"My kidney belongs to Christ. It will never be Pagan." (OMG!)

[icymist]

The title to this thread is a quote from the following article I found in a Christian site. Talk about strings being attached to charity! Amazing! ON EDIT, I now believe this is satire, and pretty good satire at that.

Kidney donor cries foul when recipient ditches Christianity

TUPELO — Aleta Smith, who donated her kidney to a 20-year-old college student last year, wants it back now that the student has changed religions.
Smith, a self-described "on-fire Christian," gave her kidney to Hannah Felks, a Lutheran and regular Christian camp counselor, last year after seeing Felks on the local news.
"She was going to die unless she got a kidney," Smith says, sitting on the porch at her home. "They portrayed her as this nice Christian girl who works with kids. I saw it as a great opportunity to help a sister in the Lord."
The surgery grabbed headlines and Smith was lauded for her selflessness. But shortly after the surgery, Felks embarked on a "spiritual journey" to try out other religions, and settled on a blend of Pagan and Hindu beliefs.
"I wanted to get away from the belief system I was raised in and find the truth for myself," she says. She took a semester off to travel the world visiting spiritualists on three continents.
Smith was aghast when she heard of the conversion, and she quickly wrote a letter asking Felks to re-convert to Christianity or return the organ, saying it was donated under false pretenses.
Read the full article

[ThoughtCriminal]

1. Conversation I actually witnessed

between a minister and his wife. She was concerned about being an organ donor because she was not certain what would happen when she was resurrected if she had donated an organ. Her husband wasn't sure about the answer.

I suggested that God could probably whip up a new one if necessary.

[lapfog_1]

21. Would that imply that God uses stem cell research??? - n/t

[KatyaR]

28. My mother wouldn't let doctors do an autopsy when my dad died suddenly in 1974--

she believe the body had to be "whole" to be resurrected (and she was in no way, shape or form anything close to a 'fundy').

WTF did she think the funeral home did with the body anyway?

Idiocy, pure and simple.

[roguevalley]

35. people like this aren't christians. they are idolators or dorks, nothing more

[CelticWinter]

37. Wonder what happens if

they had their appendix or tonsils taken out. Stories like this just amaze me.

[tavalon]

42. And these people are able to be "leaders" in Christianity?

Dear God, they are too stupid to live.

[kestrel91316]

2. Times like this I sure wish we could post contact info for

good Christians like Miss Smith on the internet so folks could let her know what they think of her.

:evilgrin:


Hey, ALETA!!!!! Who would Jesus rip a kidney out of and condemn to death???

[DS1]

3. Typical bullshit from fundie god-fuckers

I pray for the Rapture just as hard as they do, good riddance!

[A HERETIC I AM]

11. When she gets raptured....

I got dibs on her mobile home!

Ok....fine...maybe she lives in a nice, brick building someone else has dibs on.


I got dibs on her Lawrence Welk album collection, then.

[asthmaticeog]

4. I smell satire...

Smith suffers nightmares of her former organ filtering "strange Asian teas, pig blood and witch doctor brews in Africa," she says. She wonders if the Lord really wanted her to donate the kidney, or if she acted on a "triple-espresso high" she had that morning. She is also concerned that when her body is resurrected, it might be incomplete.

The rest of the site fails the reality smell test, too. "Joseph Smith returns to assert finer points of doctrine?"

[PeaceNikki]

6. Used Petra tapes jump to 96 cents on eBay

Avg. selling price of used Petra tapes rises to 96 cents on eBay

SAN FRANCISCO — Used Petra tapes jumped in value from 75 cents to 96 cents Friday on eBay, coinciding with the defunct band's surprise reunion on a Duluth, Minn., cable program "Best Christian Music Videos of the '80s."

The sudden spike shocked used tape vendors who are accustomed to prices shifting only a few cents per year.

"Apparently some Petra fans woke up because of this limited broadcast," says one used-tape vendor in Seattle. "It's a pity. Someone offered me a bulk buy of Petra tapes just last week and I laughed at him. I'm not laughing now." •

[cynatnite]

12. I thought the site's URL kind of gave it away...

:rofl:

Great satire, too.

[icymist]

16. You know, I think you're right.... It fooled me and a few pagan sites as well.

When I found this story: 'Rapture takes two', your point became crystal clear. It's a pretty elaborate site, I mean, a lot of work went into this.

[sandyd921]

23. Coulda fooled me

Come to think of it I was!

DISCLAIMER

LarkNews® is a satirical newspaper published by Joel Kilpatrick.
LarkNews uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public
figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and
coincidental.

The content of this web-site is Copyright 2003 by Joel Kilpatrick, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted
in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher.

LarkNews is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. •

[uppityperson]

34. Well done satire. Click "reading impaired"or"hearing impaired"links at top (link in message here...)

http://larknews.com/may_2004/content.php?page=../reading_impaired
http://larknews.com/april_2004/index_deaf.php?header=header_deaf

http://larknews.com/may_2004/content.php?page=../about
JASON CRACKEY, head writer
Jason shares writing responsibilities with a staff of freelance writers. His series on the unsanitary methods of communion-serving ("Crumbled Crackers, Crumbled Dreams") won a Colorado state investigative award in 1999.

[PDJane]

5. That's taking control to an incredible level........

and completely negates the whole point of trying to save a life..........

[elocs]

7. It's Christians like this who give their god a bad name.

To them, I would venture to say that god would say to them, "Get away from me, I don't know you". I wonder if they would refuse an organ from a pagan if it would save their life or the life of their child?

I heard a WWII story of a battle where an SS officer had been badly wounded and was in need of blood. He demanded of the U.S. Army doctor if the blood would be from a black or a Jew. The doctor shook his head and said that there were others who needed the blood worse and let the Nazi die.

[TomInTib]

8. Well, that's damned Christian of her

Those people just amaze em.

[40ozDonkey]

9. I hope He's paying attention.

Smith suffers nightmares of her former organ filtering "strange Asian teas, pig blood and witch doctor brews in Africa," she says. She wonders if the Lord really wanted her to donate the kidney, or if she acted on a "triple-espresso high" she had that morning. She is also concerned that when her body is resurrected, it might be incomplete.

Did I just see someone blame their life saving decision on a Mochalattachino?

I bet that kidney's happy as fuck it doesn't have to deal with Miller High Life anymore.

[canetoad]

10. Lark News

is a spoof site. Bloody Hell!

[davidinalameda]

13. another headline on the site--Obama heals hundreds

I don't think this is a site to be taken seriously

[newmajority]

14. Aleta needs to read her Bible a little more often.

There are several accounts of Jesus healing people in the Scriptures, and I don't believe He ever once required them to declare their religious affiliation before or after.

[Karenina]

17. Please READ before commenting.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

[newmajority]

25. As you have just proved in your reply, apparently?

So I didn't read the whole goddamn thread first, and there was nothing indicating it was satire in the original post,yet you want to attack my intelligence?

Let me guess..... you're a Hi..... nah, fuck it, it's not worth the headache.

[Karenina]

26. Sorry for picking on you, newmajority!

I mourn the death of satire. So many real life events must be filed under, "You can't make this stuff up" that suspending disbelief has become second nature, unless doing so clashes with the myths we've all been fed. All in all, a tragic state of affairs...

It's a pet peeve of mine that so many OPs are misunderstood because they were simply not read. A cursory glance at the website at the link provides some tip-offs to its nature. The writer's biggest clue is lobbed at the end of the piece:

"Smith suffers nightmares of her former organ filtering "strange Asian teas, pig blood and witch doctor brews in Africa," she says. She wonders if the Lord really wanted her to donate the kidney, or if she acted on a "triple-espresso high" she had that morning. She is also concerned that when her body is resurrected, it might be incomplete."

One of DU's great strengths is its "culture of documentation." A piece appears in the news citing a study that shows X. DUers want to know the writers affiliation, who conducted the study and who FUNDED it. This board is a great source of info to those interested in reading carefully and critically.

Welcome to DU! :hi:

[pitohui]

15. boo fucking hoo

if i needed some fuckwit's kidney to survive i too would lie and pretend to believe their bullshit and more power to the lady who did what she needed to do to survive and then went out and had a life anyway

as for the xtian nutjob guess what you got pwned and now everyone on the internet knows you got pwned

on edit-- i guess we all got pwned since it's a satire site but crap the nutjobs these days it's just too easy to believe :-)

[Marr]

18. Oh der.

I have to edit my post because I have poor reading comprehension.

[0007]

19. What a dorkish site.

[TheWatcher]

20. So anyne who is not an "on-fire" Christain deserves to die instead of getting

and organ transplant.

I'm SURE Jesus would concur.

[sandyd921]

22. Well so much for Christian charity n/t

[fascisthunter]

24. Onion Material

[GreenPartyVoter]

39. The Lark is the Xn version of the Onion

[BreweryYardRat]

27. What does it say about fundamentalists when satire about them is so easily believable?

Wish they'd all pack up and move to the Australian Outback or something.

[spanone]

29. she wants it back...bwahahahahaaaa.

[nichomachus]

30. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen

It's sad because when I read the first post, I really believed it. It was only on further investigation that I realized it was a spoof.

Right-wing Christians have become such parodies of themselves that you can't make up anything so ridiculous that it doesn't seem like something they'd really do.

If anyone is responsible for disparaging Christianity, it's these Christians. They are laughably ridiculous.

[Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel]

31. I didn't know you could tell who got your parts when you died

Kinda like me telling the UnitedBloodServices people that I want my donated blood used only for Democrats.

[nichomachus]

33. Except, of course, she didn't die

Kidneys are often donated by living people to specific other people.

[pnorman]

32. Read this: "The Missionary Position"!

Q: Dear Missionary,

Help! I took a short-term missions trip to Honduras and really bonded with the people. But one of the boys tracked me down when I got home and wants to marry me and live with my family while he attends college! He has called me several times to tell me I am his family's "angel."
What do I do? What if he comes to visit me? My parents and I are freaked out!

Amy, 19, Memphis, Tenn.
*
*
*
If your letter doesn't work, and his unwanted advances continue, send him the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud, which is available in Spanish. I assume the poor fellow can read. But do NOT send money, or you will attract not only him, but many of his cousins, like cats to a saucer of milk on the back porch. As a last resort, consider that you live in Tennessee which has a liberal concealed weapon law, if this makes you feel safer.

Good luck and God bless.

http://larknews.com/december_2005/allnew.php?page=missionary
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

pnorman
On edit: I too would have fallen for it, but a more astute poster on this thread suggested that it was probably satire!

[JackRiddler]

36. hoax story, from an obvious hoax site...

Come on, LARK News?

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/kidney.asp

[jmowreader]

38. The scary thing is that it's conceivably real

I can really see fundies doing something like this, or at least thinking about it--'course, Hannah has nothing to fear because no doctor would remove a transplanted kidney from someone because she changed religions.

[BobTheSubgenius]

40. I particularly enjoyed this part of the site.

This issue is specially designed for the segment of our audience who wishes not to read.

See Reading Impaired button above each story.

There is also a eunuch-friendly version.

[seasat]

41. " Teen seeks missions assignment where women don't wear clothes."

Link

"There are definitely places in the world where people just don't wear clothes," he says, perched on his bed at his parents' house. Pratt hasn't told his pastor about his criterion, but he has researched locations extensively on the internet. He adds that if teen boys could work in a place where they were surrounded by "tons and tons of boobs" the ranks of missionaries would swell.

:rofl:

Those folks are pretty good. I'm bookmarking that site. Reminds me of an article may sister forwarded me about how Harry Potter books were turning kids on to witchcraft. She wouldn't let her kids read or watch Harry Potter because this article. I laughed my ass off when I saw it was an article from the Onion.