

response #81 by Prefer:

      What? He skipped Hollidaysburg?
Wasn't it disco night at the roller rink?

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5323567

On a thread by KoKo01:

      Question: How did Obama live on $12,000 a year for 3 years as Chicago Activist?

response #12 by MannyGoldstein:

      Rezko
He and Rezko were shaking down third-graders for milk money, and selling illegal arms to Canada.

response #67 by EmilyAnne:

      He sold mix tapes featuring the work of Shooby Taylor, the Harmonicats and the Ink Spots.
Technically, it was illegal. But, you know, it was the mid 80s. He couldn't afford all those mountains of cocaine on 12,000 year.

response #145 by blogslut:

      Amway

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5319669

On a thread by HawkeyeX:

      This is very interesting - Obama's debt is less than a million, Hillary's more than 5 million

response #1 by Sensitivity:

      Obama need to learn how to take advantage of people. It comes with EXPERIENCE

response #6 by napoleon_in_rags:

      Well hey, look at it this way....
Given our current debts and deficits, Hillary might just be the more "American" candidate! ;)

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5322736

On a thread by unapatriciated:

      This really is "stinking" drunk
"William M. Bowen woke up after a night of drinking with friends and realized he was inside a commercial trash-collection truck full of waste.

The driver had just emptied a commercial trash bin into his truck and was about to activate its compactor when he heard Bowen screaming..."

response #1 by Blue-Jay:

      I call that "Saturday".

response #3 by unapatriciated:

      last time I had a "Saturday"...
I woke up in Palm Springs. Since I lived in LA it was a long way home.

response #6 by krispos42:

      Darwin swings and a miss n/t

The Lounge, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7613496

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Bush library loses web address to cybersquatter.»
"... while the Bush library has found a physical home at Southern Methodist University, it is having difficulty finding an online home. 'Some of the very best addresses are gone — snapped up for a mere fistful of dollars by squatters who have no connection to the library yet hope to make fun of the president, protect him or simply cash in on his name.' The Bush Foundation has itself to blame for losing one prominent url:

At one time, the Bush Library Foundation owned the easiest Web site to remember: www.GeorgeWBushLibrary.com .

But whether on purpose or because of an oversight — foundation spokesman Taylor Griffin wasn’t sure — it lost that domain name last year. Illuminati Karate, a Web company in Raleigh, N.C., picked it up for less than $10. <…>

'We’re just holding onto it for the time being,' said lead Web developer George Huger. 'To be honest, I couldn’t believe someone was letting it expire...'"

response #1 by tekisui:

      Luckily, warcrimeslibrary.com is still available.

response #2 by PetrusMonsFormicarum:

      Last time I checked
MyPetGoat.com was still available.

response #7 by LiberalFighter:

      theidiotpresident.com is available

GD, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3086495

On a thread by DemocratInSoCal:

      By The Way...A 62 Year Old American Airline Just Went Bye Bye
Aloha Airlines announced today that it's their last day of operation, and all flights are immediately cancelled.

But remember folks, these things tend to happen, and is no indication that the U.S. economy is in any sort of trouble.

response #1 by trof:

      Aloha, Aloha.
:-(

response #3 by rucky:

      They've been saying goodbye the whole time. n/t

response #6 by jazzjunkysue:

      Rickshaw Airways: We pedal, so you don't have to.
I feel better, already.

GD, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3086822

OP by impeachdubya:

      Manufactured Outrage!!!!!!!!
Don't tell me we don't make anything here in the good ol' USA, anymore! :patriot:

response #7 by Ichingcarpenter:

      We need to call Senator Dr. Bill Frist
to diagnose this forum from Congress

response #16 by C_U_L8R:

      I demand that EVERYONE apologize !!!!

response #17 by Debi:

      MIKE GRAVEL IS A LIBERTARIAN!!
Oh, wait....that's not made up x(

response #34 by Warren Stupidity:

      Obama Girl Punishes Babies With Airlifts of Dead Kennedys.
Film at 11.

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5330881

OP by walldude:

      Our sinister plot is working..
We already have the racist vote, and the sexist vote, and the messiah/cult vote. Now we have the anti-baby vote. Stole it right out from under the Clintons. Muhahahahahaha!

Now, we can't sit back on out laurels, there is still the pedophile vote, the serial killer vote, the school shooter vote, the "talking on the phone while driving" vote, and the "15 items in the 10 item line" vote. These forgotten segments of the electorate are important and Obama must work hard to get these people in his camp. After all, there is no way Obama can beat McCain without the "I hate my baby" vote.

Meanwhile, the battle rages on for the "I have a giant bug up my ass" vote.

response #3 by JVS:

      Gentlemen, to evil!
:toast:

response #12 by Erin Elizabeth:

      What about the
"I just like to have a burger and a beer of a Friday night and be left alone with my CSI" camp?

Very important voting bloc. Millions of people.

Also, foot fetishists. They're sick of being ignored. From what I understand.

response #27 by sniffa:

      And the single non-punished mom vote
:woohoo:

response #30 by Neshanic:

      Toddlers. You missed toddlers. They have issues.

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5334736

On a thread by marmar:

      Lieberman Is Officially the New Zell Miller
"Speaking on ABC’s 'This Week,' Lieberman, Independent of Connecticut, said it is not the same party that made him its vice presidential candidate in 2000.

'It’s not the Bill Clinton-Al Gore party, which was strong internationalists, strong on defense, pro-trade, pro-reform in our domestic government,' he said. 'It’s been effectively taken over by a small group on the left of the party that is protectionist, isolationist, and very, very hyperpartisan. So it pains me...'"

response #1 by Trajan:

      And just in time too ...
The old Zell Miller was getting stale ...

response #14 by downstairsparts:

      I don't share your "pain" Joe.
I'm not willing to pay your price to assure your insane concept of liberty. You can clutch hysterically onto your fascist Patriot Act, hump Bush like McCain did all you want for all I care, if that is your proof of your liberty. But whose liberty can your mad mind be referring to? Liberty for whom? Your concept of liberty is not mine, and it is not the Democratic Party's, and never was.

Joe Lieberman your concept of liberty is for crazy crazy crazy vicious old coots like you and McCheney. You are a danger to society and if you weren't so powerful and harmful, you'd be a laughingstock.

Now that he's a pariah, he puts down the Democratic party like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard putting down Paramount. "I AM big, it's the pictures that got small!"

GD, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3087291

OP by Bluebear:

I asked my partner if Gore might be a good compromise candidate.
He turned over in bed, recited the Gettysburg Address AND the Atticus Finch soliloquy to the jury, said "whatever makes you happy" and went back to sleep. :)

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5333705

OP by mckeown1128:

      Clinton encyclopedia 2008!!!!
Politicians
John Kerry = Has been
Ted Kennedy = Senile has been
Bill Richardson = Judas who has stabbed Christ our saviour in the back
Chris Dodd = Opportunist
John McCain = Moderate who championed global warming, is Bi-partisan and more patriotic than Obama
Howard Dean = Corrupt DNC leader with goal of disenfranchising FL and MI
Nancy Pelosi = Corrupt House leader who wants to pressure SD's to back the popular vote

Media
Keith Olbermann = Sports anchor that used to be right...but now is wrong
Progressive radio(Schultz, Miller, Rodes) = Progressive Elitists
Taylor Marsh = The Only true progressive in the media
Daily Kos = A site dominated by Faux Democrats and Freepers
DU = A site so vicious that Clinton supporters are forced to post on a different site in forum titled "DUmp"
Newsmax = A rightwing site that occasionally posts some true articles criticizing Obama
Fox News = The only fair and balanced news channel
CNN, MSNBC, CBS, NYT = Incredibly biased channels for Obama

Democratic Nominating Process
DNC Rules (Not counting FL and MI votes) = Is undemocratic and should be broken
DNC Rules (SDs overturning the primary votes) = Is undemocratic but the rules MUST be followed
Small states = Don't count because they are fly over country (Exception: RI)
Caucus states = Undemocratic since they are inconvenient for voters (Exception: NV)
Southern states = Don't count since they have many black voters and a candidate is black (Exception: AR & TN)
Red States = Don't count because they WILL NOT be won in the GE (Exception: AZ, OK, & TN)
Blue States = MUST be won in the primary or else they WILL be lost in the GE *(See note)
*The following Blue states can be lost in the Primary WA, CT, DE, VT, ME, MN, HI, MD, WI

The nominee
Nominee = Candidate with the most Pledged Delegates (Discontinued as of Feb. 5th)
Nominee = Candidate with the most Overall Delegates (Discontinued as of Feb. 9th)
Nominee = Candidate with the most Primary Delegates (Discontinued as of Feb. 12th)
Nominee = Candidate with the most Blue State Delegates (Discontinued as of Feb. 19th)
Nominee = Candidate with the most Popular Vote (Discontinued as of Mar. 4th)
Nominee = Candidate with the most Electoral Votes (In effect until May 6th)

Policies
Clusterbomb use on civilians = OK, because it protects the troops
Sex Education = OK, because teen pregnancy is a blessing
IWR = OK, because not reading the NIE and trusting the Bush Administration is reason enough
Don't ask don't tell (90's) = OK, because it is a necessary stepping stone
Don't ask don't tell (2008) = Not OK, because it tramples civil rights
NAFTA (90's) = OK, because (Paraphrase) "it was a boon"
NAFTA (2008) = Bad, because it takes jobs away from Americans

Voters
Democratic Party Activists = Latte Liberals, elitists
Independents = Insignificant subgroup of voters, not important in the GE
Republicans = conspirators who should be banned from Dem. Primaries
Republicans (Updated since Mar. 4th) = Inspired voters who should be allowed in Dem. Primaries
Young Voters = Pimpled face idiots who vote for president based on American Idol standards
Black Voters = Racists who will only vote based on skin color
College Educated Voters = Elitists who are misguided idealists
Reagan Democrats = Valuable, respected, and loyal democratic voters
Non-college Educated Voters = Real American's and realists not burdened by nonsense taught in college
White Older Uneducated Women Voters = The wisest of the voters, not biased, true democrats

If anyone has any suggestions please let me know... I plan on updating the list as time goes by. For example {as of June 3rd the nominee should be the candidate who has been married to a former president for a longer period of time}

response #4 by wileedog:

      Sniper = 8 year old with a poem

response #7 by thecatburgler:

      You forgot health care
The uninsured = Young and extremely healthy deadbeats with an abundance of disposable income. Need to be demonized and turned into criminals.

Universal Health Care = Garnishing the paychecks of wage slaves for a massive boondoggle to the insurance industry.

response #29 by dmsRoar:

      goalposts: movable objects without measurement value

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5336405

OP by HawkeyeX:

WTF - Driver's Licenses on the Internet now?!
This is upsetting but I thought I should pass it along. Check your drivers license. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was..

.. picture and all!! Thanks Homeland Security! Where are our rights?

I definitely removed mine. I suggest you do the same. . .

Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked 'Please Remove'. This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement.

http://tinyurl.com/6p6no

Sorry - the link was SO messed up, I had to TinyURL it to make it work.

GD, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3092873

OP by jgraz:

Latest numbers "very encouraging" for Hillary
Apr 1st, 2008

Clinton campaign buoyed by new numbers

RALEIGH, SC -- The Clinton campaign today cited new numbers for pledged delegate and popular vote counts that they believe will have a significant impact on the race for the Democratic nomination.

"We're very encouraged by the new numbers we're seeing," said Clinton chief strategist and pollster Mark Penn. "Especially promising are threeve and sixen, but elevion, hundrety and twillion have some real potential for helping us win the popular vote."

"The finance committee has been using numbers like this for months and they're very happy with the results," said Penn. Penn, whose salary is reported to be florpteen kajillion dollars a month, dismissed more "traditional" numbers as having a strong anti-Clinton bias.

Penn said that many of the new numbers will only function in large primary states (excluding Illinois, Virginia or Texas) while others are specifically tailored for counting angry white women over 60.

Experts agree that this is a natural extension for the Clintons, who are already considered pioneers in the area of political parsing and word redefinition.

"What Bill did for the word 'is', Hillary is doing for 'more' and 'less' and 'zero chance whatsoever'," said Penn, pointing to a new tracking poll in which Senator Clinton was leading boogeda-boogeda-boogeda to SCREEEEEE.

And don't miss the photo caption!

GDP, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5343315

OP by Skinner:

Since we only get three threads per day in GDP, I want to help you save your threads.
Everyone who is planning to post an "I'm switching to Hillary Clinton" April Fool's thread can post a reply here, instead of starting a new thread.

The rest of us will then reply to you and pretend like we fell for it.

You save one of your precious GDP threads. It's our gift to you. Who says DU never gave you anything?

GDP, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5341011

OP by JVS:

      Clinton's campaign does not remind me of Rocky. It reminds me of Spinal Tap
A tour that starts big but descends through failure after failure.

Overblown sense of importance and entitlement.

Frequent stupid utterances.

A spouse who meddles to the detriment of the group/ campaign.

Staff changes.

Money problems.

It's obvious that Hillary has been trying to use the kitchen sink to take things to 11, but it's just not working.

response #3 by ocelot:

      Is this the end?
Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you.

response #42 by Perry Logan:

      At last, a literary thread.

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GDP, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5345864

OP by KansasVoter:

MUST READ!!!: Memo Leaked From the DNC about Denver Agenda
This memo was leaked to a friend of mine who had a friend who works at the DNC. It is the preliminary agenda for the convention in Denver. I have just listed the agenda for the day when the super delegates will vote. Please do not share outside this forum!!! Howard Dean’s comments are in parentheses with his initials. (HD-Example)

1:00pm – Opening speech by Howard Dean

1:30pm – Senator Obama addresses the Super Delegates about why he should receive their vote. His bullet points are as follows: (sent by the Obama camp)

• Why I am qualified to receive your votes and why I can win the general Election

2:00pm - Senator Clinton addresses the Super Delegates about why she should receive their vote. Her bullet points are as follows: (sent by the Clinton camp, Hillary has also requested 4 hours for her comments???, she also had many cuss words that I removed and I denied her request to have Bill and her both address the Super Delegates in song)

• Why I was owed this nomination and the price you will pay if I don’t get it!!
• How the caucuses were not fair to my campaign! Primaries were the only fair way to count votes.
• How large states should only be counted in the delegate count and the 40 small states were not represented fairly by my supporters.

• How the Electoral College should be used to pick the nominee.
• How older white women should have been used to pick the nominee.
• I can make your life a living hell when we get back to congress (HD-???)
• How the black vote exceeded the normal usual percent of black turnout and should not be counted for Obama, because, if you did not know, he is a black man. Someone who some whites will not vote for. (HD-Is she drunk???)

• How Florida and Michigan, even if I add in their totals, do not give me the lead, should be counted TWICE because they were left out so long that the delegates from those states grew INTEREST so there are actually more delegates available from those two states. (HD-researching delegate interest)

• How myself, a West Point graduate, can get us out of the war in Iraq!
• Since Obama “the black man” raised more money, I propose that his delegate count be reduced by the percent of money he had over the amount I had. This would be fair because an election should not be based on money.

• We should not count states that were won by more than 20 percent since it is statistically hard to win by more than 20 percent and that just does not seem right.

• How I can do things to your political future that would make you cry like a little girl. (HD – I am not sure this is even legal)
• People of a certain race tend to vote for their same race.
• FYI, 80% of the country is White people like me.
• I ran the country 80% of the time while Bill was president and actually campaigned disguised as him during the 1996 election.
• Obama should receive a “really good speaker’ penalty. This would be fair since I am a little dry when speaking and an election should not be based on personality.

• Do you know who the hell I am? I am Hillary Clinton for god’s sake. Hillary Clinton!!! Do you understand what I am telling you? I can and will crush you like an ant! (HD-can we even allow this??)

• My campaign was not prepared to campaign after Super Tuesday, and my threats to Obama were ignored about quitting after Super Tuesday, so we should only count 50% of the votes after Super Tuesday. (HD-for the love of god she is insane)

5:30 – Super Delegates Vote for Obama

6:30 – Hillary runs around screaming at people for 30 minutes.

7:00 – Hillary and Bill are removed by DNC security.

GDP, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5347724

On a thread by BigBearJohn:

      Caught my nephew smoking a joint on the side of the garage with a buddy. He used Obama as a defense.

response #7 by taterguy:

      I caught my niece voting to authorize a senseless war
How should I handle that?

response #9 by JVS:

      Spanking!

response #13 by taterguy:

      She's 20 years old
Who would want to spank a 20 year old woman?

response #15 by JVS:

      I'm prepared to make that sacrifice!

response #137 by swampg8r:

      yes i agree
spanking is in order here
i would be glad to meet the sacrifice of this needed spanking
no no its okay
i can handle having to put myself out there for the good of us all

response #202 by JVS:

      Your self sacrifice reminds me of Jesus.

response #224 by swampg8r:

      not so much jesus
as his second cousin chaime from damascus

response #71 by LibFromWV:

      yes and my nephew voted to keep funding it. He said if Obama did it
it must be way cool. What in the world do i tell the children?

response #34 by Mass:

      Tell him Bush did too. It will look a lot less cool to him after that.

response #52 by marshall:

      But did he inhale?
It's a whole new world.

response #53 by Vinca:

      On the "up" side, at least the nephew is aware of politics.
Much ado about nothing. I'm going to blame my excess weight on Sara Lee.

response #90 by FredScuttle:

      Caught my nephew claiming multiple times that he came under sniper fire in Bosnia

response #127 by dmsRoar:

      with that kind of honesty he'll never be able to work in the Clinton camp

response #171 by sfexpat2000:

      Elvis should have been able to help you out. n/t

Other great responses. This also spawned 2 locked copycat threads:
Caught my nephew dropping bombs on peasants, he blames McCain...
and
Caught my nephew eating dinner at 4 in the afternoon, he blames John McCain

GDP, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5350956

On a thread by elocs:

      How am I able to surf the web since my computer is not connected to the internet?
I am on dialup and it is very slow. I have one phone line, so when my phone is on (I have a dial tone) I am not connected to the internet. My phone is on right now as I type this.

I first noticed this at DU this morning when I played a video on uTube. Usually it takes 40 seconds to load 3 seconds of video, so it is pretty much useless, but today it loaded very quickly for dialup. I also watched some video from a local tv station and it surprisingly loaded fast. I had no idea what was going on, but my big surprise was when I went to disconnect from the internet and found that I was already disconnected. I checked and my phone had a dial tone...

response #7 by DadOf2LittleAngels:

      Internet Gnomes
1) Sneak in and give elocs high speed
2) Get him to DU
3) ?
4) Profit

response #8 by mainegreen:

      Internet gnomes are manually carrying the packets back and forth to your computer
and the lines outside your house.

response #9 by A-Schwarzenegger:

      What kind of string are you using?

response #10 by NoGOPZone:

      It's amazing what Agent Mike can do, isn't it? nt

response #11 by impeachdubya:

      You're not.
We're not really here. This is a dream, it's all taking place inside your head.

Here, I'll prove it to you- you're wearing white socks.

See?

response #12 by cat_girl25:

      Thank Barack Obama for that.
The audacity of hope!!

response #15 by BlueJazz:

      Note to Mr. Smith. Damnit....If you can't run the Matrix like a pro then maybe...
...it's time for a change.
This "elocs" incident can be very damaging to our system.
Pull..The.. Plug..NOW!

response #17 by SoCalDem:

      Jesus loves you n/t

response #21 by Nederland:

      It's called FM technology
"Fucking Magic"

response #22 by The Straight Story:

      You are actually insane, and this thread only exists in your head - same with your computer
There is no DU either.

Now, take more shrooms and you will be in GDP....

:rofl:

Sorry, elocs! It was PMed to me and I had to use it.

GD, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3095918

OP by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      Mercer supporters! Don't you see what you're doing?!
You're doing all three -- that's what you're doing...

Oh, hell. Somebody had to do it.

response #1 by JoeIsOneOfUs:

      remember when the nuttiest stuff on here was the Mercer threads? not anymore...

response #3 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      Ahhhh....Good times.
Good times.

http://www.mercerforpresident2008.com/

response #9 by FLDem5:

      Lee Mercer's supporters made me cry
and now my extended family of 28 refuses to vote for him. He better watch it, because there are lots of stories like mine out there.

response #14 by dionysus:

      this thread is dead to me

response #18 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      Kick
I don't just do this for myself. I do it on behalf of Attention Whores the world over.

Thank you.

GDP, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5354266

On a thread by sabra:

      Bush ends news conference a bit early (Romanian President says not so fast)
"...President Bush apparently thought so when he ended a news conference Wednesday with his host, Romanian President Traian Basescu.

'Thank you. Thank you very much,' Bush told reporters, a code phrase that means, 'That's it, folks.'

Typically, as a matter of courtesy and protocol, the host decides when such an event is over. But Bush has been known to ignore that practice.

Then there was Wednesday's abrupt moment in Romania, when Bush figured the question-and-answer session was done. He strolled over to Basescu and asked if he was ready to take a walk by the water.

'Just a moment,'Basescu interjected politely. Oh. 'He's not through,' Bush observed. Bush headed back to his podium, on the beach of the Black Sea at Basescu's picturesque retreat."

The Romanian president took a few moments to comment about an important issue in his country, the availability of visas for people to visit the U.S.

Then — finished for real this time — the two leaders took their stroll by the water."

response #1 by magellan:

      He's finished so it must be over
I feel a twinge of sympathy for Pickles.

response #3 by sabra:

      so when do we invade Romania?
:eyes:

response #20 by GreatCaesarsGhost:

      Then - finished for real this time - the two leaders took their stroll by the water.
Basescu wanted to see if a lame duck could swim.

And see below for two Special Visual Achievements award from this thread.

LBN, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3253021

On a thread by Hissyspit:

Larisa Alexandrovna: Rove Caught In His Own Worst Nightmare...

response #4 by dicksteele:

Rove was never particularly clever. That's a myth; the FACTS do not back it up.
Most of his "Machiavellian schemes" have been second-rate
variations on scams that others invented long ago.

His only real "genius" is that he's always been able to
pull something even more blatantly dishonest than anyone
had expected- just when folks think he can't go any LOWER,
he finds an abandoned sub-basement with a WELL in it.

GD, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3096096

On a thread by sfam:

"12% of voters who don't like Obama say its because they think he's a Muslim"

response #2 by Starbucks Anarchist:

12% of voters use paint thinner as a chaser.

GDP, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5366253

Poll question by Plaid Adder:

      What Will You Do After The Primary Race Is Over?
I'm just trying to assess whether the, I dunno, mutual viciousness you see on the Clinton/Obama threads is temporary or permanent...so what do you plan to do after we have an honest to God nominee?

:bluebox: Campaign for him/her till my last dollar is spent and I am prostrate with exhaustion

:bluebox: Gloat over my fallen enemies or plot my dire revenge against my victorious enemies, whichever is appropriate

:bluebox: Bitch all over the internet about how the nominee is a lying sack who has betrayed the principles of our great party, then vote for Jesse Ventura

:bluebox: Get everyone in a big Clinton/Obama circle and hug while leading a chorus of "Kum Ba Ya"

:bluebox: Sleep for a week

:bluebox: Free up some space on my "ignore" list

:bluebox: Other (specify)

response #3 by hnmnf:

      Get incredibly drunk?

response #20 by Kurovski:

      Just one little change...
I voted #1, but I'm already starting from a base of exhaustion.

And what does my prostate have to do with all this?

At press time, "Campaign for him/her till my last dollar is spent and I am prostrate with exhaustion" was winning with 42% of the votes.

GDP, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5367104

On a thread by oregonjen:

      Ashcroft booed for calling Obama "Osama"

response #1 by whistle:

      John Ashcroft is a complete waste of oxygen
:wtf:

response #14 by elocs:

      Yes, he makes you understand why some animals eat their young. Pity. n/t

response #3 by DarienComp:

      He should have immediately launched into a rousing rendition of "Let the Eagle Soar"

response #8 by izquierdista:

      Left the Eagle Sore
is a better title after the way they fucked over the Justice Department.

GDP, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5372197

On a thread by undeterred:

What do you dislike most about Republicans?

response #1 by Solly Mack:

the inhaling and exhaling
Why must they do that?

Why?

I jest...somewhat

GD, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3099239

On a thread by KansasVoter:

Wow, Clinton will not release her March Fundraising numbers until LEGAL deadline, 4/20!

response #6 by meow mix:

hoping everyone will be too high to read?
:shrug:

GDP, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5366844

On a thread by Thankfully_in_Britain:

James Bond gets new villain as Chilean mayor drives at Daniel Craig
"The mayor of a remote Chilean town has become the latest Bond villain after driving a vehicle at the cast on the set of the new 007 film.

Carlos Lopez made his unscripted appearance on the set of Quantum of Solace in a small saloon car, which he reportedly drove between Daniel Craig, the James Bond star, and the cameras before braking. Mr Lopez was protesting over his small town, Baquedano, being used for the filming..."

response #1 by Forkboy:

The cast was reportedly shaken, not stirred.

LBN, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3253743

On a thread by lonestarnot:

      14,000 year old poop in a cave found.
"New evidence shows humans lived in North America more than 14,000 years ago, 1,000 years earlier than had previously been known.

Discovered in a cave in Oregon, fossil feces yielded DNA indicating these early residents were related to people living in Siberia and East Asia, according to a report in Thursday's online edition of the journal Science..."

response #1 by walldude:

      14,000 year old poop?
Man the fundies must be losing it.. Creationism, defeated by shit. :rofl:

response #32 by malaise:

      I can see the headline
Creationism flushed by shitty discovery. :D

response #2 by dbonds:

      No shit

response #23 by helderheid:

      tough shit!

GD, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3100535

On a thread by BushDespiser12:

      Hillary (Act IV): “I walked into my dorm room and took my book bag and hurled it across the room."

response #14 by A-Schwarzenegger:

      "Hillary's Bookbag Disputes 'Hurling' Claim."
Senator Hillary Clinton's college bookbag was located in a thrift shop in Tennessee today, and in an interview it said she did not hurl it across the room in 1968 or at any other time. "I was there," the bag said. "She didn't hurl me. I would know if she hurled me. In fact, she set me gently on the desk." The bag refused to say if it was supporting Senator Clinton's run for the Presidency. "I'm still making up my mind," said the bag.

response #31 by BushDespiser12:

      I always used the caber toss when I was upset.

GDP, April 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5389336

On a thread by Timefortruth:

Book bags 40 years ago

response #26 by hisownpetard:

They asked McCain what he used and he said he carried his stone tablet in a papyrus sack
lined with armadillo skin.

GDP, April 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5389686

On a thread by Wetzelbill:

Voting is just like driving a car....

response #1 by DadOf2LittleAngels:

And nobody in Florida seems to do it without problems ;)
Just Kidding..

GD, April 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3105207

On a thread by walldude:

When is the last time 81% of Americans agreed on anything?
81% of Americans believe America is on the wrong track. 81%. Yet there are still completely clueless morons here who are going to tell me Obama can't beat McCain or Hillary can't beat McCain.

81 fucking percent people. If we could just stop all this whiny bullshit we could smoke McCain like an old cigar...

response #1 by SoonerPride:

I think 81% of the nation hated Milli Vanilli.
And about that many watched the last episode of MASH.

GDP, April 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5389852

On a poll by FlyingSquirrel:

      What is needed to improve GDP?

response #24 by IsItJustMe:

      A person should not be allowed to kick their own bull shit back up to the front page.

response #69 by NoBushSpokenHere:

      kicking because I can :)

GDP, April 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5387488

More nyuks here:

Thread by otohara:

McCain to Campaign @ Burning Man

GD, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3094242

Thread by chat_noir:

George W Bush: from drunk to world leader (Stone biopic)

Editorials & Other Articles (moved from LBN), April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=103x350461

On a thread by sinkingfeeling:

      Have you guys seen the amazing self-potraits done by elephants?

response #13 by bryant69

      Yeah it's a pity there aren't any wild elephants running around the US the way their used to be

response #43 by Winterblues

      I want to be a grammer Nazi also.... did you mean there instead of their?
:silly:

response #53 by bryant69

      Actually I meant "Pomegranate" - my spelling is terrible today. n/t

GD, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3099271

OP by boppers:

      SOMETHING INFLAMMATORY!!!! Something contentious.
Long argument, which appears to use the strength of many, many, words, as a replacement for saying something in a concise or simple way. Long argument, which appears to use the strength of many, many, words, as a replacement for saying something in a concise or simple way. Long argument, which appears to use the strength of many, many, words, as a replacement for saying something in a concise or simple way. Long argument, which appears to use the strength of many, many, words, as a replacement for saying something in a concise or simple way. Long argument, which appears to use the strength of many, many, words, as a replacement for saying something in a concise or simple way?

APPEAL TO EMOTION?

APPEAL TO GENDER/RACE?

Accusation of reverse racism/sexism!!!

Disgust with how others are treating my position.

(Since most other folks seem to be wasting their three on mundane repetition, I thought I'd try it myself)

response #31 by americanstranger

      Inflammatory supporting post
by poster with suspiciously low post count.

response #37 by boppers

      Asks poster what they like on pizza.
Additional attempts at humor.

response #70 by bhikkhu

      Statement of absolute derision
clearly not one of us!

response #79 by bhikkhu

      Welcome to ignore, buddy!
wait - that's my own post...

response #137 by boppers

      Excessive quotation of many, many speeches.
Hundreds of lines of quotes.

Only original text is:
"See?"

response #148 by Hissyspit

      Announcement of discovery of tombstone in profile of OP.

response #165 by LiberalAndProud

      This thread is still here? Where are the mods?

response #171 by Hissyspit

      Requisite reminder of rules concerning mod 'calling out'
including accusation to obliviousness that it is 2 a.m. on Sunday night/Monday morning.

response #185 by LiberalAndProud

      Post above has been hastily deleted.
smiley blush

response #189 by LiberalAndProud

      popcorn emoticon

response #194 by mythyc

      alerts every single post on this thread
passes out, wakes up, sends angry letter of complaint to Skinner, zones out, writes note to self to never come back to DU ever again (today)

hugs the :argh: emoticon and promises to make up (but not to anyone on this thread)

response #195 by anonymous171

      Dismisses the entire article as biased shilling after reading only the first sentence.

response #197 by Baconfoot

      bizarre tie-in to unrelated non-scandal involving the candidate of preference of the OP NT

response #225 by Maddy McCall

      Reply that you are consumed by bovine excrement and are flying mammal insane!

response #260 by Warren Stupidity

      Alerted! Ignored! Striking! Sinking! Stinking! and Locked!

Much, much more.

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5324147

OP by A-Schwarzenegger:

      I'm disappointed at all of the disgust going on around here
& somewhat disgusted at part of the disappointment, even though a little of one or the other might be justified here and there, some of the time.

response #2 by SunsetDreams

      What's scary....
is I actually understood what you just said!!!! LMAO

response #14 by A-Schwarzenegger

      I'm disgusted with your understanding whatever I just said.
You've gone too far.

response #3 by dchill

      What about all the disgruntlement?
I'm frankly dismayed.

response #10 by A-Schwarzenegger

      I would prefer a little more of both gruntlement and may.
But that might just be meness.

response #19 by dchill

      I regard that sentiment with a considerable amount...
of dain.

response #27 by A-Schwarzenegger

      You have great dain?

response #32 by dchill

      I have fair-to-middling dain...
I'm just about traught.

response #7 by yibbehobba

      I reject, renounce, denounce, repudiate, and seek to nullify and karate-chop..
...your disgust and disappointment.

response #34 by rug

      I'm disappointed at my disgust in my disappointment.

Much, much more.

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5333914

On a locked thread:

      what Obama SHOULD have done while Bowling.

response #12 by SteppingRazor

      Locking
We spare no thread in striking GDP threads from GD, even if they're turkeys. :P

Thanks,
SteppingRazor.

P.S. If the puns didn't bowl you over, please forgive me.

GD, March 31, 2008

On a locked thread:

      Jeremiah Wright moving to new mansion in 93% white neighborhood

response #96 by wakemeupwhenitsover

      Locking.
The OP re-joined the cast of Six Feet Under.

Die zombie! Die!

best,
wakemeupwhenitsover

GDP, April 2, 2008

On a locked poll:

      do you pee in the shower?

response #6 by Call Me Wesley:

      Locking
And while you're having fun in the shower, look what happens on your desk, because of the 'urge:'

No bodily function threads, please. We try to keep DU clean and fresh smelling.

Thank you!

Call Me Wesley
DU Moderator

Here's a link to the locking, because the visual just kills.

The Lounge, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=7626134&mesg_id=7626354

OP by BlueStater:

      A rabbit and a monkey

response #1 by NanceGreggs

response #4 by havocmom

response #11 by Junkdrawer

GD, March 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3074594

On a thread by helderheid:

      Captions!

response #1 by shain from kane

response #2 by NV Whino

response #3 by krispos42

response #5 by jgraz

response #6 by JBoy

response #7 by applegrove

response #12 by TahitiNut

response #16 by MiniMe

response #17 by PA Democrat

response #19 by Brigid

response #22 by MilesColtrane

response #23 by unkachuck

response #25 by SoCalDem

response #26 by SalmonChantedEvening

GD, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3078724

On a thread by Popol Vuh:

      Police: Man Had Sex With Picnic Table

response #11 by eShirl

response #31 by EmperorHasNoClothes

response #117 by krispos42

response #52 by QuestionAll

response #120 by Sabriel

GD, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3076852

On a poll by RC:

      Hello, Anyone there?

response #2 by DJ13

responses #18 & #20 by Swamp Rat

GDP, March 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5311716

OP by Bicoastal:

      Why John Edwards' endorsement = DU's Great Pumpkin

GDP, March 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5323148

OP by Paint It Black:

      I'm confused about the latest CIA warning about Al-Qaeda "Western looking" terrorists

response #1 by Buzz Clik

response #2 by Paint It Black

response #3 by electron_blue

response #12 by Javaman

GD, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3084589

OP by Mooney:

      GD:P in pictures

response #1 by Buzz Clik

response #3 by bridgit

response #6 by Maddy McCall

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5334822

On a thread by walldude:

      Our sinister plot is working..

response #1 by Maddy McCall

GDP, March 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5334736

OP by maddiejoan:

      Flintstone '08

response #2 by ClassWarrior

response #6 by Debi

response #8 by Bonobo

response #13 by walldude

response #25 by ronnykmarshall

GDP, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5344574

OP by Bucky:

      The Worst of the Logobama Generator (dial up warning)

responses #9 & #10 by InsultComicDog

GDP, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5345928

On a thread by JVS:

      Clinton's campaign does not remind me of Rocky. It reminds me of Spinal Tap

response #32 by Swamp Rat

GDP, April 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5345864

OP by underpants:

      HEY! who pee'd on the CAPTION?

response #2 by sinkingfeeling

response #5 by lame54

response #16 by calimary

response #9 by krispos42

response #10 by leftofthedial

response #13 by Perry Logan

GD, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3093717

OP by DarienComp:

      Can't decide which disingenuous attack to throw at Obama today?

response #5 by mathewsleep

response #7 by DarienComp

response #21 by babylonsister

response #26 by salinen

GDP, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5361956

On a thread by sabra:

      Bush ends news conference a bit early (Romanian President says not so fast)

response #11 by DRoseDARs

response #23 by eppur_se_muova

LBN, April 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3253021

OP by yibbehobba:

      Photo from McCain fundraiser.

GDP, April 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5373277

OP by BuyingThyme:

      Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Please!

response #6 by Sparkly

response #7 by DearAbby

response #9 by sakabatou

GDP, April 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5387138

OP by LiberalAndProud:

      Look! Up in the sky!

response #1 by FlyingSquirrel

response #3 by Paint It Black

response #6 by tokenlib

response #11 by 2rth2pwr

response #12 by asSEENonTV

response #13 by ZombieHorde

response #14 by ResetButton

response #15 by chknltl

response #16 by Kristi1696

response #18 by grantcart

response #22 by Erin Elizabeth

GDP, April 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5377599