4fer: COLBERT's Shrub smackdown. Tommy Lee up, Bruce DOWN, Craig-the-Entertainer

[UTUSN]

Looks like Craig FERGUSON is taking the wuss route for the White House Correspondents Dinner. For comparison, the first item is Stephen COLBERT's absolutely fantastic and courageous riff.



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http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/stephencolbert/a/colbertbush.htm

Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Dinner

Transcript of Colbert's Presidential Smackdown
By Daniel Kurtzman, About.com

.... Most of all, I believe in this president. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias. So, Mr. President, please, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay. ....

I stand by this man. I stand by this man, because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things, things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world. ....

Over the last five years you people were so good, over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The President makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration? You know, fiction! ....

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http://www.nypost.com/seven/04092008/gossip/pagesix/pagesix_u.htm

Fence Foe

TOMMY Lee Jones, who hails from Texas, doesn't think a border fence can stop the tide of immigration. The Oscar-winning star tells the Harvard-themed mag 02138 that the fence going up along the Mexican border "bears all the credibility and seriousness of flying saucers from Mars or leprechauns. Or any manner of malicious, paranoid superstition. In other words, it's bull(bleep)." Anything else, Tommy? "It's a complete disaster. It's an act of fascist madness." Hookay!

Pork Protest

BRUCE Willis is not being warmly welcomed by the anarchists, Marxists and counter-culture riffraff of the Lower East Side now that he's opened the Bowery Wine Company on East First Street. "We want to show our opposition to right-wing Republicans opening yuppie wine bars in our neighborhood," activist John Penley told Page Six. Penley, who is organizing the August celebration of the 20th anniversary of the riots in Tompkins Square Park, said, "We're getting a pig and we're naming it Bruce." The whole, roasted pig from Chinatown will be served while folk singer David Peel serenades with his anthem, "Die Yuppie Scum!" ....

Cautious Comic

NEW American citizen Craig Ferguson is worried about headlining the White House Correspondents Dinner on April 26 - "probably the single most dangerous gig in show business," the Scot calls it. Ferguson tells Capitol File magazine he isn't going to proselytize. "It's a terrible arrogance to think I could influence them. When people say, 'Oh, you could really stick it to them,' I'm like, 'Do you think Dick Cheney's going to hear two gags from me and say, 'You know what? I've been wrong!' " Ferguson will co-host an after-party at the Newseum with Niche Media chief Jason Binn and actress Rosario Dawson, co-founder of Voto Latino.

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http://notexasborderwall.com/

[Ian David]

1. Craig Furgson is a fucking pussy. He should man-up and speak-out.

Otherwise, they may as well pull Rich Little out of mothballs again.