***DUzy Awards for week ending April 11, 2008.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Apr-11-08 05:40 PM
Original message

Edited on Fri Apr-11-08 06:38 PM by JeffR

Welcome to the rum-flavored and wine-dipped DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to Gormy Cuss, TomInTib, scarletwoman, merh, CaliforniaPeggy, blondeatlast, Heywoodj, OhioBlues, rocknation, Lars39, AZDemDist6, endarkenment, dicksteele, apocalypsehow, proud2Blib, hootinholler, Kurovski, TheDoorbellRang, SallyMander, Husb2Sparkly, stellanoir, FlyingSquirrel, calimary, Oregonian, KamaAina, unhappycamper and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

On a thread by senseandsensibility:

      If you didn't carry bookbags, what happened to your books
when it rained and snowed...?

response #7 by GarbagemanLB:

      I'd just toss them in my steam-powered horseless carriage.

response #11 by JohnnyLib2:

      heh! I clearly remember the saddlebags on ol' Betsy.
:evilgrin:

response #41 by hisownpetard:

      Was that your little sister's name?

response #11 by JohnnyLib2:

      Nah, little sister was "Stinky."
She'd beat you up over that one. :hi:

response #46 by hisownpetard:

      Yeah? Well, I'd just hit her with my bookbag!

response #34 by DearAbby:

      Well, I remember
carrying my papyrus rolls in a burlap bag. Used to walk to school, 5 miles

Uphill...

both ways.

GDP, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5394404

OP by MN Against Bush:

      It is time to have some balance on this site. Let's talk about the Republican perspective for once.
I have noticed that the Republicans are never given a full chance to have their views heard on this site, so I going to tell you all today about some views of the Republicans which I am sure you will all agree are completely logical and not one bit batshit crazy.

Republicans are consistently pro-life. They also support more war, the death penalty, and torture. But don't forget that they are pro-life. They have protected millions of stem cells, and those cells are much more important than the lives of Iraqi children! Life begins at conception, and ends at the time that we don't want to spend our tax dollars providing people with the health care or welfare benefits that they need to survive. Once the unborn are born they need to lift themselves up by their bootstraps, after all this is America and in this country anybody can buy one of those cool pairs of anti-gravity boots that you see in the sci-fi movies. There is no excuse for people who can't even take the time to reach down and pull on their magic bootstraps that will make them levitate in the air. Screw Newton, his theory of gravity is only a theory after all!

Then there is that Darwin guy, whose evil theories have entered our classrooms. Because of people like him our science teachers want people to believe that we have evolved. But Republicans know damn well that they have not evolved, they are still the same people they were in the stone age. They are determined to see that American children continue to hold the same values that have been passed down to them from those stone-age ancestors of theirs. And so they tell us that we need to bring religion into our schools, and teach the kids about all the great scientific works that teach us that the Earth was created 6,000 years ago when some guy who lived in the sky decided to spend his week creating a planet. Some liberals believe that the Earth is billions of years old, but just because they have facts to prove that to be true does not mean we should listen to their facts. The Bible teaches us that the Earth is only 6,000 years, and any book that tells us scientifically verifiable stories about the first women coming out of a guy's rib and a kid who lived in a whale's belly for three years should be taken absolutely literally! At least until it starts talking about peace and says all that socialistic crap about helping the poor, then it does not need to be taken quite so literally. But peace and helping the poor have nothing to do with science and the Bible is an excellent science book that needs to be used in our public schools.

The Bible should be treated as a science book until the liberals bring in their facts again and start talking about global warming, then the Bible's creation story can be temporarily overlooked. There are many reputable scientists employed by our oil companies that tell us that we have been going through climate cycles for millions of years. Republicans know that it is important to point out the temperature of the Earth millions of years ago if they are to defeat the liberal agenda, so they are willing to talk about what the planet was like millions of years ago just so long as people are willing to accept that the Earth is only 6,000 years old when the topic changes back to evolution.

It is all about providing our children with a fair and balanced education. After all these are the kids that they will be sending off to fight for them in Iraq. That is why Republicans started the No Child Left Behind program. After all Freedumb isn't Free, and we need No Child Left Behind to turn our children into Freedumb Fighters. We need to build a new generations of Americans who will promote freedumb by sitting in front of the television and pumping their fists in the air screaming “USA! USA! USA!” while they watch Bill O'Reilly. Those who support No Child Left Behind are people who love freedumb, and they need to control our education system so others will believe in freedumb like they do.

If you don't agree with the Republicans on any of these issues, then you hate freedumb. Simple as that. If you believe that our policy should be based on fact not fiction, if you believe that being pro-life means that you don't kill off a million Iraqis, if you believe that fiscal responsibility means spending on health care rather than Halliburton, if you believe that freedom means obeying the Constitution, well then you may understand freedom but you don't understand freedumb.

So if you are a freedumb fighter who does not find anything in this post to be completely batshit crazy then by all means vote Republican. If of course you want to be one of those damn intellectual elitists who actually cares about stupid things like facts though, well then stick with your facts and vote against Republicans. The rest of us will get our information from such brilliant thinkers as Ted Nugent, Dennis Miller, and Larry the Cable Guy.

God bless Amurica.

response #1 by undeterred:

      You forgot white males rights.
Those are often overlooked. I learned recently that some of these rights begin at the moment of conception, exactly when womens rights end.

response #4 by canis_lupus:

      I'd love to speak from the Republican perspective
but even if I could get my head that far up my ass, I'm sure whatever I'd said would be pretty muffled.

GD, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3112270

On a thread by opusprime:

Countrywide Bank downgraded to "D" - as in DEFAULT

response #12 by Neshanic:

"Holy house crash Super Bernie, it's the Bernanke Beacon!"
They must need our help! Call JP Morgan and have them meet us in the Secret Cave of Bailouts.

GD, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3110231

OP by JVS:

      When I found out that Molly Ivins had died, I trashed my apartment.
So what? Even if we are to believe that Clinton had a backpack to toss around, what is the point of this? Is physical destruction necessary to prove that one cares?

response #1 by Yael:

      When I read this thread, my faux outrage overtook me and I threw a pen across the room

response #2 by Oregonian:

      Your anger made me so pissed off I kicked in my computer monitor.
I'm writing this on my husband's computer. Thanks a lot. :eyes:

response #3 by DarienComp:

      YOU PEOPLE JUST MADE ME SET MY BED ON FIRE!
YOU'RE ALL ASSHOLES!

:mad: :crazy: :mad: :crazy: :mad: :crazy: :mad: :crazy: :mad: :crazy: :mad: :crazy:

response #7 by BlooInBloo:

      That's it. I'm self-immolating.

response #8 by wndycty:

      i was so upset i became a Goldwater girl
:kick:

response #10 by cliffordu:

      When I found out Fritz the Cat died, I punched Garfield
I'll see your fake outrage with my fake outrage and raise you a non-sequitur.

GDP, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5396211

On a thread by Ichingcarpenter:

Sign of the Times- Man in electric Wheelchair succeeds in Robbing Bank
"Palo Alto police are looking for a bank robber who favors a decidedly slow-speed getaway vehicle — an electric wheelchair. Police said a man in his 60s with gray hair and a beard held up the Wachovia Bank branch at the Stanford Shopping Center late this afternoon with a black handgun.

After the stickup, he left in his wheelchair and was last seen motoring down a nearby street toward a major thoroughfare..."

response #1 by dicksteele:

"Don't worry, boys- he won't get far on foot." nm

dicksteele graciously cites the great John Callahan for inspiration.

GD, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3112437

On a thread by hnmnf:

"Rudy" Drops the H-Bomb
No not that Rudy, I'm referring to Samwise Gamgee, or Clinton supporter Sean Astin at the 43rd District in Seattle for step 2 of the Washington Caucus.

"Astin’s speech was most memorable for this line: 'Should Obama get the nomination I will become a massive Barack Hussein Obama supporter...'"

response #2 by anonymous171:

Should've stayed in the Shire.

GDP, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5401167

OP by IntravenousDemilo:

Democrats, here are your marching orders.
Enough of this crap. Candidates cannot be held responsible for the childish behaviour of their supporters, most of whom they don't even know exist. So:

Obama supporters, if your candidate fails to be nominated, no, you will not pull the lever for Grumpy McAlzheimer; no, you will not sit out the election in protest; yes, you will vote for Clinton along with the rest of the Democratic Party.

Clinton supporters, if your candidate fails to be nominated, no, you will not pull the lever for Old Man McCancer; no, you will not sit out the election in protest; yes, you will vote for Obama along with the rest of the Democratic Party.

Is that... clear...?

x(

response #13 by crankychatter:

I will be casting MY symbolic vote for Stephen Colbert
and if you try to stop me... I'll hold my breath until I die.

GDP, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5398566

OP by Maddy McCall:

      Let's just get it out of the way. Bill Clinton's penis.
I've seen more "Bill Clinton's Penis" posts here in the past couple of days than I ever did read from the right.

So let's just have a thread where all the Bill Clinton haters can get it out of their systems.

Here he is. Take your best shot.

response #4 by Forkboy:

      I think your subject line is even funnier than you meant it to be.
:P

response #8 by Maddy McCall:

      It was intended.
:P

response #16 by Forkboy:

      Well then, that's just a scary thought.
:)

response #12 by TahitiNut:

      It's in Hillary's bookbag.
:shrug:

response #15 by JimGinPA:

      I'm Not Touching That One!
:rofl:

response #56 by cherokeeprogressive:

      Where's my rubber band gun when I need it? n/t

response #63 by Moochy:

      Have you ever dreamed about it in a cave on a throne?
In the dream, he found a stone-lined hole in a meadow. He walked down a stairway in the hole to reach a dim-lit long rectangular chamber. There was a magnificent throne in the chamber, and on the throne was a large cylindrical object made of skin and flesh. It had a rounded head with a single eye on the top. Then he woke up in terror when he heard his mother say `that's the man-eater'.

He later recognized the object on the throne to be a phallus and the reference to man-eater was referring to the Christian act of communion and to cannibalism. Given his age at the time, Jung did not believe he would have known of such things.

response #69 by Swamp Rat:

      Jung played D&D?
:D

response #88 by rug:

      I trust Bill Clinton's penis to end the war before Obama does.

response #90 by sellitman:

      I'd comment but then you might think I am a dick.
:wow:

GDP, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5402646

OP by Aviation Pro:

      The myth of Republican fiscal responsibility....
...first the numbers: 70% of the $9,000,000,000,000 of debt accumulated since the birth of our nation has come under the drunken spending sprees of Presidents Genetic Predisposition/Didn't Have the Nads to Fight in WWII, President Wimpy/Tell Us That Story About You Bailing Out and Leaving Your Crewmate Behind During WWII and President Insane/Pilot My Ass.

Republicans are like the moron Dads of the nation whose sole goal is to impress the neighbors with the boat/RV/hemi-truck/ATV/snowmobile that they just bought/leased/took out a loan. Investments? Hah! Their philosophy is those with the most toys when they die win. (i.e. fuck that whiny wife and those brats of mine, if they want to eat or get a good education let them do it like me, on credit). So the next time this myth wafts its way, like a ripe fart, in one's direction, ask the loud-mouthed asshole (inevitably it is a loud-mouthed asshole):

"So how's that running-out-of-money-before-you-die-plan working for you?" Then smile at the pained expression on his wife's face.

response #8 by blondeatlast:

      Yep--I thought of my neighbors across the street--she who also is sporting
fresh boobs and he with a spanking new Dodge Ram behemoth...

I don't think I will EVER see them the same again now.

:rofl:

response #9 by Lastlaughin08:

      And both of their toys will be worn out in about five years.................
:rofl:

GD, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3113223

On a thread by not_too_L8:

Carlos Santana for Obama!

response #23 by QC:

Oh well, Hillary has lost the 60+ stoner demographic. n/t

GDP, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5402368

On a thread by Mugu:

Ban on samurai swords becomes law
"Legislation against selling, making, hiring or importing samurai swords in England and Wales has come into force..."

response #19 by Marr:

If you've ever been to Britain, you will agree with this law.
The place is crawling with ninjas. Serious infestation.

GD, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3113157

On a thread by TechBear_Seattle:

Where are the Top Ten Conservative Idiots?

response #3 by countingbluecars:

I think several of them
are in GD-P.

GDP, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3119555

OP by Squatch:

Horse's ass arrested for punching horse in the ass.
(How about a little humor this AM in GD?)

TAMPA - Police arrested a Lakeland man early this morning on charges that he punched a police horse in the rear end.

It should be no surprise the incident occurred about 3:15 a.m. in Ybor City.

The Tampa Police Department report said the officer and horse were clearing the street and sidewalks in the 19th Street area of Seventh Avenue.

Carl Coward, 24, of 111 Hodges Road, Lakeland, balled his fist and punched the horse in the right rear hip area, the report states.

------
My question: why shouldn't it be a surprise that this incident occured at 3:15 in the AM? Are horse-ass punchings common that time of night?

Officer: "I typically don't take my horse out that late, what with the rampant horse-ass punchings and whatnot...I mean, it's getting to the point where you can't take your horse out without its ass being at risk for a punching..."

:rofl:

The Lounge (moved from GD), April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7636224

OP by underpants:

      Only 32 minutes left ...KATHIE LEE GIFFORD is back on TV!!!!
Why is there a 4th hour of the Today show??? Because the star power of Kathie Lee could no longer be contained!!!

http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2008-04-06-kathie-lee-return_N.htm

response #1 by stellanoir:

      It's long past time to take the TV out to the backyard and shoot it.
But as a life long pacifist, I don't have a gun.

response #3 by MuseRider:

      Noooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooo!
(huge breath) Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

response #12 by Snarkturian Clone:

      Aw crap, it has come to pass!
Revelation 15:2

And I saw as it were a sea of glass mingled with fire: and them that had gotten the victory over the beast, and over her image, and over her mark, and over the number of her name, stand on the sea of glass, having the harps of God... until she was back on TV!!! Oh NOESS!!!!!!!1111eleven!

response #19 by Wednesdays:

      OMG!! Really??
I haven't been this excited since my last root canal.

All this and fab pix of Kathie too!!!11

GD, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3117880

Poll question by Amerigo Vespucci:

Bonzo Goes To Bitburg, Bush Goes To The Olympics. A Political Radar Temperature Test.

:bluebox: If I were on fire, Bush wouldn't piss on me to put me out. That's his attitude toward the Olympics.

:bluebox: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

:bluebox: I'd rather have a job. Then I'll worry about Junior attending the Olympics.

:bluebox: I'd rather have a be able to fill up my gas tank. Then I'll worry about Junior attending the Olympics.

:bluebox: I'd rather be able to buy groceries. Then I'll worry about Junior attending the Olympics.

:bluebox: I'd rather be able to heat my home. Then I'll worry about Junior attending the Olympics.

:bluebox: I'd rather have affordable health care. Then I'll worry about Junior attending the Olympics.

:bluebox: Choices 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7

:bluebox: All of the above

:bluebox: OTHER

At press time, "Choices 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7" was winning with 100% of the votes.

GD, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3121401

On a thread by proud2Blib:

OMG!! Rock Chalk!!!
National Champs.
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
:bounce: :bounce:

http://www.ku.edu/about/traditions/songs/rockchalk.mp3

response #1 by MuseRider:

Kansas
the land of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHs!

Now THIS is what happens when you intelligently design a team!

The Lounge (moved from GD), April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7639015

On a thread by datasuspect:

post your favorite movie one liners

response #53 by The Straight Story:

"Oh Straight Story, it's so big!" - from a home porno movie
:rofl:

The Lounge, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7636594

On a thread by journalist3072:

      Why Hillary Clinton should be winning
"Why Hillary Clinton should be winning

Under a winner-take-all primary system, Hillary Clinton would have a wide lead over Barack Obama -- and enough delegates to clinch the nomination by June.

By Sean Wilentz

... If the Democrats ran their nominating process the way we run our general elections, Sen. Hillary Clinton would have a commanding lead in the delegate count, one that will only grow more commanding after the next round of primaries, and all questions about which of the two Democratic contenders is more electable would be moot..."

response #1 by TAWS:

      This is like saying if Obama wasn't running, Clinton would be winning

response #8 by MannyGoldstein:

      Why Not Arm Wrestle For The Nomination?
Hell, why not a steel cage death match? Seems as reasonable as winner takes all.

response #19 by cliffordu:

      Well, I'll certainly agree with this:
If the monkeys flying out of my butt were real, I could go on Letterman!!!

response #21 by bilgewaterbill:

      If we had some ham we could have ham and eggs! If we only had some eggs.

response #22 by JimGinPA:

      She'd Already Be The Nominee If It Weren't For The Damn Voters!
:shrug:

response #27 by DrFunkenstein:

      The Election Process Is DEAD to Me!
Obama's lead in the popular vote would nearly vanish if the results of the contest HE WAS NOT IN were included. (sorry, must have hit the caps lock randomly).

response #39 by DarienComp:

      You know, in golf, the person with the fewest points wins.
If we ran our primary that way, Hillary would be running away with it!

response #43 by Bigleaf:

      Chargers really beat the Pats last year. I mean they had 4 field goals-Pats only had 3 TD's.
That is not fair. The NFL should have awarded San Diego the game because they scored 4 times, the Pats only scored 3 times.

:sarcasm:

response #81 by GOTV:

      And if they changed the Bowling rules Obama could be AWESOME!
So should we just say he's an awesome bowler?

GDP, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5423054

OP by prodn2000:

      Hillary - Where are the bank statements?
Since the release of your "tax returns," I find myself asking the same questions over and over again.

Why isn't there more dirt? We were told repeatedly that you were hiding some real nasty shit. Why wasn't there more? It doesn't make any sense. I was really counting on it.

The only reasonable answer is that you lied on your tax returns. I am afraid, to be fully "vetted," we need more.

To clear your good name, I demand that you release your bank statements for the last 8 years. Every account. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. I am also going to need:

1) Grocery shopping lists for the past 25 years. What were your really feeding your family? Did Chelsea get her USRDA of every macro-nutrient, vitamin & mineral? I need to know, now.

2) Vehicle maintenance receipts for the last 10 years. Did you really change your oil every 3,000 miles? Did you keep your tires properly inflated? Did you have Armor-All applied to the dash to prevent cracking? My gut says no...

3) Girl Scout Cookie orders for the last 30 years. Did you support the Girl Scouts in Arkansas? How about DC? How about NY? You are going to need prove that you aren't a cheap old clam.

4) Halloween candy distribution reports for the last 10 years. Did you buy premium candy like "Snicker's," "Skittles," & "Butterfinger," or did you give away unsharpened-pencils? My money is on the office supplies (Schedule C deduction, after all.)

5) Finally, we are going to need your photo-processing receipts for the last 30 years. Did you always order double prints? How about the premium "Kodak" photo finishing? Always 4x6s or did you spring for the glossy 5x7s?

I am going to need these documents before the PA primary, April 22.

If you don't provide them in a timely manner, well, lets just hope you do.

response #26 by pirhana:

      What I want to know is -
How many pantsuits does she have? Where does she go shopping? Does she buy accessories for each outfit?

How can she run for President without disclosing this information??????

response #28 by prodn2000:

      And why in the HELL
Does she wear turquoise outside of the Southwest?

response #69 by Orsino:

      I can't make my final decisions until I see an accounting of all the mattress tags.
"Not to be removed under penalty of law" means something, Senator Clinton!!!!1!

GDP, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5415258

On a thread by BOSSHOG:

      Senator Vitter's car hits stop sign as he flees reporters
Vitter of Louisiana and of prostitutes and diapers was in Gonzalez Louisiana today spreading conservative values and doing his damndest to avoid reporters. As he rapidly left the parking lot his driver backed up, hit a sign, did not stop and sped off. The sign was fixed and the local chief of police will not pursue charges.

It must be hard work upholding those conservative values. And fuck a municipality and its signage budget.

Source: WWL Channel Four News this PM

response #3 by kestrel91316:

      When they get him on the stand are they gonna hold up one of those diapers
and ask sensitive questions? PLEASE???

Snort.

response #4 by BOSSHOG:

      Can you identify this stain Senator??

response #14 by FredScuttle:

      He heard Madam Kitty was offering a "Businessman's Lunch" special
2 hours of infantilism and light discipline for the price of 1 hour

He was in such a hurry, he didn't see that parking sign!

response #10 by Bucky:

      Hey, let's be fair, please. Back when I wore diapers, I couldn't read the word "stop" either.

GD, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3120532

OP by rateyes:

      Lindsay Graham is an asshole.
That is all.

response #4 by tishaLA:

      I'm sorry...the closet door is squeaking...
what did you say?

response #8 by babylonsister:

      Did I miss the 'Jeff Sessions is an asshole' thread? If not, you
need to start one. Because he is. That is all.

response #12 by tanyev:

      But he got five fabulous rugs for five dollars!

GD, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3124559

On a thread by jgraz:

      Calling your wife a c*nt in public is not "a spat". It's not "nasty". It's abuse.

response #31 by Perry Logan:

      It's c*ntgate.

response #47 by endarkenment:

      isn't that a chastity belt?

response #80 by bumblebee1:

      Too bad cindy's remark wasn't
"call me a c**t all you want. I control the money, pal. I can cut you off anytime."

GD, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3125494

On a thread by greenbriar:

what is IBTL???

response #10 by Liberal Veteran:

It's a new Myers-Briggs Personality Type.
Strong tendency towards Imbecility
Moderate tendency towards Boorish
Strong tendency towards Tyranny
Moderate tendency towards Laziness

The Moran

Idiotic, illogical, annoying and driven by the inner world of ideas and possibilities of inflicting pain, the IBTL often appears to others as a loud egotistical (and extremely stubborn) narcissist, convinced that reality can be altered, the future and past reshaped in his own twisted image. Wherever there is a need for corruption, anger, human rights abuses, cronyism and thoughlessness, IBTL will be working (as little as possible if it involves real work) to cause chaos. This type's focused attention to himself is frankly obsessive, depending on the observer's viewpoint (other IBTL's see nothing wrong in this personality type while all other types find him abhorrent). Boorish and rarely shy, IBTLs place their trust in their own self-belief of superiority and "gut instincts" to guide their thoughts and decisions.

More feeling types may find them chilly, and more practical types accuse them of being revolting, but IBTLs take their cues mostly from themselves or those they recognize as like-typed. Often attracted to torture, depravity, and incivility, IBTLs succeed in a wide variety of fields, mostly by stepping over or destroying anyone who gets in the way of their selfish and self-centered goals. IBTLs are large percentage of the population, consisting of roughly between 25 to 30 percent of the general public.

Famous IBTLs include:

George W. Bush
Dan Quayle
Joe Lieberman
Tom Delay
Paris Hilton
Pat Robertson
Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
Michael Savage
Ann Coulter

The Lounge, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7640672

On a thread by question everything:

Dear Skinner, you should not have
mailed me a thank you letter and a DemocraticUndergound.com bumper sticker.

I'd rather you save the postage for more important things. You know that most of us donate whenever we can and as much as we can and do not expect any thank you note..

And, maybe, some day, DU will be an harmonious place again..

response #1 by gateley:

Boy, you DO question everything, don't you?
:hi:

GD, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3125510

On a thread by Hardhead:

      HAHAHA! Conyers wants to talk to YOO!
"Conyers has gone ahead and scheduled a hearing for May 6th on the memo and invited Yoo in a letter today. But it's apparent from the letter that Yoo is not too enthusiastic about the prospect of testifying to Congress. He's apparently raised concerns to committee staff that the topics covered might 'implicate executive confidentiality interests' and generally indicated that he'd rather not appear.

But given that Yoo has spoken with a variety of news outlets about the memo and other matters, Conyers points out, there's no reason why he couldn't talk to Congress. And while Conyers has invited Yoo to appear voluntarily, he makes it clear that he will issue a subpoena if Yoo declines..."

response #1 by malaise:

      Bet he said
I'm gonna Fuck Yoo Up! :D

response #6 by Ichingcarpenter:

      Why mee? What did I doo?
Nevermind

response #10 by NotGonnaTakeIt:

      Conyers wants to talk to me??
Tell him to call!!

response #14 by malaise:

      He says
Yoo are going to prison. Yoo fucked up big time. I'm really sorry for Yoo! :rofl:

response #11 by hootinholler:

      He's coming to get Yoo!
So many puns, so little time.

GD, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3126880

On a thread by atal:

Condi / McCain - Obama / Clinton

response #1 by Yael:

Never / Happen

GDP, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5426992

On a thread by mdmc:

      So how does this primary end?

response #5 by BuyingThyme:

      Obama gets the girl, Hillary moves to Alaska, McCain goes to prison,
and they save the youth center.

response #8 by Zachstar:

      Obama wins PA, Clinton exits a few days later, GE starts effectively in May
DU goes into presumptive nominee mode for a week.

People start paying attention to the congressional races (Topic: WTF, Al Franken is down in the polls!)

Right wing talk shows go nuts as they panic over having to face Obama.

Cartman gets kidnapped by aliens again.

etc...

response #22 by gauguin57:

      Which primary ... the PA primary? Well, that ends with me, exhausted, eating stale donuts
... at the local Democratic headquarters.

As for the rest of it, who knows????

GDP, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5432183

OP by sniffa:

      I've been thinking about DU's tombstoning procedure
The usual tombstone, in my opinion, ignores the religious practices of some DUers. Granted, this in accordance with the traditions of Jewish and Muslim practices of burying the dead before sundown, but it totally leaves out the Christian faiths' practice of having a wake before burial. I think the practitioners of these faiths should at least have a 3 day suspension before being buried, so that their loved ones can gawk at the dead before returning to the earth.

And then there's the DUers who want to be cremated - can't we get a, "He Disrupted Poorly" urn for them?

And then again, it seems many DUers practice reincarnation, so I respect DU for respecting their after life choices.

And also, should the tombstoned Atheists show a body being donated to science, or the body farm, or something similar?

response #1 by SallyMander:

      ...
:spray:

Iza and i want natural burials... could we just get a picture of a pile of dirt in a forest?

Edit: not that i'm planning on getting tombstoned...! :yoiks:

response #3 by GoPsUx:

      I think they deserve a DU graveyard.
One place where we can visit and pay our disrespects..um respects.

response #6 by sniffa:

      I've been arguing for that for years
The grave yard should also list their DOB and DOD.

We could have sign in sheets where DUers can relate stories about the departed.

response #11 by YDogg:

      I can has seventy-two virgins?
:shrug:

response #13 by cynatnite:

      What about cryogenics?
Someday a cure may be found for what afflicts those who have been tombstoned. They could be brought back if they're frozen like popsicles.

response #19 by jobycom:

      Which brings up other issues
Is there a DU afterlife? If so, is there a DU Heaven, and a DU Hell? If so, who is president in each?

And what about purgatory? If we really liked a disruptor, can we make donations for the future salvation of their soul, perhaps to speed their passage to DU Heaven?

And since I am being Catholic about all this, can we have a confession, where disruptors can confess, do penance, and pay an indulgence for minor transgressions? Of course, there are mortal sins from which no one can be absolved, like saying something nice about Reagan.

And why not a DU Mardi Gras, and Lent? We can all have one day to go wild, insult whomever we want, reveal our hedonistic Republican urges, and then we can spend the next forty days in penitence. We would have to give up something for Lent--our favorite candidate, for instance--to prove we are truly penitent. Or our favorite baseball team, maybe.

And who is resurrected after Lent? Al Gore? Or do we choose a different candidate each year?

response #22 by ocelot:

      Cybertaxidermy. I think disruptors should be stuffed and mounted.
There could be an entire forum devoted entirely to their stuffed "remains," which would be the threads that did them in.

response #24 by KamaAina:

      And what about all the female trolls?
Where are their "She Disrupted Poorly" granite cookies? :shrug:

response #25 by NV Whino:

      You're right.
The present method of tombstoning is soooo sexist.

The Lounge, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7640471

On a thread by Inchworm:

      Write a Haiku based on a DU thread
5-7-5

The season reference is waived :D

:hi:

response #1 by AZDemDist6:

      hehehhe
the transmission blew
they should pay me lots of money
or I sadly sue

:evilgrin:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=7631639&mesg_id=7640828

response #2 by ChoralScholar:

      hrmm....
neverending thread
you know it's going places
bullish on kudzu

response #5 by harmonicon:

      ok
this is a haiku
the season will not be named
as per your request

response #7 by Inchworm:

      I guess I'll play too
Identity gone
Who do you want to be now
forever erased

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7640349

response #17 by Ptah:

      .
Write a Haiku based
On a D U thread five seven
The season refer

response #28 by DarkTirade:

      Nipples not allowed
They are posted anyway
in ASCII Format.

response #33 by swag:

      my humble contribution
"karl rove indicted"
forty-eight business hours pass
no explanation

response #34 by swag:

      Temporary SockPuppet
So filled with secrets
Temporary SockPuppet
Such a character!

response #35 by swag:

      another
How to fry chicken
just seems such old stuff these days
Why bring it up now?

response #36 by swag:

      .
CALL CONGRESS RIGHT NOW!!!
ABU GHRAIB PHOTOS TODAY!!
ALL IS FOR NOTHING.

response #37 by swag:

      Another
lustrous haiku thread
murdered in its infancy
five straight posts by swag

response #39 by DuStrange:

      GD-P
Screw your candidate!
Race-baiting Corporate Whore!
Subthread deleted.

response #45 by EstimatedProphet:

      GD:P in 2 haikus
HILLARY CLINTON!
The source of all corruption!
WE MUST DEFEAT HER!!!11

B H OBAMA!
Empty suit on a talk show!
WE MUST DEFEAT HIM!!!11

Those are based on every GD: P thread in existence.

response #48 by philboy:

      Here's one...
Don't be unfunny
It makes the heads of the judges of funny
Tremble and explode

response #49 by RainDog:

      for you
chips cheese dogs inchworm
scattered on the day floor forget
last twenty-four hours

response #54 by Saint Etienne17:

      Olive
the Olive Garden
when you're there you're Family
in New York City

response #56 by hyphenate:

      Okay
Loud voices screaming
to be heard--anger surrounds
Us here at DU

(On GD-P generally)

What peace or goodwill
Can we hope to attain now
Is questioned by all.

Clinton, Obama
Rancor spoils our earnest cries
Peace might never come

response #57 by mikeytherat:

      One more kitty thread, is something the Lounge needs more,
than Brazilian jokes.

response #63 by Peake:

      GDP
A people unite
Our strength assures the future.
Your candidate sucks.

The Lounge, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7641252

On a thread by Bicoastal:

      Can't we all just agree to disagree?
It's a great phrase, isn't? Without knocking the other person down or saying "You're wrong," the two of you mutually agree that you don't see eye to eye on a particular complex issue and probably never will.

It's so easy! No more bridges burnt! No more fellow Dems smeared! Try saying "LATD" today!!

response #1 by Forkboy:

      No, you're wrong.
:hide:

:P

response #2 by islandmkl:

      i could not agree with you more or less....
but definitely one of the two

GDP, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5436733

OP by cali:

      How can you tell this primary season has gone on far too long?
Bookbags. Bookbags for the love of reason. Sheesh. Was there ever a
dumber thing to nitpick over? Whatever else they fix, they damn well
better make sure that never again will there be a 7 week gap between
contests. There's just too much time for stupid.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm so sick of primary season I
could :puke:

response #2 by Blue-Jay:

      I demand that you apologize about the Book Bag fiasco!
Fer fuck's sake. People are fighting about book bags.

Dear Supporters of Sen. Clinton - I ain't apologizing for shit, because this was a stupid thing to bring up in the first place.

Dear Obama Supporter who tried to make this an issue - That was the lamest attempt at deriding a candidate that I've ever seen.

So... we're done, then?

response #8 by FlyingSquirrel:

      Drop the bookbag, sweetie! We got incoming sniper fire
:crazy:

response #11 by Window:

      My moment came during a dream last night. I have collected elephants
from all over the world for years, and I have them in a beautiful display case. Well, last night I dreamed I removed the elephants and began collecting DU tombstones and put them on display.

True story. Yeah, it's been a long contentious primary alright. :wow:

response #13 by merh:

      Can you see my response?

:hide:

You know it has been too long of a primary season when everyone in GDP has you on ignore. :silly:

:rofl: They can't handle the truth!! :rofl:

And I don't call folks names or use those stupid names to refer to the candidates either. :rofl:

The facts, just the facts folks. :freak:

GDP, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5438813

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

Sign of the Times: The Chum Slick is Getting Bigger
They're like sharks when they smell blood.

I have been assaulted (so to speak) by unsolicited phone calls from companies interested in "investing" in my business. I usually got one of these calls every six months or so. Now it is several a week.

I don't even give these bloodsuckers a chance to do their riff before dispatching them to the "I Got Ridiculed and Then Hung Up On By A Mean Clown Club. From a few years ago, there are stockbrokers from every firm on earth in that club. Also lots of copier and paper and light bulb sales pros.

But now it is 'investors'.

A few minutes ago:

Brrrring ...... Brrrrring .......

"Clown Enterprises, Stinky The Clown ......"

"Hello? Hello?"

":Breathing:"

Finally ..... "May I speak with Stinky the Clown?"

Having already identified myself as such, I figured I'd have some fun. "Who are you?"

"I'm with HMI Financial"

"You're 'with' them? Are they sitting or standing?"

"Uh ......"

Realizing the caller was not the brightest bulb on the string, "Whuddaya want with Stinky?"

Back on his script and clearly relieved, "I need to speak with him regarding a financial matter" (as if mere phone answers would be so in awe they'd transfer the call right over to Stinky, lickitty split.

"Oh yeah? Does he owe you money?"

"No"

"You owe him money?"

"No."

"Then whuddaya wanna speak to him about?"

"About investing in his business."

"Investing in hahahaha his hahahahaha _b_u_s_i_n_e_s_s_ hahahahahahahaha? You wanna invest in his business hahahahahahahaahah."

:click:

If it wasn't for the ability to have fun with these callers, I'd be really pissed. Just another way those 'with' are working their asses off to take advantage of those 'without'.

"Invest in my business"? Fuck you, you parasite.

response #3 by Warpy:

I've got a better one, one I only do on persistent assholes
I listen to the opening part of the fast talk and interrupt with, "I really can't decide these things. Let me get my husband."

"George?"

"George?"

"GEORGE!! OH MY GAWD!!! HE'S DEAD!!!!!!!!"

They're always gone when I get back and they don't call again.

You have to understand I grew up with a mother who kept a cap pistol next to the phone to punctuate what she said she'd do to telephone assholes.

GD, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3130441

OP by underpants:

Four *direct* quotes from Amb. Crocker----just now
"uh"

"...uh, uh, uh, uh...."

"..uh....uh, uh..."

and (you aren't going to believe this one)

"Uh I think...uh"

response #1 by dchill:

"Uh I think...uh"
"Uh therefore I am...uh"
;)

GD, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3131235

OP by MonkeyFunk:

      Torch closing ceremony in SF canceled
just announced on CNN.

"A second ceremony will be held at an undisclosed location." :rofl:

A secret ceremony? Are they making the torch a Mason?

response #3 by Happyhippychick:

      I just heard that they are headed for the Golden Gate Bridge.
This is more exciting than OJ's car chase.

response #5 by MonkeyFunk:

      They're fleeing to Marin!
Probably expecting a mellower crowd.

response #8 by Happyhippychick:

      Swim people! Swim!!!

response #14 by TomInTib:

      Maybe they can come by Tiburon and buy back some of their shit from me.
I got plenty, and everything's for sale.

GD, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3133787

OP by mythyc:

Masterpiece theater, a history of Hillary's fictions and personae in emoticons....
--The billing records showed up "on their own": :think: ...

.

--Urged and urged Bill to intervene in Rwanda: :tinfoilhat:

.

--Didn't know her brothers were paid for Bill's pardons: :spank:

.

--Chelsea was jogging at the WTC on 911: :patriot:

.

--Named after Sir Edmund Hillary:

...

.

--Life-long New York Yankees Fan:

:popcorn:

.

--Learned futures market in the Wall Street Journal:

... :freak:

.

--picks Penn and Wolfson to run her campaign:

.

--Daily Show breaks with "the cackle" story:

...

.

--"Will honor the DNC nominating calendar": :hide:

.

--Plants questions at Iowa debates:

.

--doesn't count....

doesn't count... :scared: doesn't

count...

.

--"I'm proud proud proud to be standing here with Barack Obama": :hug:
------>Shame on you Barack Obama for sending out mailers like mine:

... = :rant:

.

13 successive victories by Obama, no congratulations:

.

--"It DOES matter!" :blush: ... "Change you can xerox":

. --> (steals "this is personal" in NH from John Edwards) : :cry:

.

-- "Maybe you should ask Barack if he wants a pillow":

.

--Boy wouldn't McCain make a better President than Obama: :kick: :pals:

.

--"The Sky will open ... Celestial choirs will be singing": O8) :party: O8)

.

--Opposed NAFTA at the time it was passed: :hurts:

.

--Played a central role in the Irish peace deal: :puffpiece:

.

--Barack is not, a muslim :smoke: ;-) "as far as I know": :shrug:

.

--"disagrees" with Ferraro...

... 'sometimes it gets personal': :sarcasm:

.

--Landed in sniper fire in Bosnia: :yoiks:

.

--Misspoke because sleep-deprived: :hangover:

.

--"Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit":

.

--Threw her bookbag when MLK was killed / photo op:

...

.

--In this until the end: :nuke:

This would work better if some of the off-site emoticons weren't misfiring...

GDP, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5440824

On a thread by babylonsister:

WaPo: Groups Step Up Efforts to Avert Voting Mishaps

response #1 by eppur_se_muova:

"MISHAPS"? What a *quaint* choice of word.
Maybe their spellchecker wouldn't accept MIHOPs ...

Election Reform, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=203x500322

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      Student sees political bias in high school text
"Talk about a civics lesson: A high-school senior has raised questions about political bias in a popular textbook on U.S. government, and legal scholars and top scientists say the teen's criticism is well-founded.

They say 'American Government' by conservatives James Wilson and John Dilulio presents a skewed view of topics from global warming to separation of church and state. The publisher now says it will review the book, as will the College Board, which oversees college-level Advanced Placement courses used in high schools..."

response #12 by williesgirl:

      Off to the greatest page. Remember how the Nazis took power?

response #13 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      No, I don't...
But that would be the whole point, right? ;)

LBN, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3260742

On a thread by CatWoman:

      McCain Camp Misspells His Name In Web Ad
"Snarkity snarkity snark. Looks like the McCain campaign made a bit of a boo-boo in this Web ad...

'Johm' McCain, eh? As the irrepressible Instaputz, who first caught this, puts it: 'this might explain his problems distinguishing between Iraq and Iran.'

I'd only add that McCain isn't allowed to have some other dude funding his ads, even if it is his demented twin brother. Looks like we've nabbed him in a campaign finance violation here..."

response #5 by bleever:

      "I'm Johm McCain, and I approve this massage."
:rofl:

response #6 by coriolis:

      Will it help him in the geritol erection, though?
;-)

response #7 by lpbk2713:

      When McLame found out he flew into an uncontrollable rage.
Throwing furniture around, putting his fist through walls, breaking windows. It wasn't pretty.

:sarcasm:

response #14 by chromotone:

      And started screaming "C*mt! c*mt!" (nt)

response #10 by Olney Blue:

      What a naverick!

response #17 by BlooInBloo:

      If that doesn't just beet awl.

response #20 by KamaAina:

      That's it. I'm switching my vote to Barack Obana.
:P

response #24 by bleever:

      Hey, chill out, all you cool cats;
mastery of details isn't really his bag, Dad.

GD, April 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3134552

On a thread by gateley:

      'Breakthrough' at Stonehenge dig
"Archaeologists carrying out an excavation at Stonehenge say they have broken through to a layer that may finally explain why the site was built.

The team has reached sockets that once held bluestones - smaller stones, most now missing or uprooted, which formed the site's original structure...

... finding out more about the history of the bluestones could be key to solving the mystery of why the 4,500-year-old landmark was erected.

They believe that the bluestones, which were transported 250km (150 miles) from the Preseli Hills in Wales to the Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire, were brought to the site because the ancient people believed they had healing properties..."

response #2 by jobycom:

      Cool. Ruins my belief that it was prehistoric arena for rock concerts, but I guess the truth would
be good to know.

response #3 by jgraz:

      Hell, why don't they just ask McCain?
See, cuz he's old and stuff.

response #26 by King Sandbox:

      Let's just hope that it avoids being crushed by a dwarf.

GD, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3136266

OP by Buzz Clik:

"Candle in the Wind" from Elton to Hillary
Goodbye, Hillary Diane
Though I never knew her at all
She has the grace to hold herself
While all her staffers crawled
They crawled like roaches out of the woodwork
And they whispered into her brain
They set her on the treadmill
And they made her change her name

And it seems to me she lives life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing which ideology to cling to
When the primaries set in
And I would have liked to have known her
But I was just a kid
Her chances for nomination flickered out long before
The legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role she ever played
The White House made her a superstar
And pain was the price she paid
'Specially when Bill lied
Oh the press still hounds her
All the papers had to say
Was that Hillary stood behind her dude

Goodbye Hillary Diane
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something as more than sexual
More than just our First Lady

-- inspired by Sir Elton John

GDP, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5445122

OP by SoFlaJet:

      Call To Action Obamans; Burn Your Elton John Vinyl, Tapes and Cd's!!!
at 5PM today at the cult compound-you all know where it's located. There will be a big bonfire and hot dogs on a stick will be provided free of charge by the campaign.

response #1 by sniffa:

      Does this mean I have to go out & actually buy one first?
:shrug:

response #4 by DarienComp:

      Will this be before or after the ceremonial self-flagellation with our Hope-whips?

response #6 by HawkeyeX:

      And would that be before or after our hourly sacrifice of Obama babies?

response #11 by DarienComp:

      Please! It's Obama *Punishments*
What kind of a cultist are you, if you can't even get the nomenclature correct?

response #13 by HawkeyeX:

      Damn. Do I need to turn in my s00persekrit Obama ring?

response #15 by DarienComp:

      Just kneel down and say ten Hail Michelles, and you'll be fine.

response #23 by myrna minx:

      I signed up to bring the kool-aid,
but I see some of you loafers have yet to sign up to bring something. *Taps foot*. We still need the blood letting bowl, the puppy sacrifices, lemon bars, the Nike shoes, soul contracts and a dish to pass. I still haven't heard back from most of the Obananation Choir! People, people, these cult meetings don't organize themselves.! :rofl:

response #5 by Alter Ego:

      Can we bring our Dr. Doom outfits? I love the robes--they're very slimming.

response #8 by SoFlaJet:

      yea but
the pointy hats are ****officially****out this cycle

response #55 by FLDem5:

      would you like me to bring the marshmallows?

response #61 by lumberjack_jeff:

      Cooking marshmallows over a bonfire made entirely of plastic?
This explains much.

response #62 by Symarip:

      I'll bring the goat to sacrifice.
I can't believe all you forgot about the ceremonial goat sacrifice we use to start every meeting. Speaking of which, did we fix the candle pentagram at the Obama altar? Someone needs to get hot on that.

So I was thinking, last week we aired our grievances that certain members aren't 'doing enough' for the chur... er, cause. Tonight's festivities would be a great way to have people prove their worth and devotion. After we melt all the audio tapes of Yellow Brick Road in a cauldron, those questioned by the high court may choose to have molten plastic poured upon their nipples and/or genitals. Afterwards, we can stage a press op with a 'Look what Elton John hate-speech has done to our society'. Two birds with one stone, I say!

Oh, and can we please make the hot dogs Hebrew National? Farmer John gives me heartburn.

response #71 by Kber:

      But I kinda like Elton John
I know, I a geek, but I kinda do.

Just don't tell my son - he'd be mortified and I'll loose all the cool points I got for supporting Obama over Hillary.

response #92 by Lucky 13:

      Then we shall have the "running of the ponies"
Kinda like Pamplona... but more 'Merican.

response #105 by myrna minx:

      LoL
:spray: I'll swing by Costco and pick up a few 12 packs of ponies for the event. Perhaps we could get Scorsese to film it in slo-mo.

response #102 by Lucky 13:

      I can make the Elton effigy for burning! Shopping list: Sequened pants suit, oversized sunglasses,
inflated sense of entitlement, gender neutral wig...

what else?

response #109 by Debi:

      Ooooh those boots from Tommy
:bounce:

response #120 by boloboffin:

      Hot dogs on a stick...
I just can't resist. Goodbye, Live in Australia, you were always my favorite!

response #125 by Scoobs:

      I already burned them years ago.
I'll look for the ashes and burn em again though!

response #130 by azmouse:

      ohhhh man! What did I miss?
I must have decoded the secret Obama cult meeting message wrong...

I waited over at the bowling alley all day and no one showed up. :(

Much, much more. And see below for Special Visual Achievement awards and responses to those.

GDP, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5446011

OP by dailykoff:

      ONE DAY SINCE HILLARY FAILS TO DENOUNCE HATEFUL EVIL ENTERTAINER!!
And every second has hurt me like a thousand burning arrows piercing my heart!

:cry: :cry: :cry:

response #4 by Symarip:

      How could someone be friends with someone like that for YEARS?????/////
I mean, I would never associated myself with someone filled with so much hate. To use that language does us *ALL* a disservice. It makes you wonder if that's how she feels in her personal life.

response #8 by dailykoff:

      The disrespect that evil man showed me is like having my
bike stolen a thousand times! A thousand times an hour! I'm struggling to live with the pain! It hurts it hurts!

response #79 by taterguy:

      Can't you buy a lock? Or move to a better neighborhood?
Or get a beater bike that no one wants to steal?

response #98 by EnviroBat:

      I was "ghost riding" my bike down the street one day.
A group of kids jumped from behind a shrubbery and stole it as it was whizzing by them, riderless. I will never forget the horror. The horror...

I was OUTRAGED!

response #121 by taterguy:

      Shrubbery is a menace to society
Why the fuck haven't we gotten rid of all of already?

response #122 by EnviroBat:

      I concur. DAMN YOU SHRUBBERY!1!111!!!1

response #64 by Walter Sobchak:

      Yes. White Americans are just not used to flamboyant entertainers like this.
Most people are used to quiet and sedate piano players and will find this very shocking. As they should, since what he said is deeply offensive to all of us who honor the red, white and blue.

response #19 by Kittycat:

      Just another Left wing liberal socialist.
He's dead to me now.

response #12 by Symarip:

      Hillary supporters:
Don't you see?!!?!?!?!oneoneone!!! The Repubs are going to replay this moment all Summer if she's the nominee!!!! There's no way anyone should be voting for her after this. OMFG. That man was so evil.

response #129 by JVS:

      zOMG he hates AMERICA!

response #130 by Symarip:

      Oh Noes!!!11
And he's like, from Canada or something. I know they're going to be state one day but until then, he's not allowed to say shit!

response #29 by Binka:

      The Rocket Man Is Dead To Me
Levon can take a hike!

response #103 by greguganus:

      HE SURE AS HELL TAKES AMERICA'S MONEY. TO HELL WITH SIR EVIL ASS!! N/T

response #28 by jefferson_dem:

      Yet another reason why we cannot nominate Hillary!!!
Repukes would hang Elton around her kneck like a stinky albatross and surely smack her around with "To-Hell-With-Them" Gate till the cows come home. She is unelectable. Period.

response #43 by AtomicKitten:

      Hour #2: Hillary fails to reject and denounce.
Oh, the fauxrage.

response #44 by Symarip:

      OMFG
Experience, my ass. If this was Lyndon Johnson, he would have had ten press conferences so far. So much for that 3AM phone call.

response #55 by AtomicKitten:

      10 press conferences? He's a hands-on guy. He would have gone door to door.
Instead, we're being thrown under the bus at 3:00 A.M. when the bars are closed.

:grr:

response #46 by Kittycat:

      My Ancestors didn't toss the tea - just for her to sell us out to the Brits!
Oh muh gawd! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where's Paulette Revere? She Lied!!!!!!one!eleventy!!!!!!!!!!

response #53 by BeyondGeography:

      Why does the Madman Across the Water hate America?

response #60 by leftstreet:

      I Think it's Gonna be a Long, Long Time before he does this again

response #111 by greguganus:

      So goodbye yellow dog dem....n/t

response #56 by DarienComp:

      I have two relatives who are now voting for McCain because of this.
That is all.

:evilgrin:

response #69 by Huge Ego Sorry:

      OK, it would appear that I missed something in my six hour break from DU...
What, exactly, did Sir Elton say while I was getting my drink on and forcing others to listen to Nick Cave and Leonard Cohen?

response #70 by Symarip:

      OMFG YOU DIDN'T HEAR THE HATE SPEECH???//
"I never cease to be amazed by the misogynistic attitudes of some people in this country," said John, wearing a spangled black evening coat over a vermilion silk shirt. "I say to hell with them."

response #71 by Walter Sobchak:

      I JUST FOUND MORE ANTI-AMERICAN VITRIOL FROM THIS GUY!!
He once said that "Spain was the best place" he's "ever seen."

Would any true patriot claim that Spain is superior to America?

On edit: Someone's splashed this all over the internet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ayolhaLMUI

This is going viral!

response #83 by bvar22:

      I FUCKING DEMAND THAT HE BE FIRED FROM AIR AMERICA!!
I WON"T TOLERATE THAT KIND OF HATE FROM THE HILLARY CAMP!!!!
WHY DOES HILLARY HATE AMERICA?
:nuke: :mad: :nuke: :mad: :nuke: :mad: :nuke: :mad: :nuke: :mad: :nuke: :mad:

They are ruining America!!!!
Hillary will NEVER be able to win the GE now with this hanging around her neck.
What will we tell the children?

Go to the following link and sign the Petition to FIRE Elton John!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
Say What?
.
.
.
SoFlaJet:

      QUICK....somebody call Lanny Davis
about this "entertainer problem" get him to start dialing up the remaining super delegates

response #102 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      OMFG -- HE'S GAY!!!
Why doesn't somebody keep me up to date with this shit?!

response #106 by SoFlaJet:

      Look Jeff It was YOUR choice
to rent Ted Kazinski's shack in the mountains

response #108 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      I couldn't help it...
I love a bidet.

response #109 by izzybeans:

      EltonGate is is full swing!!!
I'm going to go off and have a good cry now. The angry man scares me. Mommy make him go away.

I want to know, how can she sit through 30 years of Elton John records and not disown him yet. Is she a Manchurian candidate for the ridiculously large glasses brigade? And I'm sure Elton did his manly gyrations on stage. I just can't stand the raw sexual power of...

Oh wait...I bet there were kids there. What about the children? Won't somebody save the children?

response #124 by Oregonian:

      You can't plant me in your penthouse! I'M GOING BACK TO MY PLOW!
:grr:

response #125 by pompano:

      OK then.....
I am like so over Elton right now.

I won't even wipe the scratches off of my old vinyl LPs anymore.

Even when my Close-N-Play sings:

Don't go...
Don't go....
Don't go...
Don't go...
Don't go...

I won't even tap it with a sock to hear:
...breaking my heart!!! I am over KiKi Dee even!

When I heard what Elton said I was so upset a came home and hurled my 4th Grade Elton John lunch box across my dorm room. And yea, there was such thing as eating lunch in the 70's. Then I blubbered worser than a post Iowa blubber. Now, all my little reminders of Elton are gone. My Clacker Balls and Spirograph are sitting in the garbage can alongside my purple elevated boots and Lite Bright. I am so over him.

:argh: :cry:

response #126 by sniffa:

      When do we get to kill Piggy?
Or did I miss the hunt?

response #135 by AtomicKitten:

      wait for bait and switch
Recipes for dip and such ... but will it work? Polling indicates the all important demographic age groups 20-24 and 70-78 can't stomach that fake-ass oniony crap. Better try to disguise it in a sourdough loaf.

response #144 by dailykoff:

      I was leaning toward Hillary until Sir Elephant shook his fat *** in my face.
Now I'll never forgive her no matter how hard she begs! :mad:

response #145 by Walter Sobchak:

      I know what you mean. I talked to at least 5 people at work today
who had been leaning toward voting for the Dem in November. But now? No way. Not a single one of them. A couple of them even put McCain bumper stickers on their cars over lunch.

Many people have found these comments very hurtful, and I don't think that hurt is going to go away for a long time.

response #156 by DearAbby:

      It's unbearable
The grandkids just love the soundtrack to Lion King...and now..::sob:: How can I explain this to them?

GDP, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5442691

OP by KamaAina:

Oh noes! Never mind his middle name, his mom's first name was *Stanley*!
Coming to a hate radio outlet near you: the OxyMoron's tender rendition of "Barack Has Two Daddies". Next up on O'Really?: "Looks like that guy on Oprah wasn't the first pregnant man after all, tee hee."

:eyes:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20080410/us_time/thestoryofbarackobamasmother

Stanley Ann Dunham
Born in 1942, just five years before Hillary Clinton, Obama's mother came into an America constrained by war, segregation and a distrust of difference. Her parents named her Stanley because her father had wanted a boy. She endured the expected teasing over this indignity, but dutifully lugged the name through high school, apologizing for it each time she introduced herself in a new town.

During her life, she was known by four different names, each representing a distinct chapter. In the course of the Stanley period, her family moved more than five times - from Kansas to California to Texas to Washington - before her 18th birthday. Her father, a furniture salesman, had a restlessness that she inherited.

She spent her high school years on a small island in Washington, taking advanced classes in philosophy and visiting coffee shops in Seattle. "She was a very intelligent, quiet girl, interested in her friendships and current events," remembers Maxine Box, a close high school friend. Both girls assumed they would go to college and pursue careers. "She wasn't particularly interested in children or in getting married," Box says. Although Stanley was accepted early by the University of Chicago, her father wouldn't let her go. She was too young to be off on her own, he said, unaware, as fathers tend to be, of what could happen when she lived in his house.

After she finished high school, her father whisked the family away again - this time to Honolulu, after he heard about a big new furniture store there. Hawaii had just become a state, and it was the new frontier. Stanley grudgingly went along yet again, enrolling in the University of Hawaii as a freshman.

response #15 by kenny blankenship:

That's nothing! HRC claimed that she was named in honor of a M-to-F, post-op tranny!
True fact that --er, meaning that it's a true fact that Edmund Hillary had a sex change, not meaning Hillary Clinton's claim to have been named after him/her in honor of his/her Everest expedition.
;)

GDP, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5450253

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Can you raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

response #2 by muriel_volestrangler:

      So wehre deos the 55 out of 100 cmoe form?
The rset of yuor psot syas taht lteter oderr donset meattr, and semes to ipmly taht erveoyne can do it.

response #4 by readmoreoften:

      Taht was my qsteuion.
Why olny ffity-fvie penrcet?

response #5 by Bluebear:

      Porbaly smoe inetrent blulhsit.
:)

response #8 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Looks like I typed your post
:rofl:

:hi: :hug:

response #10 by OmmmSweetOmmm:

      Ho Sith, oot cuhm nidm ecerxersi frist thgni ni teh ormngin. Miet ot og cakb ot slpee.
dan Bleubare! :hi:

(what's weird is it's remarkably easy to type this)

response #18 by truth2power:

      Not to nitpick, here, but...
first and last letters have to be in the right order. Just saying.. :)

response #19 by OmmmSweetOmmm:

      Ahhh! The mispelsnilg pciole stkries!!!!
:rofl:

response #37 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Call 1-1-9!

response #24 by Javaman:

      Oddly though, I can't understand it when moron* tries to read it in one of his speaches. nt

response #41 by DS1:

      Oh not tihs one aigan
So fkcunig tired of seeing this

GD, April 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3143134

On a thread by JDPriestly:

      So, for those of you who ridicule "conspiracy theories,"
how do you like the torture memos? Just a few bad applies, eh? Just a coincidence? Yeah, sure.

The history of the world, especially as it concerns empires, is the history of vast conspiracies. The assassination of Caesar, the reigns of many of the subsequent emperors, the Borgias, the papacy, the English monarchy, the Habsburg monarchy. Over and over, incredible conspiracies were carried out. And you think it doesn't happen here.

It is no coincidence that George W. Bush's father was head of the CIA and that John McCain's father worked in Naval intelligence. If you want to know who really runs this country, our press, our elections and everything else, don't ridicule conspiracy theories. If you still think that the assassinations in rapid succession of John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King were just coincidences, please think again.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/3/17/16130/2622/376/478641

response #1 by Skinner:

      You convinced me.
There was no airplane at the pentagon.

response #2 by Snarkturian Clone:

      Does this mean we can link to Alex Jones sites now?
:rofl:

Sometimes I question whether or not it was wrong to say "To all CTer's: GTFO of my party" in my 1000th post, but I see stuff like this OP and say "oh yeah...".

GD, April 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3145063

On a thread by Jake3463:

      Anyone see how Pot and Pan Fun Day went?

response #8 by L0oniX:

      The people with pot got busted. The event was a sting operation.
:evilgrin:

response #10 by kevinmc:

      they probably never made it past the donut shop .... n/t

response #76 by Jake3463:

      Conversation
Hi,

I'm calling on behalf of the 75 crazy people banging pots and pans outside demanding you fire two of your commentators on your sister network MSNBC. Could you maybe do a wide shot so people can see we are protesting your company?

You don't show that because you don't want to encourage people protesting stuff while your trying to do your show...huh, well this is a real important issue...probably the most important issue right now.

Keith Olberman must be stopped.

No, really well I'm never going to watch the Today show again. Merideth Viera is a sexist.

Free Katie Couric...viva la revolution

silence.

response #118 by Bryan:

      I don't think these people are Clinton supporters
I think they're the undiagnosed mentally ill.

True Clinton supporters are serious-minded, and the vast body of them will take a hard look at Obama once the deal goes down and find a way to come to grips with him being the nominee. Wingnuts like these, however, have such a feeble grip on reality that they may well write in the Geico lizard in November.

GDP, April 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5454530

OP by Lasher:

How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

response #3 by TechBear_Seattle:

Totally absurd.
Why send ten men to do what 50 overpaid Haliburton contractors could?

GD, April 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3143724

A few weeks old, but still fresh:
On a locked thread:

      Another youtuber accusing Obama of an affair.

response #55 by wakemeupwhenitsover

      locking.
Even GDP has standards. Minimal to be sure, but we do have standards.

best,
wakemeupwhenitsover

GDP, March 8, 2008

On a locked thread:

      Hi. I was Hillary's roommate in college. I remember one day, second semester, she had been gone

response #21 by wakemeupwhenitsover

      locking.
joke threads are only allowed in the lounge. and i hear tell from the lounge mods that loungers don't care for political stuff in there. messes up the kitty pictures, show your naked butt pictures, whine about your evil boss threads, etc. (just a heads up in case you were thinking of trying it out over there.)

best,
wakemeupwhenitsover

GDP, April 5, 2008

On a locked thread:

      Obama's street cred (Howard Kurtz-Washington Post)

response #26 by rasputin1952

      Locking...
If you wish to converse w/this poster, you'll have to do it by seance.

GDP, April 6, 2008

On a locked thread:

      In North Carolina, 81 % of black voters vote black....Affirmative action and racism kicking in...

response #103 by wakemeupwhenitsover

      Hi guys.
We put this one out of our misery.

best,
wakemeupwhenitsover

GDP, April 7, 2008

On a locked thread:

      How come when you eat corn, no matter how much you chew it, you poop it out in whole kernals?

response #11 by greatauntoftriplets

      Locking.
Please do not post bodily functions on Democratic Underground under any circumstances. And especially not when I have just finished eating dinner.

greatauntoftriplets
DU moderator

The Lounge, April 8, 2008

OP by DeposeTheBoyKing:

      Look at this business name: Shouldn't it be screamingly obvious?

response #2 by HypnoToad

response #3 by deucemagnet

The Lounge, April 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7632240

OP by Maddy McCall:

      I'm a paid operative for the Clinton Campaign.

response #1 by rug

response #4 by Maddy McCall

response #14 by mmonk

response #15 by Maddy McCall

response #22 by mmonk

response #129 by dbaker41

response #33 by pompano

response #29 by Elrond Hubbard

response #32 by Maddy McCall

response #37 by Elrond Hubbard

response #39 by Maddy McCall

response #36 by Bonobo

response #43 by emilyg

response #49 by lumberjack_jeff

response #60 by mahina

response #62 by Maddy McCall

GDP, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5412165

OP by lame54:

      Bush upset over comparison to chimp

GD, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3113728

On a thread by maddezmom:

      Breaking on CNN: Penn has asked to give up his role as Chief Stategist for the Clinton Campaign

response #5 by Botany

LBN, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3257857

OP by ashling:

      flow chart

The Lounge, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7633486

OP by walldude:

      Yo, John McCain,

GDP, April 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5417487

OP by Deep13:

      What do the following items have in common?

response #1 by chimpsrsmarter

response #3 by Solly Mack

response #5 by Lerkfish

response #6 by MuseRider

response #9 by subliminable

response #10 by kenny blankenship

response #11 by catnhatnh

GD, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3124872

OP by Botany:

      Official DU Thread

response #1 by babylonsister

GD, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3123567

On a thread by Bread and Circus:

      If PA is close and its a blowout favoring Obama in NC, what then? Brainiacs, what say you?

response #1 by NightWatcher

response #13 by sandnsea

GDP, April 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5411248

OP by Bigleaf:

      Bill Clinton reacts angrily to allegations he wanted trade agreement with Colombia

GDP, April 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5429980

On a thread by Stephanie:

      Her Campaign Is Deeply Weird

response #3 by leftstreet

GDP, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5443328

On a thread by indimuse:

      OBAMA RUDE to PA voter on video..Obama: "Brutha!" omg....

response #19 by chimpsrsmarter

GDP, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5447013

On a thread by itsrobert:

      Air America Radio IS NO MORE

response #4 by Swamp Rat

GD, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3135939

On a thread by SoFlaJet:

      Call To Action Obamans; Burn Your Elton John Vinyl, Tapes and Cd's!!!

response #83 by Cheap_Trick

response #86 by Symarip

response #90 by Cheap_Trick

response #93 by Symarip

response #103 by Cheap_Trick

response #104 by SoFlaJet

response #115 by Cheap_Trick

GDP, April 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5446011

OP by LSK:

      I really dont want to scare everyone here but...

GD, April 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3145716