"I lied to you,", he says

[Yael]

continuing, "I'm married. Are you ok with that"?

No, I am not OK with that? :wtf

What kind of person even thinks that way -- and would think for even a nano-second that it is appropriate or even an option? What kind of deformed gene or missing cranial functionality must one have to have SO little respect for themselves, much less the people in their world?

Here I thought I had found one who didn't want kids. (Or me to raise the ones they already have).

Maybe if "Nice apartment! So do you have a wife and kids in another state?" was in my vernacular, I could have found out sooner.

People can be unbelievably stupid.

[Subdivisions]

1. Yes, they can. I'm so sorry for you. Best to you dear. n/t

[boobooday]

2. What a jerk. n/t

[DemocratInSoCal]

3. Shame On You For Not Asking Him

Everybody knows that when dating someone, the first question you should ask is whether they're married.

:sarcasm:

And certainly, if you had, he would have told you the truth a long time ago.

:sarcasm:

What a loser he must be. Sorry there are people in this world. It makes it that much tougher on those of us "nice guys" who get no respect sometimes, because of skepticism and wary women who now have to exercise all sorts of caution.

The guy is a TURD.

[gateley]

4. Once, three months into a relationship,

the guy goes "uh.... I have this CHICK..."

I was going, "you're MARRIED???? You're MARRIED????"

What empty, pitiful human beings. I feel for ya, Yael. Jerk.

:hug:

[Yael]

10. Thanks gateley

I am fine -- and it is a relief. He was starting to work on my last nerve anyway.

I just don't get how someone could be wired to be so arrogant in thinking that the world is indeed their personal playpen and all the toys belong to them?

[gateley]

22. There are SO MANY of them --

makes me shudder.

[TomInTib]

5. Oh, Yael.....

I am so sorry that this thing happened to you.

There are so many pitfalls awaiting the trusting.

But do not let it make you hard or non-trusting, you are far too fine to go down that road.
Tom

[Yael]

11. That was sweet.

:hug:

[LittleClarkie]

19. I hate going through life like that. I'm too trusting, but the alternative sucks

So you take your lumps. I guess.

[seabeyond]

6. i would want a telephone call. i really am just flabbergasted when people do things

like this. i am. it is so beyond me, .... in being a person.

sorry

hope not too much pain, the fuckin asshole does not deserve a second more of you

[Yael]

12. There IS a call I am itching to make

but then again, I really don't want to be the one to bring heartbreak to someone.

[seabeyond]

14. IF my husband was screwing around, more than ANYTHING, more than anything

i would want to know so i could walk. period. more than anything i would hope the woman would give me the call. simple respect. please let me know. i dont need him. i could have someone who appreciates me, i dont need that. i am not good enough for him, i am gone

i know htere is some women that dont want to know

but a simple, ... i didnt know he was married. i am sorry. i would say, thank you.

just sayin

[TomInTib]

15. Don't do it.

That itch may be keeping you up at night...

But she did you no wrong.

Trust me, Yael, for I have been all over this thing. I have had affairs while married, dated married women, you name it.

The best thing you can do is to walk away, wiser.

[seabeyond]

17. well, and i have never had to hide, nor would i want it hid... why should she be in

dark, trusting, when there is no trust that should be had.

yet the person who lies and hides says... dont tell

this would be a good poll.

do you want to know
do you want to NOT know

[TomInTib]

18. She will find out, sooner or later.

Lashing out when one is still hurting never helps anyone.

And I never lied, I never hid. I always dealt with an open hand.

But I hurt a lot of people along the way. And that's the part that haunts me, still.

[seabeyond]

20. firstly, ... no, she may never find out and live an illusion. she may prefer an illusion

i would prefer not to live in illusion.

and to speak out is not to lash out

it would have nothing to do with lashing out. for me, it would being honest, and that i can always honor. unless it was done hurtfully, and that can be heard

ok, ... to yael.... would you prefer no one t have told you the man was married. if someone knew he was married, and they did not tell you yael, would you be bothered.

[Yael]

27. I just don't think I could do that

I don't know if I would want to know or not -- and "knowing" by what means.

On some things, the messenger is more important than the message.

We have mutual friends (that introduced us). I am thinking of going that route. DEFINITELY going to let them know about this.

[seabeyond]

28. ya. as i said in aother post. husband just told me he would NOT want to know

i dont get it.

but i hear ya. i think it would be so hard to make the call. i know how much i would appreciate it. but seeming like not all want to know. interesting.

[Yael]

32. Since reading your posts, I wondered if *I* would want to know

I think I would.

Edit to add -- but I am not the one to make the call either. Its a sticky wicket.

[seabeyond]

33. arent you glad you know he was cheating, it was cheating on you too.

i think you already feel that way

but i get ya

[Yael]

35. Indeed

Good thing I was tepid about this one.

[seabeyond]

25. i asked my hubby. he said he would not want to know. that is a huge surprise

so foriegn to me. i do not think that way.

interesting

[TomInTib]

29. You're married?

Damn...


I think his response goes to show that we all process this kind of thing differently.

Personally, I have never been on the receiving end of that kind of news, I was always the one causing the problems. But not any more.

[seabeyond]

31. you're funny

ya.... i'z surprised

hey.... good luck to you on that one, lol, wink.

[gateley]

23. Just TELL him you're going to call her!

:evilgrin:

[mrcheerful]

7. Hey we all do stupid things when it comes to matters of trust, at least it didn't take you

over 30 years to figure out that a person couldn't be trusted. Now how dumb is that?

[hisownpetard]

40. Hey - you talkin' to ME?

Sure sounds like my story...

[proud2BlibKansan]

8. Oh Yael you aren't stupid

Just soft hearted. And there is nothing wrong with that. :hug:

[Yael]

13. Thanks

:hug:

[Raven]

9. This is not a reflection on you.

You expect the best from people. You didn't get it. You will learn and move on.

I am so sorry that someone didn't live up to you, didn't deserve you.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

16. Argh! Whatta creep.

Being married is a MAJOR THING, for any lurking dolts who might think otherwise.

I'm sorry Yael, that's an awful thing to pull. I hate his sorry ass already. Had it happen to me last year, in a different way. I called Her cellphone and He answered. I told him I didn't know, and I'd never call that # again, and to let Her know that too.

This needs hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:

[TroglodyteScholar]

21. Sadly...

...when you give people the benefit of the doubt, there will be times when they let you down.

Sometimes it's harder than others.

Hope you bounce back from this with ease--not all humans are nasty people.

[The Blue Flower]

24. Like the one who told me

"I'm getting a divorce." Except his wife didn't know about it yet. Sheesh.

[seabeyond]

26. well... that one everyone knows not to buy, lol. n/t

[tammywammy]

30. The bastard!

My dad was a serial cheater when he was married to my mom.

I really love my dad, he's been really great to me. But I still know he's a bastard. :)

[OhioChick]

34. I'm sorry to hear this, Yael.

He sounds like a complete asshole. You're better off finding out now, rather than later.
:hug:

I'd be so damn tempted to inform the wife. I sure as hell would want to know so I could leave his sorry ass.

[pnwmom]

36. Good for you, you didn't think twice -- a person of integrity.

He's a jerk, completely unworthy of you. You'll find someone a million times better.

[Yael]

38. Funny thing is that I am not looking

It just sorta happened.

He is water off of the proverbial duck's back. Bub bye, see ya. It is her (and the "kids" -- ages and quantity unknown) that are weighing on me.

[davsand]

37. "Well, I guess I kind of lied to you too..."

"...I am actually an ax murderer with serious impulse control issues when it comes to lying shithead men."

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, Yael. I'm glad you found out now rather than later on after even MORE time had gone by.

:hug:


Laura

[Yael]

39. I lied to you

"I am a republican and was one of 5 people who gave money to Romney"

"I have a foot fetish and can't get an erection without <insert something weird>"

"I work for and promote Blackwater in conferences"

All of these -- no problem. You absorb, process and make a decision. (Well, except the last one, which is pretty much like the OP, IMO)

"I'm married and need to know that is OK because I want to take this to the next level"???

Not so much.