Dear (BULK):

[NanceGreggs]

Sometimes the urge to actually reply to spam email can be almost overwhelming – but it can have serious consequences. But wouldn’t you just love to do it?

* Thanks so much for your offer to ship me discount drugs from Canada. However, had you noted my email address, it would be obvious that I live in Canada. Therefore, I think it more prudent to simply walk to the drugstore down the street, where I can purchase discount drugs from Canada without incurring shipping and handling fees, nor wait several weeks for delivery of same to my doorstep.

* I am truly sorry that to hear about your father’s recent demise in Ethiopia, especially in light of the fact that he left several million dollars in US banks that you cannot access. I am much too busy to assist you by sending $5,000 – which, of course, will be returned to me, along with a portion of your father’s millions, as soon as I help you free-up these funds. Perhaps you could contact said bank through legal channels – as I am sure they would love to hear from you. Don’t forget to give them your current address and phone number, so they can contact you the minute these funds are ready to be transferred into your name.

* While I do not have a penis myself, I have no doubt that if I did have one, I would appreciate the opportunity to choose, on a daily basis, between a minimum of three hundred new, easy-to-use, guaranteed-to-work products that would enhance length, girth, and performance of said appendage, which in turn would leave my partner breathless, amazed, and screaming for more.

* I am grateful for your offer to help me attract more men with larger breasts. However, I already have a very good man, and I love him despite the fact he is decidedly flat-chested.

* RE your recent newsletter addressed to Dear Saxby Chambliss Supporter: Perhaps you failed to notice that the only reason I have been added to your email list is due to the fact that I have sent several letters to said politcian in order to call him a fuckin’ %#@!)&^%$ on several occasions. Although I am obviously not a supporter, I am delighted to know there are no hard feelings on your part.

* Dear IRS Regional Manager: I have received your email regarding the $189 refund I am owed, which you are ready to mail as soon as I provide you with my social security number, financial information, and current address. I am sure that if you review my last return, you will notice that you already have that info at hand. P.S. Did you notice that you forgot to add your name to the ‘official’ email notification you sent out? P.S.S. If your name is actually Mr. Reg Manager, I apologize for being flippant – and sincerely hope this will not affect the prompt processing of my refund check.

* Thanks so much for choosing ME to be a participant in the fastest-growing, work-from-home employment opportunity ever offered, through which I can earn up to $1,000,000 per week!!! I am truly excited about this chance to become a billionaire in a few short months, and my only question is: Why are you sending out emails instead of taking advantage of this incredible opportunity yourself? Or do they pay you a million dollars a week, too – and where can I sign up for that job?

* Dear HYCB Bank: I cannot express my gratitude for your alerting me to the fact that someone may have accessed funds from my account with your institution without my knowledge. This is especially shocking because up until I received your request for my personal information so that you can investigate this possibility more fully, I had absolutely no idea that I had an account with you. Thanks to your recent notification, I am now confident that my funds are in the safest of hands. P.S. We all know how unsafe it is to send the information you have requested via the internet, so please contact my branch manager for the details you require. Being as you are obviously with HYCB’s crack Fraud Investigation Unit, this should pose no problem.

There may not be a lot of things that we can all agree on these days, but I think our common disdain for incoming email SPAM might at least unite us in a bit of a giggle.

:hi:

[saltpoint]

1. I only wish there was more Anna Nicole spam email.

:hi: :thumbsup:

[NanceGreggs]

2. You are truly incorrigible ...

.. delightful, amusing, intelligent and witty - but nonetheless incorrigible.

:hi:

[saltpoint]

3. Nance, this post on spam you've given us is one more of your

meets-all-criteria-for-superb-writing posts.

Ok, it's funny. Ok, I enjoyed it for its many grins and pleasures.

But damn, woman, those sentences. Mighty fine stuff.

Thanks & keep on keepin' on.

[guyanakoolaid]

4. On a serious note... and not so serious...

Replying at all to spam/scams is a bad idea because it helps establish you are a valid email address


There are some hilarious sites which bait these "419" scammers into basically wasting a bunch of the scammers time. There's at least a couple of sites where hilariously there is a photo of a scammer holding a sign bearing the page, such as this guy holding a pieace of paper that says "audio files": http://www.419eater.com/html/audio.htm - some of those audio files (and the names the scam-baiters use) are fall-on-the-floor funny. Several use prerecorded samples of actors, and the Schwarzenegger may be the best, it's samples from "Kindergarden Cop": http://www.419eater.com/images/martins_davis_050405a.mp3

[orleans]

5. jeff is "decidedly flat-chested?"

:o shocked! :o

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

6. Perfect!

Exactly what I needed to read this morning!